Black

by Tessa Anders

  “I love bubbles!”

  “I know!”

  Sitting on the toilet seat, I watched Maddie play with her water toys. She had a rubber ducky, a cow, a rabbit, and a horse.

  “Look mommy,” she grinned, holding up the horse with bubbles coating the mane white. Then she scooped bubbles into her hand and piled them on top of her head. “We have matchin’ hair.”

  “Oh, my! Where did your dark curls go?”

  She innocently held up a hand and shrugged. “Disappeared.”

  She played for about fifteen minutes, and then I gave her a good washing before getting her ready for bed.

  Our apartment only had one bedroom, which we shared. Crawling into the full-sized bed, Maddie asked, “Read me a bedtime story?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Grabbing the worn book about a princess being rescued by the prince, I climbed into bed and wrapped Maddie in my arms and snuggled her against my side. “Once upon a time…”

  “In a land far away…” she finished the sentence.

  Mental note, I needed to visit the thrift store again and see if I could find more books to read at night. For Maddie and myself.

  I read each page while Maddie pointed at various pictures, visualizing every sentence. When I finished, she glanced up with big brown eyes. “Do you believe in princes mommy?”

  “What do you mean?” At her age, it was best to clarify before answering.

  “Is a prince goin’ to rescue you?”

  I tapped the end of her nose and playfully asked, “Do you think I need recusing?”

  She narrowed her eyes, contemplating, “Maybe.”

  “You, Princess Maddie, are too wise for the age of four.”

  “I’m almost five.” She held up five fingers.

  “I know. What should we do for your birthday this year?”

  She twisted her face in concentration before she finally piqued up. “Get a puppy!”

  “A puppy!” I mentally added it to the lists of things I couldn’t get Maddie. Even if it was free, the puppy had to have food, shots, someone at home to walk him during the day. The last thing I needed was another mouth to feed. “How about ice cream instead? And we can spend the day at the park. There’s always animals there you can pet.”

  “Yes!” Her eyes lit with excitement.

  Thankfully, she was easily distracted. “Okay pumpkin, time to sleep.”

  She snuggled into the blankets. Pulling the covers up to her neck, I kissed her goodnight.

  “Love you mommy.”

  My heart melted. Those three words were why I sacrificed everything for her. “I love you, pumpkin. To the moon and back.”

  “That’s a long way.” She said with wide innocent eyes.

  “I know.”

  Another kiss on the cheek later, I turned out the lights and headed into the living room.

  If I could afford a box of wine, I would totally have a glass right now. But I refused to splurge on things that wouldn’t benefit the both of us. I already had ice cream with Jessie today, and that was enough.

  I grabbed my very used romance novel and thumbed through the pages. I almost knew it by heart, but still loved rereading the part where Salyer stormed into the dinner and swept Mary up in his arms as he kissed her like there was no tomorrow.

  If Jessie were here, she’d tell me that I wasn’t as jaded as I thought. That Damien and his friends hadn’t done irreparable damage, and that I should go fill out an application. But Salyer was my book boyfriend, and I knew he was perfect. Even his name sounded sexy. Salyer.

  My mind drifted to the man from earlier today starting with that deep sexy voice that sent a thrill down my spine. His muscled chest, those alluring glacier-colored eyes, his strong jaw…an ache grew in my middle as sadness filtered through my body. Why did I miss him?

  When Jessie and I left the applications building, it took a lot of willpower to physically walk away. Which didn’t make a lick of sense.

  My father had left my mother when I was just a toddler. I was now a single parent. Let’s face it, history always repeated itself and I didn’t need some man to lull me into a false sense of happiness only to burst the bubble the first chance he got.

  Shaking my head, I tried to dismiss the man today and focus on my book boyfriend.

  After trying, and failing, to read my book, I hastily shut it and padded off to the bedroom. Stripping down, I pulled an extra-large gray T-shirt over my head and climbed into bed next to Maddie.

  My dreams were filled with slate-colored eyes.

  3

  _________________

  Alex

  After a restless night of tossing and turning, I finally crawled out of bed. Maddie laid on her right side, lips slightly parted and her hand tucked under her cheek. Her flawless coco skin and dark curls contrasted with the white linens. I paused for a brief moment to soak in her angelic face before trudging toward the shower.

  Pulling off my clothes, I stepped inside and lathered up. The incident from yesterday still haunted me. Nothing seemed to shake those icy-colored eyes that reminded me of early frost on a cold morning, even when I mentally tried to shove the image from my brain. If only I could set it on fire and watch the memory float up with the smoke, never to be thought of again. But alas, his eyes invaded not only my nighttime dreams, but apparently my every waking moment.

  Without thinking, I reached between my thighs, rubbing the sensitive nub that refused to let me rest. I thought of him, those rippling muscles, those mesmerizing eyes, what he could do with his powerful body. Rubbing faster, I imagined that he was Salyer and I was Mary, the way his eyes consumed me—dominated me—with an intensity that made my heart beat faster. I came hard, my body jerking as I continued rubbing my clit.

  It wasn’t that I wanted to submit to a man, it was a fantasy—a man taking care of everything and me willingly giving up responsibility.

  Feeling mildly better and finally clean, I stepped out and toweled off before slipping on striped bell bottom pants paired with a checked button-up.

  Some people wore their emotions on their sleeves, mine covered my entire body. Anyone would look at my outfit and think, those colors and patterns don’t go together, and know I was losing my mind. And it felt like I might be.

  With a cup of coffee in hand, I padded back to the bedroom and gently touched her shoulder. “Maddie, sweetie, it’s time to get up.”

  She rolled over and yawned. “Already?”

  “Yes. I’m sorry baby.”

  Like a trooper, she sat up and stretched, and then crawled out of bed and headed for the bathroom while I packed a bag.

  Every morning, I let Maddie walk across to Frankie’s wearing her PJ’s. The bag held an outfit, along with a small breakfast.

  After she brushed her teeth, I picked her up for a tight squeeze, needing my Maddie fix for the day. She smelled clean and innocent, reminding me again of why I worked so hard for so little pay.

  Locking the door behind us, I turned around and knocked on Frankie’s door. It was the same every morning. She opened the door wearing a tattered red robe, hair up in large rollers, and a cigarette dangling between her lips.

  “Good morning Frankie.”

  “Morning kid.”

  I bent down and kissed Maddie. “Be good today.”

  “I will mommy.”

  Frankie opened the door wider, letting Maddie head inside while I held her bag out. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome hon.”

  Just as I turned to leave, I heard Maddie yell, “Hey Frankie? Why is dumbass Ricky on the couch?” I closed my eyes, muttering to myself. I needed to find a better situation for Maddie.

  I often thought of taking an online class but that involved buying a computer, paying for internet unless I could do my work at Dara’s, or the coffee shop across the street. There were programs out there to help low income families, I just needed to do a little research.

  Heading down the stairs toward the car, thunder cracked a
cross the sky followed by a flash of lightning. Yep, that’s exactly how I felt. I jumped inside the car as the cloud opened, rain pelted the windshield. Cranking the car and flicking on the wipers, they screaked across, clearing the drops of rain as I headed out.

  Another sucky day.

  Pulling into a space, I shifted the gear to park. The sky opened more as I made a mad dash for the front door.

  Walking into the tiny boutique, Dara’s smile fell when she spotted me standing in the doorway, dripping water everywhere.

  “Sorry, I’m late.” Like a dog, I tried to shake off the excess water.

  Her eyes raked over my outfit and she grimaced. “What are you wearing? And furthermore, where is your umbrella?”

  “I forgot it at home. As far as this?” I flicked my wrist to indicate my clothes. “I just have a lot on my mind today.”

  Dara and I were mostly friends. Not like me and Jessie, but close acquaintances. She started her dress shop five years ago and it was finally taking off so I understood the scowl over dripping water on her polished tile floor.

  She was proud of her business, as she should be. She was also an inspiration. At the age of twenty-nine, Dara was successful enough for her business to support her financially. And to pay me minimum wage.

  I nodded without saying that if I had gone back for the umbrella, I would’ve been late. “Where should I start?”

  She raked her eyes over my drenched clothes. “In the back. We just got a load of merchandise that needs to be unpacked.”

  Without a word, I traipsed toward the stock room. I liked working alone. Doing simple, mundane task actually relaxed my mind.

  Except for today.

  All I could think about was him.

  I unpacked boxes, sorted colors and sizes and finally, lunchtime came. I couldn’t wait to get out of here. It was hard to explain, but I felt uneasy, anxious, almost jittery. I needed something, but what?

  I heard Jessie in the front talking to Dara, so I popped my head out the door. Spotting me, Jessie smiled, “ready?”

  “For lunch? Yes.” My eyes slid to Dara, “if it’s okay with you.”

  “Yes, of course. Be back in an hour.”

  “Sure thing.” I grabbed my bag and followed Jessie outside, sliding into the passenger seat. The clouds hung low, and for the moment, it had stopped raining.

  Before starting the car, Jessie turned my way, assessing. “You look like shit today.”

  “Thanks, I feel like shit today.”

  “Stripes and checks…really Alex? What’s wrong?”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t sleep well and then I left home without an umbrella.”

  Jessie started the car and backed out of the parking space. When we were on our way, she asked, “Did you think about filling out an application?”

  Huh, no. I thought about running my hands over a muscled chest while having sex with a guy who had slate colored eyes. And those lips…

  “Alex! Are you listening to me?”

  My eyes snapped back to hers. “Ah, what?”

  “Did you think about filling out an application?”

  “Oh. No, not really.” A generic application never entered my mind.

  She sighed. I knew Jessie was disappointed, but I still couldn’t wrap my head around being chosen to marry someone. It sounded more like obligation, not love. And yet, those eyes…

  Jessie turned the car into the parking lot of Burgers and Shakes and took her spot in the drive thru.

  “Fast food?” We never ate fast food. We ate sit down, cheap, nothing good for you, food, but never drive-thru.

  A slow grin spread across her face. “I was hoping that you had changed your mind before I told you the news.”

  I sat up a little straighter, a puzzled feeling mirrored the expression on my face. “What?”

  A raspy voice drifted through the window. “Can I take your order?” She sounded like she had smoked one too many cigarettes.

  “What do you want?” Jessie quickly asked.

  “A cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke.”

  “I need a cheeseburger with everything, fries, and a Coke.”

  Before Jessie could continue, the voice asked, “Will that be all?”

  “No. I’ll also take a hotdog, chili no onions, fries, and a sweet tea.”

  “That will be $14.48 at the next window.”

  Pulling forward, I asked, “What news?”

  A brown-haired middle-aged woman opened the window and said, “$14.48.” Jessie handed out her card while I dug around for some cash.

  “I got it,” she said, laying a hand on mine.

  “I’ll get yours next time.” She smiled. This was a routine of ours. She bought my lunch half of the time, but never once let me pay for hers. As grateful as I was when she did pay for mine, I never once expected her to do so.

  Jessie pulled into a parking space and dug through the bag of food, handing me mine. “I got a call,” she said without looking at me.

  I unwrapped the cheeseburger. “What call?”

  “From the application I filled out. They want me to come in today.”

  I almost choked on the bite of cheeseburger before I washed it down with a gulp of Coke. “When?”

  “Right now, and you’re going with me. That’s why I was hoping that you had changed your mind.”

  I was shaking my head before I vehemently said, “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “Jessie, I really don’t want to go.”

  She turned around in her seat and swallowed a bite of her hot dog. “I know you don’t. But what you want and need are two different things.”

  “You think I need to go?”

  “I do. I think you need to interact with other people and learn that most people are inherently good.”

  I finished eating my food while Jessie scarfed down the rest of hers and backed out of the parking space.

  I knew that there were a lot of good people out there. Jessie, Frankie, even Dara proved it every day. I also knew that I was the problem. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust them or other people, I couldn’t trust myself to make good decisions. May be that stemmed from my poor judgement in high school. Or maybe it came from years of mother mentally beating me down. I didn’t realize it at the time, only when I became a mother myself.

  And then I thought of him.

  A million feelings and thoughts poured inside my head. Would he be there? What if he was? What if he wasn’t? Did I want to run into him again? What would I say? What would I do?

  I sucked in a breath and slowly blew it out through my nose as my heart raced, letting me know that I was indeed alive. I honestly didn’t know how to process this foreign feeling, didn’t trust it.

  Feelings lie.

  Maybe if I wait in the car? My shoulders relaxed as I gave life to that idea. I’d just wait in the car while Jessie ran inside to see what they wanted. Yeah, that should work.

  “What are you smiling about?” Jessie asked, splitting her focus between me and the road.

  “I was just thinking that I would wait in the car while you ran inside.”

  I thought I heard Jessie mumble, “That’s what you think.”

  Yeah, it was. And still is. Checking my watch, I had to be back at work in forty-five minutes. Not that Dara would fire me if I was a few minutes late, but I didn’t want to feel like I was taking advantage of her.

  Glancing out the window, the wind had picked up and the clouds were getting darker. My clothes had finally dried for the most part and I didn’t want to get drenched again.

  Jessie switched on the radio. The newsman reported wrecks blocking the interstate, a murder down on 6th street, a robbery at the local pharmacy—it was depressing. Which was why I kept thinking about the man, err—shifter from yesterday.

  “Would you really marry someone and move away?” I asked, still staring out the window.

  Jessie shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “How could you do that? Marry someone you didn’t love?”


  Jessie didn’t readily answer, but finally admitted, “I’m not up for the rat race. There are so many women and so few men, I just don’t want to compete anymore.”

  I turned to fully face her. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re so busy avoiding men, you don’t really look around. And I mean really look. Women are getting boob jobs, nose jobs, cheek implants. They’re going to extremes trying to land a guy.” She glanced over with worry in her eyes. “And even if they land a guy, he rarely sticks around. I mean, why would he with so many women to choose from?”

  With the accusation on the tip of my tongue, I almost argued that she was wrong. That’s when it donned on me, Maddie would have the same problem. Crap!

  “And,” Jessie continued, “I want someone I can count on. Not just one-night hookups only to get crushed when he never calls me again.”

  “How long has it been since you hooked-up with someone?”

  She grinned. “A long time. Maybe two years? I’ve had offers but at some point, I wanted something more.”

  My hand shot up. “Hold up. You haven’t had sex in two years but you keep lecturing me? What about the spill about joining the dating force and all that?”

  She laughed, “I never said I didn’t date or that I had quit looking. Geez Alex, it’s not like it has to be all or nothing.”

  Twisting the hem of my shirt, I stared out the window and said, “Something happened yesterday, Jessie. I can’t explain it, but it scares me. A lot.”

  She pulled into a parking space and cut the engine. Twisting toward me, she placed a hand on my wrist. “What happened?”

  Jessie was my best friend, and normally I could tell her anything. And I do mean anything. “I don’t know. Yesterday, while you were filling out the application and I went to the bathroom…” she nodded for me to continue. “One of those guys approached me, asking if I needed help. And then he touched my arm.”

  “Did he hurt you?”

  “What? No!”

  “Okay, did he scare you?”