“I don’t know what you mean.”
But the hesitation and guarded tone in Brandon’s voice told Tash everything he needed to know. He removed his arm from underneath Brandon and, with regret, moved away from his heat.
“Come on. Don’t lie to me. I can take a lot of things, but not someone lying to me.” He stared off into the deepening shadows in the bedroom. “I had that once before and barely made it through, so tell me.” He focused back on the bed, his gaze sweeping across Brandon’s naked body. Determined to keep his thoughts on the subject at hand, he focused on Brandon’s face and sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?”
Was he mistaken, or did a flicker of something like relief flash in Brandon’s eyes? With a defiant tilt to his jaw, Brandon glared at him before sitting up in the bed.
“If I’d told you, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” A small smile touched his lips. “I’m not going to apologize for that. It was incredible.” Brandon swept his hand across Tash’s chest, gliding down to his abdomen.
Heat pooled in Tash’s groin, but he refused to allow Brandon to whitewash the issue or play duck and glide. “That isn’t the point. Why did you lead me to believe you had experience? Hell.” He shook his head and massaged the back of his neck. “How can you of all people—good-looking, young, and so caring and concerned—how can you still be a virgin?”
“Well, you took care of that very nicely.” Brandon grinned up at Tash, but when Tash didn’t smile back, the smile faded. Several moments passed before Brandon got up the courage to answer. “I couldn’t come out as gay when I was younger. Maybe if I’d had Luke and Ash with me it would have been different, but that wasn’t to be.” He fiddled with the edge of the comforter, then continued. “The bullying and homophobia in my religious rural community made it impossible for me to have a relationship. When I ran away, I was too scared to allow anyone to get close to me. By the time I came to New York, I’d been homeless long enough that sex was the furthest thing from my mind when I needed shelter and food. After Gabriel took me to the shelter and set me up with social services, I concentrated solely on going to college and becoming a teacher.”
Incredible. Tash was stunned to hear how single-minded and dedicated Brandon was and saddened to hear how cold and lonely his life had been. Considering Tash had never needed to hide his sexuality, it hurt his heart listening to Brandon admit how he’d lived in the closet his whole life, fearful of people discovering who he was, never safe enough to love someone.
“So you’ve never had a boyfriend?”
Brandon shrugged. “There was a guy while I was in school, and we fooled around a little.” His cheeks stained red as he slanted a look up at Tash, then looked down at the bed.
An unexpected stab of jealousy tore through Tash at the thought of another man touching Brandon. “But nothing serious?”
“No.” Brandon slid down in the bed so only his head showed above the covers. “Nothing serious. Charlie and I had fun, but when he moved to Florida, it was no big deal for either one of us to say good-bye.” After that statement, he curled away from Tash and hugged the pillow to his chest.
“Hey.” Tash slipped under the covers and curved himself around Brandon, kissing him on his naked shoulder. The soft skin jumped under Tash’s tongue, tasting sweet and a bit salty. “Leaving you would be a really big deal for me.” He stroked the hard planes of Brandon’s chest and tweaked his nipples.
“Tash.” Brandon sighed into the pillow as he wriggled his ass into Tash’s groin.
“Shh. Let me take care of you.” His questing hand stroked down Brandon’s flat abdomen and brushed against the top of a healthy erection.
God bless the young. They can get it up so easily.
He smoothed the pad of his thumb over the crown of Brandon’s cock, smearing the liquid seeping out. At his touch, more fluid leaked from the tip, and he used it to lubricate the slide of his hand up and down Brandon’s shaft.
“Yes,” Brandon hissed out through clenched teeth. “Oh God, don’t stop.”
He couldn’t have stopped even if he wanted to. Why would he? With Brandon naked in his arms, his breathy cries and wet, thrusting erection, Tash’s heart almost stopped from the sheer beauty of the moment.
With only a few more strokes, Brandon came undone, shuddering against him. “Tash,” he sobbed. “Oh God.” His cock jerked, and a small amount of liquid trickled out.
Tash held on to Brandon, his lips buried in the thick silk of Brandon’s hair. “It’s okay; it’s going to be okay.” Brandon rolled over and buried his face in the curve of Tash’s neck while Tash continued to murmur nonsense words into the man’s hair, kissing his temple. Eventually, Brandon’s breathing evened out, and Tash could tell he’d fallen asleep.
When was the last time he’d held someone close as he slept, his heartbeat in tempo with his own? Unused to such intimacy anymore, Tash cuddled Brandon even closer, adjusting the curves of his body to fit with Brandon’s, learning the sounds of the man in his arms.
Contentment, like a sleeping cat in a patch of sunshine, warmed him like sweet honey, his ordinary cold existence unraveling at the seams. Before tonight, before bringing Brandon into his bed, cold sheets and solitude were Tash’s constant bed companions. It was meant to be; he’d never looked for sympathy. He’d seen it for what it was—a punishment for his failure to recognize Danny’s deception and save him from himself. When trust was lost, hope followed it blindly out the window. For years, he’d lost trust in himself and had given up hope.
But now, with a warm and sleeping Brandon nestled in his arms, his hairy muscled thigh flung over Tash’s, perhaps it was time for him to reconsider his isolation. Tash stroked Brandon’s cheek, noting the spiky, damp lashes, remembering the tears he’d shed as he came. Somewhere buried deep within this man was a story of broken dreams and pain. It was up to Tash to help Brandon overcome whatever he was hiding and break free, so he could move forward with his life.
“I won’t fail you,” he whispered, kissing Brandon’s cheek. “This time I’ll do it right.”
Chapter Fourteen
It was the time right before parent-teacher conferences, and Brandon found himself swamped with reports, meetings, and schedule changes. None of it could dim his mood that Monday as he walked into the teacher’s lounge to catch a quick cup of coffee before his next class.
“Randy, hey, come here.” Gage waved him over.
With a start, Brandon realized he needed to talk to Gage. Tash had offered to speak to him, but Brandon wanted to tell his friend himself. In a way, he owed the remarkable upheaval in his life all to Gage. He checked his watch, noting with an inward smile, only five more hours until he would meet Tash.
After pouring his cup of coffee, he joined Gage on the worn vinyl sofa. The entire room was decorated in a color scheme they’d jokingly named fifty shades of institutional gray. Brandon normally found it depressing as hell, but after a weekend spent with Tash, nothing could dampen his good mood. He was on top of the world; he’d found his brothers, he loved his job, and he had a man to love.
“Gage. How was your weekend?”
“Good. Watched some baseball, went out on a date. And you?”
Nothing short of amazing. “I had a crazy weekend. Some personal issues I thought would never happen came out of nowhere.” As he explained his story and how Dr. Drew Klein’s boyfriend was really his brother, as was Dr. Jordan Peterson’s, Brandon couldn’t help but laugh.
“Gage, man, your eyes look like they’re going to fall out of your head.”
“Can you blame me?”
They shared a laugh, and then Gage, for the third time in as many minutes, shook his head. “I don’t fucking believe it. It’s like a movie or something.”
“Yeah. So anyway. I wanted you to know that even though my name is really Brandon, you can still call me Randy. I’ve answered to it for so many years; it’s second nature to me now.”
“Is Gilbert your real name?�
�� The question wasn’t condemning but merely curious. Brandon understood and appreciated Gage treating him not as someone to be pitied but as an equal.
“It was my middle name. My real last name is Kane.”
“Will you go back to Kane? Now that you’ve found your brothers and don’t need to hide any longer?”
It wasn’t ever going to be safe for him to use Kane again. He was lucky no one had ever asked him too many questions about using his middle name. He’d merely stated he preferred it that way and used it ever since.
“I like Gilbert, and everyone knows me here as that, so I’m keeping it.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” He drained his cup and tossed it in the wastebasket.
“Did you tell Tash?”
Try as he might to keep himself from reacting, that damn blush got him every single time. He ducked his head and hoped his hair hid his flaming cheeks. “Um, yeah.”
“He likes you, you know.” Gage’s soft voice penetrated Brandon’s discomfort. “You’re the first person he’s shown an interest in since Danny. I think you’d be great together.”
Brandon thought so too, but things were too fresh and new between him and Tash to talk about. Plus, he wasn’t sure if Tash wanted anyone, especially Gage, to know.
“Umm, well, thanks. I’m happy we’re friends. That’s about all I can say right now.”
Gage shot him a look from under raised brows but said nothing.
“I gotta go to class. Are you going to be at the Clinic later?” Brandon stood and picked up his backpack off the floor. “I’m going there around five, five thirty.”
“Yeah, I’ll see you there.” Gage’s phone rang.
“See you later.” Brandon left him to answer it and headed off to class.
At a few minutes past four thirty, Brandon finished grading the quiz he’d given today in class. After stretching the kinks out of his shoulders, he checked his watch and groaned. Even if he left right now, he’d be late to the Clinic with the way the trains ran. Damn. He’d better text Tash and let him know.
Going to be late. Got stuck grading papers. I’ll be there ASAP.
He stood and shoved all the test papers into his backpack, checked to make sure his laptop was inside and zipped it up. Few teachers were about; most preferred to go home right after school ended, and he was usually one of the last to leave the building. Before this weekend, it was because he had no desire to go back to his depressing room in the walk-up he lived in.
Now, everything had changed. He was meeting his lover, and Brandon half hoped Tash would ask him back to his house for the night, even though it would be a pain to get to the school from there. By next week, he was going to move into Esther’s house. The lady was so kind; he had no qualms about living with her. After seeing how much both Ash and Luke adored her, he knew he’d be safe there.
He turned out the lights and closed the door behind him. It was always a bit eerie to walk through the silent halls after being there all day, dodging the crush of students and wincing at the roar of so many voices shouting to be heard over one another. Even the security guards had gone. He ran down the steps, eager to be off.
“Going my way?” Tash leaned against his car, arms folded. A wide smile played on his lips.
Happiness surged through Brandon. Without hesitation, he ran up to the man and threw his arms around him. Tash held him tight, and they hugged, then kissed, his warm cheek brushing against the cool, bristly skin of Tash’s wind-chilled face.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were here? I hope you weren’t waiting too long.” He hated to let go of Tash and held on to him a moment to draw some of his strength before letting him go.
Tash opened the car door. “Nah. I had already decided to surprise you and pick you up, so I was on my way when I got the text from you.”
Brandon slid onto the front seat. A delicious aroma filled the car. He sniffed and waited until Tash settled in next to him before pointing behind him. “I smell something amazing back there. Did you bring food for the meeting?”
“I picked up some food from a little Italian place in Carroll Gardens the guys always go to.”
Brandon’s stomach growled as he thought of the pathetic peanut butter sandwich he’d eaten around eleven thirty that morning. “Damn, I can’t wait.”
“I sense you’re hungry.” A slow smile spread over Tash’s face. “Must be all that strenuous activity over the weekend. Maybe I need to feed you more.”
At his words, a memory of them naked together in Tash’s shower flooded through Brandon’s mind. He could almost feel the rush of hot water over his skin again, and the wet suction of Tash’s mouth on his cock.
“I think you took care of my needs.” They were at a red light at the moment, stuck behind a city bus. Brandon reached over and grabbed at the healthy bulge in Tash’s pants. “Remind me later to return the favor.” He gave Tash’s crotch a nice squeeze. “You deserve attention as well.”
Tash’s hands gripped the wheel until his knuckles whitened. There was no sound in the car but his heavy breathing as Brandon continued to massage him. He shifted in his seat, a pained look in his eyes as he bit his lip. “Brandon, stop. I can’t show up to the Clinic like this.”
With a sigh of regret, Brandon gave one last squeeze and withdrew his hand. “Spoilsport. There’s so much traffic, I bet no one would even notice if I put my head down and sucked you off.”
Tash broke out in a fit of coughing. “Please,” he wheezed. “Please tell me you did not say you wanted to give me a blowjob in the car.”
Brandon waggled his eyebrows. “Next time I won’t say anything; I’ll do it, and you’ll have no recourse.”
Traffic began to move again. “You’re determined to be the death of me, aren’t you?” Tash’s pretense at anger failed when Brandon caught his eye and grinned. They were still laughing about it as he pulled into the parking lot at the Clinic.
He loved seeing Tash laugh. His hazel eyes lit up behind his glasses, and all the tired lines of his face smoothed, rendering him younger and more at peace with himself. “I prefer to think of myself as a life-giving force.” Taking advantage of their solitude, knowing Tash might be somewhat uncomfortable displaying affection in front of the others, especially Brandon’s brothers, Brandon kissed him. It was a quiet kiss, one that spoke of trust and comfort, respect and friendship.
For Brandon, there were stronger emotions, ones that confused even him, so he kept silent about them. Because Tash was so hyperaware of their age difference, Brandon held off on telling Tash how he felt, preferring to show the man in little ways to make him feel special.
Like after the first time they spent the night together. Brandon had sneaked down to the kitchen and, with the two cats for company, made Tash breakfast in bed—scrambled eggs with maple turkey bacon and homemade cinnamon rolls. They fed each other bites of the food and then fed on each other’s bodies. They didn’t leave the bedroom until much later that afternoon.
After several minutes of increasingly heated kisses, Brandon broke away. Still caught up in the haze of pleasure, he barely heard Tash’s sigh. As he returned to earth and gathered his wits, he sensed something wrong and a quick glance at Tash’s sad face validated that feeling.
“Care to tell me what’s wrong?” Brandon zipped up his jacket.
“You don’t know? All weekend I’ve been deluding myself. We were caught up in this bubble we created, but now? Now that I have to come face-to-face with your brothers and Gage.” Tash shook his head. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Heart beating madly, Brandon swallowed. “Can’t do what?” Don’t do this, please; don’t hide yourself away.
“Us. You, me. We’re at different places in our lives. You’re starting out, and with Ash and Luke, you have a whole new world open to you—places to explore and new people to meet.”
Tash unbuckled his seat belt and opened the car door but didn’t get out. “I’m the opposite. I’m ready
to settle down. I’m not interested in nightlife and the latest scene. I can’t and won’t ask you to give it all up.” Tash climbed out of the car and slammed the door.
The hell he says. If Tash thought he’d simply state his opinions like God and proclaim what Brandon should do with the rest of his life, he was in for a fight. He wrenched open the door. “I’m not giving anything up. I was never into that.” Brandon slammed the car door behind him with a vicious thump. “Who do you think you are? You say you don’t want to be with me, yet you then get the right to lay out my life in neat little puzzle pieces so it all comes perfectly together as you see fit.”
Tash had stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn around. Hopeful that was a sign he was at least listening, Brandon continued.
“Sure, we were in a bubble; it was wonderful this weekend, beautiful and amazing.” He advanced on Tash and stood before him. “Don’t think I don’t know, maybe better than anyone, how something so perfect and magical can be ripped away with no warning.” He put a hand on Tash’s shoulder, hoping Tash wouldn’t move away from him. “And now the hard stuff begins—reality and all the trouble that comes with it. But aren’t you willing to try? See where this journey takes us?”
“Brandon, you’re—”
“Don’t say it. I’ll tell you what I am. I’ve been homeless and hungry. I’ve lived on the streets with rats, not knowing where I would sleep at night. Do you think I’m looking for a man whose only interest is a twenty-dollar glass of wine and where the next party is?”
Tash said nothing, and Brandon had no more strength to argue. Besides, they were at the Clinic to do a job. Last time he’d screwed up by running out, and he’d be damned if he’d do it again.
They entered the Clinic in silence. Tash returned to the car to retrieve the food he’d forgotten in the back seat, then went directly to the rear of the Clinic where Brandon presumed there was a kitchen. Three young people were working behind the front desk. Brandon smiled at them as they stared at him, friendly but curious.
Embrace the Fire Page 13
