“My man here is too modest.” Gage stretched out his long legs. “Within weeks of the start of the school year, all the kids could talk about was Mr. Gilbert and how much they love him. All the kids want to be in his classroom. He’s taken it upon himself to stay late, well after school is over, to work with any of the kids who are struggling, not only the ones in his class.”
“Come on, Gage, cut it out. That’s not why we’re here,” Brandon protested, unzipping his jacket. He hung it on the back of his chair. “Don’t hold up the meeting. No one wants to hear you talk about me.”
“But you’re wrong, Randy,” Tash cut in. “You’re exactly the type of person we need for this program. Someone young the kids can identify with, someone who doesn’t look down on them. Someone with empathy for their pain.”
Young in years only, Brandon thought bitterly to himself. He’d seen enough in his twenty-five years to last him a lifetime.
“Everyone deserves a chance. I want to make sure they have that opportunity.”
Their gazes held, and Brandon’s breath grew short in his throat. The rest of the people disappeared; it was as if only he and Tash were present in that small conference room, with Tash whispering the words straight to Brandon’s heart.
The familiar trepidation at facing new people vanished; Tash’s presence centered Brandon, untangling all the knots the big ball of his hopes and dreams had twisted themselves up into. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Brandon connected with another person. It didn’t make sense. He didn’t know Tash. And while he might be the nicest person in the world, Brandon couldn’t reveal too much.
“You make me sound special. I’m not.” It was the truth. All he gave those kids was his time and concern. They craved attention and the knowledge that another person gave a damn about them. Brandon was anything but special. If they knew who he really was, they’d avoid him.
“Everyone is special.” The man he recognized as the founder of the Clinic, Dr. Drew Klein, spoke from the front of the room. “That’s what we need these kids to understand. Because they’re different, either in their looks or their sexual orientation, that doesn’t make them weird or bad. Loving someone differently doesn’t make you wrong.” The doctor smiled at him with a clear, friendly expression.
Gage patted him on the shoulder. “I know Randy can help you since he’s already taken it upon himself to tutor the kids after school. He’s the newest teacher there, yet he’s made the greatest impact on the students.” The door opened, and a young man walked in carrying a box of coffee and a bag that smelled like sugar. Gage’s eyes lit up. “Oh. I didn’t know you were having coffee and snacks.”
Tash chuckled and bent over to whisper in Brandon’s ear. “If I hadn’t seen how dedicated Gage was to these kids, I’d swear he did this for the free coffee and doughnuts.”
Brandon snorted, knowing full well his fellow teacher’s propensity for caffeine and sweets. “I know. The man should just get an IV of the stuff.”
He and Tash shared a smile, and Brandon’s heart gave a funny thump. Heat rose in his face and embarrassed, he fidgeted with his watchband then raked a hand through his hair. He couldn’t sit still and tore his gaze away from Tash’s mesmerizing eyes. After years of keeping his distance, Brandon wasn’t used to the close proximity of people, and having Tash so near set off such disturbing thoughts in his head, they left him shaken.
“Maybe we should get started? I’m, ah, kind of interested in seeing what you want me to do.” Beneath lowered lashes, he shot a glance at Tash, who, thank God, had turned his attention to talk to the other men in the room.
Though he couldn’t remember their names, Brandon recognized the husky blond-haired man, hovering protectively next to a dark-haired young woman, from the picture hanging outside on the wall.
“That’s Mike, Dr. Levin, the dentist. He and Drew’s sister, Rachel, are dating,” Gage murmured between sips of coffee. “She’s getting her PhD in child psychology and set up the twenty-four hour hotline at the Clinic. They’ve really thought of everything.”
Once again, regret and pain slammed into Brandon. What dreams could Ash, Luke, and he have accomplished if someone had cared about them? Ash might not have run away, and Luke might’ve had someone to talk to instead of becoming so sad and withdrawn.
“Hey, Randy, where’d you go?”
Brandon blinked and found Gage’s sympathetic, curious gaze trained on him. He swallowed hard and averted his eyes. “Nowhere.”
Gage shot him a sharp look but returned to sipping his coffee. As Drew approached, Brandon braced himself for the inevitable onslaught of getting-to-know-you questions. It didn’t matter as he had his whole pretend history well rehearsed.
“So, Randy, we’ve already heard from Gage before today. What do you think we need to do to reach and help as many kids as possible?” Drew sat in the chair next to him.
Brandon instantly placed Drew as a person who rarely passed judgment on people; he was the person you wanted to come home and tell all your problems to.
“I think you need to make sure the kids know first this is a place of trust and security. Also, if they come here to talk, or we talk to them anywhere, we’re there to help them work out their own solutions safely.”
Rachel’s friendly smile encouraged Brandon and increased his confidence. “The most important thing to teach these kids is that they have a chance to break free and be what they want to be.”
Drew rubbed his chin, and his eyes clouded. “One thing I have to make clear from the beginning. If we hear of any abuse, we go straight to the police. If there’s any bullying, the school and the parents have to know.” The smile he wore so easily faded, replaced by an almost trembling frown. “We lost someone very dear to all of us because we held back, and I made the mistake of trying to handle the problem on my own.”
Rachel whispered in Mike’s ear, and he walked over to Drew and placed a hand on his shoulder. Drew smiled tremulously at him but continued. “The consequences are too enormous and dangerous if we don’t bring in the authorities when we know a person is at risk.”
The police? Shit. He couldn’t be a part of this. For years Brandon had evaded them, deliberately taking every precaution to keep as far away from any contact with the legal system as possible. Now with this project, he’d be putting himself practically in their pockets. Though the mission sounded amazing, he knew he’d have to decline. He couldn’t afford the risk.
“Um, I’m not sure if I’m the right person for this.” Brandon’s fingers shook as he reached for his jacket behind him. The room fell silent as he fumbled and stuttered over his words. “I mean, I’m so new; you really need a person who’s more experienced.”
He stood and grabbed his backpack. “Uh, I have to go, but I’ll let you know if I can do it. Thanks.”
“Wait, Randy, please.” Tash put himself in between Brandon and the door, but Brandon couldn’t let the disappointment and confusion in Tash’s handsome face dissuade him from leaving. He circled Tash and wrenched open the door.
“I’m sorry. I gotta go.” Cheeks burning, Brandon put his head down and raced through the hallway toward the front of the building. He’d just reached the door when it burst open, and a tall, dark-haired man stood facing the street, shaking out his wet umbrella.
“Excuse me,” muttered Brandon, brushing by him, not waiting for a response. He plunged headlong into the foggy drizzle that had begun again, uncaring if he got wet. His long strides ate up the block as he pushed himself farther and farther away from the Clinic. It hurt, walking out so abruptly, but once he got home, he’d call Gage and make up some excuse.
At the intersection, he spotted a cab with its light on, and even though he could barely afford the fare for his monthly subway pass, he hailed it, asking the driver to drop him off at the nearest subway station in Carroll Gardens. He’d find a way to get home to Flatbush somehow.
The farther away he got from the Clinic, the better, yet as he sat back in the c
ab, he couldn’t help recalling the disappointment in Tash’s face. But Brandon knew if he stayed, he’d do more than disappoint everyone, and that wasn’t a chance he was willing or able to take.
Chapter Four
The air fairly vibrated in the conference room after Brandon flew out the door. Tash stood, utterly confused.
“Does anyone know what that was about?” There were equally perplexed looks on the faces of everyone in the room. He honed in on the one person who might have an answer.
“Gage? You brought him here. Any idea why he freaked out?”
The dark-haired man’s expression was as troubled as Tash felt inside. “Not a clue. Honestly, in the months I’ve known him, he’s always been the most easygoing and calm person.” He shook his head, meeting Tash’s eyes. “I thought he’d be perfect for this program and kind of perfect for you if you want the truth.”
Gage’s words hit Tash like a fist to the solar plexus. “Tell me you didn’t just say that.” Dumbfounded, Tash wanted to crawl into a hole at the thought of discussing his personal life in front of everyone. “You of all people know I’m not looking for a relationship.”
“I know how alone you’ve been.” Gage’s sad eyes held his.
The door opened, and Tash recognized Ash Davis as he walked into the room. He could only imagine how the man, with his dark good looks and commanding presence, held a courtroom captivated, but as usual, Ash had eyes only for his lover, Drew Klein. Ash’s eyes glittered, and his mouth curved in a smile as he advanced on Drew, grabbed him around the waist, and planted a kiss on his lips, oblivious to whatever else was happening in the room.
“Hey, baby.”
Drew slipped his arm around Ash’s waist and hugged him close. “Hi. How was work?”
The two men had a unique connection—a true friendship along with mutual respect, but it was something more. Tash noticed how tightly Ash laced his fingers with Drew’s. It was as if he wasn’t comfortable unless Drew was touching him, Tash mused.
Knowing a bit of the horrors of both Ash’s and Luke’s childhoods, Tash wasn’t surprised Ash had found love and a home with the Klein family. They were the most accepting group of people he’d been fortunate enough to come across. It almost made up for their constant attempts to set him up all the time. He knew they wanted him to be as happy as they all were.
“Best thing I can say is that the day is done, and it’s one step closer to the weekend.” Ash tossed his coat onto an empty chair and headed over to the coffee. “Did the meeting end already?”
“Rather abruptly, I’m afraid. And much sooner than we thought.” Gage joined Ash at the coffeepot. “I thought one of my colleagues was interested, but before we had a chance to start, something freaked him out, and he ran out of here like a bat out of hell.”
Ash stirred sugar into his coffee. “Must have been the guy who almost ran me over as I was coming in. What could you all have said to set him off like that?”
Tash thought back to the conversation. “Everything was fine until Drew mentioned we’d have to go to the police and the schools if we found abuse.”
The smile vanished from Ash’s face, and his eyes dimmed. “Yeah, well, that’s a definite. We all regret not doing that with Steve. Keith died, and Drew and Jordan’s friendship almost blew apart because of it.”
From treating Jordan’s Xanax addiction, Tash knew Jordan’s anxiety issues had stemmed partially from the fact that he’d held back from telling Drew he blamed him somewhat for Keith’s death. It took nine months of festering hurt before Jordan’s anger and anguish had reached a boiling point, and the two had a heart-to-heart discussion. Fortunately, their thirty-year friendship had survived, but Tash knew they still worked on the aftermath of their shared pain.
“Agreed.” Tash directed his attention to Gage. “What do you know of his background? You said Randy is a relatively new teacher at the school, right?” He chose to ignore Gage’s earlier remark about Randy being good for him. Aside from Tash not wanting a relationship, the man was too young for him. He looked to be no more than in his mid-twenties.
“He is,” admitted Gage. “And he’s young enough to have that natural connection with the students. He came from the Department of Education’s Teaching Collaborative program, which I know for a fact means he didn’t go the traditional route to his teaching career.”
“You think he has a past, and that’s why he’s so tuned into the kids, right?” Ash gazed at Gage with shrewd eyes. That was the lawyer in him, Tash could tell. He knew from talk how quick Ash was in the courtroom. The man never met a challenge he didn’t relish taking on headfirst.
“Yeah, no question in my mind.”
Having seen Randy’s reaction and the absolute fear in his eyes, Tash thought it was more than a past involving personal abuse. He believed Randy was hiding something.
“You won’t be able to force him, you know.” Tash spoke to not only Ash and Gage but everyone in the room. “If he’s this skittish, it might do him more harm and send him running not only from this program but from his job as well.”
“No way will he abandon those kids.” Gage shook his head, his voice adamant. “He told me the other day about two of the seventh graders he’s been tutoring on the side, separately from his own students. How proud he’s been of them for standing up to the other kids who tease them for liking school and doing their work.” Gage’s jaw set in a hard line. “He cares too much, and even if there is something in his past, I don’t give a shit. That man is a born teacher.”
“Take it easy, Gage.” Tash soothed his friend. “I’m trying to figure out how to reel Randy back in, not find out his past. Believe me, we’ve all made mistakes we’d like to change if we had a second chance.”
“And some of us need to stop beating ourselves up over things that were beyond our control. People need to want help, you know?”
And suddenly, Tash knew they weren’t talking about Randy. They were talking about Daniel. He was always there between him and Gage. Danny might have been Tash’s lover, but he was also Gage’s brother, and his death had devastated Gage.
What started out as a night to help kids with problems had now turned into a project to help the teacher. Hard as Tash fought against it, Randy piqued his interest. Those deep green eyes, so wary and defensive, sent out a message of Don’t touch, hands off. In Tash’s professional opinion, it wasn’t a natural fear of the unknown. Randy had looked scared to death. The way he’d bolted from the room at the mention of the authorities only reinforced Tash’s belief of Randy’s past legal problems.
The man projected an air of loneliness, highlighting his vulnerability and sweetness. It wasn’t only Randy’s beautiful eyes and aura of pain that drew Tash in; from the first, Tash had a physical reaction to him, an awareness of Randy’s presence. Tash had always been a sucker for the wounded, and he itched to help the young man.
“Maybe I should talk to him, alone, away from this environment. He might have socialization issues we aren’t aware of and handle one-on-one better.”
“Good idea.” Ash gazed at him with frank approval. “I know I speak not only for myself but for Luke as well when I say it’s intimidating for people with personal problems to be confronted by a group of strangers, even friendly, well-meaning ones.” He slid his arm around Drew’s shoulders. “I’m lucky to have Drew, who stuck by me and wouldn’t let me hide.” Those glittering gray eyes held Tash’s gaze. “It only takes one person, the right person, to break down the walls you surround yourself with, to force you to see the truth.”
“And in your case, the truth set you free?” Tash couldn’t help but smile.
Ash’s return smile transformed his face. “My truth is Drew. He’s the one who freed me.”
Drew kissed Ash’s cheek. “I love you.” Still within the circle of Ash’s arms, Drew directed his attention to Tash. “Help Randy, Tash. I know what you did for Jordan. You forced him to face the truth of his addiction, freeing him to love Luke.”
“I’ll try, but he has to want it. That’s the key.” This was what he’d been missing lately. Tash’s blood ran hot with purpose, and he itched with the desire to work, to help someone so obviously lonely and scared. Jordan had needed Tash for the medical treatment, it was true, but it was Luke who’d helped him emotionally, and in return, Jordan helped Luke find his way back to life and Ash.
“You can do it.” Gage squeezed his arm, but the confidence placed in him felt unwarranted, considering how miserably Tash had failed his brother.
“I’ll have to move carefully.” Tash thought for a moment. Ideally, he’d like to talk to Randy alone.
“When does he finish class tomorrow? Maybe I should stop by the school and talk to him.” There was something to be said for a bit of a surprise attack. And if done on Randy’s home turf, he might be more willing to talk.
“I think he’s done at three thirty or four. That’s a great idea to come to him. I’m telling you, I know you two will hit it off.” The excitement in Gage’s voice both amused and annoyed Tash.
“I’m doing it for Randy and the kids, you know. I’m not looking to get laid.”
“Don’t know why not,” grumbled Gage. “Not like you couldn’t use a little action.”
“Screw you.” Tash’s halfhearted attempt at a comeback was met with a grin.
“Sorry, you don’t have the parts I like, although you do have a cute ass.”
Gage’s good humor broke the tension in the room, and the meeting ended on a high note. Tash took down the school’s address and left the Clinic for home, for the first time in a long time feeling as though he had a purpose.
The next afternoon, Tash waited by the entrance of Randy’s school. It was easy to spot him in the after-school crowd of students, parents, and other school administrators. At least for Tash it was, as Randy drew the light around him like a golden nimbus. There was true joy in his face as a child showed him a paper she clutched in her hand. It must’ve been a test with a good score; as Randy gave her a high five, his face lit up with a smile. Not one of those that’s-great-now-can-I-leave fake smiles, but one of pure happiness with what he was doing. Tash knew he was seeing a man who truly loved his job and was meant to teach.
Embrace the Fire Page 4
