by Desiree Holt
“It’s Ethan,” she said at last.
Katie lifted an eyebrow. “What about him? If I was a Mistress and didn’t have hottie Reece Halliday, I’d like a piece of that myself.”
“See, that’s the problem.” Dani leaned forward and took a long sip of her iced tea. “A piece of him would be nice. An hour here and there. You know.” She lowered her voice. “Katie, I really found my role in life as a Mistress. I love it.”
“And I understand Ethan is a much in demand sub. So what’s the problem?”
“It’s…complicated.”
Katie’s eyes widened. “Oh, my god. You’ve fallen for him. Holy hell, Dani. You tumbled for the iceman.”
“The iceman?”
Katie nodded. “All his Mistresses call him that. He seems to have a detachment he hangs onto even in the most intense sessions.”
“That’s it!” Dani nodded. “Right from the beginning, I sensed Ethan holding a part of himself back. Oh, physically he was all in. But his brain was locking down his feelings, as if he was afraid to let go of that piece of himself. And I’m all over the place with my own sudden, messy emotions. I wasn’t looking for this at all, so it really blindsided me. But it won’t work if he keeps a part of himself isolated.”
Katie studied her. “Maybe you’re the one Mistress who could tear down that wall. Why not move forward and see where it goes?”
“The risk is too great. It isn’t just hoping he’ll fall in love with me. I have the feeling that the part of him he holds back is in charge and controlling. Oh, he might be the best sub in the world in the bedroom, but what about outside that? I don’t want that in my life.”
Katie waited while the waitress cleared their plates and refilled their iced tea glasses. “Have you tried to talk to him about this?”
Dani’s eyebrows lifted almost to her hairline. “Are you kidding? No. Uh uh.”
“What can you lose? What if he was hit as hard as you were and is hoping you’ll say something first? Ethan’s avoided commitment for a very long time. Maybe he was just waiting for the right person to come along.”
“And maybe he wasn’t.” Dani shook her head. “I don’t know what to do. I was hoping maybe talking to you about it would clear my head, but I’m more confused than ever.”
Katie laughed. “My suggestion? Take the plunge. You might be surprised. I have a lot of faith in Ethan and a lot of respect for him. Whatever happens, if it doesn’t work out, he’ll do his best to make sure you know you are admired and respected.”
“Whoopee. You make me sound like a schoolteacher.”
Katie grinned. “Hardly. You know, I think part of the reason you never connected the way you wanted to with any of your Doms is because the chemistry wasn’t right. You finally admitted you want to be in charge in the bedroom, but you want a man who treats you as an equal in all other areas. Right?”
She let out another sigh. “I guess. I’m so confused. And panicked. What if I’m misreading everything?”
“You won’t know until you talk to him. Give it some thought. It’s obvious not seeing him is making you miserable. So how about it?”
“I guess I don’t have anything to lose.” She took a sip of ice water and set the glass down. “If he walks away, I won’t be any worse off, right?”
“Right. So get to it. Be the Dani I know you really are.”
She thought about Katie’s suggestion as she drove home. What the hell did she really know about Ethan? She had no idea what his public life was like. Maybe she wouldn’t even fit in. Maybe he wouldn’t even want her to fit in. But there had been that connection. It was so strong it was almost alive. She knew he felt it, too. It was there in his eyes whenever he looked at her…just before he hid it.
She’d been obsessing about him since the night she fled Rawhide, something rare for her. Her lunch with Katie had been of only marginal help. She’d had wonderful relationships with her Doms but never, ever obsessed about any of them. Or wanted anything beyond the time they spent together. Certainly not to blend their lives, to make a connection beyond their D/s play. Not even when, as with Alan, they’d taken their play outside a club.
She sensed that this man, Ethan Corelli, had a core of strength beneath the surface, one that could either give her sanctuary or tear her apart. Right from the beginning, even as a novice Mistress, she knew he hadn’t given up everything to her. Would he sometimes want to be the top? Want to be in charge? She was finished with that. Done. She wanted the man she was with to appreciate her for that strength. To respect her for it. Cherish her for it. Love her for it.
Love? Ohmigod!
As each day passed, she became more conflicted. What if she was misreading signals? What if the emotion sizzling between them was only in her imagination? What if he got bored with her? What if—
What if she lost her mind playing What If?
Sitting around chewing her fingernails hadn’t accomplished a thing. She’d been distracted at the office and sleepless at home. She thought about arranging a session with a different sub but the idea had little appeal for her.
Admit it. You desperately want to see Ethan Corelli again.
She’d never considered herself a coward, so why was she running away now?
Because, just as I suspect he is doing, I’ve always held some part of myself back from every relationship, and now I’m afraid of losing it to a man I hardly know.
Coward!
Maybe Katie was right. So what if it was fast and hot and intense. It might be a mistake, but she wasn’t going to deny herself any longer. If whatever they had crashed and burned, she’d just tend to her scars and start all over again.
When at last she’d decided she had to take Katie’s advice and do something or go nuts altogether, G contacted her. Although the call came through while she was still at work, she let it go to voice mail. She wanted to be home, maybe mellowed out on a glass of wine, before she listened to it. Her mind whirled as she tried to decide what to do.
Finally home and comfortable, with a goblet of her favorite white, she sat on the couch, hit the Voice Message button on her cell, and played the message back for the tenth time.
“Dani?” G’s melodious voice floated into the room. “You haven’t returned any of my calls or scheduled another appointment. Clint said he had not heard from you, either, although you’d completed the membership packet. Ethan is concerned that he displeased you in some way. If there’s a problem, I urge you to come talk to me about it. Whatever it is, we can work it out.”
No. You can’t. I only wanted to play, to see if I really was a Mistress after all. Maybe try a few different subs. I didn’t expect to fall so hard and so fast for this man I know nothing about.
Taking a swallow to fortify herself, she hit Redial on her cell and waited while it rang on the other end.
“Rawhide.” She recognized Clint’s voice.
“Hello, Clint. This is Dani Maguire. I’d like to get in touch with G.” She knew the woman was only there during the hours the club was open or when she conducted a training session.
“Dani. Yes. Katie asked if your membership was active and I assured her it was all set, but neither of us has heard from you. Is there a problem?”
“No.” She wet her lips. “Things have just been rather busy. Can you ask G to get in touch with me, please?”
“I’ll do that right away.” He paused. “You’re sure everything’s okay?”
“Yes. I’m sure.”
“Fine. You should hear from her in a few minutes.”
Dani drank more of the wine while she waited impatiently for the phone to ring. When it did, she snatched it up right away.
“Dani? It’s G. I’m so glad you called. Ethan and I have both been very concerned about you.”
“I’m fine. Really.”
Liar.
“I sense a problem that you’re reluctant to talk about.” There was a moment’s pause. “Dani, I’ve known Ethan for a long time. Besides being an excellent sub
, he’s an incredible human being. I’d trust him with my life. So whatever is bothering you, we can work it out.”
“I have feelings for him I didn’t expect,” she blurted out.
Damn!
She hadn’t meant to say that. At all. She drained the rest of the wine, hoping to soothe her jagged nerves.
“I thought it might be something like that. I’ve seen that happen before.” G’s voice was soft and soothing. “Would it help if I told you he’s wrestling with exactly the same problem?”
Dani was stunned. “He is?”
“Indeed.” She chuckled. “He’s very anxious to see you again, outside the club. He believes if he sees you in a different environment, he can convince you to continue exploring the relationship.”
“Outside the club.” In the open. Leaving her no one like G to pull her out if she needed it.
“Would you be willing to do that?” When Dani didn’t answer immediately, G continued, “He has his own reservations about relationships. I think it would be a positive thing for the two of you to meet. May I set something up?”
Dani nibbled on her lower lip. Could she? Take this chance? See if, in her newly acknowledged role, she could find the relationship that had always escaped her?
“Would you—could you have him call me? That doesn’t violate any rules, does it?”
God! I hope I’m not making a mistake.
There was a short pause. “Of course, if that’s what you prefer. And if you both agree, it’s perfectly acceptable. Shall I give him this number?”
“Yes. And thank you.” She carried her cell phone and empty glass into the living room and started to pour another glass of wine, then put the bottle down. No need to turn into an alcoholic over this. It was just a simple phone call. Right? When the phone rang in her hand, it startled her and she almost dropped it. “Hello?”
“Mistress Dani?”
Oh, god. His deep voice vibrated through the connection into her body and made the pulse between her thighs set up a heavy drumbeat. “Yes. Hello, Ethan.”
“I worried that I had upset you in some way. My Mistresses don’t usually run off before a session is finished.”
She swallowed. “I apologize for that. I was just—well, never mind. It was nothing that you did.”
“I’m glad. Did G tell you I made a suggestion that might help whatever is going on?”
She nodded, then gave herself a mental smack as she realized he couldn’t see her. “Yes, she did. That’s why I asked her to give you my number.”
“I thought about you a lot.” His voice was lower. “It made concentrating on work very difficult.”
She choked a laugh. “Join the club. So. Are you available tomorrow? It’s Saturday, but I have no idea if that would interfere with your schedule.”
“Saturday works for me. I thought…”
“Yes? Thought what?”
“This might be a littler unorthodox for our situation, but I’d like to take you to dinner.”
Dinner. Was she ready for that?
“How about brunch? There’s a little restaurant I like that serves a great buffet.” She mentioned the name.
“I’ve heard of it but never been there. This would be a good opportunity to see if it lives up to its reputation.”
“If eleven o’clock is good for you, I’ll meet you there.”
“I, uh, could pick you up.”
“No.” She shook her head, even though he couldn’t see her. “That’s okay. I’ll see you there.”
“I’ll call and make a reservation, See you then.”
Dani disconnected the call and gave herself permission to pour another glass of wine. Had she just made the biggest mistake of her life or taken the biggest step forward?
I guess tomorrow I’ll find out.
****
Ethan leaned back in his big chair, staring at his cell phone. He wasn’t sure if he’d just made the smartest decision in his life or the dumbest one. But after ten miserable days with no word from Dani, he was about to lose his mind. He had never been affected by a woman like this. Never let his emotions become involved. It frightened him that, with Dani, it seemed he had no choice.
His inner voice had practically shouted in his ear to tell G he couldn’t do this. To find Dani another sub. But that would be the coward’s way, and he was not a coward by any means. He had managed to convince himself he could control things. Keep his emotions in check. Enjoy the sex and the freedom of submission without any ramifications. What a fucking mistake that had been. They might have spent a month together rather than an hour.
He was still haunted by the image of her running from the room at Rawhide like she was on fire. He’d had no idea what the hell happened and still didn’t. When he was dressed, he’d gone to find either Clint or G to see if they could shed light on the situation. G had not seen her. Clint had but was as bewildered as Ethan. Dani had simply raced for the cloakroom where the lockers were, grabbed her things, and hauled ass out of there. And no one had heard from her since then.
It figured that when he finally met a woman he thought he might be all in with, she’d get scared about something and run away. What the fuck had gone wrong? He had to see her at least one more time to find out. He had friends who talked about having emotional collisions like this. Meeting the woman and knowing at once they were meant to be together. Certainly never thought it would happen to him.
Never say never.
But before they could move forward, he had to find out what had spooked her. The longer he waited for the call from Rawhide, the more agitated he’d become.
He couldn’t believe the things he’d done while waiting to hear if she had requested him for another session. Things like stroking himself to completion in the shower, on his knees, and pretending she was watching him, holding the ever-present whip. Buying a cock ring, fastening it on his body and pretending she forced him to sleep with it on.
But the biggest one was getting that butt plug, lubing it up, sliding it into his ass, and going to work that way. He had imagined Dani’s slender fingers easing it into his body, stroking the curve of his ass, then sending him off to work with a knowing smile. He’d worn it through two days of meetings, the discomfort sending hot images of her into his brain. Every now and then one of his partners would cast a weird look his way.
If they only knew.
But now, he was going to see her in person, outside the boundaries of Rawhide. Where they were both fully clothed. For his entire adult life, once he had discovered his submissive side, he had never taken a woman out who he had sex with or had sex with a woman he went out with. Was he stupid or smart?
So far, however, it had worked. Until Dani. The first woman who’d ever scared the shit out of him because he sensed, from the beginning, she could shred that last little bit of control he held onto. And yet, he wanted it. Wanted her. And tomorrow he was taking her to brunch.
Okay, meeting her for brunch. But close to the same thing.
He had until tomorrow to get it straight in his mind what he was going to do and how he was going to handle things. He had no idea why she’d become so skittish. He only knew he wanted her, and not just for an hour.
He had always compartmentalized being a sub, afraid that, if he entered a relationship with a Mistress, she would want to control him in public, too, and that would not work for him. Would Dani be different?
Hell, holding back hadn’t gotten him anywhere with her. If it meant giving up the last bit of emotional control, he’d do it. Because he had a gut-deep feeling she’d never abuse that privilege.
Despite the fact he barely slept that night, he was charged with energy when he got up in the morning. His body hummed with anticipation as he showered and shaved. Yes, he told his image in the mirror. He’d do whatever it took. Who said you couldn’t fall for someone in sixty minutes? So it was unusual, hard to believe, harder to accept. But hadn’t they heard of love at first sight?
At last he was ready. As he b
acked his car out of the garage and headed for the restaurant, he kept telling himself, “Let her take the lead. That’s the only way to find out what I need to do.”
****
When Dani entered the restaurant, the room was filled with people, the air crowded with the buzz of conversation. Ethan was already waiting for her at a table in the far corner. He stood as she approached, those beautiful lips curved in a smile.
“Thank you for agreeing to this.” He pulled her chair out for her, waited until she was comfortable, and sat down again.
“I… It’s…” She shook her head. She was losing it, and she’d just gotten here. “You’re welcome. Thank you for asking.”
A waitress brought menus, filled coffee cups, and said she’d be back for their orders.
He reached across the table and took one of her hands lightly in his, a bold move for a sub to touch without permission. But he was no ordinary sub and that was the problem.
“I worried that I’d offended you in some way. Or worse, displeased you.”
Dani shook her head. “No. Not at all.”
She looked directly across the table at him, searching for an answer to her unspoken question. Yes! There it was. That spark, that connection, that sense of something that didn’t get left behind in the D/s playroom. But he sat there, just watching her with those hazel eyes, as if waiting for her to make the first move, say the first words. If they were in D/s play, she’d outwait him, then punish him for taking so long. But this was different. This would determine if they fit outside the walls of Rawhide or not.
Inhaling deeply, Dani let her breath out on a slow exhalation. She’d already made up her mind to lay it all out for him. He’d either run for the hills or G, most likely, or they’d move forward. But she refused to lie either to him or to herself. Not if they were going to move forward.
“I need to tell you a little about myself first,” she began. “I have a job that requires a lot of imagination.”
“Oh?” He lifted an eyebrow. “And what would that be?”
“I’m an architect.” She waited for some kind of comment.
