The Stillwater Bay Collection (Books 1-4): Stillwater Bay Series Boxed Set

by Steena Holmes

  Her mother nodded. “That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

  Yep. Definitely an alien.

  “Mom, are you okay?” Charlotte asked while Doris busied herself with placing the flowers on a coffee table and then pulling out a casserole from the oven.

  “I’m fine. Can’t I just be happy that you’re here?” She tossed the oven mitts off and reached across to squeeze Charlotte’s hand. “I hope you’re hungry; I made chicken pot pie with Caesar salad.”

  With the oven door open, the pastry smell filled the room and Charlotte’s stomach grumbled.

  Dinner was nice, surprisingly. Her mother was in a good mood and shared stories of other residents in the home. For a little while Charlotte let herself relax. After the day she’d had, the stress she’d been under…this was nice. She smiled at her mother’s teasing, laughed at the jokes, and listened to her anecdotes.

  After they ate Charlotte helped clear the plates and load the dishwasher and then accepted a cup of coffee along with a homemade chocolate-chip cookie. They sipped their coffee on her mother’s deck, staring out into the gardens along the walking paths in communal silence.

  Charlotte’s phone vibrated multiple times but she ignored it. Her mother had a hard-and-fast rule about their visits: Charlotte’s ringer was turned off and stayed off.

  “Weekly dinners will be good for you,” Doris said. “Give you more time to unplug, which you need.” Her lips had thinned as Charlotte’s phone vibrated once again.

  “I unplug.” The lie slipped off her tongue with ease. “I do.” Charlotte insisted when her mother just stared at her. “I make it a habit to sit out on the back deck for coffee in the morning and with wine at night and leave my phone inside.” And by habit she meant a few times a week for a few minutes, at least.

  Doris just gave her a look, and Charlotte couldn’t help but laugh.

  “You’re getting antsy.” Doris stood. “Which means it’s time for you to go, because your dear old mom is too boring for you.”

  Charlotte groaned. She’d almost made it through the evening.

  “It’s been a long day, and the last thing I need is your sarcasm.” She looked Doris straight in the eye and was pleased to see shock resonate on her face. “I’m going home to my dog and that glass of wine. I think I’ll enjoy the sunset tonight and then have a bubble bath.”

  “We could watch the sunset together.” The words were soft, subtle, and barely discernible, but Charlotte heard. “Unless you need to run home to Jordan.”

  “He’s at the golf course.” Charlotte stood and led the way into her mother’s condo. She rinsed out her coffee cup, placing it in the dishwasher before snagging another cookie and biting into it.

  “He asked me to join him if there was time, but to be honest”—she braced herself against the counter—“it’s been a long day, and playing a few holes of golf is the last thing I want to do right now.” She couldn’t hide the frustration in her voice.

  “Are things okay between you two?” Doris asked, her voice casual, but Charlotte could read between the lines.

  Her mother and Jordan really never got along. There was tension between the two of them that kept them at odds and made any family get-togethers a little uncomfortable. Doris had never trusted Jordan, and even on Charlotte’s wedding day told her to protect herself. What kind of mother said that to her daughter on her wedding day?

  “We’re fine, Mom.”

  Doris’s brows furrowed, her frown intensified, and her arms crossed tight over her chest.

  “What?” Charlotte asked.

  The frustration coming off of her mother filled the space between them.

  “You’re not fine. I know you. I know when you’re fine and when you’re in control mode and right now…” Doris shook her head. “Right now I’m worried about you.”

  A slow warmth grew inside of Charlotte. Her mom was worried. As much as she didn’t want or need her mother to be worried…it touched her that she was.

  “Of course I’m in control mode.” Charlotte agreed. “With everything happening in our town, how could I be anything but? Besides, aren’t you the one who taught me that reacting through emotion only complicated things?”

  Truth be told, she’d learned this lesson straight from her mother as a young girl.

  “Maybe that was my mistake in life.” Doris’s whole body visibly flattened with her sigh. “When your father left us, I was devastated and overwhelmed.” Doris turned and flustered around the kitchen, wiping down an already clean counter. “Turning off my emotions was the only way I could make it through each day without destroying your life.” She teared up before turning away to stand at her back door, staring out.

  Charlotte stood there, feeling slightly bewildered.

  They didn’t talk about what life had been like when Charlotte was young. They didn’t discuss how hard life was, the challenges they faced. To hear her mom admit a mistake…that was unlike her.

  “You didn’t destroy my life.” Charlotte went to stand beside her mom and took her hand. “You were my strength and taught me how to be strong and independent.”

  Suck it up, buttercup. That was something her mom always said to her during her teen years. Suck it up. Stop being so emotional. Create your own path instead of following others.

  “I also taught you not to trust in others, to not rely on anyone other than yourself.” Doris shook her head sadly.

  “What’s wrong with that?” Charlotte shrugged. What was going on here?

  “There’s something between you and Jordan, something that wasn’t there before the shooting.” Her mother’s gaze probed, daring Charlotte to let down her guard.

  Her mom then came and wrapped her in a hug. Something so unexpected and yet, exactly what she needed. She was tired. Overwhelmed and for once, she needed someone to lean on, rather than being the one leaned on.

  Taking in a deep breath, Charlotte made a decision. She wouldn’t cross the line of sharing Jordan’s secret…not yet. But this was her mom, the one person she should be able to trust the most, right?

  “Jordan and I…we’re going through a bit of a rough patch. It’s been a…hard month.”

  Her mother let out a long breath, her shoulders dropping with noticeable relief. “I’m sorry you were going through that.” She reached out her arms for a hug, which Charlotte gladly stepped into. “I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to intrude. Perhaps I should have. I hate that you didn’t feel you could come to me with this.”

  Charlotte breathed in that hug, soaking in her mother’s strength and stubbornness, knowing she needed it for the months ahead. It felt good to share this with someone—someone who would understand and not ask her a plethora of questions.

  “It wasn’t that I couldn’t, or didn’t want to…I just couldn’t focus on my crumbling marriage. I had to focus on the families who needed me, who were trying to pick up the pieces of their lives after the shooting. I just…”

  “You compartmentalized the issues. I get that. I hope Jordan understood too?”

  Charlotte didn’t respond. She couldn’t, even though it was right here, on the tip of her tongue. She needed someone to talk to, someone who could help her.

  “He understood. Understands.” Charlotte let out a long breath. “It’s complicated.”

  Doris reached for Charlotte’s hand and held on tight. “I know I’ve never been a strong advocate for Jordan, but I’ve watched him through the years and as much as I don’t want to admit this…he’s good for you, Charlotte. Let him be your strength. You’ve carried so much during these past few months; it’s time to let him help shoulder the burden.”

  A waterfall of tears cascaded down Charlotte’s face at the words she was finally hearing. Words she’d wanted, no…words she needed to hear from her mom for years.

  And yet, the pain in her heart was like a dull spoon being twisted at the same time. She wanted Jordan to be the man her mom was describing…and yet, he wasn’t.

  He was
n’t her strength.

  He wasn’t her rock.

  She was the one carrying him.

  “I’m okay.” The added conviction to her words did little to sway her mom who only frowned.

  She was okay. She would be okay. She had to be okay. She didn’t need Jordan to be strong for her. She didn’t need Jordan in her life to hold her up. She chose to have him by her side. She chose to have him as her partner, and they were stronger together.

  “Okay, honey.” Doris patted her hand. “But when you’re not, when you have time to breathe, just remember you’re not alone, okay?”

  Charlotte thought about her mother’s words after saying good night and heading home. She thought about them as she poured herself a glass of wine and filled the bath. She thought about them as she waited for Jordan to come home from the golf club.

  Why wouldn’t she be okay? It was almost as if her mother expected her to fall apart, to crumble after the weight of everything lifted.

  There was an uneasiness within her soul that she couldn’t shake and that bothered her. A lot.

  9

  JULIA

  With her hands caked with dirt, knees smudged with grass, Julia leaned back and used the clean area on her forearm to wipe the sweat away from her forehead.

  Everything was so quiet around her. She leaned her head back to soak up the warm sunrays, a smile graced her face for the first time in a long time.

  For just one single moment she felt at peace.

  There was no one shouting obscene remarks toward her.

  No one spray-painting hateful words along the sides of her house or fence.

  No one calling and threatening to kill her.

  No one leaving death threats in her mailbox.

  There was only a stillness in the air, a quietness that soothed her very weary soul.

  She’d woken up this morning to find a few potted bushes in her backyard. Over the past months every so often she’d find food, plants, and other gifts left for her either on her front porch or in the back. Sometimes there would be notes, sometimes not…but it touched her each time it happened.

  It meant so much to her that there were people who still loved her despite what her son had done. Her heart ached at the thought of Gabe—she missed him so much. Missed the way his hair would cover his eyes, the teasing smile he’d always give when he thought she wasn’t looking, even the sound of his steps in the hallway before joining her in the kitchen each morning.

  Each night when she closed her eyes, she would pretend he was in the room next to hers, lying on his bed listening to his music, and she wouldn’t feel so alone. Her first thought each morning when she awoke was to call out to Gabe, to make sure he was up for school. And then it would hit her, as his name was on the tip of her tongue…he wasn’t there.

  There were some days she couldn’t get up, when the weight of knowing he was gone was too much. She wasn’t sure what was worse, the crushing weight of what he’d done, the endless sorrow of her own guilt or the pain of losing a child. Some days, all those emotions were entwined until the mountain of guilt and grief were insurmountable.

  Most days she didn’t know how she could get through another moment, much less another hour.

  Her back gate creaked as it opened, which caused Julia to jump to her feet in alarm.

  “Julia?”

  She was prepared for one of the teenagers who’d taken to egging her house, for someone to walk through her gate and throw garbage all across her lawn. She was even prepared for a familiar face despite not expecting anyone to come by today.

  What she wasn’t prepared for was Jordan Stone.

  A force slammed into her like a boulder, knocking the breath right from her body. She gasped at the sound of her name.

  “Sorry.” Jordan closed the back gate. “I…I hope you don’t mind me stopping by.”

  She couldn’t move. She couldn’t shake her head, hold out her hand to stop him from coming closer, or even move her feet so she could walk away from him. She was stuck. Trapped by her own body.

  “Julia?” Jordan stopped a few feet away. “Are you okay?” Concern etched his features. He looked older, as if the weight of his own burden too much to bear.

  “Why are you here?”

  Since Gabe’s death, since that horrible day when he took the gun to the school, she’d seen Jordan only once. He’d caught her crying in her backyard while listening to the sounds of children running along the beach, playing with the waves. She’d begged him to leave, to let her mourn in peace, not wanting to hear anything he had to say to her. He walked away, but not before he knelt in front of her and, with tears running down his face, begged her to forgive him.

  He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, and she’d told him that.

  What she didn’t say was that she didn’t deserve forgiveness either.

  “I need…I need to say I’m sorry.” His voice cracked on the words, and it was enough to break whatever spell he’d woven over her. She shook her head, brushing her hands along her thighs to rid them of dirt, and moved toward her back door.

  He stepped in the way, blocking her.

  “Please,” he begged. “I see how people are treating you, and I want to help make it right. You don’t deserve this.”

  There was something in his voice… This wasn’t the man she used to know. The confident man who knew exactly what he wanted in life. Nor was this the man she’d watched for the years since moving to Stillwater Bay, a man who remained cool, and withdrawn toward her and her son.

  She’d stopped thinking about Gabe being his son a long time ago. She’d moved to Stillwater Bay because she’d realized how wrong she’d been to cut Jordan out of Gabriel’s life. He’d made it clear he hadn’t wanted to be a father and so she respected those wishes, cutting all ties with him. She’d let her pride affect her son’s life and they both paid the price.

  Julia wasn’t sure what she’d expected once she moved to town. For Jordan to welcome his ten year old son with open arms? For there to be a natural connection between the two? For Jordan to realize what he’d missed out by not being a father?

  All of the above, maybe?

  What she hadn’t expected was to see the man she’d known for only a few short weeks and realize he was nothing she’d made him out to be in her head.

  She should have pulled him aside to talk when she’d first arrived. She should have reintroduced herself properly. She should have asked Jordan if he had any interest in being a father rather than assuming he didn’t.

  Maybe things would have been different if she’d given him the chance. Instead, their first meeting after ten years, she’d lied to him. Told him she’d come here for a new beginning, not realizing he lived here, that she’d made a mistake all those years ago and he wasn’t the father of her child.

  For so many years she wished she could have taken that back. But she never did. Not even when Jordan told her he knew the truth but would respect her wishes to stay out of Gabriel’s life.

  Her pride was her downfall, over and over again.

  “Can we please just talk?” Jordan asked.

  “What is there to talk about, Jordan?”

  “Our son.”

  “My son,” Julia corrected him.

  Jordan winced. He opened his mouth as if to argue with her, but she shook her head and he got the message

  “Again, what is there to talk about?” Julia could feel her pulse race, and she wanted nothing more than to walk away from him.

  “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Julia. I’m not proud of the man I’ve become, of the man I am.” He swallowed hard and wiped his palms on his shorts.

  “If you’re having an identity crisis, I can’t help you with that.” She didn’t understand why he was here. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Jordan, not to be insensitive, but I really would like to be alone.”

  He shook his head and sat down in one of her patio chairs, his face buried in his hands.

  Julia stood there, slightly exa
sperated and unsure of what to do. Did he not just hear her? So why she ended up sitting next to him she wasn’t sure. What good could come out of this? What could he possibly expect from her?

  What was wrong with him?

  “When Gabe came into the school that day, I wasn’t sure why—”

  “You knew.” He knew. He had to know. Everyone else might be fooled, but if he thought he could come and sit in her yard and lie to her… “Gabe went to confront you. He found my journal, the one that named you as his father.”

  Jordan jerked and Julia knew she’d hit a nerve. Good. It was about time. The look in his eyes told her all she’d needed to know: Jordan knew exactly why Gabe went to the school.

  “Did he talk to you?” she asked him, her voice softer, desperate to know more about her son’s last minutes.

  He nodded. His eyes were wide with sadness and regret.

  “Did you tell him the truth?” she asked. “Admit who you are…were…to him? Admit that you’ve always known?” She held her breath as she waited for him to answer.

  “Admit what you would never let me tell him? Is that what you’re asking me?” Jordan said quietly, the accusation towards her crystal clear.

  Jordan’s lips tightened and the vein in his neck throbbed. He was a stranger to her now. She couldn’t even remember what their life had been like together. Two strangers with nothing more in common than physical attraction.

  Julia rubbed her hands together. She kneaded her palms, pushing down with her thumb on pressure points, and forced herself to not react verbally like she wished she could have so many times.

  “We all live with regrets, Jordan.” She couldn’t seem to stop herself. “I have many of them as a mother, as a woman…but my biggest regret is not being strong enough to tell my son the truth about his father. I let my pride get in the way. I wanted you to step up, to want to be a father and when you didn’t…I wanted my son to have a father who would fight for him and it hurt to see you weren’t that man.” The words poured out, the anger uncorked as she admitted the things she’d tried to bury.