Barnaby Rudge: A Tale of the Riots of 'Eighty

by Charles Dickens

  Chapter 30

  A homely proverb recognises the existence of a troublesome class ofpersons who, having an inch conceded them, will take an ell. Not toquote the illustrious examples of those heroic scourges of mankind,whose amiable path in life has been from birth to death through blood,and fire, and ruin, and who would seem to have existed for no betterpurpose than to teach mankind that as the absence of pain is pleasure,so the earth, purged of their presence, may be deemed a blessedplace--not to quote such mighty instances, it will be sufficient torefer to old John Willet.

  Old John having long encroached a good standard inch, full measure, onthe liberty of Joe, and having snipped off a Flemish ell in the matterof the parole, grew so despotic and so great, that his thirst forconquest knew no bounds. The more young Joe submitted, the more absoluteold John became. The ell soon faded into nothing. Yards, furlongs, milesarose; and on went old John in the pleasantest manner possible, trimmingoff an exuberance in this place, shearing away some liberty of speechor action in that, and conducting himself in his small way with as muchhigh mightiness and majesty, as the most glorious tyrant that ever hadhis statue reared in the public ways, of ancient or of modern times.

  As great men are urged on to the abuse of power (when they need urging,which is not often), by their flatterers and dependents, so old John wasimpelled to these exercises of authority by the applause and admirationof his Maypole cronies, who, in the intervals of their nightly pipes andpots, would shake their heads and say that Mr Willet was a father of thegood old English sort; that there were no new-fangled notions or modernways in him; that he put them in mind of what their fathers were whenthey were boys; that there was no mistake about him; that it would bewell for the country if there were more like him, and more was the pitythat there were not; with many other original remarks of that nature.Then they would condescendingly give Joe to understand that it wasall for his good, and he would be thankful for it one day; and inparticular, Mr Cobb would acquaint him, that when he was his age, hisfather thought no more of giving him a parental kick, or a box on theears, or a cuff on the head, or some little admonition of that sort,than he did of any other ordinary duty of life; and he would furtherremark, with looks of great significance, that but for this judiciousbringing up, he might have never been the man he was at that presentspeaking; which was probable enough, as he was, beyond all question,the dullest dog of the party. In short, between old John and oldJohn's friends, there never was an unfortunate young fellow so bullied,badgered, worried, fretted, and brow-beaten; so constantly beset, ormade so tired of his life, as poor Joe Willet.

  This had come to be the recognised and established state of things; butas John was very anxious to flourish his supremacy before the eyes of MrChester, he did that day exceed himself, and did so goad and chafe hisson and heir, that but for Joe's having made a solemn vow to keephis hands in his pockets when they were not otherwise engaged, it isimpossible to say what he might have done with them. But the longest dayhas an end, and at length Mr Chester came downstairs to mount his horse,which was ready at the door.

  As old John was not in the way at the moment, Joe, who was sitting inthe bar ruminating on his dismal fate and the manifold perfections ofDolly Varden, ran out to hold the guest's stirrup and assist him tomount. Mr Chester was scarcely in the saddle, and Joe was in the veryact of making him a graceful bow, when old John came diving out of theporch, and collared him.

  'None of that, sir,' said John, 'none of that, sir. No breaking ofpatroles. How dare you come out of the door, sir, without leave? You'retrying to get away, sir, are you, and to make a traitor of yourselfagain? What do you mean, sir?'

  'Let me go, father,' said Joe, imploringly, as he marked the smile upontheir visitor's face, and observed the pleasure his disgrace affordedhim. 'This is too bad. Who wants to get away?'

  'Who wants to get away!' cried John, shaking him. 'Why you do, sir,you do. You're the boy, sir,' added John, collaring with one hand, andaiding the effect of a farewell bow to the visitor with the other,'that wants to sneak into houses, and stir up differences between noblegentlemen and their sons, are you, eh? Hold your tongue, sir.'

  Joe made no effort to reply. It was the crowning circumstance of hisdegradation. He extricated himself from his father's grasp, darted anangry look at the departing guest, and returned into the house.

  'But for her,' thought Joe, as he threw his arms upon a table in thecommon room, and laid his head upon them, 'but for Dolly, who I couldn'tbear should think me the rascal they would make me out to be if I ranaway, this house and I should part to-night.'

  It being evening by this time, Solomon Daisy, Tom Cobb, and Long Parkes,were all in the common room too, and had from the window been witnessesof what had just occurred. Mr Willet joining them soon afterwards,received the compliments of the company with great composure, andlighting his pipe, sat down among them.

  'We'll see, gentlemen,' said John, after a long pause, 'who's the masterof this house, and who isn't. We'll see whether boys are to govern men,or men are to govern boys.'

  'And quite right too,' assented Solomon Daisy with some approving nods;'quite right, Johnny. Very good, Johnny. Well said, Mr Willet. Brayvo,sir.'

  John slowly brought his eyes to bear upon him, looked at him for a longtime, and finally made answer, to the unspeakable consternation of hishearers, 'When I want encouragement from you, sir, I'll ask you forit. You let me alone, sir. I can get on without you, I hope. Don't youtackle me, sir, if you please.'

  'Don't take it ill, Johnny; I didn't mean any harm,' pleaded the littleman.

  'Very good, sir,' said John, more than usually obstinate after his latesuccess. 'Never mind, sir. I can stand pretty firm of myself, sir, Ibelieve, without being shored up by you.' And having given utterance tothis retort, Mr Willet fixed his eyes upon the boiler, and fell into akind of tobacco-trance.

  The spirits of the company being somewhat damped by this embarrassingline of conduct on the part of their host, nothing more was said for along time; but at length Mr Cobb took upon himself to remark, as he roseto knock the ashes out of his pipe, that he hoped Joe would thenceforthlearn to obey his father in all things; that he had found, that day, hewas not one of the sort of men who were to be trifled with; and thathe would recommend him, poetically speaking, to mind his eye for thefuture.

  'I'd recommend you, in return,' said Joe, looking up with a flushedface, 'not to talk to me.'

  'Hold your tongue, sir,' cried Mr Willet, suddenly rousing himself, andturning round.

  'I won't, father,' cried Joe, smiting the table with his fist, so thatthe jugs and glasses rung again; 'these things are hard enough to bearfrom you; from anybody else I never will endure them any more. ThereforeI say, Mr Cobb, don't talk to me.'

  'Why, who are you,' said Mr Cobb, sneeringly, 'that you're not to betalked to, eh, Joe?'

  To which Joe returned no answer, but with a very ominous shake of thehead, resumed his old position, which he would have peacefully preserveduntil the house shut up at night, but that Mr Cobb, stimulated by thewonder of the company at the young man's presumption, retorted withsundry taunts, which proved too much for flesh and blood to bear.Crowding into one moment the vexation and the wrath of years, Joestarted up, overturned the table, fell upon his long enemy, pummelledhim with all his might and main, and finished by driving him withsurprising swiftness against a heap of spittoons in one corner; plunginginto which, head foremost, with a tremendous crash, he lay at fulllength among the ruins, stunned and motionless. Then, without waiting toreceive the compliments of the bystanders on the victory he had won, heretreated to his own bedchamber, and considering himself in a stateof siege, piled all the portable furniture against the door by way ofbarricade.

  'I have done it now,' said Joe, as he sat down upon his bedstead andwiped his heated face. 'I knew it would come at last. The Maypole andI must part company. I'm a roving vagabond--she hates me forevermore--it's all over!'