There was nothing to be nervous about, Brandon decided as he held tight to Tash’s hand. From the start, there’d been a connection between the two of them he couldn’t explain. He’d read about people who saw one another and instantaneously fell in love and laughed at it, but now he wasn’t so sure how funny it was. Tash’s hand in his was as real as it could get.
On silent feet, he followed Tash up the staircase to the second floor of the house. There were only three rooms upstairs, but the hallway was wide and gave the appearance of spaciousness. They halted outside of a closed door.
Tash smoothed his hand across Brandon’s jaw and drew him in for another toe-curling kiss. He melted against Tash, heart rate kicking up to an almost painful beat as their lips met. He opened his mouth, and Tash’s smooth tongue slipped inside to twine with his. A sound echoed in the air, and Brandon recognized that desperate, needy moan had come from him.
Brandon slid his hand up the defined muscles of Tash’s chest, the pounding of Tash’s heart strong and vibrant beneath his fingers. Their kiss deepened, and he wondered if Tash was as nervous as he was, then forgot about everything else when Tash’s arms came around him and cupped his ass.
Brandon’s body electrified; if he were a Christmas tree, he would’ve lit up. He rocked his pelvis into Tash’s, needing that hard contact, wanting Tash to keep touching him forever. When Tash pulled him closer and popped the button of his jeans, Brandon moaned with delight.
“I think we can get rid of these; what do you say?” Brandon still had enough of his senses left to hear Tash whisper into his ear. Unable to form a coherent sentence, he simply nodded, allowing Tash to pull down his jeans and boxers. He stepped out of them, slightly embarrassed to be almost naked while Tash remained fully dressed.
A brief smile flickered over Tash’s face as he released the string to his own sweats, letting them fall at his feet. After stepping out of them he removed his T-shirt and let it drop to the floor, then he reached over and pulled Brandon’s Henley over his head, tossing it to the side, never once taking his eyes off Brandon.
“This is how I’ve wanted to see you, almost from the moment I met you.” Tash massaged Brandon’s shoulders; his warm hands were wonderfully strong, and Brandon couldn’t help but arch into his touch. “But I never dreamed of it happening.”
Before today, Brandon had given up on dreams. Too many years and regrets had passed. “Things change.” Brandon gasped at the feel of Tash’s hand grasping his cock, which had swelled to almost painful fullness. “Dreams can change.”
Their lips met again, and this time it was a harsher, more demanding Tash. Brandon, determined not to disappoint Tash with his obvious inexperience, pulled the man hard up against him and plunged his tongue into Tash’s mouth while his hands roamed over the hard planes of Tash’s body.
When he and Charlie had been lovers, Brandon had been too scared and not invested enough in the relationship to consider the intimacy of anal sex. But now, with Tash’s mouth hot against his neck and his hand wrapped around Brandon’s cock, he ached for it. Brandon’s body clenched tight, and his insides quivered at the thought, not with fear but rather, with suppressed desire.
“I want you so badly,” Brandon whispered against Tash’s cheek. “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you.”
Tash pulled back, his gaze burning with heat and hunger. “I don’t understand why I’m so lucky, but God help me, I want you too. So much so I can’t think straight.” He cupped Brandon’s jaw, a grave expression on his handsome face.
His heart pounding, Brandon waited, holding his breath, wondering if Tash would change his mind. To Brandon’s utter relief, the uninhibited smile transformed Tash’s somber face, then he opened his bedroom door. “Come.”
Exultation spread through Brandon, and he entered the room almost giddy with a combination of happiness and need. With a swiftness Brandon hardly expected, Tash straddled him on the bed, his knees pressing on either side of Brandon’s hips.
“Hi.” Tash’s white teeth gleamed in the dim light of the bedroom. He bent down and gave Brandon a sweet, soft kiss.
“Hi.” The air around them fairly sizzled with sex. This was what he’d missed, what he’d waited to feel with a lover. A connection that went deeper than merely the physical. Their gazes locked, and Brandon swore Tash could see down deep into his soul.
Tash began a lazy exploration of Brandon’s body with his tongue, beginning with the pulse jumping madly in his neck, that soon had Brandon writhing on the bed for release. He’d read in books where men said their balls ached for their lover and had rolled his eyes in disbelief. Now he understood.
“God, that feels so good.” He trembled, the sensations rippling through his body in waves. Tash was being so incredibly loving and tender. Any moment now Brandon might fall apart, and he didn’t want that.
He wanted this to last forever. Now he had to make Tash want that too.
The tip of Tash’s tongue circled Brandon’s belly button, then snaked down to lick the slant of his hip bone, ignoring Brandon’s heavy erection. Every whispering touch, each caress, drew Brandon further and further into a deepening haze of pleasure he had no control over, so that without even thinking he spread his legs and opened himself up to Tash.
“Please,” he begged, unable to control the emotion he heard in his voice. “Make love to me. Now. Please, Tash. I want you.”
An answering smile spread across Tash’s handsome face. He removed his glasses and placed them on the nightstand, returning with a few items he’d taken from the drawer. Brandon’s quick glance confirmed condoms and a small bottle of lubricant. Instead of fear, hunger spiraled through Brandon, knowing that the man he’d wanted so much it hurt, wanted him as well.
“How long has it been? Do I need to go slow?” Tash braced his arms on either side of Brandon’s head and gazed down at him with soft, dark eyes. “I want to make it good for you.”
“Uh, it’s been a while,” said Brandon, keeping his voice steady yet with a note of caution. “So maybe a little slow?” The last thing he wanted was for Tash to know he’d never been with a man.
“That’s good because I want to go slow with you.” Tash bent over and kissed him till Brandon’s head whirled. When they broke apart, Tash murmured in his ear, “I want to taste every part of you, make you beg to come. You deserve perfection.”
Brandon found himself unable to answer as Tash began touching him with his mouth and tongue. Erogenous zones he wasn’t aware existed on his body awakened, or perhaps it was the mere touch of Tash’s hot, wet mouth sucking his nipples, nuzzling his neck, and finally, thank God, licking the head of his hard cock.
“You taste amazing. Even your cock is beautiful.”
When Tash engulfed the head in his mouth, Brandon moaned loud and long, the sound echoing off the bedroom walls. Brandon could feel Tash’s lips curve in a smile around his erection, but that didn’t stop Tash from continuing the marvelous sucking sensation. God, Brandon didn’t ever want him to stop.
A slick, cool finger touched his hole and then entered him. Startled for a moment, Brandon caught his breath and then relaxed, allowing Tash to slide his finger fully inside.
“Damn, you’re tighter than I’d imagined,” whispered Tash. “You feel amazing. I want your tight ass around my cock.” All coherent thought fled Brandon’s mind as Tash pushed another finger inside his hole, stretching him, preparing him. The two fingers worked themselves in and out, fluttering and twisting until they touched something deep inside him. Stars exploded behind Brandon’s eyes, and he cried out.
“Holy shit.” Brandon heaved himself up, almost dislodging them both off the bed. “What the hell?” But he pushed hard against Tash’s fingers, needing something, anything to calm this flame of desire.
Tash didn’t stop but rather continued to stroke inside him, rendering Brandon writhing and babbling, practically incoherent with need.
“Please, now, now, Tash, I need—I want—oh God!” Bran
don wailed as he came, shooting white streams across his stomach, reaching up to his chest.
He should feel embarrassed at the animalistic noises, the begging and pleading sounds emanating from him, but his scrambled brain couldn’t come up with a coherent thought. Brandon’s hands scrabbled uselessly along the mattress as the tremors rocketed through him. His head thrashed back and forth. “Oh God, Tash,” he gasped.
Brandon shuddered, then flattened down against the mattress, his breath coming in quick gasps. It took several minutes before he had the capability to open his eyes. When he did so, Tash sat on his knees between Brandon’s legs, a sweet smile resting on his face. He brushed his hand across Brandon’s thigh.
“How do you feel, sweetheart?”
Brandon’s eyes widened as Tash spoke. He didn’t know people talked to one another when they had sex. With Charlie, they’d merely grunted and mumbled about coming as they humped against one another, but that was it. Brandon discovered he liked the sweet talk; it made him feel wanted and special. Something he’d never been with anyone before.
“I feel amazing. How could I not?” He stretched, his body loose yet still humming with desire. “But I still want you.” Brandon swallowed against his nerves as he watched the need flare in Tash’s eyes. “Inside me.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to rest for a while? We have all night,” said Tash even as he slid his hands up Brandon’s chest so their faces were inches apart. Tash’s cock rested on Brandon’s stomach, the heat and strength of it sending an ache through Brandon’s body. He imagined it inside of him, pushing into him.
Brandon looped his arm around Tash’s neck. “I’m planning on a long night, but I want you inside me now.”
That need he’d seen in Tash’s eyes ignited to a full-fledged firestorm. Tash captured his mouth, and they kissed for several minutes until Brandon once more was vibrating with need.
“Fuck me now.”
“Hold on,” said Tash. Brandon could hear the rip of a condom package and then the snap of the bottle top from the lubricant. “You should be nice and relaxed now.”
This was it. He was finally going to have sex and with the man he loved.
His heart lurched as his mouth went dry. Loved? He didn’t love Tash. He wanted him desperately with every cell of his body, but love? He wouldn’t know it if he fell over it.
Tash pushed the head of his cock inside Brandon. The immediate pain shocked him, and without meaning to, Brandon whimpered and tightened up.
Tash stopped, and Brandon, realizing the mistake he’d made, bit down on his cheek and gave a weak smile.
“Go on, don’t stop. Like I said, it’s been a long time.” Never qualified as a long time in Brandon’s mind, so technically he wasn’t lying.
Tash shot him an unreadable look but continued, pushing inside him at a slow yet steady slide. The intensity of the pain heightened; Brandon could have cried out from it, but by sheer force of will he made himself relax. The incredible fullness so powerful and intimate Brandon knew he’d been altered forever. He was at his most vulnerable, yet the thought that he could give Tash pleasure made him strong. Accepting a person inside your body had to be one of the most life-changing experiences ever.
He couldn’t imagine it with anyone other than Tash.
“How do you feel?” Tash was halfway inside him, and Brandon wanted more. He wanted the whole of Tash, every piece of him he was willing to give.
“Wonderful,” he answered honestly. “Don’t stop.” There was an inevitability about all of this: the man in his arms, the beat of his blood within his veins, and the perfection of their bodies as they meshed together.
Tash resumed his steady thrusts, and Brandon lifted his legs and gripped Tash’s biceps, digging his fingers into the muscles of Tash’s arms and rocking into Tash’s pelvis. This settled Tash deeper inside of him, sparking a wildly passionate response from his taciturn lover.
“Brandon, God.” Tash began to stroke inside him, licks of fire heating Brandon’s blood. He responded by instinct, pushing up to meet Tash’s downward slides, welcoming the incredible fullness of Tash’s heavy cock inside him. Brandon’s cock began to swell again, his balls aching with need.
Harder and deeper, Tash pounded into him, touching his gland, setting off additional fireworks inside Brandon. Fascinated, Brandon watched Tash’s cock enter and reenter his body, wanting to capture the moment when he knew his life had changed forever.
Like everything else he did, there was a quiet intensity about Tash as he made love, his concentration solely on Brandon. With a wicked smile, he leaned over and captured Brandon’s lips in a kiss so hard and deep it stole Brandon’s breath, leaving him trembling and shaken. The press of Tash’s lips and the thrust of his rhythmic strokes inside Brandon grew faster and more punishing as Brandon sensed Tash’s imminent orgasm. Their tongues tangled together, and Brandon grabbed on to Tash’s shoulders and wrapped one leg around Tash’s hip, forcing them harder and closer together. Tash cried out and came, pumping hot and deep inside him.
After a moment, Tash collapsed on top of him, their sweat-slick bodies melding together as neither one had the energy to move. A bit shy but needing to prove to himself how real this was, Brandon ran his hands over Tash’s naked back, smoothing over his shoulders, down his rib cage, until he reached the dip of Tash’s lower back.
Tash’s breathing remained steady, yet Brandon sensed the escalating rhythm of his heart. With a tentative touch, Brandon drew a finger down the crease between Tash’s ass cheeks, silently thrilled when Tash hissed his approval and even shifted a bit to give him better access.
“If you want to play some more, let me get rid of the condom first.” Tash lifted up on his elbows, his eyes soft and sated. He leaned down to place a gentle kiss at the corner of Brandon’s mouth, but Brandon turned his head so that their lips met full on. There was no sense of urgency now, however, as their lovemaking had taken the edge off their previous passion. While Brandon loved the wildness of making love with Tash, he discovered he also loved the quiet aftermath and wound his arms around Tash’s neck, wishing he could hold on to him forever and keep the demons at bay.
“Hey, don’t worry. I’m not disappearing.” Tash drew back and slid out of Brandon’s body. “I want to get rid of this and clean up a bit, okay?” Brandon’s newly opened passage ached, and he winced and shifted in the bed, hoping Tash wouldn’t notice. Lucky for him, Tash was too busy tying off the condom and dropping it into the wastebasket. Tash left to go to the bathroom located in the corner of the bedroom. Brandon heard water running, then as quickly as he was gone, Tash returned with a warm damp washcloth.
“Here, you’re all sticky and that can’t be comfortable.” He swirled the washcloth over Brandon’s stomach and chest until all the dried residue of his semen had been removed. Though it was a small gesture, for Brandon, who’d never been completely intimate with a lover, it was a big deal. It showed Tash cared. Their eyes held each other’s gaze as Tash continued to wipe him down.
“Thanks,” he whispered, unable to voice fully his thoughts and emotions, somewhat overcome by the enormity of what he’d done. He’d known that eventually he’d have sex, but the need for this man above all others was something Brandon hadn’t expected.
Though he’d been attracted to a few guys in high school, he’d ruthlessly and swiftly squashed those feelings, unwilling to be the subject of beatings, scorn, and ridicule, which was the standard practice in his small community toward anyone who was different. Certainly it was toward homosexuals, who, as he heard muttered in school hallways and bathrooms, had no business being alive. And when he’d been homeless, he’d rather have starved than sell himself for a few dollars. His health wasn’t worth it.
But tonight opened his eyes to what he’d always heard, how magical and beautiful the act of sex could be when it was between two people who cared about one another. And now he also knew that no matter how Tash protested that he didn’t want Brandon or that their age
difference was too great, Tash cared about him. Whatever help Tash needed to get over his former lover, Brandon would give.
Watching Tash from beneath lowered lids, Brandon didn’t know when he’d shifted his outlook and decided to risk everything he’d kept secret all these years. But he did know he’d be making a great mistake if he didn’t put aside his own fears and help Tash take a chance at life again.
Brandon wanted to be that chance. Together the two of them would help those kids and help each other.
“What has you so deep in thought, hmm?” Tash lay next to him, and Brandon, enjoying his warmth, turned into his chest. To his delight, Tash slipped his arm around his shoulders to hug him close. Brandon rested his head against Tash.
“Nothing. I was only thinking about stuff.”
“Stuff, huh?” said Tash, his amused voice bringing a smile to Brandon’s lips. “So it would be all right with you, then, if I interrupted you to ask why you’ve been lying to me?”
Chapter Thirteen
Tash hated to do it this way, especially when he had Brandon all relaxed in his arms. It had been years since he’d held someone after sex, years since he’d experienced the intoxicating pleasure of making love to someone who sent him hurtling off the precipice into a mindless whirlpool of bliss.
He had with Brandon, and it scared him to death. But, as long as it had been since he’d had sex with anyone, he’d recognize a virgin in a moment, and Brandon had been a virgin, of that he had no doubt. When he’d breached Brandon at first, he’d wanted to stop but knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. They were so far gone in the moment; Tash couldn’t ruin the man’s first sexual experience.
And the absolute mind-blowing rush of their lovemaking scared him with its intensity. He’d never been sucked into a vortex of want and need so deep that the only thing he could think of was this man with his supple young body and trusting eyes urging him on with soft cries.
But now that they’d come down from their emotional, sexual high, Brandon had some explaining to do. And from the way Brandon stiffened in his arms, Tash knew this wouldn’t be an easy or quick conversation.
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