Pandora's Box

by Camilla Porter

  "What the fuck?" I think as I move my hands up to her neck and wrap them in her hair being careful not to pull, bringing her closer, kissing her deeper. Her hands grip my hips than move up taking my shirt with it as she touches me all over my sides and back and stomach. Finally, she cups my breasts, flicking my nipples with her thumbs and she tugs my bottom lip between her teeth and sucks gently. This was not supposed to be happening. I'm not supposed to be thinking with my emotions. I'm supposed to be using logic not my loins. Did I really just think that? What the hell is wrong with me? That was stupid. How is my mind supposed to use logic when her tongue is in my mouth and her fingers are working magic on my nipples?

  My mind is racing as my hands go to the outside of her thighs and I pull her nightshirt up to her waist. I need her in my mouth now. I pull away from her quickly and fall to my knees in front of her yanking her underwear down as I do. I pull her leg up so that her knee is over my shoulder and her legs are open and she is slightly spread for me as I take all of her in my mouth. Her hands wrap in my hair at the top of my head as I eat her until she is shaking and squirming. Just when she can't take any more I slide my fingers into her touching her in places I'm fairly certain no one has before. She hisses as I push into her and suck all of her, my tongue pressing into her clit and finally she releases, coating my chin and lips with her essence.

  I don't bother wiping my mouth as she collapses on me wrapping her arms around my neck as I rub her back, soothing her, still thinking too much and not at all. How did I allow this to happen? Why couldn't I control myself despite all she had done? I immediately begin to feel regret, but then... then she is kissing my neck. Softly at first, gently. Then her tongue follows where her lips go and my head becomes clouded again unable to think. Then she is kissing my jaw and my chin and my lips, and her tongue is lapping at her essence still on my lips and I can feel my panties become even wetter than they already were. She pushes me on my back then pulls my underwear and shorts down before gliding a single finger between my lips, sliding it just barely into me and back up and over my clit, pushing it from the underside, causing me to moan loudly. Pushing my legs apart she moves down and then her mouth is on me doing things with the tip of her tongue that I didn't think were possible. Her hands move up under my shirt and grip my breasts as my back arches. She holds her tongue against me and I move my hips back and forth riding her mouth until my middle explodes and I can't stop trembling. She stays with me until I can't take it anymore and then she kisses my clit one more time before moving up into my arms. She puts her head on my chest as her hands go up under my arms and rest on my shoulders. I play with her hair carefully as we sit in silence until my breathing becomes normal again.

  "I don't know what just happened," I finally say. "I'm not trying to confuse you or send mixed messages. I just... I have no self-control when it comes to you. I can't... I don't..."

  And then I just stop talking. I don't know what else to say. I wait to see if she responds but she just keeps her head buried in my chest, her hands tightening on my shoulders.

  And then, finally, after several minutes, she picks her head up, the tears in her eyes surprising me, as she simply says "I'm sorry. I am so sorry," her voice cracking as she buries her face in my chest again and I rub her back as she sobs.

  --

  I wake up just as the sun is coming up. We fell asleep in the guest room and she is in my arms, my hands around her holding her breasts and our legs tangled. This is something that started the first night we spent together and it always just felt right. I go to get up but she groans and snuggles into me deeper and I can't resist holding her tighter. What was happening here? We had only fallen asleep a few hours ago after we had the most intense sex I have ever had in my life as she cried and apologized for betraying me. She not only apologized with her words but with her body as well. Never before in my life had I felt anything so passionate, so erotic, and yet it was more complicated than my mind could even comprehend. I couldn't help but feel regret for letting myself get so carried away with her. I had so many questions and she needed to give me the answers. But I couldn't think. All I wanted to do was feel and smell and taste. This must be what it's like for a drug addict. The constant craving and the irresistible urge to just indulge despite knowing it wasn't healthy.

  "It wasn't supposed to be like this," she says breaking the silence.

  "Oh yeah? What was it supposed to be like?" The sarcasm drips from my words even though that's not what I intended.

  She moves away from me and sits up as she puts her hand out to me. I take it and she leads me into the bathroom where she starts the shower.

  "Everything I told you is the truth. I really was only in this for the money. I never meant to hurt you," she assures as she steps into the shower and gently pulls me in with her. She turns me in her arms and tilts my head back running her fingers through my hair. "It was never supposed to be this complicated... I wasn't supposed to..." she stops as I turn my head to look at her. Our eyes lock and I feel myself getting impossibly turned on again. How was that even possible, as my middle ached, after what we had just spent hours doing?

  "You weren't supposed to what?"

  I know how this ends. She told me this before.

  But I want her to say it.

  "Fall in love..."

  I turn in her arms, slipping my hands down to the back of her thighs and pick her up so that her legs go around my waist and I'm pushing her against the cool tile of the shower. She grunts as I push my pelvis against her and I feel her slick heat against my mound pleasantly surprised that she is just as aroused as I am. My tongue slips between her lips and is met by hers, searching, swirling and sliding. Our lips tangle and mesh in a rough and breathless kiss that neither of us wants to end. She breathes hard into my mouth as I put her down and then she turns me around suddenly, pushing my back hard against the tile as she moves her hand between my legs, sliding two fingers alongside my clit and squeezing it between her fingers. I gasp as she slips her other hand behind me and slides into my pussy three fingers deep. She moves to the side just slightly so she can move her fingers easier, taking me from the front and back, causing my body to tremble and shake. I ride her hand with borderline desperation before collapsing against her with her hands holding me up as I shake and gasp through my orgasm. My breathing is hard and fast as I lean against her and bite her shoulder hard, not enough to break the skin, but definitely enough to bruise. I whimper as my clit still throbs and pulses under her fingers. "What do you want?" she asks as I lazily pick my head up and simply plead... "more"

  --

  "Do you still have the flash drive that I gave you?" she asks as she pulls her t-shirt over her head.

  "Shit!" I yell as I finish tying my sneakers and remember the flash drive that Isaac had sent me before Travis got taken. In all of the chaos, it slipped my mind. "Shit!" I repeat.

  "You don't?"

  "No, I do. But I forgot about the one Isaac sent."

  "Isaac??"

  "Before he died. He must have set it up to have it sent in case anything happened to him."

  She looks at me unsure of what she should do. I know she senses that I don't trust her even though we just fucked God knows how many times.

  And I don't.

  At least not fully.

  But I want to.

  Desperately.

  I need someone in this that I can rely on but I have a feeling I can only trust myself.

  I move past her and head down to the kitchen where I left the flash drive on the counter. She follows me hesitantly and I let her. I need to know what he wanted me to know.

  I grab my laptop from the coffee table in the living room and bring it to the counter.

  "Do you want me to leave?" she asks nervously.

  I look at her for a long time as she fidgets with her fingers as she stands in the kitchen and I'm uncertain about how I want to play this.

  Should I trust her?

  Can I trust her?


  Her dark brown eyes stare into my hazel ones and I only see her fear, her nervousness and no sign of distrust or betrayal or even a hint that she may be lying to me or that she doesn't want to be with me at this moment.

  After a long pause, I simply say "no" and move over so she can sit next to me if she wants. I smile just a little as I practically see the relief in her body when I say this. Walking over slowly she sits down next to me and gently puts her hand on my thigh as almost if to say thank you. And I know that we are both in this now, and we are in it together.

  "Let's get to work."

  I look at Elena nervously as I twirl the flash drive in my fingers.

  "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asks as I narrow my eyes at her trying to read what she means by that.

  "I do. Are you sure you want to?"

  I still had a feeling she was hiding something even though she gave no indication that that might be the case. She looked at me with a confidence that gave nothing away and rubbed my thigh up and down.

  "Let's do this."

  I sigh deeply as I take the flash drive and put it into the computer. It only takes but a minute to load up, and immediately the media player pops up with Isaac's face and it takes my breath away. Tears involuntarily spring to my eyes and I quickly wipe my cheeks as Elena puts her arm around me.

  "It's okay," she reassures pulling me to her. I take a second to get myself together and then click the play button. More tears spill from my eyes as I see his face, once again very much alive, and hear his voice but I allow it to continue playing. I need to hear what he has to say.

  "Hey beautiful (that's what he always called me), Sam... if you're watching this now then you know I'm no longer alive. I'm dead. If you didn't know then I hate that you have to find out like this. Another thing that I hate for you to find out like this is that I'm not the person that you think I am. Did you really think I worked enough overtime or got enough money from that lawsuit against the city to pay for that house you're living in with Travis? Of course, you did. You always did think I was a good guy. And you weren't entirely wrong. I just wasn't as clean as you thought. As you probably have heard by now I was a computer hacker. Actually, I was the computer hacker, most likely the best in the state, maybe in the country. It was debatable but I was damn good. I had to be. You of all people know that being a police officer is not the most lucrative job one can have. Not even with overtime, and I had a boy I need to take care of."

  Just as Isaac finishes saying that Elena's phone starts ringing. She looks at it, tilting the screen away from me, and closes her eyes in frustration before putting it back in her purse.

  "So I haven't always 'walked the line' so to speak," he continues. "Neither has most of the department. To be honest, I think you might be the only clean officer left because everyone from top to bottom has taken kickbacks here or there. But not you. You really are one of the good ones."

  Elena's phone rings again and I can see her eyes travel to her purse and I can feel her anxiety level start to rise. And I can't concentrate on what Isaac is saying with her sitting next to me and giving off this anxious vibe so I pause it and tell her to go answer it.

  "I'll just be a minute," she says as she grabs her phone and heads out onto the back deck.

  I decide not to wait for her. I need to know what he has to say right now.

  "And just for the record, I haven't taken nearly as many as others have. I've earned a lot of my money through my hacking, but the ones I have taken I probably shouldn't have. That is probably what has gotten me killed. The laptop I gave you? The one with the program in the corner that shuts down the system? That file contains a list of every officer, every city official, that is involved in the La Familia heroin ring. It also lists the amounts of money each person has received, when they received it, and which bank account it was wired into. And to answer your question Sam: yes I am on that list. Look, I'm sorry that I probably disappointed you by telling you this, but I'd be lying if I said that I was the most shocking person on that list. Don't trust anyone Sam."

  My eyes fall on Elena as he says this. I watch her pace back and forth by the sliding glass doors, clearly agitated with whoever is on the other end of the phone, and I keep my eyes on her as Isaac continues talking.

  "One day, a woman will come looking for the file. She will feed you a bullshit story about why she's looking for it, but don't believe her. Don't believe anyone. I have a guy that works with Upton Sinclair's people. His name is Jerome Marx. He's the only one that can help you. Bring him the laptop so he can extract the file then he will tell you what you need to do. His office is 9078 Long Beach Terrace, 4th floor Office number 445. And Sam? I'm sorry for everything. I did love you. And tell Travis that I love him very much and that everything I did I did for him. Take care of yourself and my boy Sam. And remember: be careful and trust no one."

  I am thankful that Elena is still out on the deck because I am having a very hard time processing what I just heard. Was Elena the woman that Isaac just warned me about? I hear her open the sliding glass doors and I quickly shut off the monitor and take out the disc shoving it in my pocket.

  "Who was that?" I ask.

  "Just my mom's nursing home again. There was some issue with the billing again this month supposedly, but I just paid it. I had to send them a copy of my cashed check from my bank app. They are such huge pains in the asses there, but they're the best so I can't put her anywhere else. Last time I did she ended up on the interstate in her bathrobe and slippers. Anyway, what else did Isaac have to say?"

  "Nothing," I say a little too quickly. I don't look at her but I can feel her eyes burning through me.

  "Nothing?" she asks skeptically.

  "He just said that everything I'm looking for is in the Pandora's Box file and that I needed to find someone that could extract it for me which I already did. Didn't you say that's what's on the disc you were going to give to me?"

  "Yes. Let me get it."

  She sits back next to me and begins digging through her purse looking for the disc. It takes her a few seconds but then she pulls it out and hands it to me. Just as she does her phone rings again.

  "Hold on a second. Let me get this."

  This time she does not go outside but just walks over next to the doors.

  I take the disc and put it in the computer but it immediately flashes that the file cannot be read. I try it several different ways, but each way it comes up blank.

  "Did you get it?" she asks as she walks over to me and puts her phone back in her purse.

  "No. It says the file can't be read."

  "What? That's bullshit. Let me try."

  She tries to open the drive but gets the same message I got.

  "That's so weird," she insists. "I just opened it this morning."

  "Well, it's not working now."

  "No worries. I'll just extract the file again." She moves to turn the laptop towards her, but I stop her.

  "That's okay. You can do it later. I have to go meet with the Captain from the station. She has some questions about a report I wrote. It's should only take about an hour. Meet you back here at like seven?"

  "Sounds good," she says. "Are you okay?"

  I look at her and do my best to hide my suspicion. Trust no one echoes in my head.

  "I'm fine," I say as I lean in and kiss her. "I'll walk out with you."

  She gets into her car and I wave at her before I go to the trunk of my car and take out my personal handgun from the case in my trunk. Making sure it's loaded I tuck it into the back of my pants and get in my car to head to Upton Sinclair's on my own.

  --

  I pull into the alley that lies directly next to the address that Isaac gave me and park in the back lot per my GPS's instructions. It's not part of Upton Sinclair's main building but rather like what I'm guessing is a hub in a sketchy part of town, and as I look around I feel thankful that I brought my gun. Trash liters the alleyway and sits in overflowing trash cans and in the creases where
the dark grey brick building meets the broken tar. I get out of the car and I hear rustling coming from the dumpster next to the broken chain link fence and decide against checking to see what's making the noise. Mouse or man we got no quarrel and I figured I'd let them do what they needed to do.

  I walk up to the two ominous steel black doors that have the numbers of the building sketched onto them and I buzz the office number he gave me.

  "Hewlett Research Facility, Layla speaking, how can I help you?"

  I'm a little taken aback because I was expecting this to be a subdivision of Sinclair's, but I suddenly remember that Isaac never said that. He just said that Marx's address was located at this address.

  "Hello, I'm here to see Jerome Marx please."

  "And who can I tell him is here?"

  "Samantha Morrison. Um, Isaac Ventura sent me."

  There is a long silence before the woman says, "One moment please."

  Several minutes pass and the wind starts to pick up and I really wish I had worn my jacket and I think about going to the car to get it when a car parked at the far end of the parking lot catches my eye. From a distance, it looks exactly like Elena's vehicle but how many other silver Subaru Outbacks were there in this city? I begin to think my mind is playing tricks on me which it probably was.

  Just as I try to get a look at the license plate the door buzzes and I let it go as I enter the front hall which definitely matches the demeanor of the outside of the building. It has an odor reminiscent of an old folks’ home, musty with a hint of dust, and the carpet that adorns the space is a decade too old with gaudy patterns of large flowers interrupted by worn and threadbare patches. The wall on the right side of the hallway houses three large windows that should allow a lot of light through, yet the heavy drapes and city dirt on the glass panes leaves it dull to the point of depression. On the left side of the hall are two elevators and I sigh as I walk over and press the up button. The doors immediately open and I take it to the fourth floor but it seems to take an eternity to get there and I feel like I could have probably taken the stairs faster.