Embrace the Fire

by Felice Stevens

  “Did I hurt you?” Brandon stopped the magic his fingers worked inside of Tash, his voice anxious with concern.

  “No,” gasped Tash. “Don’t stop. Ever.” He reached up to grab Brandon close. “Don’t stop touching me, please.”

  “You want more, huh?” Brandon teased and resumed his wicked, twisting fingers.

  Tash pushed himself into Brandon’s hand, shameless in his need to climb the heights his body so desperately craved. “Yes. Please.” He almost didn’t recognize his own desperate voice.

  Through the haze surrounding his mind, Tash heard Brandon open the condom package, and finally, the marvelously thick head of Brandon’s cock pushed inside him.

  Never in his life had he been so greedy to claim his lover. He lifted his legs and encouraged Brandon to continue the slide inside; and when he did, the fullness only increased his hunger.

  It was life-affirming. Sensation washed over him, rolling through his body in great waves of pleasure, and he reveled in it. “Harder,” he begged, afraid Brandon’s inexperience and fear that he might be hurting Tash would cause him to be too tentative. “All the way in, sweetheart. You won’t hurt me.”

  Brandon pushed in and withdrew halfway, then plunged back again. They rocked together, harder and faster, and with each slide and thrust, the remnants of Tash’s tattered heart knitted back together, creating a new and beautiful mosaic.

  “Now, yes.” Tash locked his ankles behind Brandon and heaved himself up. The angle shifted, and as Brandon hit his gland over and over again, the slow burn within Tash ignited to a searing flame. His entire body tightened, the ache within his balls grew deep, and his vision narrowed to a pinpoint of black. Tash found it difficult to draw a breath, and he came harder than he ever had before in his life; stream after stream of creamy white shot onto his chest. His entire body trembled and shook as his orgasm rocketed through him.

  Brandon continued to pump inside him, gripping Tash’s arms so tight his fingers dug into the muscles of Tash’s biceps. He stiffened, then shook and came with a hoarse cry, buried deep inside Tash. Heedless of the sticky mess all over Tash’s chest, Brandon rested there, his heart galloping in a crazy beat.

  Several moments passed before they picked their heads up and, in unison, smiled at one another. Tash cupped the nape of Brandon’s neck and drew him in for a prolonged kiss. They rolled on their sides but still clung together, their kisses leisurely now that the lovemaking had taken the edge off their hunger for one another.

  Brandon withdrew, and Tash winced. He waited as Brandon left the bed and went into the bathroom, wondering how Brandon felt. Sated and replete with the most marvelous ache in his body, Tash closed his eyes and stretched.

  “You look like one of your cats after they get up from napping in the sun.” Brandon grinned down at him, his eyes soft and dark in the firelight.

  “Come lie down with me.” Tash patted the bed next to him. “Tell me how you feel.”

  Brandon slid in next to him and lay on his back facing the ceiling. “It’s weird, you know? When I lived on the streets, and even in the shelter, I’d never imagined I’d ever be in this position.”

  “What position is that?” Tash lay on his side, his chin propped in his hand. He reached over to push Brandon’s hair out of his face. He frowned at the sight of worry lines etching their way across Brandon’s normally smooth forehead and traced them with a fingertip.

  “Secure. Happy. And now that it’s all within reach, it’s like that dream where you’re running, and you go to grasp something, but it’s either right out of reach or it slips through your fingers.” Brandon caught Tash’s hand in his and laced their fingers together. “I found you only what seems like moments ago. I don’t want to lose what we have.” He lifted their joined hands to brush them against his lips. “And I’m not only talking about the sex, even though it’s amazing. I don’t want to run anymore. I want to stay and put down roots. I want that happily-ever-after life together, the sharing of our days when we get home from work, and having our families all together for the holidays.” He slanted a quick look up at Tash.

  “What is it?” Tash sensed there was something Brandon wasn’t saying. “You have to know I want that too.”

  “I was thinking about how it would be to really be a family. Maybe someday have kids together.”

  Stunned, Tash could only stare at Brandon as the clock on the fireplace mantel ticked busily away.

  “I understand if you don’t. I’m not saying we need to decide right now—”

  Tash covered Brandon’s mouth with his in a hungry, possessive kiss. The need to touch Brandon had never been so great. “No one’s ever loved me enough to want to stay and build a home with me, so I’ve never talked about it, but children?” He kissed Brandon again. “It would be the dream I never thought I’d get to live. And you’d be an amazing father; I’ve never seen anyone so good with kids before. It must be because you’re so young.”

  Brandon groaned. “Don’t start that again, please. I thought we were past all that.” His mouth set in a hard line. “Besides, at this point I have bigger things to think and worry about than our age difference.”

  “I think you should tell everyone at tomorrow night’s dinner at Esther’s.” Tash pulled Brandon close to hold him. “Ash will be there, and Luke needs to know as well. Everyone will support you. You were young and abused and didn’t mean to do it.”

  That look of trust reentered Brandon’s eyes. “I love you, Tash. Thank you for believing me.” He laid his head down on Tash’s shoulder. “Believing in us.”

  Tash kissed his cheek. “I love you too. You made me believe in myself again when I doubted everything, sometimes my own reason for living. You gave me back my life and made it so much richer than I ever thought possible.” Tash cupped Brandon’s face between his hands. “How could I not believe in you?”

  Chapter Twenty

  Only a woman like Esther could bring them all together each week. The love and respect her grandchildren and extended family had for her was never more apparent than at these weekly dinners. There was no doubt she loved having them, evidenced by the care she took in preparing everyone’s favorite foods, whether it was the fried chicken cutlets Brandon learned were called schnitzel or the savory stuffed cabbage and delicious brisket.

  Her face glowed, her inner joy apparent as she sat at the head of the large mahogany dining room table, flanked on either side by Drew and Rachel. Also present of course were Jordan, Luke, and Mike. Rounding out the lively group today was Tash’s sister, Valerie, Gage, and Louisa, who was busy scolding Ash for eating too many meat patties.

  “Save some for the others. You have to share.” Her eyes twinkled.

  “I’m not good at sharing what I love. Ask Drew.” He winked at Louisa, and she rolled her eyes.

  “Oh my goodness, you are a bad one, aren’t you? How do you put up with him, Drew?”

  “He has his good points, Louisa.” Drew leaned over and kissed Ash on the cheek. “Behave.”

  “That’s like asking a dog not to wag its tail,” said Jordan drily.

  The entire table broke out into laughter, and even Ash tipped his glass to Jordan. “Point to you, Jordan, but I won’t forget you compared me to a dog.”

  Jordan raised a blond brow, his lips twitching to hold back a grin. “If the shoe fits…”

  “You’re awfully quiet, Brandon.” Luke eyed his plate. “And you barely ate anything. What’s wrong?”

  Tash squeezed his thigh in a gesture of comfort. Time to face the music. “I need to talk to all of you, to tell you…” He stopped, unsure what to say. Tell them what? That he was a murderer? All the eyes focused on him set his head spinning.

  Tash cleared his throat. “Brandon wants to talk to you all about the events that led up to him leaving home when he did. But what we ask is that you let him speak and tell his story straight through. Afterward, you can ask him questions, but understand he may not have all the answers.”

  Br
andon threw Tash a grateful look. God, he loved Tash. It took such a weight off his chest to have someone so strong and steady in his corner. For the first time, Brandon thought he might have a future free of fear.

  He took a deep breath and began to speak. As he relayed the story he’d told Tash the night before, he kept a careful watch on the faces of the people who mattered the most to him in the world: Ash and Luke. Not surprisingly, their expressions registered horror, fear, anguish, and love. Not once, though, did they gaze at him with accusation or anger.

  “I didn’t know what to do after I left home. I couldn’t go back, so I took some money from him.” Here he stopped and swallowed, shuddering as he recalled touching the inanimate body of Munson to take some bills from his wallet. “I walked into the city to the bus stop and got on the first bus to Philadelphia. I was seventeen, so the only jobs I could get with no questions asked were as a delivery boy or bagging groceries—I did whatever I could to get a few dollars.”

  Those days seemed so hazy now, sitting in this comfortable room—warm, fed, and dressed in decent clothing. But that bilious taste of fear never dissipated. “It wasn’t enough to live on, though. I could barely eat and slept in parks or in disgusting hotels.” There were other more important things he needed to speak of. Things he hadn’t even told Tash yet. “I, um, I worked for someone who had me delivering packages, and I would get an envelope in exchange for delivering the package to the person. I didn’t know what was inside the packages, but of course I suspected drugs or guns. I only did it a few times, but it made me so nervous I tried to stop. They wouldn’t let me and said I had to keep doing what they wanted.”

  “How did you get away?” Luke’s eyes glittered with pain, and his normally olive complexion shone pale with sweat. Jordan placed a hand on his shoulder for comfort.

  Brandon took a deep breath and drank from his glass of water. “One night I got on a bus and went to Atlantic City and stayed there. I could live on the beach in the summer and work around the city. I did that for two months, then came to New York. Luke had always talked of living here, that it was the place to come and reach for the stars. I lived on the streets and did a little begging until six months later when Gabriel found me and changed my life forever.”

  “Look at you now.” Esther gazed upon him with shining eyes. “You went to school, became a teacher, and found your brothers and”—her eyes twinkled—“a very nice young man.”

  “You’re an inspiration, man.” Gage gazed at him with respect, not the loathing Brandon had expected.

  “I’m a murderer, Gage.”

  “I don’t believe it.”

  “Brandon.” Ash’s voice cut in. “I think you should come to my office tomorrow, and we’ll talk strategy.”

  “I think we should stop talking about this unpleasant subject.”

  Brandon’s head snapped up at Esther’s voice. There were two pink patches on her cheeks, and her hands trembled. Regret and dismay slammed into Brandon’s chest. He immediately left Tash’s side to attend to Esther.

  “I’m sorry to have brought this on your family. I can leave and find somewhere else to stay.”

  “Is that what you think I want?” She turned to Drew and Ash. Drew took his grandmother’s hand, and Brandon could see him deftly taking her pulse so unobtrusively she didn’t realize it, while Ash left his seat and stood behind Esther, resting his hands on her shoulders.

  “Don’t get upset, Esther. We’re going to help Brandon, but you can’t afford to become ill.”

  “You must help him, Asher. I know he couldn’t hurt anyone. Brandon’s the sweetest, kindest—”

  “Esther. Don’t worry. I promise I’m going to do everything possible to help him.” Ash held his gaze. “I won’t fail you this time; I promise. I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”

  “Not only him but me as well.” Luke joined them, giving Brandon a hug. “You’ll never have to handle anything alone again.”

  Grateful as he was for his brothers, their approval was no longer the first thing he looked for. It was Tash whom Brandon sought for comfort. The man who held him in his arms when he cried and passed no judgment on his past sins was his rock and the guidance he listened to. Their eyes met across the table, and the bands holding a tight stranglehold on his chest loosened for the first time in years.

  It hit him then. He wasn’t alone in this any longer. He could’ve wept from the enormity of it, but Brandon held himself together, needing to prove to everyone he was the man he said he was and no longer the young boy they’d kept as an image in their minds. It wasn’t weakness to accept their help; it showed strength. Damn the consequences. Brandon knew he’d come out of this never-ending journey through hell with his family and his heart intact, stronger than ever before.

  “Thank you, Ash.”

  “There’s no need to thank me. It’s what families do.”

  After they hugged and Brandon agreed to come to Ash’s office at four o’clock after school ended the next day, he had to apologize to Esther.

  “I’m sorry to have brought this to your table and my problems to your life.” In the short time he’d spent living there, this house had become more of a home than anywhere else he’d ever lived.

  She’d remained silent during his conversation with Ash, but Brandon had no doubt she had some words of advice for him.

  “Oh, Brandon.” She sniffled into her handkerchief. “You have no idea how wonderful it’s been for me to have you here. I’m so happy you have Sebastian to love you and stand by you along with your brothers.”

  He stood, somewhat frozen. They hadn’t yet decided to speak about the seriousness of their relationship. It was so sudden; Brandon didn’t want to have to deal with Luke’s possible disapproval, especially not now. Brandon thought they’d manage to keep it to themselves. Not with Esther around, it seemed.

  “You look shocked, dear, but it’s quite obvious to me. The way he looks at you is how my dear Sy used to look at me—so loving and protective.” Esther appealed to the others at the table. “You see it, don’t you? They are as much in love as you all are.”

  And when Tash smiled at him, Brandon knew right then it would be fine. It didn’t matter if Luke approved or if Ash did either. All that mattered was this man and the glow in his eyes that spoke of a future he now believed in.

  “We’re taking it one day at a time, Esther,” said Tash in all seriousness. “Brandon’s focus must be on fighting these charges. He knows how I feel about him.”

  Brandon left Esther’s side to stand by Tash. He reached down and squeezed Tash’s hand. “And Tash knows my feelings as well. To have all of you offer your support and understanding is more than I ever thought I’d have.”

  They all sat back down and finished their meal. Brandon wondered if in the weeks ahead, this might be the last time he’d sit down to an untroubled dinner with his family.

  At a few minutes after four, Brandon and Tash were escorted into the library of Ash’s impressive midtown law office. Brandon looked around, a little intimidated despite the fact that Ash was his brother. The walls were paneled in a richly grained wood with floor-to-ceiling built-in bookcases containing hundreds of legal books. The table they sat at was polished to a high, dark shine. Brandon could only imagine how daunting it must be for people on the opposite side of a case to be subjected to his brother’s lightning-sharp mind.

  Tash poured himself a cup of cold water. “Don’t worry. I have full confidence Ash will be able to work it out for you.”

  “Thanks, Tash.” Ash entered the room with Luke on his heels. “I’m going to do my best.”

  Brandon hadn’t realized Luke would be there today, but in reality, he should’ve known. Years spent fending for himself had him braced for disappointment from everyone. But not these men.

  “Luke. I’m glad to see you.”

  From his troubled expression, Brandon sensed Luke wanted to say something but was holding back.

  “What’s wrong? You loo
k like you have something on your mind.” Brandon accepted the cup of coffee Ash handed him.

  Looking supremely uncomfortable, Luke drank deeply from his ever-present coffee cup before speaking. “Um, well, last night after we got home, Jerry stopped by.”

  Brandon’s stomach took a nosedive to his knees. “The policeman?”

  “Detective,” Luke corrected him. “Yeah, and we got to talking, and somehow it slipped out that you had to see Ash today.”

  “So? I could be seeing him for a lot of different reasons. You didn’t tell him anything, did you?”

  Luke shook his head. “I swear I didn’t and neither did Jordan, but you have to understand, Jerry is a seasoned detective who already had an interest in you because of how you showed up out of the blue.”

  “What would that have to do with anything?” Brandon knew he was overreacting, and his voice sounded shrill to his ears, but he’d thought his past was confined to the people he’d personally told. To find out the police were now sniffing around terrified him.

  “It’s fine, Brandon. Don’t concern yourself with Jerry. We’re here to help you and figure out your next step.” Ash’s attempt at comfort didn’t help much.

  Tash rubbed his back. “It’s going to work out. You’ll see. Your imagination is always worse than actual reality.” The warmth of Tash’s hand on the nape of Brandon’s neck settled his racing pulse. He leaned back onto Tash’s arm. “Better?” Tash murmured into his ear.

  Miraculously he was. “Yeah, thanks.” He smiled into Tash’s eyes and saw the love and safety residing there. “Thanks.”

  The wink he received in return was enough.

  “So, let’s get started.” Ash opened his folder. “Brandon, what was the date you had the fight with Munson?”

  “April twenty-second.” He swallowed against the sour taste that rose in his throat. “Around six in the evening.”

  Ash wrote on his pad as he continued to fire off question after question. Did he ever tell anyone about Munson’s abuse of their mother or himself? Were there any physical scars from previous fights? Where did the fight start? Did their foster mother see him leave the house? Did he hear or see anyone after he left the house for good?