by T. K. Leigh
Cam put his arm around Olivia and pulled her close. “Good,” he said quietly, trying to hide the lump that had formed in his throat at the thought of her no longer being in his life. It was bittersweet, but he knew Olivia needed to go for her own survival. And as much as Cam wished she would be able to forget about Alexander Burnham, he knew that would never happen. He was still concerned about her, particularly after what had happened that evening, but he knew that once she was back where she belonged, she would get the closure she needed and begin to move on.
That night, Cam savored his time with Olivia, knowing that she would leave the island in the next few days. They sat on her couch most of the night, gorging themselves on pizza, mozzarella sticks, and fried zucchini as they watched movie after movie, laughing. Every time Cam thought how he could get used to doing that with her, he had to remind himself that she needed to leave. His heart ached, but he refused to be the one to keep her in pain and hurting.
As Olivia slept with her head on his lap, he decided it was time to go. He tried to re-adjust her body so he didn’t wake her, but had no such luck.
“Where are you going?” she asked drowsily, wiping the sleep from her eyes.
“It’s late. I should go home.”
“Wait. No. Stay. Please.”
Cam looked at her, the hesitation clear on his face.
“It’s just, I’m going to miss you when I leave, and I want to spend as much time with you as I can before then.”
“When are you planning on heading back?” Cam asked.
“Day after tomorrow, I think. I have to pack so I’ll need a day to do that. Please. Stay with me until I go.”
Cam sighed, dropping back down on the couch next to her. “Do you have any idea how impossible it is to say no to you?”
Olivia giggled as she nuzzled into Cam's arms, savoring the warmth and his smell.
“God, I’m going to miss that sound.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
BELONG
“SO LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE all set then,” Cam said a few days later after he finished loading up Olivia’s car with all her things. He closed the trunk and turned to look at the girl that had arrived out of nowhere back in October.
“Yup. Looks that way,” Olivia answered sadly. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was definitely going to miss Cam. Over the past few months, he had been her rock, the only person who understood her. A tear fell down her cheek, thinking how she would no longer see his smiling face every morning as she enjoyed her coffee. She wished she hadn’t avoided him those last few weeks.
“Hey, hey,” Cam said, wiping Olivia’s tear. “Enough of that. This isn’t good-bye, but you can’t stay here, Libby. You know that. You need closure so you can get on with your life. And then, if it all goes to hell, I’ll be here waiting for you.” He wrapped his arms around her. “I’ll always wait for you,” he whispered, kissing her gently on the top of her head before helping her into the car. As he watched her Audi disappear down Ocean Avenue, a tear fell down his face, hoping that wasn’t the last time he would ever see her.
The following evening, Olivia pulled off the Mass Pike and onto Huntington Avenue, heading toward her house, feeling overwhelmed as she drove past Boston Common Park. She missed her home, and that’s what Boston was. It was home.
She pulled her car in front of her house and grabbed Nepenthe, wondering how she would feel being back in the place filled with so many memories of Alexander. Her hands shaking, she punched her code into the keyless entry and opened the door before disarming the security system.
She walked into the kitchen and let Nepenthe out of his cat carrier. After helping him settle back into the house, she ran out to her car and finished unpacking her items before driving down the side alley, parking in the back.
Leaving all her things in the living room, she walked up to her master bedroom. Everything was exactly as she had left it. Nothing had changed, but everything was different. Everything reminded her of Alexander. She walked over to the bed that was still covered with the clothes she haphazardly threw around as she was packing to flee town. She flopped down on what had become Alexander’s side of the bed and inhaled. Months had passed, but it still smelled like him. She shot up, tears threatening to fall once more. She couldn’t stay there.
She ran downstairs and put Nepenthe’s bowls out, filling his food and water. “I’m sorry, pal. I just can’t stay here, but I’ll be back every day to check on you.” She picked up her cat and gave him a kiss before he leapt out of her arms, more interested in his food.
She grabbed her suitcase and re-armed her system, leaving her house again. But this time, she wasn’t running. She just needed to collect her thoughts. And she couldn’t sleep in that bed, not when it smelled so much like Alexander.
She drove around town and soon found herself on her way to Arlington. She didn’t know why, but she wanted to see Mo. About twenty minutes later, she parked her car outside Mo’s house and sat there for several long moments, staring blankly at the steering wheel before finally gathering enough courage to get out of the car. As she walked up the front steps and rang the doorbell, she thought about how Mo would react when he saw her standing on his doorstep after being gone for so long. A few moments passed and she didn’t hear anything stirring. She rang again and finally heard some shuffling.
Mo pulled back the door to his house, curious as to who it could be that late at night. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes. Olivia stood at his front door, looking frail, a shell of her former self. He had seen her at her lowest of lows, but this was unlike anything he had ever seen before.
“Livvy?! Oh, my god! Get in here!” he said, pulling her toward him, hugging her tightly.
Olivia tried so hard to stay strong, but she couldn’t take it anymore. All her emotions and everything she had felt over the past several months came rushing forward. She sobbed as Mo walked her toward his living room. He gingerly lowered her to the couch and simply held her as she cried. He was so thankful that she was okay. Or as okay as she could be.
After several minutes of just sitting there, Olivia’s tears started to wane. Mo kept holding onto her. He didn’t want to say anything. He just wanted to hold her, hoping that he wouldn’t wake up and it all be a cruel dream. Brushing her hair behind her ear, he placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.
Olivia looked into his dark eyes. “I’m so sorry, Mo,” she exhaled, tears starting to flow down her face again.
“Hey. Don’t cry, Livvy. It’s okay. Just tell me what’s going on and I’ll do whatever I can.” He had a feeling that after news of Alexander’s engagement got out, she might return to Boston. But never did he expect to see her looking as horrible as she did.
“I ruined everything, like I always do. I push people away trying to protect myself, but it never works out, does it?”
“I won’t ask if everything’s okay because that seems like such a stupid question. I know things aren’t. But tell me what I can do right now.”
She looked at him and snuggled into his embrace once more. “You’re doing it. Thank you.” Before Olivia knew it, she had fallen asleep, grateful to be back where she belonged.
~~~~~~~~~~
Alexander’s phone had been buzzing all night, but he was enjoying his time out with Chelsea. She had become a breath of fresh air those past few months, and he was actually starting to look forward to their wedding. While he still thought about Olivia more than he should, Chelsea was a nice distraction.
He walked Chelsea out of his favorite Italian restaurant in the North End, the memory of taking Olivia there after the Red Sox game all those months ago was still strong. But he was eager to replace all those old Olivia memories with new ones. Happier ones. It was the only way he could continue to move on.
Martin pulled up outside of the restaurant. “My place, Miss Wellington?” Alexander asked, taking Chelsea’s hand and kissing it gently.
She giggled. Alexander cringed a little. It was a high-pitched squeal type of a giggle.
It wasn’t Olivia’s giggle. “I’d love to, Alex,” she said, pushing him aside and getting into the SUV. “But you do know that, at some point, we are going to have to move in together.”
Alexander had been putting that off, wanting to enjoy his last few months of being single. Plus, Chelsea wanted him to get rid of Runner and he wasn’t ready for that just yet. He loved that dog, although he was another painful memory of Olivia. He started to wonder whether he would ever be able to fully rid his life of her. He didn’t think he could even if he wanted to. And he wasn’t sure he really wanted to, as much as he knew he should.
As he walked around to the other side of the car, Martin stopped him. “Sir, Carter has been trying to get in touch with you. He wouldn’t say what it was about, but you should probably call him.”
“Okay, Martin. I will when I get home.” He opened the door and climbed in beside Chelsea, grabbing her hand and planting a sensual kiss on it. Her heart fluttered a little, loving the feel of Alexander’s lips on her skin.
A few minutes later, Alexander led Chelsea into his large penthouse apartment.
“Jesus Christ, Alex,” she scowled as Runner bounded down the stairs. “Will you get rid of that fucking dog already?” She cringed when the dog jumped on Alexander, his tail wagging, obviously happy to see him.
“Why don’t you like animals?” he asked.
“They’re just so dirty.”
“Runner, down.” Alexander looked at Chelsea, who appeared horrified. “Give me a minute. I’ll put him somewhere. And I need to make one quick phone call. I’ll be right back.” He turned to Runner. “Come here, boy.”
He walked away from Chelsea and the dog followed him down the hallway toward his office. After punching his code into the keypad, Alexander strode over to the desk as Runner walked to his doggie bed in the corner and lay down. Picking up his phone, Alexander called Carter.
“Sir.”
“What is so important tonight, Carter?”
“Sir, it’s Miss Adler,” he replied cautiously. Alexander could almost hear the hesitation in his voice. “You asked me to remotely monitor any entry or exit on her home security system. Well, tonight, there was an entry just after eight in the evening and an exit a few minutes before nine.”
Alexander sunk into his chair, his heart dropping to his stomach. Just when everything was starting to go well. Just when he had finally gotten over her, or so he thought. “Has there been any follow-up?” he asked, his voice quiet.
“Yes, sir. No one who had access to her key-codes has been there.”
“Okay. Thank you, Carter.” He hung up and went back out to the living area. Chelsea was sitting on the couch, batting her eyes.
He sighed and walked up to her. “Chelsea, I’m sorry, but I have some work business I need to attend to this evening. I need to go. Martin will drive you home.” He turned abruptly and dashed to the elevator, pressing the call button repeatedly. An elevator car arrived almost immediately.
Within a few moments, he jumped into his Maserati and drove the few miles to Olivia’s house. He leapt out of his car and ran up the steps, banging on her front door. It all seemed so familiar. He did the same thing the day she left. Why was he getting roped back into her life when everything seemed to be going so well with Chelsea? He was supposed to be getting married in a few weeks.
There was no answer. He banged again. “Olivia! Are you in there? I just want to make sure you’re okay. That’s all. Then I’ll leave you alone.” Nothing. No movement. He checked inside and the house looked dark. He punched the code into her keypad door lock and quickly disarmed the security system, surprised that nearly three months later, he still remembered those numbers.
Walking through the foyer and into the kitchen, he took in his surroundings. A thousand happy memories came rushing back before he noticed her cell phone still lying on the island, the battery long dead. Has she even been here?
He turned when he heard a faint sound coming down the stairs. “Nepenthe!” Alexander exclaimed when the cat appeared in the doorway. Olivia was back. And she would be coming back there. She would never leave Nepenthe alone for too long. He sat on the couch and let the cat snuggle next to him for a while, thinking about what Olivia being back in town meant for her own safety. And for him.
He had moved on, but he desperately needed closure. He knew she lied to him all those months ago when he confronted her. He willed himself to remain strong. She had hurt him more than any other person had hurt him in his entire life. If he simply took her back, could he possibly survive when she left him again? He didn’t know. And she would, inevitably, leave him again. It was what she did. It was all she knew. Raising himself off the couch, he knew that he would just have to be patient.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
TEAM OLIVIA
THE NEXT MORNING, OLIVIA sat at the table in Mo’s kitchen, reunited with her two best friends.
“I swear to god, Libby. If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I will cut a bitch. And that bitch will be you,” Kiera said, laughing. “I knew something was up last night when Carter called asking if I had gone to your house for any reason.”
“What are you talking about?” Olivia asked, raising her eyebrows in confusion.
“Well, I guess Alexander asked them to monitor your alarm system and let him know if there were any entries or exits. And last night there were.”
“Controlling bastard,” Olivia muttered.
“That he is." Mo laughed. "So what did you come back here for? It surely wasn’t just for me and Kiera.” He eyed Olivia, knowing full well the reason that she was back in town but wanting her to open up and not keep it all locked inside for once.
“No. You’re right,” she sighed. “I mean, you’re part of the reason, but after hearing about Alexander’s engagement to that Chelsea girl…”
“Uggh,” Kiera interrupted. “Don’t even get me started on that fake bitch.”
“She’s not that bad,” Mo said.
Kiera glared at him. “Team Olivia all the way!” She threw a donut hole at him.
Olivia laughed. “Please don’t turn my life into a stupid love triangle.”
Kiera whispered, “Go Team Olivia!”
Olivia couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, well, anyway, after I found out he had been seeing her, I just snapped. I shut myself in my house and barely ate, probably didn’t shower, and just closed the world out. Then I found out about the engagement and things got worse. I wanted to stop feeling and I wanted to forget, but this surfer boy I got to know fairly well helped me snap out of it. He pretty much pushed me into my car and made me drive back up here.” Olivia left out the part about them screwing and him finding her practically comatose on her living room floor.
“Well, he’s officially my new best friend,” Kiera said, clutching Olivia’s hand. “I’m just so glad you’re back.”
“So am I.” She smiled weakly. “But I won’t feel like I’m home until I do one more thing. Maybe I just need some closure. If he’s happy with Chelsea, so be it. I get it. But I just need to see Alexander face-to-face and tell him those things I said when he…” Olivia stopped short, wondering how much she should tell her friends about what happened when Alexander found her in Florida.
Kiera stared at her. “When he what, Libby?” she asked calmly.
Olivia took a deep breath. “When he tracked me down in Florida,” she responded.
“He WHAT?!” Kiera screeched. “That fucking bastard never said anything to us about that! What the hell happened?”
Shrugging, Olivia raised her coffee mug to her lips, savoring the taste and remembering all those mornings Alexander brought her coffee in bed. “He found me on my little island in Florida and confronted me, begging me to tell him to his face that I wanted nothing to do with him. He said if that was what I really wanted, then he would leave and never bother me again. And, of course, stupid me told him exactly that, even though I didn’t mean it. So not only did I push him away once, but I did it twi
ce.”
Kiera stared at her, her eyes wide as she processed what Olivia just told her.
“What are you going to do?” Mo asked.
“I don’t know yet. I just want to talk to him. Explain everything. And if he still hates me, I guess I’ll have to live with that.”
“I don’t think he hates you, Olivia,” he said. “But you hurt him pretty bad.”
“Wait a minute. How do you know that?”
Kiera and Mo shared a look. “We got to be pretty close friends these past few months,” Mo explained.
Olivia stared at her two best friends, shocked at what they were saying. She immediately felt a twinge of jealousy. Her best friends were hanging out with Alexander on a regular basis. Then she remembered it wasn’t her place to be jealous. She pushed him away, like she always did.
“You have to stop running when things get bad. You need to start letting people in, Olivia,” Kiera said, interrupting her thoughts.
“I know,” Olivia sighed. “And it took my surfer boy psychiatrist friend to help me realize that.”
“Ooh… So surfer boy is a shrink? Kinky.” Kiera laughed.
Mo shoved her playfully. “Get your mind out of the gutter, babe.”
Olivia gave them a look, wondering if they finally hooked up. She made a mental note to talk to Kiera about that later.
“Yes. He’s a shrink. I realized that the pain I felt when I found out Alexander was engaged to someone else, even though I told him to move on, was worse than anything I have ever felt in my life. I just wanted to end the pain. I tried to turn it off. To stop from feeling. That way I wouldn’t hurt anymore. But it didn’t work. Nothing did. And I was the one that caused the pain. Me. Not anyone else. And I think that’s what made it hurt even more. If I hadn’t been so selfish and thinking only about myself, I could have avoided that hurt. But, instead, I did it to myself so it’s my own damn fault if Alexander slams the door in my face. He should, especially after the way I treated him when he found me and begged me to come back to him. But I, at least, want to talk to him.”
