The Similars

by Rebecca Hanover

  One table over, Madison starts into her DAAM pitch again.

  “Excuse me,” I say to Pippa, getting up from my seat.

  “Emma? What are you—?”

  I don’t really know myself, but before I can talk myself out of it, I walk up to Madison and grab a flyer out of her perfectly manicured fingers. I scan the paper, then hand it back. “Interesting concept. Have you registered this club with Headmaster Ransom? Last I heard, he has to sign off before organizations are allowed to meet on this campus.”

  Madison narrows her eyes. “That’s none of your business.”

  I shrug. “It’s everyone’s business if you don’t have a charter and you’re meeting in school common areas. But I’m sure you’ll have no trouble getting Ransom’s approval, since he personally invited the Similars to attend Darkwood and all.”

  “I’m sure I’ll have no trouble at all,” she says, a smile playing on her lips. “But thanks for your concern.”

  “When’s the next midnight session?” I ask casually. “We’ve only had one since the school year started.” I lean in and whisper, “I’m sure everyone would understand if you canceled the meetings altogether. It can’t be easy to accept that Maude scored better on the stratum test than you did last year when you were a junior.”

  “What are you talking about?” Madison demands.

  “Maude’s score was higher than any recorded in Darkwood’s history.”

  Sarah’s jaw drops. She turns to Madison, mouthing her next words: “Even higher than yours?”

  Madison crumples the flyer in her hand. “Emma’s making that up. It’s not true. It can’t be. And anyway, that information is never revealed to the student body.”

  I shrug. “I’m only reporting what I heard.”

  “Midnight session tonight,” Madison growls. “Tell your friends.” I know she means Maude, Theodora, Pippa, and Levi.

  “Happily,” I respond as Madison grabs Sarah by the arm and storms off.

  * * *

  “Oliver’s mom sent me his key,” I tell Pippa. I’ve kept Jane’s letter to myself these past few weeks, but now I feel the need to tell Pippa about it. We’ve arrived early for the Ten meeting at the Tower Room. Neither of us could sleep or wait in our rooms. “Jane, I mean.” I finger the key, along with my own. The twin gold objects never leave my neck. “There was a note from Ollie. I haven’t let myself read it yet.”

  “She was one of the Ten, you know,” Pippa says, indicating the wall of portraits of past Darkwood Ten members. The last time I was here, after initiation, I was too wet and disturbed to get a good look at them. I walk over to look closer.

  “Jaeger was one of them too,” Pippa says. “See?” She points to a group portrait that was taken about two decades ago. It hangs eye level on the wall, near the right side. Like the others, it features both the junior and senior members of that year’s Ten. I lean in. She’s right. It’s Pru’s father.

  I skim over the other names on the frame’s plaque. Colin Chance. My father was a Ten member too?

  “I had no idea. He’s never mentioned it,” I tell Pippa.

  Even more curious now, I scan the other names to see if I recognize any of them. I can’t quite believe it when I see a few more that I know. Bianca Kravitz—Madison’s mom. Luis de Leon—Archer’s dad.

  Pippa points to some of the other captions. “There’s Booker Ward and Jane Porter,” she says. “Oliver’s parents.”

  They look so young in the photograph; it’s almost painful to see them so carefree.

  “And look who else,” Pippa says. “Ezekiel Choate. Jake’s father.”

  I move to another photo, still scanning the names. Damian Leroy, Tessa’s dad, was in the Ten too. Of course, there are lots of other names I don’t recognize. John Underwood. Camila Garcia. Albert Seymour. Wait, I know that last name, don’t I? But from where? I’m too distracted to wonder long. I keep returning to look at my father’s image, and Booker’s and Jane’s.

  “I knew my dad and Jane and Booker were friends when they went to Darkwood, but I never knew they were actually in the Ten together,” I say.

  The door opens, and the rest of the group starts streaming in. First Maude and Theodora, followed by Madison, who saunters directly behind them, not even acknowledging her Similar. She perches herself by the door and checks her plum every five seconds as it ticks toward midnight. I try not to stare at the door, but I can’t help it. When Levi finally slips through it at the last minute, I let out a sigh of relief.

  “Welcome to the second midnight session of the school year,” Madison announces as we grab seats around the circle. “We have a new member to usher into our fold today.” She looks about as excited to welcome Pippa as she would be to get a root canal. “Since one of your classmates has had the nasty luck to be otherwise occupied.”

  “In a coma.” Tessa stands in the doorway. She repeats, “Prudence is in a coma.”

  “You’re late,” Madison grumbles, though Tessa acts like she hasn’t heard her. “As I was saying, welcome, Pippa. This really is an unexpected development. It certainly isn’t the group I envisioned when I agreed to be this year’s Ten Leader.”

  Maude raises her hand.

  “Yes,” Madison answers. “Did you have something to say?” I notice she doesn’t address Maude by name.

  “It was never our intention to disturb your vision for this year’s Ten,” Maude says steadily, offering up a weak smile. “In other words, we come in peace.”

  “Did you come in peace when you defied my parents’ orders to never show your face at this school? Did you come in peace when you stood on stage at assembly, throwing their generosity in their faces? Did you come in peace when you cheated on the stratum test so you could outdo me?”

  “If that’s how you see things,” Maude says quietly, “I’m sure I won’t be able to convince you otherwise.”

  “It’s midnight,” I interrupt. “Can we get on with whatever tonight’s agenda is? And no, I didn’t bring the name of a student who isn’t ‘living up to your standards,’ like you asked us to last time. I refuse.”

  Madison glowers at me before responding. “That’s a shame, Emma. But I’ll give you a pass—for now. Because tonight, we have something different planned for you. For all of you.”

  Tessa nods, jumping in. “It’s time to test your commitment to Darkwood and to the Ten.”

  Test our commitment? What does that even mean? Did we not do this before our last meeting? I shoot a look at Pippa. She shrugs. We don’t have time to wonder long. Before I know what is happening, Tessa is standing over me, and I feel a tingle in my upper arm. And then—blackness.

  The darkness only lasts a minute, maybe less, though it’s hard to tell. When I open my eyes again, I’m still sitting in the Tower Room. The other Ten members are in their chairs. Nothing’s different, except I feel different. So loose, almost comfortable.

  “New Ten members, the seniors took the liberty of giving you an injective,” Madison says. “Don’t worry, it’s completely harmless. Tessa and I have taken it ourselves before, and we can guarantee that it will have no lasting effect on you.”

  Like I believe a word she says about anything. But I’ve heard my dad talk to his colleagues about pharmas my entire life. It’s unlikely that Madison and Tessa have procured an injective so powerful it could kill us. At least, I hope that’s the case.

  “You drugged us?” Pippa asks. Her voice sounds far away.

  “Think of the injective like a dear old friend. One who will simply guide you through this next exercise.”

  “Which is?” I ask. My voice is calm. I feel like I should be angry. Furious, even. But I’m not. I’m relaxed. Too relaxed.

  “Divulging your most hidden secrets,” Madison says. “By sharing them with us, with each other, you’ll form a bond. One that can never be broken or cast aside.”r />
  “You’ll trust each other implicitly,” says Tessa. “By virtue of knowing each other’s deepest thoughts. The thoughts you never share with anyone. The sentiments you might not even realize are buried in the recesses of your minds.”

  I glance over at Pippa again. She doesn’t look concerned. Neither do the others. I stare at Levi. He is still and his face is expressionless. I want to run, but I remain seated. It must be the injective.

  “We’ll start with you, Theodora,” Tessa prompts. “It’s time to reveal the secrets of your heart.”

  We all watch Theodora, who, like the rest of us junior Ten members, is neither agitated nor upset by what’s being asked of her. She speaks.

  “I never experienced homesickness until I came to Darkwood. There is something in the air here that is so foreign, it makes my bones ache. Even though I know how limited my life was on the island, I miss it with every atom of my being. I miss when it was just the six of us. I do not think I can stand it here much longer. I feel like I might turn to dust and the wind will carry me away. I thought I could love the Leroys, but they are not my family. I do not think we are made from the same cloth, even though we share the same genes. Even though Tessa and I share the same DNA, it is like we are different species, and that makes me unbearably sad.”

  When Theodora stops speaking, we all sit in heavy silence. I look over at Tessa to see if Theodora’s words have moved her, but Tessa appears indifferent.

  “Thank you,” says Madison, moving on abruptly despite Theodora’s raw confession. “Pippa? You’re next.”

  Suddenly, I feel so sleepy, it’s difficult to keep my eyes open. I don’t quite drift off, but I slowly slump in my chair, hearing what Pippa says, but as though through a wind tunnel.

  “I’m so worried about Prudence. Her health keeps me up every night, frozen with fear,” Pippa confesses. “I understand why Theodora feels no kinship to the Leroys, but when I met Pru, I finally found a sister. And now that sister may be gone. It is more than I can bear.”

  An ache swells in my chest. I want to reach out and embrace Pippa, but the fogginess of the injective holds me back.

  “Thank you for your honesty, Pippa,” Madison says, looking smug. “Maude?” Her eyes narrow. “You’re up.”

  Maude takes a moment before speaking.

  “Coming to Darkwood, defying your parents’ wishes?” Maude addresses her words directly to Madison. “It’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. I think I’ve been doing a pretty fantastic job of tolerating you, Madison, because that’s what my guardian asked me to do. But the truth is, I despise you and everything you stand for.”

  Madison squeezes her hand into a fist. It’s like she’s holding herself back from doing or saying something she’ll regret. Instead, she plasters a smile on her face.

  “I assure you, the feeling is mutual. But before we move on…” Madison muses, pacing in a tight circle. “Why do you think, Maude, that your guardian instructed you to tolerate me?”

  “Because it’s what I’m here to do,” Maude says quickly.

  “What you’re here to do? Aren’t you here to attend school? To get an education at the best institution in America?”

  “In part,” Maude responds.

  “And the other part?” Madison presses. The tension between these two is palpable, which isn’t lost on any of us, even in our drugged state. I shift uncomfortably in my chair.

  Maude stares her down. “Isn’t it obvious? My guardian wants me to destroy you.”

  No one speaks. No one moves. Madison pauses, standing in front of Maude like she’s ready to pounce on her.

  “She comes with a sense of humor,” Madison says, crossing her arms over her chest. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

  “I don’t,” says Maude, her voice tight. “You and I… We’re alike in so many ways, aren’t we?”

  “That’s debatable.”

  Maude rolls over her words. “We’re both focused. Intelligent. Detail-oriented. But no, neither of us is particularly funny.”

  “Is this your way of telling me that you aren’t kidding?” Madison asks. “That you really came to Darkwood to ruin me?”

  “I guess that will remain open to interpretation,” Maude says lightly. I glance between the two of them, certain one—or both—is going to snap.

  “Excuse me.” It’s Tessa. “As much as I’m enjoying this conversation, we haven’t gotten through everyone.”

  Madison clears her throat. “Thank you, Maude, for that touching confession. Levi?” she says. “You have the floor.”

  Even in my altered state, my heart quickens as he begins to speak. I don’t know why my pulse races. It’s not as though he’s going to say anything about me.

  I wouldn’t even want him to.

  “The time I’ve spent at Darkwood has been the most thrilling of my life,” Levi shares, his voice steady and even, “and the most miserable. I’ve never felt this free. To roam, to read my favorite books, to just be. I’ve also never felt so shackled. I’m tethered to all the parts of myself I despise. At Darkwood, I’m held back by who I am. It’s simple, really. I am both myself here and not myself at all.”

  I take in a shallow breath. Will he say more? Will he reveal more?

  “I don’t wish to go back. There is nothing left for me there. But here… It’s difficult to say what might become of me. I may, eventually, thrive. Or I may drown.”

  We all stare at him, waiting for more, but that’s all he shares.

  Madison shifts her weight, looking antsy. “Poetic. Emmaline? Go ahead.”

  I look around at my classmates. Some watch me, but others stare at their hands. The senior Ten members—Angela, Sunil, and Archer—observe me awkwardly. They must have helped Madison and Tessa drug us.

  “Oliver and I weren’t really speaking when he died,” I hear myself say, unable to stop the words from tumbling out. It’s a strange sensation, like I’m talking without my permission. The words flow on their own without my consent. “We weren’t not talking. We weren’t angry at each other. But something had happened. He’d told me something, a few months before, back in March. He said…” I pause. A tiny voice in the back of my mind urges me to stop, not to tell this story. For half a second, I listen to it. The urge to keep going is stronger. So I do.

  “Oliver said that he loved me. Of course, I knew that. I loved him too. He was my best and oldest friend. He was my person. But he meant he loved me loved me. I told him that couldn’t be true. He couldn’t love me. Not like that. That would ruin everything. And I was right. It did. Because things changed between us. And three months later, he died. And now, all this.” I gesture at the room, as though that will mean something to any of them.

  Nine pairs of eyes stare at me. I meet Levi’s gaze, then quickly look away. “That’s all,” I mutter.

  “Well, I believe that’s everyone.” Madison smirks. “The injective certainly works like a charm. Don’t fret, it’ll wear off in a few hours. But isn’t it great how well we all know each other now? Bonding moment!” she practically squeals.

  If I weren’t totally drugged, I’d punch her in the face. And with that, we’re dismissed.

  By the time I make it back to my room, the injective has started to lose its strength. I feel the heaviness of my body again and what my heart “revealed,” or whatever nonsense Madison called it.

  I told everyone about Oliver’s confession. Including Levi.

  As my mind returns, my pulse quickens.

  This doesn’t change anything, I tell myself. It doesn’t matter. However Oliver felt about me, Levi is still Levi and Oliver is still gone.

  Oliver.

  The serrated knife slowly slides into my chest again, and I wince. God, I miss him. I squeeze his key at my neck as if that would make him reappear.

  His note! I dig in my hoodie pocket fo
r the scrap of paper that Jane sent me with Ollie’s key. I open it, hungry for Oliver’s words.

  Emma,

  I’m sorry. The key is for you. It will explain everything. Especially about him.

  Love always,

  O

  I sink onto my bed, willing the note to say more than it does. My hand goes to my neck again, to the two keys hanging there. I’d assumed sending me Oliver’s key had been Jane’s idea, that she had wanted me to have it as a keepsake, a reminder of him. Turns out Ollie himself had wanted me to have it. I look over to Pru’s empty side of the room, her bed still unmade, her athletic clothes scattered on the floor. If only she were here. She’d probably have a million ideas about what Ollie meant…

  I focus on the note. Oliver obviously wrote it in haste, or he would have been more explicit. But why was he in a hurry? Why was he rushing to the end—his end? The tears come hard and fast as I imagine him in his room, writing this note for me. Pain and anguish must have roiled through him, leading him to take that handful of pharmas…

  Why did he want me to have his key? And how could it possibly “explain everything”? Is there something in his old room he wanted me to find? It’s not even his room anymore.

  And even more cryptic, who is the “him”? Did he mean Levi? Did Oliver know he had a Similar before he died?

  I scroll on my tablet to this year’s room assignments. I find Oliver’s room from last year. It’s empty. Oliver’s old roommate, Arthur Wong, has been assigned to a new room, and no one’s living there now—even with the influx of new students.

  It’s weird, but I bet none of the parents wanted their kid to live there after Oliver’s death. Which will make it easier to search Oliver’s old dorm room. It’s what he wanted. I owe it to him. I might not have been ready to love him the same way he loved me, but I can honor his last request.

  But to search Oliver’s room, I will need Levi’s help. It’s not enough to have the key without Oliver’s DNA. It was Tessa, after all, who said it that day in the library. Jake could take Jago’s tests if only he had his key. And Levi will be able to unlock the door of Oliver’s old room. The thought of approaching him after what I revealed about myself, about Oliver, makes my skin flush with embarrassment. And yet, I have to do it. Now, before I lose my nerve.