Though the others frowned and offered their condolences, I froze. Did Jhase realize I was not Claire? Had what Ezra suggested during Declan’s party been true?
Jhase looked directly at me, as if he too saw through the illusion. Up until now I had not known the name of Claire’s twin sister. The other must have known, yet no one ever mentioned it to me. I doubted I would have believed them. I clenched my fists, trying not to appear dumbfounded.
“Here’s to your health and your leadership,” Elias said, raising his glass. Everyone joined in, and Lukas nudged me as I realized I was the last one to follow his lead. After we cheered desert was served: plates of apple pie. I picked at mine, but seeing food made me nauseous. Elias praised Jhase highly while Bellona corrected her children on numerous occasions.
“Chew quietly, daughter,” Bellona said loud enough for everyone to hear. She refused to look at Vanessa, and Elias ignored her corrections entirely.
Elias rubbed his round stomach and grinned. “That was a fine meal. Alas, Lukas and I have Watchers to attend to, and the women should return home.”
Jhase stood up, and everyone else stood after him. One by one the Pavlou family said their farewells. Lukas glanced back at me as he left, and I offered a weak smile. He seemed all too aware of how I might not be whom I appeared as. Meanwhile Vanessa approached me, leaned in, and whispered, “trust me” before quickly rushing to the door.
I forced a wider smile as the others shook my hand and said goodbye. Though their attitudes seemed pleasant, deceit bled through the walls of the castle. I recalled Bellona and Elias’s names as being members of the Council whom Ezra had mentioned. Was it pure coincidence two of the four family members held power in the Council? Remaining on my feet, I watched the family leave the dining room. I waited until the doors shut to take advantage of my time alone with Jhase.
Quietly I asked, “Is Elias’s family trustworthy?”
Without hesitation he responded, “Yes, they are probably our closest allies. Elias fought in his brother’s war, being promised the position of head councilor after Ivan’s departure. Given Elias’s history… Ivan had a change of heart, and in his will he named me his processor. Trustworthy or not, I keep the Pavlou family close.”
Though I did not know what he suggested about Elias’s history, I assumed what I saw today hinted toward it. Elias was unpredictable, even during the short time I spent with him. Though Elias seemed grateful, his own brother had not trusted him. I doubted he held no grudges. Despite the questions echoing in my head, I remained silent. I risked exposing myself, but I had nowhere to hide. If what Jhase said was true, he was my real father. By blood we were connected, and we had deceived each other for long enough. The prayers I made for Isaak to not be my blood relation came true, but not in any way I had expected.
“Let me see your arm,” Jhase said, approaching me. I held out my hand, though I could not stop myself from shaking. He took my arm in his hands gently. “Claire has a tattoo on her arm; I made it for her using my own magic. If I raise your sleeve, will you have it?”
I shook my head, holding back tears.
He released my arm, and his faded eyes lowered to the ground. “Lukas’s reaction to you convinced me something was not right. I thought at Declan’s party you acted differently, but I ignored it. But with how Vanessa and Lukas looked at you... I knew it could not be a coincidence.”
No amount of words would justify how I betrayed him. Everyone involved in this plan was responsible for his suffering. Instead of seeking a scapegoat, I accepted my own fault. The only way to defeat secrets was with brutal honesty.
“My name is Clara Nasso. Gemma mistook me for Claire and brought me here. I’ve decided to stay in hopes of finding Claire. I planned to tell you and the Council tonight. I’m so sorry…”
Jhase’s entire body quivered, and he slowly fell on his needs. I knelt down, placing a hand on his shoulder, and panicked. Was this all too much for him?
Whispering, I said, “Am I your daughter, Jhase? Am I the one who ‘died’?”
“Yes.”
Chapter Twelve
See and Deceive
The paperwork, the Watchers, and my mother had lied to me for years. This was larger than my broken family or me. For years this had silently affected my life and Claire’s. Wherever she was now, did she still believe me to be dead?
“Shit, shit, shit! What does this mean? How did this happen?” I asked. The waterworks started and seemed to have no end. Rage swallowed me whole. If Mother had lied, Jhase was also a part of that lie. He had as much explaining as her to do, and I no longer cared to maintain calmness out of fear of hurting him.
Jhase wrapped his arms around me and cried. He kept shaking his head, apologizing to me. I held onto him tightly but only for a moment. I needed answers, and I had stayed here to uncover a mystery. Now the mystery was in front of me.
I pushed away from him and wiped away my tears. My eyes stung and my throat was on fire. A part of me wanted to be back in my bedroom so Jhase would not see this side of me. However, this was not something I could run from.
“You and Claire were newborns when your mother threatened to leave. Please understand, Clara, I did everything to stop her. But she had you in her arms, and I couldn’t risk harming you.”
“Everything? I lived in Rajoor for twenty years without hearing a word from you!” I stood up and paced back and forth. Jhase struggled to stand on his own, but I could not focus to even help him. I did not know who to be more angry with: my mother or my “new” father.
Jhase raised his hands up, as if surrendering to me. “Your mother threatened to leave the islands with you. I feared I would never see you again. Only the Council and Watchers at the time knew about your kidnapping. Elias, Dorian, and Bellona were on the Council and advised me. We decided to tell the public a different story than what really happened. Everyone was led to believe you and Nina had died.
“I also claimed you and Claire were never named before the tragedy, though this wasn’t true either. The Watchers remained on high alert for any signs of you or Nina. By the time they found you, you were under Isaak’s protection.”
I stopped pacing and faced him. The man behind my existence stood in front of me, and I could barely withstand looking at him. He made me sick to my stomach. My whole body ached as if at any moment it might collapse altogether. Jhase’s explanations did not begin to answer everything I desired knowing.
A knock at the door caused us both to jump. A man’s voice called out for Jhase, insisting it was urgent business.
“Be right there!” Jhase called out. He returned his focus to me and whispered, “I promise anything you want to know, I’ll explain later tonight. No matter what you think, you are my daughter. Thank Circe you’re alive.”
He embraced me quickly, and my thoughts remained too clouded to stop him. He left without another word, and the doors to the dinning room remained ajar for when I was ready to leave. I stared at the portrait at the front of the room. A younger, happier version of Jhase stared back at me. It must have been painted long before his wife and daughters departed from his life in one way or another.
I’ve lived a lie for twenty years… I thought, clenching my fists. My thoughts leaped to Ezra, the first person to suggest this maddening idea. No matter how badly I wanted to deny Jhase’s words, he knew my mother’s name. He recognized me by my real name, and the emotions he showed today were not an act. A father would recognize his “dead” daughter. He gained nothing by lying to me; we had been complete strangers until recently. Everything I knew as truth I threw aside. Would strength and thoughts be enough to overcome this blindside?
I ascended the staircase and quickened my pace as I approached the meeting room. This seemed to be a common area where my allies spent their time. With this new information I no longer cared if Ezra and I needed to spend more time apart for appearance’s sake. I trusted him more than the others, though Gemma and Declan might offer me more advantages. Perhaps
I shared too much with Ezra, though I doubted it mattered now. He knew secrets about my past that I had wanted to hide. Only time would tell if he would turn against me. In the meantime I had to share my knowledge with someone in the castle or the bottled thoughts would drive me mad.
As I approached the room, I could hear men’s chatter, and dreaded running into a new councilor. The more people who knew about me, the less I trusted any of them. Someone was guilty, and whether they admitted it or not I refused to give up my search. An important meeting demanded my attention, but this new information also seemed urgent.
The door remained opened, and I hesitantly stepped inside. Declan and Ezra sat next to each other, but their conversation ended immediately with my entrance. I sat beside Ezra and glanced at one man to the other. It required all my strength to hold in the words trapped at the edge of my mouth. I wanted to blurt out the news, but in Declan’s presence I refrained. Ezra and I already did not share several facts with him. This one proved more valuable and placed me in grave danger. If someone wanted Claire to disappear or worse, what would they do to her twin sister?
“How was your lunch with Jhase?” Declan asked as he stood up. He approached the double doors and closed them shut. The three of us remained in the room alone, and I stood at a crossroad, choosing between telling two people or one. I could not hide everything from Declan, especially when he had promised to help me if I stayed. Numbers verified my strength, and the more people working with me the more information I could gather. I needed something solid to offer the Council, and currently I remained empty handed. As Declan returned to his seat I straightened the ruffles in my dress. I would rather curl into a ball than reveal all my cards at once, but the men left me with little choice. This would be Declan’s chance to prove his worth to me.
Sighing, I decided to answer his question first. Calmly, I said, “They talked about Claire’s children. They’re to be betrothed to Lukas’s children?”
Declan nodded his head, retaining the same peaceful expression. “Claire’s idea. Our first child will marry a Pavlou, but the remainder of our children are free to marry anyone.”
It intrigued me that Claire would want an arranged marriage for her unborn baby. My gaze moved to Ezra, who seemed unaffected by this conversation. With a deeper inhale, I gathered my strength for the next topic. If I did not say it aloud, it made the facts seem less real. Instead I faced my fears, knowing firsthand how secrets could damage a person.
“And Jhase told me about his other daughter. The one who died,” I said. I stared at Ezra and added, “You were right… it’s me.”
Declan cocked a brow in surprise, and Ezra’s jaw dropped. He had suggested this since the day I met him, but both men were too young to have been in the Council when I was born. I did not know how to approach this situation with caution. Consequences already awaited me for deciding to play Claire’s role in her absence. Everyone focused on my words and actions, and I feared speaking my mind freely here. However, the rage from earlier had not died down.
Ezra stood up and paced around the table. “We cannot let this information leave this room. There’s a reason why Jhase claimed you as dead for years. We need to protect your identity.”
“He did a fine job of that. I lived with a lying mother and abusive ‘father,’ and now I’m the dead girl brought back to life. Now when I return home, it won’t really be home. Did no one realize when they did this that they would leave me entirely isolated?”
I stopped myself from saying anything more and instead fiddled with my necklace. As quickly as I accepted Jhase’s words, what little he told me made sense. I never shared a resemblance to Isaak, and it also might explain my magic control issues. No one in Rajoor could ever explain my powers or teach them to me properly. Perhaps my mother would never come looking for me when she had known for years I was not a native Rajoor mage.
Mother and Jhase were responsible for my position. I should have grown up in Ninomay with Claire to avoid this dilemma twenty years later. Instead they separated us, and I yearned for an explanation. Families stayed united, but as it turned out I never had the family I thought I did. How could blood be so easily tainted?
Declan drummed his fingers on the table. “I’ve heard the stories like everyone else on the island. Jhase was devastated with his wife and daughter’s death. It nearly ruined his position in Council, but he stayed strong for Claire. Give him time. I’m certain he has a reason behind this.”
“Need I remind you he’s had twenty years already?”
Ezra stopped to stand behind my chair. Leaning in, he said, “I’m sorry, Clara. I know this isn’t what you imagined, but you must maintain your calmness. Write to your mother tonight. Don’t lead anyone on, especially your mother, that you know about your identity. We need time, and you can grant us that. We’ll speak with the Council soon enough. Until then nothing has changed.”
I leaned my head back and looked into his eyes. “Everything’s changed. It’ll never the same again. This is a burden I would not wish upon my enemies. To think Claire is out there somewhere, and she doesn’t know...”
Declan stood up, pushed in his chair. “She will know because we will find her. Do not act as if she is entirely lost to us. Pull yourself together, Clara. You will need your strength to endure the days ahead.”
“And what of Gemma? I have not seen her since this morning. Are we telling her about this?” I asked. I saw less and less of her as I spent more time in the castle. It seemed hard to believe she had lost interest in our cause, considering her closeness to Claire.
“Do not waste your energy on her. She has spent more time at home with her boy being ill. We’ll tell her everything in due time,” Declan said.
The men seemed sincere with their advice. I knew what they said to be the truth, and I needed to contact my mother. It did not seem strange that no one had arrived for me yet. Mother had been gone for almost a week for Father’s trial, despite his obvious guilt. Even so, I was forced to face my family’s secrets without all the answers. Mother’s past was in Ninomay, and I held the key to unlocking it. Would she refuse to seek out her daughter because of the lies she told?
I stood up, and Ezra moved back to give me more room. The day was far from over, and I desired the comfort of my bed. Claire’s bed. I had to remember I was not a part of this world, even if I technically should have been. Despite the facts, Mother forced a different lifestyle upon me. I was still an outsider, no matter whose blood I shared.
“Clara, are you with us?” Ezra asked, gently squeezing my shoulder. I blushed and hoped I had not missed crucial information.
“I need time to think,” I replied. Too many thoughts and conspiracies clouded my head. I had to write a letter to Mother and await further word from Jhase. He was the only one with the answers I sought.
“Good night,” Declan said, frowning as I stood up.
Ezra exited the room with me, pulling me aside where Declan could not see us.
“It pains me to see you like this,” he whispered. “If you need anything, I’m here for you. Day or night.”
“Thank you, you’re too good to me. Good night,” I said, walking around him and quickened my pace down the hallway. I did not glance back, though I did not hear Ezra re-enter the meeting room.
Everyone's opinion flooded my head, throbbing against my skull. I walked through the hallway with my hands brushing against the walls. The men expected me to maintain my calmness, but I was a fire ready to spread. This sick deceitful game threatened my life again. With my decision to stay I felt more at fault for what laid ahead. Would Claire suffer more because of my existence?
I stopped in front of my door and debated on my choices. Voices carried on further down the hall, though in the opposite direction. No one was within sight of Ezra's door, and I could not stop my gaze from reaching it. I glanced back, and Ezra no longer stood outside of the meeting room.
It pained me to imagine Ezra as the villain, but he offered no proof of innoce
nce. If he were to be the man I would entrust with my life, I wanted to be certain I chose the right one. Anyone who knew my history with men could not blame me. Too many men in my life had betrayed me to willingly assume Ezra as one of the good ones.
Despite Jhase's words weighing down on me, I decided now was the best time to make a bold move. In the end, it could save two lives: Claire and Ezra's. Glancing down the hall once more, I confirmed I was alone. Quietly I approached his door, opened it, and stepped inside. I closed the door behind me and held my breath momentarily.
Hopefully this would not come back to haunt me.
Ezra's room was spotless, with clean sheets and fluffy pillows. I did not know how often servants cleaned the rooms, but his personal items remained untouched. I had never snuck into someone's room, and I did not know where to begin. The smallest clue could prove Ezra's innocence. This obsession with finding someone guilty reminded me of Mother's obsession with artifacts. She constantly searched, though never ending up satisfied.
Shaking away the doubts, I searched the dresser first, rummaging through the clothes. The amount of clothing overwhelmed me, but I tried to be quick and efficient. Before moving from one area to the next, I rearranged everything I touched. His cloaks contained nothing useful, and I continued onto his jackets. The last one, a black jacket, contained a small piece of paper inside of it.
My hands shook as I withdrew the crinkled paper. This could be anything, but most of all I hoped for it to be blank. Suddenly sneaking into his room seemed like my worst idea yet. The consequences did not frighten me as much as what this paper may contain.
Since he had yet to return, I opened it and winced. The handwriting reminded me of the first letter I read.
Where is Claire?
You and I know this is a game,
But her loved ones will soon be ashamed.
Clara and Claire Page 10
