The Love That Heals Me
The Forever Mine Series Book 2
© 2018 H.J. Marshall
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
The characters in the book are creations of the author and any similarities to people living or dead is coincidental. The author acknowledges copywritten business, places, and movie that may or not be mentioned in the book and in no way should be seen as an advertisement or endorsement. Trademarked names are used in an illustrative manner and with no intention of the trademark or copy write infringement of owner or authors works.
Model: Johnny Kane
Photographer: Eric Battershell
Cover Designer: Champagne Book Design
Formatter: Champagne Book Design
Editor: A. Lavery
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
About the Author
To my amazing readers. Your desire to know Caroline’s story inspired me to take a love story and build a world of flawed characters who have lived, loved, and fought life. Her story was worthy of telling and I am glad you loved her enough to demand she get her own book. The simple story I started has begun to grow into a beautiful world and I owe it all you to you and your devotion to my words. I am honored you took the time with a new author and gave my stories an audience.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go out tonight? There is this really amazing new tapas restaurant that just opened around the corner that I adore. We could grab some drinks and not have to cook dinner. It would give us a chance to catch up since you just got back from your honeymoon.” I practically begged Maddie through the phone.
I didn’t want to get cornered in the apartment with her. Lately, she had been on a mission to get me to talk about Andrew, myCaroline first love and my first heartbreak.
Maddie had found The One in Lucas and I was so happy for her. Their newfound love made her feel that she somehow needed to fix me, to make me as happy as she was. She wanted me to talk about something that I can’t even think about without crying, even after almost four years. How many tears had I shed for the one person who I thought would never betray me? Too many, by my count.
Yes, I was still in love with him…but I can’t forget the way he left without a backward glance. He treated our six years of friendship and 2-year relationship as just another bump in the road. He and I had been inseparable since the first day he walked into my sixth-grade classroom and I gave him my heart. I knew in my soul that we were meant to be together forever, the kind of love you saw in movies and read about in books. A forever love that you grow old with. We had given each other our virginity during our junior year of high school and he tossed me away the summer after graduation like our love had meant nothing.
“Can’t we just order takeout and spend some time catching up? We always spend our weekly night together going out and I would love some quiet time alone with you. Come on Caroline! Take out Mexican, some recorded Oak Island and Pinot Noir? Lucas will drop me off and pick me up so we can cut loose a little.” She laughed into the phone. The angelic sound of my best friend’s voice taking me back to simpler times.
“Okay. The usual for dinner, I assume.” I giggled back at her knowing she was predictable when it came to her comfort foods.
“Yes, please. Oh, extra chips and guacamole. I’m starving. I missed lunch today.”
“I’ll call them now and it should be here when you arrive. Can you pick up the wine from the store on your way in? I wasn’t expecting company and I only have a half bottle left.”
“Absolutely! I’ll see you within the hour. Love you!” she replied before disconnecting the call.
I let the breath out I was holding and moved into my room to change into something comfortable. I had just splurged and bought myself a few new outfits and some comfy pajamas. Since Maddie had signed over the apartment to me, something I tried unsuccessfully to turn down, I had some extra money for nicer clothes and shoes. Not that I was a diva, I just never had the money to buy expensive clothes so I decided to treat myself to some pretty things.
Having grown up with our needs always met but our wants sometimes lacking, it had taken me a while to get used to the fact that my best friend was a multi-millionaire and had set up accounts for me and my parents. She said she had enough money to last ten lifetimes and family supports each other, so she gave us access to whatever we needed, within reason, of course.
The life we lived now is so different from what we experienced just last year. I am trying to get comfortable with actually spending any of the money but I did indulge a little with my recent shopping adventure. I had decided that maybe if I can make the outside look happy, Maddie would stop asking me what’s wrong all the time. I try to hide it from everyone, never wanting them to know that my heart was ripped out of my chest and tossed aside like it meant nothing. Maddie knows a small part of the truth; our friend Josh knew a little more.
He and I had become very close over the last few months with Maddie and Lucas spending most of their time together. I don’t have many girlfriends living in the city and Josh had always been more comfortable just outside the center of attention.
We had always been friends, but recently we had become closer. Josh had been instrumental in Maddie and Lucas’s relationship being repaired, forcing her into a situation she couldn’t run from, to make her listen to the truth of the past so she could live a happier future. A truth that had been covered up for years and had recently been brought to light, resulting in Maddie having a relationship with her father for the first time in her life.
Looking at the situation, I wish I could have any feelings at all for Josh other than friendship. He is a ridiculously handsome man, at just over six feet tall with hard muscles covered in tattoos. He confessed to me during a night of too many drinks he had recently pierced, well, down there, and was taking a break from women for a while. He could be a Casanova if he wanted to but I can tell he is looking for “The One.”
He selflessly pushed aside the feelings he had for Maddie when he saw she had met the other half of her soul. I remember what that felt like. To have the one person in your life that completes you. Their love gives you wings to fly and their rejection has the power to tear your world apart.
It had been nearly four years since Andrew and I had broken up. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him and how much I miss him. How his whispered words of love now feel like lies, snaking through my brain and never allowing me to be completely open with men, thinking their words of affection are deceptions.
I have had a few boyfriends si
nce Andrew left me, none sticking around for too long. The last one decided he needed to sleep with every co-ed that came into his line of sight and I was the last one to figure it out. I felt like such a fool for not seeing his true colors before I became a mockery of the campus, at least in my own mind.
I was getting deeper and deeper into my thoughts of the past when the sound of keys in the lock snapped me back. Maddie had let herself in and I could smell the takeout as soon as the door closed.
“I saw the delivery guy downstairs and couldn’t wait to dig in so I grabbed it from him. Here’s the wine. I tried some last month and it is so good! Do you want to open it before we eat?” she said as she set our dinner down at the table and engulfed me in a hug.
“Sure, let’s save it for later. Do you want to eat in the living room or at the table? I’m good either way.”
“Let’s eat in the living room. I’ll go change and be right back.” She replied as she went down the hallway towards her old bedroom that I didn’t know what to do with anymore.
I sat our dinner down and began to sort the dishes, hoping to keep Maddie on happy topics tonight. The mood I had been in for a while was bubbling under the surface, the tears and anger threatening to explode. I didn’t want to take my misery out on her. She shouldn’t be the recipient of my loneliness.
I had just started to get used to living by myself after having her in the room next to me since I was eight years old. I can’t tell you how many nights I had slept in bed with her, holding her through her tears and sadness. When she began to spend more time with Lucas, I had to adjust to the quiet in the apartment and the sadness that began to creep in. Self-pity had overtaken me allowing, for the first time, the vulnerability to show. That’s when I began talking about Andrew with Josh.
Somehow, I felt safer telling someone who’d never met Andrew about our breakup. Josh was able to give me a man’s perspective, yet I still felt like there was something I was missing. For years I have had this nagging feeling that there was something else driving his words of anger. He was always caring and protective of me and my feelings. For him to have been so harsh had always been so unsettling.
Maddie walked in and sat down as she dug into her food, getting settled next to me as we started the DVR of The Curse of Oak Island. It felt like old times. She and I and the ridiculous conversations we had during this show. She was a fan of the Knights Templar theory and I was convinced it was Pirates. It usually made for entertaining evenings when you add alcohol and history. It was our own version of Drunk History.
Dinner was over faster than I expected and the wine began to flow as we caught up on the past few weeks. We still talked every day but we generally only see each other a couple of times a week and “ladies’ night” became our time away from everyone else. Josh and Lucas had started spending time together a few months ago and they seem to be getting closer as friends. I’m glad that Lucas isn’t threatened by Josh and his friendship with Maddie. He gives his whole heart to his friends and I am blessed to be in that small circle of trusted people.
“So, how is the job search going? I’m so glad you left the bar. You know how much I hated you coming home alone that late at night.”
“Yeah. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when that rich jerk grabbed me over the bar and Randall didn’t kick him out. I don’t care how much money he has, assaulting the staff and being forced to continue to serve him did it for me.” I recounted the story that made me realize I was a piece of meat, dangled in front of the hungry predators, just to sell drinks.
I was used to men looking at me and thinking I was some dumb blonde. I admit I used to use it to get better tips. It’s not my fault that guys think with their “little head” and any amount of flirting will result in bigger tips. I understood when women rolled their eyes at me but I refused to be anyone other than myself. I wasn’t self-conscious about my looks or my reputation. I took pride in my education and being a bartender had been a means to an end when we first moved to the city. We both needed money while we were job searching and the bar had been a perfect fit.
My personal safety was of no concern to my boss and my manager Randall yelled at me for rebuffing the jerk who grabbed me, forcing a kiss on me before I could react. I quit on the spot. They are both lucky I didn’t hit one of them. Violence is never the answer, but my dad had taught Maddie and me to defend ourselves and I had been close to exploding.
I had to call Josh to walk me home. I was so shaken up over the whole thing once the adrenaline had started to wear off. He had slept on the couch just to make me feel safe and promptly called Maddie the next morning to tell her what had happened. He knew I wouldn’t say anything to her since she would worry that I was in the apartment alone.
The same day, a new alarm system was installed by MSJ Media and allowed automated security and cameras, all designed to keep me safe and secure. Of course, Maddie-or rather, her father Jason-paid for everything. He installed the new prototype unit in my apartment and I was the testing grounds before they launched the system nationwide. The system allowed me to turn on lights, lock doors, view the cameras, and secure myself in a panic room that used to be Maddie’s closet with an app on my cell phone.
“Have you heard from Spencer lately?” she inquired about my last online dating fiasco.
Spencer was harmless, but also a spoiled asshole who still lived at home with his parents. I have no problem with a guy living with his parents to help the family out but when you make over $100K a year, you can afford to get your own place. He told me on our third date he has never done a load of laundry and isn’t sure how a dishwasher works. That was my signal to start pulling away slowly. I didn’t want to be with someone who thinks women are maids and their penises exempt them from housework.
“No. After I told him I didn’t plan on being a stay-at-home wife or mother, he informed me that any woman ‘of his’ didn’t need to worry about working. They needed to focus on raising the five kids he wanted. I backed myself right out of the restaurant and avoided his calls until he finally gave up. Since then, I decided I need to be single for a while. Maybe find one of those friends-with-benefits you used to have.”
A blush broke out across her face at the mention of her sexual past. Maddie never bed-hopped and until Lucas, the closest she had to a real relationship was her friends-with-benefits arrangement with her college boyfriend. She paused before asking, “So… are you interested in Josh?”
“Hell no! Josh is my friend and we spend time together but I would never cross that line. You guys used to date and I wouldn’t do that to you. Besides, I’m not what he is looking for.” I confessed to her. He had started to tell me a little bit about his past and I started to realize Josh was looking for his true love.
“What is he looking for?” Her head cocked to the side with a quizzical look on her face. She never saw how he looked at her like she had hung the moon. His feelings had changed into a deep friendship over the years as he finally realized she wasn’t his forever.
“The same things everyone is looking for. His other half. His One.”
“And what are you looking for, Caroline?”
“I’m not looking for anything. Not anymore. I’ve realized that not everyone has a soulmate. Some people are meant to go through life by themselves, standing on their own two feet. I’ve accepted the fact that I am one of those people, and I’m okay with it.”
“Bullshit!” she shouted as she jumped up off the couch and began to pace through the living room. I hadn’t seen her this worked up and angry in a long time. It had never been directed at me before and I was immediately defensive.
“We don’t all get the happily-ever-after you got, Maddie. Some of us have our hearts broken and don’t want that kind of pain again. You don’t know what it’s like to lose the one person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. So, do not call bullshit on me!” I yelled back at her.
It had been years since we had an argument and I hated that my fr
ustration and broken heart were fueling this one. She wanted the best for me but had no idea that my “best” had been gone for years.
“What happened with Andrew, Caroline? You two had your entire life planned out, and less than three months after we moved to Athens you had a huge blow-up, broke up, and the family moved all with the space of a few weeks. You have never told me what happened and for years I haven’t pushed… but tonight, I am pushing. You need to tell me what happened so I can help you move past the pain and into the happiness you deserve. You have always been there to pick me up when I was unable to, and I’m here now to do the same for you. Please, Caroline. Tell me what happened with Andrew.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it. There isn’t any going back…all discussing it will do is break my heart again. Can you please just drop it? Andrew is in the past and that’s where he needs to stay.”
“You need to talk about it. You carry so much pain and guilt over something that, in my opinion, wasn’t your fault. The two of you had a plan and the one conversation I overheard, you were defending yourself about not asking him to come up and see you every weekend. I was too wrapped up in my own crap to force you to talk but I can’t stand to see you hurting anymore. Please! Tell me something, anything, to help you.”
“He told me he didn’t love me anymore! That he had never… loved me enough… to spend the rest of his life with me… and that I couldn’t… be what he needed me to be to make him happy.” I cried, putting my face in my hands, allowing the grief to purge from me.
“What?” A puzzled look on her face. “You were the closest couple I knew. When you started dating, people at school knew it was forever. Saying those things doesn’t make any sense. Are you sure that you heard him correctly?” she questioned me.
“Of course, I heard him correctly! When the person you love tells you they never loved you, you kind of remember it!” I angrily responded to her, as hot tears scalded my face.
The Love That Heals Me (Forever Mine Book 2) Page 1
