Maddie got up, refilled our wine glasses and brought me a box of tissue as I continued to mourn my loss. He’d spoken so intensely to me, I could still hear the hurt and anger in his voice, haunting me.
I hadn’t noticed she was on the phone until her voice snapped me back. “I’m going to stay at the apartment tonight… I’ve still got some clothes here and can catch the train in the morning. Caroline needs me so I may decide to take tomorrow off too… I’ll let you know… I love you too.”
“You don’t have to do that Maddie. I’m fine. You should have Lucas pick you up like you guys planned and I’ll curl up with a good book. Really. There’s no need to stay.”
“I’m staying and that’s final. You’ll have to share a bed with me since mine was moved into the guest room at our place but it’s not like it will be the first time. Fair warning, I cuddle more than I use to.” She snarked, pulling me into a fierce hug, stroking my hair, calming me.
“Will you tell me anything at all about what happened? What changed so quickly between the two of you? I thought the plan was for you to complete your degree at UGA and he was taking classes at the community college back home. He would get a job and you would go back to Columbus after you graduated. Why the sudden change in plans?” she asked as I sat up, trying to gather myself enough to tell her the story.
Or what I knew of the story.
Something has always bothered me about what happened. Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to move past him.
Blowing out a breath, I started to tell the story that changed my life. “I’m not really sure what changed. One day everything was great…and the next day he was so… angry and distant. I kept asking him what was wrong…and he kept saying it was nothing and I didn’t need to worry about him. Then, one day, I called and I heard a lot of yelling in the background. It sounded like his parents were arguing and he was so mad. He started to accuse me of hanging out with other guys and when I denied it, vehemently, he started shouting at me… He had never raised his voice to me…let alone accused me of cheating on him. I started crying and he apologized. He practically begged for my forgiveness. He asked if I could call him the next day that he needed to go talk to his parents and with all the yelling I had heard, I agreed.”
Shaking my head as more tears fell from my eyes, I continued. “I called the next day and he sounded like the old Andrew. I just figured his parents’ argument had upset him. You know they never fought… and to hear them yelling like they were had me worried. I took his bad attitude as having to be in the middle of whatever had them so upset but I was so wrong. He asked me to find a quiet place to talk and call him back when I was ready. I went to the library, found a study room that was empty…and made the last call I ever had with him.”
I felt Maddie’s hand rubbing my back as the memories flooded my brain and exploded from me. “The first thing he said when I called him was ‘I’m sorry and I love you, always.’ That was my first indication something was wrong. I responded like always, ‘I love you too’ and then he said the one thing I couldn’t understand, then or now. ‘Caroline, no matter how much I love you, I can’t be what you need and you can’t be what I need. Not anymore.’ I didn’t understand what he meant so I asked him to explain it. That’s when everything changed.”
I sobbed into my hands as I felt her hug me, giving me the strength to finish the story. His angry and harsh words ringing in my head as they poured from my mouth.
“What’s to understand?” he sneered in a tone I’d never heard before. “The relationship we had is over. I love you, but not enough to spend the rest of my life with you. You just can’t give me what I need to be happy and I can’t give you what you need either. The distance we had over the past few months has made me realize we were chasing a childish fantasy, born out of the situation we were in, not on love. I’m sorry, really I am, but I think it would be better if we moved past the immature dreams we had and face the facts.”
Maddie reared back to face me, mirroring my own reaction to the words. “He actually said all that to you and you are just now telling me? Why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner? That bastard made you think you were somehow… defective… to lessen what the two of you had? That is the furthest thing from the truth. You know that, right? You are the greatest person I have ever met and you are worthy of a love that lasts for eternity.” Maddie hugged me to her side, supporting me emotionally and physically.
“I know that… but to have the person who told you they wanted to spend eternity with you tell you they needed more than you were able to give… well, it broke a piece of me. I told him I wasn’t pushing for a wedding or kids… and we had a few years until we finished our degrees. I wasn’t trying to trap him or keep him from anything. I couldn’t understand where all of this was coming from. It was Andrew that had asked me to wait for him, not the other way around. Then, all of the sudden, he needs more.”
“What happened next?” Maddie’s soft-spoken question lingered in the air.
“I begged him to talk to me. I told him I loved him and was coming home that weekend because I wanted to see him. If he was going to break my heart, he needed to have the balls to do it to my face and not over the phone. He told me he wasn’t changing his mind and not to bother trying to see him when I got home. The last thing he said to me was…” I couldn’t contain the emotion anymore and I wailed into the air, letting the pain flow from my soul.
“What did he say?” Maddie questioned as her tears flowed with mine. I’m so glad she was sitting with me as I released my pain, crying her eyes out for me and my broken heart. I never wanted anyone to see me this vulnerable, but Maddie was closer than a sister so I was able to let all the grief out, for once, instead of trying to be strong.
“He whispered ’I will always love you, Ladybug.’ and he hung up the phone. I tried to call him back and it went straight to voicemail. I texted, called, left messages… all with no response from him. When I went home a couple of days later, they were gone. The house was empty, and none of the neighbors knew where they went. Everyone assumed they had Permanent Change of Station, but I knew his dad was about to retire from the Army, and besides, that was way too fast to PCS. No way the Army moves an entire family in a weekend. Everyone’s social media account was closed and I haven’t heard anything from him since the last phone call. I have no idea where they went or anything. I’ve tried to forget him, but the memories just won’t seem to let me go.” I explained to Maddie, feeling somewhat better that I had finally told her the secrets behind my shame.
She reached over and hugged me tightly, allowing the tears to fall and the pain to begin to dissolve, for the future we had planned and the unfulfilled life we could have had. “None of this is your fault. None of it. Whatever changed, happened with him and had nothing to do with you. His words, while harsh, were better to come sooner rather than years later. I can’t imagine how tough this has been on you but you did nothing wrong. You deserve so much love, Caroline. You preached to me about opening my heart up and you have lived the last few years with yours hidden behind a fortress of steel and concrete. Thank you for finally telling me what happened. Do you feel better?”
“I kind of do feel better. Didn’t realize how much I had bottled it up inside until you yelled at me earlier. I’m sorry for saying the harsh things I said. You didn’t deserve my anger.”
“Never apologize for your feelings, Caroline. I shouldn’t have started the argument, but I’m glad you finally unburdened your heart to me. What about that friend request from a few months back? The one you thought was him using his brother’s name? Did anything ever come of that?”
“No, that person hardly ever posts anything. Mostly quotes and shares and has never tried to message me. I think it may have been a wrong person request, but I haven’t been on social media in so long. I haven’t gotten a chance to delete them, yet.”
“Let’s get another glass of wine and do that now. We can do an internet search for the family and unfriend the
weirdo at the same time. It’s time to start your life, Caroline. You need to move past him and really give yourself a chance to find true love again. I believe The One is still out there for you, waiting.”
“I like that plan.” I smiled, really feeling like today may be the start of a new beginning for me.
After exhausting the search for him and his family, finding nothing relevant, I logged onto my social media account and deleted the friendship with Gabriel Andrews. Whoever that is, I wish them the best, but Maddie was right. I need to move past him and give my heart a real chance at forever with someone. I changed my relationship status to single, looking for forever love. I began to feel excited, a small part of me hoped this would be the start of the next great chapter of my life.
This morning brought mixed emotions and bittersweet memories. My sister was graduating from high school and my parents wouldn’t be there to see her reach another milestone achievement. We buried them 18 months ago when they were killed by a drunk driver on their way home from their twenty-fifth anniversary weekend getaway.
Some irresponsible jackass had too many drinks on his way home and crossed the center line, killing both of them on impact. The loss of them was still palpable in the house, the echo of their voices still resonating from the walls.
I had assumed guardianship of my sister Emily after they died and had done my best to make sure she was raised the way they would have wanted. Graduating from high school was step one and getting her secured in college was step two.
Emily was smarter than most people I had met and can do just about anything she sets her mind to. She had a setback a few years ago that would have devastated most people but she took what happened and used it to her advantage. I was so proud of the young woman she had become and it was days like today that made me miss my parents even more.
They were our biggest cheerleaders in life, always supporting our decisions but allowing us to experience failure and defeat, saying you learn from losing more than winning. It was only after they were gone did I finally understand the lesson they had preached to us growing up.
We had moved to New Orleans a few years ago after Emily’s accident and I quickly got a job at the local gym as a personal trainer and instructor. I had supplemented my income in high school working at a fitness center teaching basic self-defense and when we relocated I needed something familiar to help with my anger issues.
Leaving Georgia had been the toughest decision I had ever made and I still have regret over the way I ended things with Caroline. I had taken my resentment at having to move out on her and have been too much of an asshole to contact her and apologize. She deserved someone who could give her the world and at the time I was barely able to take care of myself.
Things had changed in the almost four years since I had seen or heard from her. I now owned a decent sized gym and we began to train fighters last year. I had trained in karate since I was six. It was one of the few constants to be found on military bases around the world.
Spending time at the gym training had given me an outlet for my frustrations and after winning a few tournaments, the owner asked if I wanted to buy him out. He was a few years past retirement and he was ready to spend time fishing in Florida, so I jumped at the chance and drained my bank account. We turned a profit a few months later and word of mouth had grown the business into something that supports Emily and me pretty comfortably.
We had just signed the paperwork to expand the facility when Mom and Dad died, causing me to have reservations about the new growth. Emily and my best friend Cody had convinced me, after many discussions and a few heated arguments, that this is what our parents would have wanted. The expansion would give us more room to train the fighters, resulting in more students, exposure, and revenue.
She had started working with me shortly after I bought the place and has been instrumental in the running of the business. Over the last year, she had become proficient in karate and self-defense, resulting in few guys wanting to ask her out.
Fine with me. She would turn them all down because none of them were good enough for her anyway.
I heard her coming down the hall and reached up to grab her glass out of the cabinet, pouring her a cup of coffee and putting her favorite hazelnut creamer in it before setting it down on the kitchen island.
“Good morning!” she beamed at me with our mom’s perfect smile as she reached for her cup. She had grown into such an amazing young woman and I was so proud of how much she had accomplished in her life. She overcame adversity to graduate on time with a perfect GPA and never allowing her accident to derail her plans for the future.
“Good morning. Are you ready for today?” I inquired, afraid not having our parents here was going to put a damper on her mood.
“I’m doing okay. Please don’t worry about me, I’m handling everything in stride. I know they are so happy for me. For us. I miss them so much but they didn’t want me to let anything stand in the way of today, so I am going to celebrate them, not mourn them. I can be sad tomorrow.” she replied.
“When did you get so smart?” I asked as I pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. She was almost a foot shorter than I am, resulting in her hugging my chest and me bending down to embrace her.
“I’ve always been smart. You’re just beginning to realize it.” She laughed as she moved into the living room, sitting on the couch and pulling her feet underneath her.
I took a minute to really look at her. She looked so happy and I was amazed at her strength. She had physical therapy for over a year after the accident and she never got behind on her school work. She pushed herself harder than anyone I knew and now it was time for her to decide what she wanted to do next.
I hated the idea of her leaving for college and hoped I could convince her to stay local and continue to live at home. I’d feel better knowing I could keep an eye on her and make sure no horny college boys tried anything stupid. I wasn’t one to talk with the number of women that I’ve been with, but my sister was better than that. Better than me.
I wanted her to find her forever love and I would run off any jerks who thought she was just a piece of ass to use and discard. I didn’t worry about her personal safety, not anymore. She had been training at the gym since before I bought it and was now a black belt, able to beat grown men twice her size.
“Do you want to grab breakfast on the way to the ceremony or would you like me to make you something before we go?” I usually cooked us breakfast since Emily can burn water.
Seriously, she once started a pot of water boiling, started reading a book and forgot the stove was on. The water boiled completely out, catching the pot on fire. Luckily, I came in just as the smoke detector started going off and was able to put the small blaze out before it did too much damage. After that, she was forbidden from cooking anything while she was alone. My little sister was a mess, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Let’s grab something at the diner before we head over to the school. I want waffles and bacon and don’t want you to go to any trouble.”
“We have about two hours before we need to be there so you might want to start getting ready now. I’ll hop in the shower first so you can take your time.” I said as I made my way into the bathroom we shared.
There was another bathroom in the house but neither of us would lay claim to it as it was inside our parents’ room. We had cleaned out some of the stuff in there but for the most part, it was still the same as the night they died, and using their space seemed wrong somehow.
I was finishing up my shower when I heard Emily let out a string of curse words that had me wrapping my dripping body with a towel and running into the living room to see what had her so upset.
She slammed her laptop closed when she heard me running into the room, trying to hide whatever it was that had her so upset. She used her computer for school but didn’t spend a lot of time on social media.
We, as a family, had closed our accounts when we moved, try
ing to give everyone a fresh start after Emily’s accident. She re-opened her account for school events and gatherings with her classmates last year. I had still not reopened mine, afraid of what I would see from my friends and their lives and what I had missed out on.
I was afraid to see if Caroline had moved on from me, truth be told.
“What’s wrong? I heard you yelling from the bathroom.”
“Nothing. Everything’s fine.” She expressed, her lie evident to both of us.
“Cut the crap. We both know you can’t lie to me so you might as well tell me now.” Crossing my arms and widening my stance. I was still in my towel but I wasn’t leaving until she told me why she was upset enough to cuss the way she had.
“It’s really nothing. I promise. I guess I’m a little more stressed than I thought.” She said as she moved towards me and stood on her tip toes, her signal she wanted to give me a kiss on the cheek to smooth things over.
I leaned down and allowed her to peck my cheek as she turned and went to her room to gather her stuff to get ready. I didn’t want to push her about her obvious deception, so I wouldn’t say anything about it today. I wanted her graduation day to be perfect, and pushing her would result in an argument.
I was still trying to balance my role as brother and parent and I learned early on that pushing Emily would cause her to lash out and get defensive. It was a fine line I walked with her and sometimes I felt like I wasn’t doing a good job at either role.
After getting dressed in a pair of black dress pants, white shirt with a blue tie, and black loafers, I went into the kitchen to refresh my coffee and wait for her to finish getting dressed. She usually took less than 30 minutes to get ready and it always amazed me how well put together she looked with so little effort.
My memories drifted back to my time with Caroline and how she was quick to get ready to go as well. Her natural beauty shone through and she didn’t need much make-up to look like a model. Her beautiful green eyes would sparkle with excitement, and the way we could lay together for hours talking about our future still haunts my memories.
The Love That Heals Me (Forever Mine Book 2) Page 2
