“Follow me to the back, and we’ll see what’s going on. I don’t think you had a chance to see the setup.” They walked as he talked. “It’s basically one room where we have six phones and several computers. People can call in to talk with a live person, but sometimes they might be scared, so Rachel set up a chat room where people can message a counselor one-on-one.” He opened the door and caught sight of Dr. Noah Strauss, a hand buried in his dark hair, earnestly talking to someone on the phone.
“That’s Noah,” he whispered to Randy. “He’s been invaluable, helping us. Come, let’s get something to eat, and I’ll set you up next to me.”
Standing with Randy next to the coffee machine, it occurred to Tash he hadn’t been part of a couple in so long, he wouldn’t even know what to do or say on a date. The unforgiving world raced by him while he sat and mourned a doomed relationship.
“He looks so intense.” Randy sipped his coffee.
“Noah’s like you; he gets personally involved with the people he helps.”
“I don’t know that I’m personally involved; I think I care about the kids and know how bad it gets out there if they don’t have support.”
“It was rough for you?”
“Yeah.” His eyes darted frantically from side to side. “I mean…um.” He drained his cup.
Looking for an escape, thought Tash. He felt bad for the guy, who obviously hadn’t worked through his painful past.
“I’m sorry. I’m not digging, honest. You seem like you need a friend is all. I know how it is. Life can get really lonely sometimes.”
Disbelief replaced fear in Randy’s eyes. “Oh, come on. I’ve seen your house, full of pictures, and met your friends. You have no idea what it really means to be alone.”
“I’ve only known these men for about six months. Why do you think I have two cats? I need something alive to welcome me when I come home at night.” Tash stopped, mortified by his outburst. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He gestured to Noah, who’d finished his conversation and sat making notes on the pad in front of him. “Let me introduce you.” He walked away from Randy, wanting to put some distance between them.
“Noah. How’s it going? I brought someone to help us.”
Noah Strauss, former underwear model, now psychologist, put down his pen and flashed a brilliant smile. “So I see.” He stood and stuck out a hand. “Nice to meet you; I’m Noah Strauss.”
Randy returned the handshake with a hesitant smile. “Uh hi, I’m Randy Gilbert. I’m a schoolteacher. This setup looks pretty amazing.”
“It is. I was talking to someone right now who is getting bullied in high school. He’s so desperate that he’s on the verge of running away.”
“Oh, wow.” Randy let his backpack slide from his shoulder to the ground, and he took the seat next to Noah. “What did you say? I’m so afraid hearing that.”
Watching Randy listen to Noah, an ache rose in Tash’s chest. A few years past thirty, gay and single, Noah Strauss would be the ideal man for Randy.
“Hey, Tash, why the sad face?” Noah gestured to the phone. “I worked it out; the kid is going to come to my office tomorrow, and I’ll help him. You know that.”
A smile curved his lips. “You’re one of the good guys; I know. That’s why I thought you and Randy would hit it off.”
Noah’s bright smile faltered to a weak grin. “Uh, hit it off? Who are you; my mother?” He gave an apologetic glance to Randy. “No offense, but I’m not interested in dating anyone.”
“None taken and neither am I.” Randy shot Tash a frown. “I’m here to help.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. You people are touchy. I meant that Noah could show you the ropes since he does this more frequently than I do.”
Relief flooded through Noah’s face. “Okay, good, ’cause I get enough crap from my mother about dating. I don’t need it from my friends.” He nudged Randy’s foot. “Overinvolved family members. You know how it is. They always think they know best.”
“Yeah.” Randy slipped on a headset. “How about you let me take a call?”
But Tash wasn’t fooled by that forced smile. He knew Randy had little to no family and also knew the man wouldn’t appreciate any further conversation.
“Sure. Here’s how it works. We get a call in and the line lights up. You take it and announce who you are and that everything they say is confidential. You’re a natural from what I can tell. I know you’ll be able to help.”
That hesitant, wistful smile on Randy’s lips slayed Tash; what secrets did this young man hold so tight to live such a solitary life?
Why did it matter so much to him?
A button lit up and Randy jumped a bit. “Should I?” His finger hovered over the button as he looked at Tash.
“Go ahead.”
He watched as Randy took the call, and in his soft voice, introduced himself, telling the person on the other end, “I’m here for you. Would you like to talk?”
He and Noah left Randy to take the call and walked to the next table to sit and chat.
“How’d you meet him?” Noah nudged his shoulder.
“Gage works with him. He’s a sixth-grade teacher in Bushwick—came through the New York City Teaching Collaborative.”
Randy’s gentle voice rose and fell, his face alight with a fire Tash hadn’t seen before but recognized. That passion once belonged to him…before everything went to shit.
“He’s a natural. I’m glad he’s here.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
“I can see that.”
Noah’s teasing tone startled Tash, and he frowned. “Remember what you said about your mother? Don’t start that with me.”
“The thing is,” Noah leaned back in his chair and smirked, “I mean it. But the way you’re looking at him, you don’t.” His tone turned gentle. “You like him. A lot.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” The words tasted bitter on his lips. “We barely know each other.”
“Pffft.” Noah brushed off his protests. “I’m not talking about love. The guy’s hot as hell and seems like a great person. There’s nothing wrong with a little flirtation and fun.”
Fun? Tash hadn’t known fun for years; he barely remembered what it felt like to let go for pure enjoyment. Pain and lies? Now that he could write a book about.
“I’m too busy. Between my patients, the mentoring work at the Clinic I’m starting, and helping here, my plate is pretty full.”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter.” The joking tone had fled Noah’s voice, and Tash glanced at him sharply, dismayed by the knowing, yet sympathetic expression in his eyes. “I know exactly what you’re doing. The same thing I do.”
Noah had confided a little of his story and Tash could relate—at least to the not interested in dating part.
“So why is it good for you and not me? I said I’m not interested in dating, and I meant it.”
“Because I know how you struggled with your feelings after Jordan got together with Luke. We talked about it, remember?”
Noah’s care and concern grated on Tash’s nerves instead of soothing him. It reminded him of everything he’d lost that could never be recovered. “Yeah, we did.” He’d confided his tiny spark of interest in Jordan and how it had been snuffed out almost as soon as it arose. “I told you I was happy for them, and nothing’s changed.”
“Then leave yourself open to it again. It’ll find you when you least expect it, and you want to be ready to embrace it.” Noah stopped and took a breath, giving Tash a chance to get a word in.
“Are you finished lecturing me? ’Cause you aren’t saying anything my sister and parents haven’t said for years. I don’t want what I once had; it almost ruined me. I’m not interested in flings or having fun. I’m almost forty years old, Noah. I’m done with this shit.”
Pushing away from him on his swivel chair, Noah held his hands up in surrender. “Okay, I hear you loud and clear. I’ll shut up.”
“Thanks.”<
br />
“For now. Hey, look at Randy; he’s a natural at this.” Noah pointed to him and Tash watched as Randy, with a big smile on his face, pushed the button to disconnect the call and slumped back in his seat.
“How’d it go?” Happy to leave Noah the Nosy, Tash walked over and sat next to Randy. “Want to talk about it?”
“Yeah. I’m still recovering. It was amazing.” The excitement in his face electrified Tash. Something about this man…his passion, sincerity, and the innate sweetness behind the cautious exterior drew Tash in, despite his remarks to Noah only moments ago about keeping his distance.
“Tell me.”
“This boy—he said his name was Chacôn—well, he’s gay and femme. Like very femme. He’s in high school and just started experimenting with makeup.”
Tash could only imagine. “Is he getting grief from the kids? Or are the teachers keeping them in line?”
“When school started, he got bullied every day. They teased him and called him all kinds of names, wrote stuff on his locker…all the shit kids do.” There was a faraway quality to Randy’s voice as he spoke. Like he too remembered a scene out of his past. “He can’t talk to his parents, and won’t tell the teachers ’cause he didn’t want to be a snitch and get beaten up for that. If he got bruises he’d cover them with makeup.”
“This needs to be reported. He can’t get abused at school and let them get away with it.” Tash didn’t know who to be angry with first: the kids who bullied this boy, the teachers who turned a blind eye or the parents who made their child feel less than a whole person. He trembled, his hands curling into fists.
“Hey, I haven’t finished the story.” Randy raked back the hair that fell over his brow and into his eyes. “So, he said he was getting more and more depressed every day, and he even thought about killing himself.”
“That’s why he called?” Breaking into Randy’s story, anger flared hot in Tash’s chest. “Jesus, you should’ve let one of us handle it.”
“Tash, please, will you let me finish?” Lines of annoyance deepened around Randy’s mouth.
“Sorry,” he said, chastened by Randy’s tone.
“He went to the school psychologist to talk. And in the waiting room, he saw a guy from the football team—a big guy, and Chacôn said he was too intimidated to say anything, but the guy started talking to him.”
His interest piqued, Tash’s brows knitted in confusion. “The football player talked to him?”
“Yeah.” Randy nodded with enthusiasm. “The problem is, Chacôn was too nervous and scared to answer him back, so he sat and listened. Seems the guy confided in Chacôn; he thinks he’s gay and doesn’t know how to tell anyone. He’s afraid of being kicked off the team, losing all his friends, and not being popular anymore.”
Curiosity got the better of him. “Why did Chacôn call, exactly?”
“Well, he wanted to know if he should try and be friends with this guy; I think he said his name was Travis. Chacôn is afraid; he’s attracted to Travis but he won’t hide who he is to be liked.”
“Sounds like a mature kid for his age.” At Randy’s nod, Tash asked, “What did you tell him to do?”
“I told him they should take it slow…maybe talk online and get to know each other first. Meet outside of school and hang out.”
Tash nodded. “Wise words. The last thing they want to do is rush things. Kids have enough hanging over their heads these days. The pressure they’re under is intense.”
“I told him he could call anytime, and we’d help him. But that he should be proud of who he is and that he stood up for himself.”
“How did you end it?”
A smile curved Randy’s lips. “It was cute. Chacôn joked that he’d be the envy of every girl because he might be the one to snag the best-looking player on the football team. It made him feel good that Travis liked him enough to share a life-altering confidence.”
“Good work.” He and Randy smiled at each other; Tash caught sight of Noah over Randy’s shoulder and frowned at the shit eating grin and thumbs-up sign Noah gave him. “I’m glad your first call was a success.” The phone buzzed with another incoming call. “Let’s grab another cup of coffee; Noah can take that call, right?”
“You betcha.” The gleam in Noah’s eyes wasn’t lost on Tash, but he chose to ignore his annoying friend and turned his back on him.
“Can I ask you something?”
Glancing over his shoulder to make sure Noah had taken his call and wasn’t listening, Tash stepped closer to Randy. “Sure. Anything.” They reached the table with the coffee urn, a box of doughnuts, and bagels on a tray. “Shoot.”
“Would it be all right with you if I came here every Sunday? I don’t have much to do on the weekends, and I’d love to help out.”
That was the last thing he’d expected to hear. “Uh, I guess, but are you sure? Is that how you want to spend your Sundays—holed up here?”
“I don’t see it that way. My Sundays used to be my mother forcing me to sit through services in a church where the pastor screamed how gay people would burn in hellfire and only true Christians would be saved.” Randy stared into his empty cup. “I grew up thinking I was a terrible person, and no one would love me if they knew I was gay. I don’t want other kids to feel like I did.”
Shuddering, Tash sipped his coffee, thankful his parents had never cared much about religion. “That sounds awful. Where did you grow up?”
He’d meant it as an innocuous question, but Randy’s hand shook so much he spilled the hot coffee pouring out of the urn, burning his hand.
“Ow, shit.”
Immediately, Tash took Randy’s hand in his, blotting off the wetness with a napkin. Watching the red welt spread across the fair skin of Randy’s hand, Tash led him out of the room to the small bathroom next door where he washed his hand and applied a healing ointment.
“Better now?” He ran the pad of his thumb gently over the bandaged area.
A surprised light flared in Randy’s deep green eyes and Tash glanced down, unaware he’d been caressing Randy’s hand.
“Uh, yeah, thanks.” With a self-conscious smile, Randy pulled his hand back and shook it. “That was dumb of me. I don’t know how that happened. I guess we should go back and see if Noah needs any help, huh?”
Without waiting for his response, Randy hurried out of the bathroom, leaving Tash more befuddled and confused than ever—not only about Randy’s response but his own. Maybe Noah was right, and he and Randy could have a casual, no-strings relationship like people did now. But with his heart pounding and his skin burning where he touched Randy, Tash trudged back to the help room, knowing the desire coursing through his body for Randy was anything but casual.
Chapter Seven
Three weeks had passed, and Brandon finally believed he’d found what he’d been missing in his life. Speaking with the people who called in on the help line and tutoring his kids at school gave him a purpose, and for all his dislike of religion, Brandon believed Gabriel looked down upon him and would be proud of what he’d done.
Tash had been so busy with his patients that they hadn’t met again about the mentoring project at the Clinic, but had spoken often. In their conversation several days ago, Tash had said he’d drawn up a new plan and wanted Brandon to take a look at it. Every time Tash called him “Randy,” Brandon winced, hating that he lied to Tash but not yet ready to tell the truth.
The familiar brick building rose before his eyes as he turned the corner after hopping off the bus. A chill wind bit through him, and he shivered and pulled his scarf tighter around his face. The flu had been going around school and the last thing he needed was to get sick. Brandon increased his pace and unlocked the door with the key Noah had given him last Sunday, sighing with relief as warmth enveloped him.
Hurrying to the back, Brandon shed his coat and gloves, then unwound his scarf, leaving it hanging around his neck. When he entered the room, he was surprised to see only Noah sitting at the desk.
“Hey, how’s it going? Where’s Tash?” He helped himself to a cup of coffee from the ever-present urn.
Noah swiveled around in his chair. “I don’t know. I was hoping you guys were coming in together.” He frowned. “I haven’t heard from him. He didn’t call you?”
A tiny niggle of alarm shot through Brandon. “No. I spoke to him a few days ago, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Maybe he had an emergency?” He took a seat next to Noah and slipped on his headset. “I know his sister went down to Florida to see their parents last week. I hope everything’s okay.”
Shrugging, Noah rolled his chair closer. “Yeah. But he would’ve called. That’s why it’s strange.”
The phone line lit up and Brandon, his finger poised to take the call, said, “I can stop by his house to check on my way home after my shift.”
Relief lit Noah’s eyes and his tense features relaxed. “Great. We’ll be able to get off early. Rachel has a bunch of grad students coming in about an hour to do a shift. I’ll stay until they get here, but if you want to go…”
“Let me take this call and see.” He hit the button. “Good morning, this is the Home Away from Home hotline. You’re talking to Randy. How are you doing this morning?”
It took all his effort to concentrate on the voice over the phone and not the panicked beating of his heart at the thought of something happening to Tash.
“Hi, I’m Jaime. I’m seventeen and I want a boyfriend, but I don’t know how to find anyone. Like, I can’t just like go up to another guy and get punched in the face for hitting on him.”
Recalling how he’d felt in high school, knowing he could never talk to anyone about his sexuality, Brandon found himself nodding as they spoke.
“Yeah, I know. How about volunteering at LGBTQ centers around you? Do you live in the city?” He reached for the sheet of resources laying on the desk. “I can give you some names and numbers. Lots of people volunteer, and it’s a great way to help and meet people. There’re also clubs that have social nights specifically for teens to get together.”
Embrace the Fire Page 6
