Crossfire
Page 15
How was I suddenly the bad guy? Was it so wrong to want to forget all the bad things that had happened in the past year?
‘Why rehash all that? The past is something I’m trying to forget, not relive over and over,’ I replied, exasperated. ‘I just want to go back to the way things were.’
‘But we can’t,’ said Callie. ‘We’re not the same people we were a year ago – and we never will be again. Don’t you get that?’
I stared at her. Everything I’d done since she came out of her coma had been to try and get us back to what we were and what we’d had before. Until this precise moment, I really thought it was achievable. But Callie was right: we weren’t the same people. To try and go on as if nothing had happened in the last year except school and homework would be to live a lie. God knows I’m not into touchy-feely or all that heart-on-my-sleeve stuff, but over the last year I’d learned the hard way that just because I didn’t believe in displaying my emotions didn’t mean I didn’t have any – or that they weren’t capable of kicking my arse.
‘You just don’t get it, do you?’ Callie shook her head.
I was beginning to. ‘You’re right. We do need to talk. A lot has happened—’
‘Tobey, spare me, please.’ She wasn’t buying what I was dishing up. ‘I’m not stupid. Stop pretending. You and I have always had honesty between us, if nothing else. Don’t spoil that too.’
Inside, I went very quiet. Very still. I swear even my heart stopped beating. Just for a moment.
‘Didn’t you know, Callie? That’s what I do – I spoil things. It’s what I’m good at,’ I said quietly.
‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ she said, her voice growing ever quieter. ‘I just meant … you hurt me when you ignored me, Tobey. I’m not going to lie about that. Now I don’t know who we are any more.’
‘Feel free to miss me with this soap-opera bullshit,’ I said, dredging up a bucketful of scorn.
Callie flinched as if struck. ‘Tobey, you’ve gotta stop this. Seriously. You can’t keep pulling me to you with one hand and slapping me away with the other.’
‘Is that what I’m doing?’
‘You know it is,’ she shot back. ‘Or is this you throwing your toys out of the pram because I didn’t immediately drag you upstairs to bed?’
‘Or is this you being a dick tease?’ I threw back at her.
A gasp followed by a stinging slap to my left cheek. A slap so hard I tasted blood in my mouth. My cheek was red-hot and smarting. Callie glared at me. I glared right back at her. Now I’ll put up with a little from most people, and I’ll put up with a lot more from Callie – but not that. Not that from anyone.
‘Callie, don’t you ever, as long as you live, raise your hand to me again,’ I told her, chips of ice in every syllable.
She inhaled sharply. ‘Don’t you ever call me a dick tease again. Apologize for that remark.’
I said nothing.
‘You know what? Something is very wrong when all we do is tear each other to pieces like this,’ said Callie. ‘Is that why you wanted a break?’
‘I didn’t say that.’ Not once.
She sighed. ‘Tobey, I don’t know what’s going on with us, but I do know it’s not healthy.’
The tightening band around my chest was making it tough to speak, difficult to breathe. I swallowed hard. ‘You know, my friend Connor warned me you’d wake up to the fact that you could do better than me. After all, I’m a Nought and—’
‘Don’t go there, Tobey Durbridge. Don’t you dare,’ said Callie ferociously. ‘This has nothing to do with you being a Nought and everything to do with you being an arse.’
‘Wow, Callie, you’re determined to trample every bit of my ego into the dirt, aren’t you?’
And she was making a first-class job of it too.
Callie looked me up and down with careful deliberation. ‘Tobey, I see you ignored Sammi’s advice to pull your head out of your arse. When you finally do that, I’ll be right here waiting to talk. Until then, perhaps you could help me set up for my party?’
‘Or maybe I should just leave?’ I challenged.
‘That’s entirely up to you.’
But I wasn’t ready to leave. Not yet.
‘What would you like done first?’ I asked with venom.
‘Could you fill the buckets on the patio with ice, please, and then put these beers on top of the ice – if it’s not too much trouble.’ Callie was all icy politeness.
We stood in the kitchen, glaring at each other, neither of us saying a word, neither of us moving. I couldn’t understand it. Recently, no matter our starting point, this was always where we seemed to end up.
And I didn’t have a clue what to do about it.
thirty-eight. Callie
* * *
Just when I thought my evening couldn’t get any worse … Who the hell invited her?
‘Why on earth did you invite Misty?’ Sammi asked me, her brown eyes wide with disbelief.
‘I didn’t,’ I objected.
‘She invited herself,’ said Jen with disdain. ‘You know she’s taken to following Tobey around like a lapdog.’
‘D’you want us to get rid of her?’ Sammi asked in all seriousness.
I shook my head. ‘She’s not bothering me. Let her stay.’
Besides, if I chucked her out, that would mean I felt threatened by her and I didn’t. Misty stood in the sitting-room doorway, looking around and striking a pose. And, I have to admit, she looked good. Her brunette hair with dyed blonde highlights was cornrowed above both ears and gathered up in a thick braid at the back. She wore a tight blue strapless dress that would’ve made someone only slightly larger a fine belt. From the seamless way it fitted her like a second skin, Misty obviously hadn’t bothered with a bra or pants. Skank!
‘God, she’s so obvious,’ said Sammi, shaking her head.
Jen nodded. ‘Men like that. They think it means they know where they stand.’
‘Where’s Tobey?’ I couldn’t help asking.
‘Sitting out on the patio, getting steadily sloshed,’ said Sammi. ‘When he’s ready to go home, someone will have to wheel him out of here.’
‘Look at her.’ Jen wrinkled her nose with distaste. ‘Misty’s moving like she owns the place.’
I glanced across the room. Misty was now dancing, her arms waving in the air which – oops! – pulled her dress up even higher. Any further and she’d need an 18-certificate rating.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to throw her out ’cause my earrings are clip-ons!’ said Sammi. Her hand was already rising to pull them off so she’d be ready to do battle.
‘No, Sammi. Leave it. I’m going to rise above it and get more burgers out of the oven.’
I headed for the kitchen before my instincts got the better of me and I marched across the room and pulled out Misty’s hair extensions before stuffing them down her throat.
thirty-nine. Tobey
* * *
Callie’s birthday party, and everyone was having a great time. But not me. I wasn’t feeling the party mood. At all. Neither was Callie, if the expression on her face was anything to go by. Oh, she was doing her best to hide it, but I knew better. I knew her. In spite of the constant smile on her lips, Callie was sipping on her fruit punch like she suspected it was poisoned. Was she as miserable as I was? I could only hope so. Sammi and Jennifer were flanking her like hellhounds guarding Hades. Three times already I’d tried to get Callie on her own, but her friends were marking her Olympic-style and the moment I got close one of them got in my way, while the other whisked her off to another part of the house. Callie’s friends were doing my head in.
‘Tobey, come and dance with me,’ Misty asked for the umpteenth time that evening.
Misty, bugger off!
I shook my head and tried to move away from her, but my every step was matched by one of her own. Why couldn’t this girl leave me alone? Trying to shake her off was like trying to shake off swine flu. Every t
ime I made a move, I tripped over her. It was my own fault. A couple of months after the reading of the will, in which Callie’s nan had left me a whole heap of currency, I’d made the mistake of asking Misty out on a date. It was when Callie and I were on our break from each other. It was my way of proving to myself that I was my own person, that I wasn’t hung up on Callie or anyone.
Maybe a cosmic ray had zapped my head and fried a common-sense pathway in my brain. Maybe it was just a brain fart. What it had definitely been, however, was a colossal mistake. Since our date, Misty had been love-bombing the hell out of me with texts and emails running close to, if not into, three digits. As far as I was concerned, going out with Misty wasn’t an experience I was in a hurry to repeat. For one thing, we had absolutely nothing in common. She’d rabbited on about fashion and music and becoming a model, and I’d tried not to make it obvious that I was sleeping with my eyes open. All Misty did was talk about herself and, as a subject, she’s not that riveting. When I reckoned I’d spent more than enough time with her to depart without seeming rude, Misty had leaned in for a kiss and, I have to admit, she knew what she was doing. But she wasn’t Callie, so I’d stepped back and called it a night.
She hadn’t left me alone since. And tonight was obviously going to be no different.
The music at Callie’s party was blasting, the bass vibrating right through my feet and up through my body. I vaguely recognized the semi-famous DJ spinning the turntables in Callie’s living room. The tunes were playing throughout all the downstairs rooms thanks to Callie’s state-of-the-art sound system. Multicoloured lights spun and strobed in the living room and spilled out of the open French windows onto the patio where half the party had congregated now that the rain had stopped. The place was packed. Had Callie invited the whole of the upper sixth to her house? When she used to live next door to me, I’d felt like her home was my home, her life was my life – and vice versa. But in this house, left to her family by her Nana Jasmine? Not so much.
Since Callie’s Nana Jasmine left me that money in her will, all my friends envied me. How many times had Connor and others told me how lucky I was, that I’d got it made. Made in the shade. Each time they said that, I smiled and uttered a few noncommittal comments and they took that for agreement. None of them, not even Callie, could see that I wasn’t waving but drowning. Was it any wonder I was giving it away just as quickly as I could?
Callie headed for the kitchen. A quick look around showed that Sammi and Jenny were, for once, nowhere in sight. No time like the present. I made a beeline for the kitchen. There were three other people already in there, chatting around the central island. Callie was getting a bag of ice out of the freezer.
‘Callie, we need to talk.’
She straightened up, her dark eyes narrowing. Silence dropped like a rock in the kitchen before the others in the room suddenly found other places to be, and scarpered. I didn’t blame them. The temperature in the room had dropped to match the bag of ice in Callie’s hand.
‘What d’you want, Tobey?’ She headed for the central island and dropped the bag of ice from a height to break it up. She picked it up to drop it again. And again. The noise was abrasive. Jarring.
‘Could you stop doing that for a second—’
Callie chucked the ice down so hard I was surprised the bag didn’t burst open on impact. ‘You know what, Tobey? I don’t need to be dropped on my head several times to get the message. Once or twice will do.’ She dumped the contents of the ice bag into the two huge pitchers of punch in front of her. ‘I’d have more respect for you if you just came right out and said you’d moved on instead of playing these games.’
‘I’m not playing games—’
‘Then what the hell are you doing?’ Callie asked, exasperated.
How did I begin to tell her what was going on in my head? How did I explain that I just couldn’t find my way out of the whirlpool of guilt I was drowning in? Too much remorse about my part in getting Callie shot in the first place. Too much shame about what I’d done when I went after those responsible. Turning my hatred on all those I deemed liable was just a pathetic attempt at masking the fact that the person I blamed most was myself. When Callie’s Nana Jasmine died and left me all that money, it was as if the fates were mocking me, rewarding me for detaching my soul from my body.
And for what?
My actions didn’t fix anything; they didn’t make anything better. Callie getting shot was still down to me. When people started dying, my thirst for revenge had finally been slaked, but at what cost? I’d told Callie most of what I’d done while she was in hospital.
Most but not all.
No one but me – and my mate Dan – knew just how low I’d allowed myself to sink in my quest for vengeance. If it wasn’t for Dan, I’d almost certainly be six feet under. Saving my life had destroyed his. He was still on the run. Every so often TV programmes like Crime Watch would remind the public that Dan Jeavons remained at large and if anyone saw him they should contact the police immediately. He was considered armed and dangerous. So what did that make me? If Callie found out the truth, she’d want nothing more to do with me. Every day, I’d mentally braced myself, believing that sooner or later she would find me out. It was exhausting. So I made up my mind: Callie wasn’t going to push me away, because I was going to walk away first. That was my logic. In my head, it made perfect sense.
‘No more bullshit, Tobey,’ said Callie. ‘Do you want to be with me?’
I shrugged. ‘Of course I want to be with you.’
I didn’t think it was possible, but Callie’s expression grew even colder, freezing by degrees. ‘Once more with feeling! Why don’t you grow a set and tell the truth for a change? You couldn’t even be honest about dating Misty.’
My jaw dropped. Hellsake! She knew about that?
‘Listen, it was one date. One. And nothing happened, I swear.’
‘You went out with Misty and you didn’t tell me.’
‘Because nothing happened. There was nothing to tell.’ Why was she making such a big deal out of one lousy date?
‘And if you and I were meant to be together and exclusive, and I went out with your friend Connor, you’d be OK with that?’
I didn’t answer. What was I supposed to say?
Moments passed as Callie looked at me, then her whole body slumped like a balloon slowly deflating. ‘You know what, Tobey? Do what you like. Be with who you like. Just leave me alone.’
So it was like that, was it? Well, screw Callie and the way she made me feel. I was so tired of always feeling guilty around her, of feeling less. Even before she got shot, that’s how I felt being with her. Well, I wasn’t less.
‘Fine. I’ll do that. I’ll do us both a favour and stay the hell away from you.’ I strode out of the kitchen, meaning every word.
If Callie didn’t want me, I knew someone who did.
forty. Callie
* * *
The bass of the song playing was vibrating through my skull. My head was throbbing in time to the music and what had started off as a headache was threatening to morph into a full-blown migraine. Everyone else at this party was having a great time, if the noise level and the laughter were anything to go by. From the look of it, the whole of the upper sixth form had turned up, even those who hadn’t been invited. It was my day, my birthday party – and I was feeling wretched.
‘Sammi, have you seen Tobey?’
Sammi had trouble looking me in the eye.
‘What?’ I frowned. ‘What is it?’
‘Last I saw, Tobey was making his way to the summer house,’ she said reluctantly. ‘That was a while ago though.’
‘Why would he go there?’
Sammi shrugged. ‘Maybe he’s not enjoying the party?’
‘In which case, he could just go home,’ I said pointedly. ‘Who was with him? Connor?’
‘No one was with him as far as I could tell. To be honest, he didn’t look like he was in the mood for company.’
Our summer house was like a large detached conservatory set at the bottom of the garden – all glass and tall plants and soft furnishings. Nana Meggie used to use it for painting her landscapes and animals, but she hadn’t picked up a brush in months. The summer house consisted of a couple of wicker sofas, Nana Meggie’s art supplies and a gateleg table that seated six comfortably when extended. Sammi fell into step with me as I walked towards it.
‘Callie, don’t do this. If Tobey wants to act like a douche canoe, that’s down to him, but don’t let him rub your nose in it.’
I looked at her. ‘He’s not alone, is he?’
Sammi’s lips tightened and I had my answer.
‘Callie, Tobey’s head is all over the place,’ she said.
Funny, that’s what my mum had said.
‘With you on one side and Misty on the other, he probably doesn’t know which way is up. And you know what Misty’s like. She’s good at ego stroking if nothing else. Guys always fall for that kind of thing. They don’t have enough blood in their bodies to keep both heads working simultaneously. You know that.’
‘Tobey isn’t like that,’ I protested, though I think it was more for my benefit than Sammi’s. ‘And he loves me. He told me so.’ Once. Just once.
In just under a minute, we had reached the summer house. A deep breath later, I opened the door and stepped inside, switching on the light with Sammi a mere step or two behind me. What I saw froze me solid. Tobey was in the summer house all right. But he wasn’t alone. Misty was with him. Or, to be more specific, under him. Tobey sprang up, grabbing at his trousers. Misty sat up, taking her time to smooth down her dress. And me? I just stood there with Sammi beside me. Silence reigned for several moments before Sammi shattered it.