Not Controllable (Red Eyes MC Romance Series - Book #5)

by Blair Grey

  We didn’t talk much while we ate, but the silence at least felt companionable. “Let me pay for breakfast,” I said as we were getting ready to leave.

  “You already paid for dinner last night plus the hotel,” Holly protested.

  “You’re the one who’s between jobs at the moment,” I said cheerfully. “Besides, this was my adventure. We wouldn’t have had to stay at a hotel or have breakfast out here this morning if I’d thought to check the weather before taking you out on a ride yesterday. You can pay when you take me out. Next time.”

  I wasn’t sure that it was the right thing to say. I could tell that she was already having some sort of misgivings about this. But if she really was thinking that I was just looking for a one-night stand, that I wouldn’t want to see her again, I didn’t want her to continue to feel like that. Better that I make sure she knew that I wanted to see her again.

  Sure enough, she smiled at me. “Deal,” she said, holding out her hand for me to shake. She cocked her head. “What is it that you do anyway? I know you have a pretty nice bike. And you know, everything else.” She waved a hand around vaguely, and I had to laugh.

  “A nice everything else?” I asked, winking at her.

  She got the lewd context, and she blushed, ducking her head. “You know I enjoyed it,” she said in an undertone.

  “Oh, I had a feeling anyway,” I said, smirking at her.

  “But seriously. I just realized that I don’t know,” Holly said, biting her lower lip, and I wondered what was going through her head. With the way that she had mentioned my bike, so “casually,” I wondered if she already knew. I hadn’t even hinted at Red Eyes, as far as I was aware, but she might have heard something. Or she might have had some other experiences up in Montana. Red Eyes might be the most powerful MC down here in New Mexico, but we were far from the only MC in the country.

  Holly didn’t seem like the type of girl who would get caught up in MC business, but then again, I didn’t know much about her past. Just that both she and her sister had come down here because they apparently needed a change of scenery.

  No, I was reading too much into it. She wouldn’t be near me if she knew the kinds of things that I did with my time.

  I shrugged, trying to think of a lie. “It’s just a family business,” I told her. And then, I changed the subject. “Hey, how are you feeling on the bike anyway? Did I wear you out yesterday? Are you sore anywhere? Or was I driving too fast at all? I don’t want you to feel too unsafe on there.”

  Holly laughed and shook her head. “I’m fine,” she said. “It’s actually pretty fun. Makes me wish that I had gotten a motorcycle license years ago.”

  God, a woman who wanted to ride her own motorcycle. What had I done to get so lucky?

  I grinned at her. “Glad you like it,” I told her. “And you know, it’s never too late to get your license.”

  She laughed. “Are you sure?” she asked. “I don’t want to be one of those unsexy, wannabe, middle-aged women who gets a motorcycle in a midlife crisis sort of way.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You can’t be that much older than me,” I said. “You’re not even close to your midlife crisis yet, even if you only plan on living only to fifty.”

  Holly giggled. “I’m twenty-two,” she said. “Same as you.”

  I raised an eyebrow at her. “How do you know how old I am?” I asked.

  “Saw your license when you bought the wine,” Holly said immediately.

  My phone started ringing just then, and I was tempted to ignore it, to continue another nice, light conversation with this amazing woman. But when I pulled it out of my pocket, I saw that it was Cameron on the other end of the line.

  I winced, hoping that nothing had happened to Ray. I glanced over at Holly. What if something had happened to Ray? What if there were some unforeseen complications to his cancer? What if I became leader of Red Eyes sooner rather than later?

  But I was in this too far now. I couldn’t back out. I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t want to see her again. I wanted her. Consequences be damned. Will had managed to make things work with Belle. Landon was making things work with Anne, and Braxton was engaged as well. There had to be some way that I could still be part of Red Eyes and still ensure Holly’s safety.

  Maybe I needed to talk to Braxton about how all of this worked. But at the same time, I was worried to talk to him. I couldn’t tell him about Ray, and I definitely couldn’t tell him about the conversation that I’d had with Ray about potentially becoming the next leader of the MC. I knew that Cameron had said that Braxton preferred to follow other people’s order anyway, but would that hold true when he found out that his father had handed off leadership of the MC to me?

  No, I couldn’t talk to him. At least not yet. I needed to quit this thing with Holly.

  But right now, I needed to pick up the phone and find out what was even going on. It might have nothing to do with Ray. Or it might be Cameron telling me that he was doing better and that I didn’t have to worry about the change in leadership until even later.

  “I have to take this,” I said to Holly.

  “Go ahead,” she said, gesturing that it was okay.

  I stepped outside the restaurant, leaving my card with the waitress. “Hey, what’s going on?” I asked.

  “Ray’s getting out of the hospital tomorrow,” Cameron said, his voice sounding tight.

  “That’s good news, isn’t it?” I asked, feeling relief course through me. Ray couldn’t be doing too badly if they were willing to discharge him.

  “Yeah, it’s good news,” Cameron agreed. “He’s still going to need to be on oxygen, though. And I’m afraid that once he’s out of the hospital, we’re going to have to work even harder to keep the others from finding out what’s going on with him.”

  “Especially Braxton,” I said, wincing. So the cancer wasn’t gone, but it was still pretty good news. I tried to feel happy at what Cameron was telling me, but I was still worried.

  “Can you be there when he gets discharged?” Cameron continued.

  I frowned. “Did he ask me to be there?” I asked, my worry coming back to me.

  “No, but I’m going to need help with him,” Cameron said impatiently. “If you can help with Ray and the oxygen and whatever else, then I can talk to the doctors.”

  “Yeah, right. Fair enough,” I said, surprised at Cameron’s attitude. I knew that he was just nervous about Ray, though. The loss of our leader could shake the very foundations of our organization in all the ways that Ray had told me. Either someone came in from the outside and didn’t care about the people, or else someone was promoted from the inside who didn’t know what they were doing.

  The truth was, I was worried that it was going to be the latter—and that I was going to be the person who didn’t know what they were doing. I hated the very idea of it, but I didn’t know how to stop the wheels that were already in motion.

  “So you’ll be there?” Cameron asked.

  “I’ll be there,” I said grimly. “Just let me know a time and a place to meet you.”

  “Good,” Cameron said, already sounding relieved.

  How relieved would he be if he knew the reason that Ray had wanted me to know about his hospitalization in the first place? Forget about Braxton. I was pretty sure that Cameron wouldn’t be very okay with me becoming leader of Red Eyes either.

  I turned back toward the diner, watching Holly for a moment. She was chatting with the waitress, and even as I watched, she threw her head back in a laugh that shook her whole body. God, she was beautiful. Sexy, beautiful. Sexy without even knowing it. I was starting to realize that I had a thing for her.

  But the more I thought about it, the more wrong this seemed. I was lying to her. And even if she had secrets of her own, that didn’t make my omissions right. I should tell her what I was involved in because it could affect her if someone came after her to get to me. I knew that was the way that the Mambas had gone after Landon when he and Braxton were
in Florida.

  I’d kill the fucker that laid his hands on Holly.

  She turned toward the door, a question on her face, and I tried to find a smile for her. I didn’t want her to know that anything was wrong, but she came outside still looking concerned. “Is everything all right?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I told her, taking my card and receipt from her “Just work stuff. I have to get back to the city if that’s okay. My adoptive father is going to be getting out of the hospital.”

  “You don’t look very happy about that,” Holly said shrewdly.

  “I’m just still worried about him,” I said. “That’s all.”

  “Okay,” Holly said. She paused, and I could tell that there was something that she wanted to ask. I almost wanted to hear her questions now. I promised myself that if she asked about Ray, if she asked about my job, whatever she wanted to ask, I was going to answer her truthfully.

  I was ready to tell her about all of it, but she didn’t ask, and the concern cleared from her face.

  “Okay. Let’s go, then,” Holly said, smiling at me and leading me toward my bike. She looked back at me over her shoulder. “But promise me that I still get to see more of you.”

  “Of course,” I said, even though I knew it was a bad idea. But I could remember her look of concern this morning, could remember my thoughts about how she must be expecting this to just be a one-night stand. I didn’t want to hurt her. Even though I knew that we couldn’t continue what we were doing, I didn’t want to hurt her.

  So I promised her that I would see her again. It was more for my sake than for hers anyway.

  18

  Holly

  When I got back home on Thursday, I had to steel my nerves before I could go inside. Deep breaths, Holly, I reminded myself. The truth was, I hadn’t slept with someone in a long time. I knew that Vera was going to be worried, and I knew that Vera was going to know—before I even said anything—that I’d slept with Grant. That my seduction had worked. And that was going to bother her.

  We were in for a fight of some sort; I was sure of that. I didn’t want to think about the fact that I had done something wrong, and I definitely didn’t want to talk about it. I knew I shouldn’t have slept with Grant. But I had. And it was done now.

  And what’s more, I was going to see him again. I had to. For work. But I also knew that I was past the point of no return. That I was going to get hurt through all of this. I couldn’t give up my career for him, and I couldn’t give him up for the sake of my career. But something had to be done.

  I didn’t want to quit the police force, and I definitely didn’t want to be fired. I had spent so much of my life working toward this goal that to lose it all now, over a guy, was just unthinkable.

  That was the conversation I was going to have to have with Vera. And I didn’t like it one bit.

  Not for the first time, I wished that I had really gone through with it and found my own place before I started all of this. I just hadn’t expected things to get so complicated so quickly. And I definitely liked living here with my sister, in the home that we had grown up in.

  The home that we had grown up in. Jesus, Grant still thought that we had moved here from Montana.

  Sure enough, when I got in the door, Vera was there to meet me, before I had even gotten my shoes off. “And where the hell were you last night?” she asked, but I could tell from the way that her eyes were sparkling that she didn’t realize yet that it was Grant that I had slept with. She probably thought I had a boyfriend. That I was a regular girl. That we had something in common finally.

  I shrugged and stared at my feet. “I was just out,” I muttered. As soon as I tried to tell her that it wasn’t Grant, I was going to end up admitting that it was.

  Vera’s eyes narrowed. “Where did you meet this guy?”

  And that was all it took. “He’s the guy that I’m supposed to be following for work,” I blurted out. I had to talk to someone about this. I had to tell someone. And Vera was the person that I always told these things to.

  Vera’s face turned ashen, though. “The Red Eyes guy?”

  “Yes. Grant. But I don’t think he’s some terrible guy or anything like that. I don’t actually think we should be going after him.”

  Vera shook her head. “Holly,” she said, sounding horrified. “That’s dangerous. I shouldn’t need to tell you that it’s dangerous to spend the evening with a criminal.”

  “He’s not a criminal,” I snapped, but there was no heat behind my words. No, it was more of a question than anything else. Like I didn’t know for sure.

  It was the first time I had felt uncertain about Grant as a person. I was pretty sure that he was innocent, that whatever Ryan thought he wanted him for, it was lies. Hell, I was even ready to give Ray the benefit of the doubt. So why was it that as soon as Vera started telling me no, I was ready to admit that Grant must be a bad guy? He wasn’t, and I knew that.

  Or at least, I was pretty sure that I did. He seemed so wonderful toward me anyway.

  “I can’t believe you,” Vera said, throwing her hands in the air. “He’s not a bad guy; he just happens to be part of a motorcycle club that torments all of our citizens? I did some asking around for you, Holly. These guys aren’t the kind of guys that you should be fooling around with. They rough up the local businessmen, and they might even be involved in the drug trade! Do you know what guys like that could do to you?”

  “He’s not going to hurt me, Vera,” I said impatiently. “I trust him. And anyway, it was just a work thing. I need to get close to him so I can figure out what he’s hiding. So that I can get the information that I need from him. We’re going to take Red Eyes down.”

  “If that’s true, then I want you to look me straight in the eyes and tell me that he’s going to be the first person you bring down,” Vera said tightly.

  I couldn’t meet her gaze, and she made a noise of disgust.

  “That police department of yours isn’t even going to protect you, do you realize that?” she asked. “They’re already failing you. They should never have asked you to do this in the first place.”

  Even though I agreed with her there, there were other things about her argument that bothered me.

  “Why do you always assume that I need someone to protect me?” I snapped. “What if I actually can look out for myself? It’s not like I went into this thinking that Grant was just a nice guy. I know what to look out for. Better than you could ever know. And I know how to protect myself. Better than you could imagine.”

  Vera looked taken aback, and to be honest, I felt pretty horrible for fighting with her. I never did that. For our whole lives, I’d taken whatever it was that she’d said to me, and I’d rolled with it. I hadn’t wanted to rock the boat.

  But now, I just felt defensive. Now, I wanted her to lay off.

  She showed no signs of doing that, though. “This is just like you,” she said, unhappiness dripping from her words. “You always go off and do the things that you want to do and leave the rest of us here to pick up the pieces. When are you ever going to grow up and realize that your actions have consequences?”

  “I realize that my actions have consequences,” I snapped.

  “Do you?” Vera asked. “So what you’re saying is that you didn’t realize that there would be any problem with your sleeping with him?”

  I grimaced. Of course I had known that this wasn’t the best thing to do, but I hadn’t been able to help myself. I didn’t know why. He just affected me in a way that I had never known before. But Vera didn’t seem to understand that. Had she ever been in love before?

  Not that I was in love with Grant. Infatuated with him, maybe. But not in love.

  My phone rang, and I was glad to cut Vera off. “I have to answer this,” I said harshly when I saw Ryan’s name on the screen. Even though I didn’t exactly want to talk to him either.

  I bounded up the stairs to my room, shutting the door behind me, knowing that I needed that phys
ical barrier between Vera and me. Even still, I almost expected her to come barging into my bedroom telling me that we weren’t finished with this conversation yet. That she still had more that she wanted to say to me.

  I didn’t want to hear any of it.

  “Hello?” I said, hoping Ryan couldn’t hear how agitated I was.

  “York,” he said in a crisp tone, and I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. He sounded utterly normal. Like this was just a routine call. Like he didn’t know what I had been up to the previous night. “I was hoping you could meet me at the safe house. You’ve been on this case for a while now, and even though we chatted the other day, I think it’s time that I formally checked in with you.”

  Not exactly the message that I’d been hoping to hear, but not a terrible one either. “What time?” I asked.

  “As soon as you can be here,” Ryan said, leading me to believe that he was already there waiting for me. That was convenient at least. That meant I could leave Vera’s accusatory words behind and tell her that I was on my way to work. It wouldn’t be a lie.

  “I’ll be there,” I said immediately.

  “Good,” Ryan said. “I want to hear about your progress with Grant.”

  I headed for the door as soon as we hung up.

  “Seriously?” Vera asked in the hallway, folding her arms across her chest. “You’re not even going to talk to me?” When I was still silent, she made a face. “Was that him? The guy? What was his name, Grant? Are you going to meet him now?”

  “No,” I said, keeping my words short. “I’m going to meet my boss and talk to him. Because this is a work thing.”

  “Bullshit,” Vera said, rolling her eyes. “You think I can’t tell when you’re actually interested in someone?”

  I didn’t answer that. Instead, I just headed out the door, shutting it carefully behind me.

  When I got to the safe house, Ryan was there waiting for me. “Something’s going on with Red Eyes,” he said. “I’m sure of it.” He paused. “Have you figured out who is in the hospital?”