My Own Universe
Page 5
Chapter 5: Age 26
I sat in the snow staring up at the stars, the wind howled past, blowing the snow into a swirl around me. I felt a dampness on my hands and looked down, my hands were covered in blood, dripping through my fingers and staining the white coated ground. I stared at my fingers in puzzlement, wondering where the blood was coming from.
Hearing a noise I looked up and somehow I was now in a busy shopping mall sitting on a bench. I looked around at the crowds of shoppers wandering past before I realised I recognised a few of the shops around me. Taking a closer look at my surroundings I quickly realised that I was sitting on the bench. The bench where I had lost my grip on reality.
Panic rose in me as I looked over at the barrier across the shopping mall. They were all standing there. All three of the boys I had either killed or injured, only this time they were not hanging over the edge taunting senior citizens. They were staring at me, their eyes like black pits drawing me into their own personal hell. I watched as suddenly their eyes started to bleed, running down their faces and dripping down their clothes. Their mouths slowly opened and closed as if they were trying to say something but I couldn’t make it out with all the noise of the other shoppers. I stood up to run towards them, to try and hear what they were saying and to say I was sorry and that I didn’t mean to do it.
As I stood up everything changed again. I was standing in front of my parents in the living room of my house. They were wearing the same clothes as when I saw them last up the back of the court room. They were staring at me in disapproval, my mother shaking her head at me while tears slowly leaked down her face. I tried to say something to them but felt something constricting my throat. I felt around my neck and found a rope wrapped around it. I looked up and realised a hangman’s noose was around my neck and tied to the ceiling. I looked down and realised I was standing on an old stool I had made in school. My father had always kept in the shed as a keepsake. I looked up at him pleading with my eyes as he stepped forward with determination. I flung my hands up and reached for my rig, I wasn’t having fun anymore. There was no rig there, I wasn’t jacked in. Panic overcame me as my father slowly stepped forward and swung his leg back to kick the stool out from under me.
I woke up with a start in my cell. My sheets were damp with sweat and my body was still shaking from the nightmare I had just experienced. I reached up to my head again, no rig, it was definitely just a dream.
I could have sworn I was back in the game, it all felt so real, so vivid. Apparently it was normal to still have nightmares after all these years. I was surprised about my parents appearance though, that was a first.
Wiping sweat from my eyes I looked around my cell. My cell mate, Carl, was snoring below me. He had only been with me for a couple of months now. He was a few years younger than me and scared out of his mind still, I had been trying to show him the ropes with moderate success so far. From the noises I could hear outside the morning guards were starting to make their way in, it must be around 6am. No point going back to sleep.
I looked across from me at the large calendar dominating the wall, a circle marked today’s date. Today was my big day, the day of my final exams. I had gone back to study after my first year in jail, I gave up on computers, considering the reason for my incarceration I thought it best if I moved on to something else. I turned to psychology and it seemed I really had a knack for it, the various subjects also helped me deal with and understand my own issues.
Admittedly I had Tyrone to thank the most for pushing me back into study. I can honestly say I don’t think I could have survived so long here if it wasn’t for him. When I first arrived at this place all those years ago I thought he would ignore me when he saw me, but he came straight over shook my hand and introduced me to some of his friends or ‘crew’ as he referred to them. I thought his friends would laugh at Tyrone, a large burly African-American shaking hands with some skinny suburban white boy but they all shook my hand too.
After a while here Tyrone realised that I needed something to occupy my mind or else I would go nuts so he started pushing me into getting involved in the prison education program. I resisted at first, I was still depressed and feeling sorry for myself. Eventually though I relented and three years later here I was.
I hadn’t heard from my parents once after all these years, I did try calling them in my first year here but they never answered or called back. I wondered if they would be proud of me for finally finishing my studies. That was probably why I had dreamt about them, I did secretly hope they would somehow hear word of my successful return to studies regardless of the fact I was still in jail.
I picked up my textbook which was still on my bed, I must have fallen asleep reading it, and went over some of the key concepts. The exam was at nine in the morning so I had some time and I knew once the cells opened at eight Tyrone would be in here to see me before my big day.
I smiled, I never would have thought I would make my first real friends in jail.
Time flew by as I studied and before I knew it the cell doors were unlocking, Carl was still snoring below me. Right on schedule Tyrone poked his head in through the doors.
“Ready for the big test my man?” Tyrone asked with a big grin on his face.
“Yeah I guess so.” I replied, smiling back.
Tyrone frowned, no doubt noticing my disheveled appearance on account of my nightmares. “You okay man? You got this, I know you do”
“Just a bad dream Ty, I’ll be fine.” I slid down off the bunk and walked outside with him to let Carl sleep in peace. We walked over to the barrier overlooking the ground floor below us.
“Feel good to be almost done?” Tyrone asked as we leaned against the railing.
“Yeah it does, thanks Tyrone. Thanks for helping get me started. I really couldn’t have done it without you” I said.
He slapped me on the back. “What you talking about? After all the time we have spent together we’re family. Once we get out of this place that ain’t going to change either. Five years left my man, five years and we’ll both be free.”
I grinned, that was another bonus in completing my degree, a third of my sentence taken off. Educated prisoners are apparently less likely to re-offend.
“Five years. Might do another degree in that time.” I said with a smile.
Tyrone laughed. “That’s the spirit.”
We stood there and chatted for a while longer about what we would both do when we got out. Places we would see, people we would catch up with.
Some time later one of the guards came up to us. “It’s time, follow me and I’ll take you to the library.”
“Thanks, wish me luck Ty!” I said, looking back at Tyrone as I followed the guard.
“Good luck man. Remember, think about the future!”
I smiled, I actually had one now.
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