The Love That Heals Me (Forever Mine Book 2)

by H. J. Marshall

  As I walked into the building, I saw Cody, Josh, and Emily deep in conversation as they all turned towards the sound of me opening the door. Caroline was nowhere in sight.

  “I guess she didn’t want to see me this morning. That’s what you guys are talking about, right? About how bad I fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me and threw away my second chance at forever?” I asked them as I approached the counter and sat down, my gut telling me it was over.

  “I don’t know what your problem is Andrew. I told you if you didn’t do everything in your power to make this work, I would take her home to Atlanta and help her put her life back together. That’s exactly what I intend to do.”

  “Where is she? Is she at the hotel? Do you think she’ll agree to see me?” Hope that I may still have a chance bloomed in my chest.

  “Her flight landed in Atlanta a few hours ago. She went home last night after I left her room. I told you. You fucked up big time.”

  “She’s gone?” Emily asked. My brain was unable to process what he was saying.

  She’s gone for good. I pushed her away and she took the first flight back home, just to get away from me.

  “Yeah, Emily, she’s gone.” Josh responded, placing his hand over hers.

  “Are we still having the meeting about the contracts or is the deal off the table?” Cody asked, his sudden change of topic to business unsettling.

  “I spoke with Lucas this morning. The deal is still on the table and the offer stands. If you’re still interested.” Josh replies to Cody, never taking his eyes off me.

  “I don’t care. You guys can decide. I’m going to my office.” As I made my way towards the back of the building.

  “Andrew. Wait.” Josh suddenly at my back, an envelope in his hand. “She left this for you. I don’t know what’s going on inside of your head or what happened to Emily to make you do what you did last night, but you need to talk to someone. Get some help to deal with your issues before you lose everything and everyone you ever cared about.” His voice low so Cody and Emily couldn’t hear him.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” suddenly defensive at his observation.

  “Yes, you do. I have seen that kind of rage before and I know where you are headed. I also know that you weren’t mad at Caroline last night. You were mad at yourself. I see what’s going on. I know you carry a tremendous amount of guilt over something that happened to Emily that you blame yourself over. It’s not my business to know the details but your issues are what caused last night,” he explained before continuing, “Do you know she’s hurt? That they grabbed her so hard last night that I’m sure she’s covered in bruises today? Her knees and palms were scraped and bloody and her necklace got ripped off. She had too much pride to break down in front of me and when I talked to Maddie this morning, she hadn’t told her what happened either. She thinks that whatever happens in the future, you won’t be there to support her, to champion for her, to even care if she is hurt. Do you know what your actions did to her last night? They finally broke the rest of her heart.” He finished before walking up to Emily and Cody and left me alone with my thoughts.

  I walked into the office and closed the door, her letter burning a hole in my hand, knowing these were her final words to me. As I sat down, I knew whatever she said, I deserved. I opened the envelope and slowly unfolded the letter, her familiar handwriting filling the page.

  My eyes were already swimming with tears before I read the first words, knowing I caused the pain behind the words she was forced to write. Her sorrow evident from her dried tear stains on the cheap hotel paper.

  Andrew,

  I don’t know exactly where to start so I guess I’ll start at the beginning. The day you walked into my sixth-grade class, I thought I was looking at my forever. You were the sweetest and kindest boy I had ever met and you ran away with my heart without even knowing. I wanted for years for us to be together, hoping one day you would see me how I saw you.

  The day you asked me to be your girlfriend, I thought this was it, the start of our forever. I realize that I was wrong. That day wasn’t the start of our forever, it was the beginning of our end.

  For a love to be written in the stars it must be bound by destiny. Ours never was.

  We were two young kids who hadn’t had a chance to live when we found each other. We clung to the familiar, hoping to make something out of nothing. The last four years have caused me to re-evaluate my life and it dawned on me tonight, we weren’t guided by fate. We were laughed at by karma. To think that you find the love of your life at 12 years old is ridiculous and I’m sorry I projected my immature dreams on you.

  I hope that one day, you find the person who makes your soul soar higher than the clouds. You deserve all the love in the world and I know now, I wasn’t the one for you. Don’t hide your heart away. Find someone who completes you and give it to them. Trust that they will be able to care for it far better than I ever could.

  You will always hold a special place in my heart, but it’s time for me to give up the ghosts of the past and move on to my forever. Maybe, one day, we can look back on our time together with fond memories of the one who taught us how to love.

  You did teach me how to love, but now it’s time for me to find someone who can love me like I deserve.

  Please take care of yourself, Andrew. You will find love again, and I hope she knows just how lucky she is to have you.

  All My Best,

  Caroline

  I allowed the tears to fall unchecked. She had given up on me, on us. Every painful word she said was my fault. I caused her heart to shatter and now she’s gone for good. I had allowed another woman in my life to get hurt, but this time I caused most of the pain.

  The soft knock on the door caused me to look up when Emily strode into the room and shut the door behind her. She walked over to me and leaned in to give me a hug, knowing I needed comfort as my world shattered apart again. The first time I’d lost Caroline, I felt like a piece of my soul had been removed, leaving me hollow on the inside.

  After reading her letter, I knew I would never be the same. She was wrong, we were destined for the stars, but I blew us up before we could shine like the universe had intended. I felt Emily put her hand on my back as I continued to cry for the loss of Caroline, the loss of my parents, the loss Emily sustained all those years ago, and for my own unknown future.

  Since the day I’d walked away from Caroline, I’ve prayed that I would be given a second chance and the day I was offered that miracle, I destroyed it with my own self-loathing and anger.

  “Do you want to tell me what the letter said?” Emily quietly asked.

  I slid the letter over to her and took a deep breath in, gaining some strength from the lessons my parents had taught us.

  Sometimes you learn more from losing than you do from winning.

  Emily finished reading the letter and folded it back up, securing it in the envelope and putting it in my desk drawer away from prying eyes. The words were no one else’s business.

  “I screwed everything up. I can’t fix this, Em. How am I supposed to live my life without her?” I asked my sister, hoping she had some answers on how to make things right again.

  “You need to talk to someone, Andrew. Mom and dad had me in therapy, but you were affected by what happened just as much as I was. You went laser-focused last night trying to save me, but you lost sight of the big picture. You don’t have to save me anymore. I can save myself.”

  “You froze last night. What would have happened if I hadn’t been there to get him off of you? What if…if…”

  “Life is full of what ifs. I can’t be scared to live and you have to get help so you can forgive yourself. I’ve said it a thousand times, it wasn’t your fault. I was capable of handling what was going on last night before you decided to go nuts on those two idiots. I didn’t want to start a fight, knowing they were drunk and we were surrounded by people. You came in screaming and throwing punches witho
ut even trying to diffuse the situation. Then you accuse Caroline of allowing me to get hurt when she was the one that was injured. You have a problem, Andrew. Please, for me, go talk to someone,” she implored.

  “Doesn’t matter now. She’s gone and I’m alone again.”

  “It does matter, Andrew. You need to get better, and then you need to go to Georgia and tell her the truth. The entire truth. I’m okay with her knowing if it will help you both heal.” She tells me, a look of determination on her face.

  “I don’t know if I can do this.” I finally admitted, hoping my vulnerability didn’t make me look weak.

  “You helped me all these years, let me help you now.”

  I nodded my head as my sister picked up her phone and made a call to her therapist, hopeful this was the first step on my road back to Caroline.

  It had been eight weeks since I’d returned from New Orleans and I still felt the loss of our love like it had just happened. The bruises faded from my body after a couple of weeks, but the sting of his words still rang in my head. I had learned to put on a smile and tell everyone I was fine when I was really dead on the inside.

  Maddie had encouraged me to try dating again, but I wasn’t interested in looking for love right away. I was just starting to acknowledge that we were finally over. For years, I’d prayed for reconciliation. Then we had 12 hours of perfection before it was over.

  The nauseous feelings I’d had over the whole ordeal were still there, and I was beginning to worry I’d developed an ulcer with the stress. I wasn’t sleeping very well and it was hard to keep food down. My clothes had started to hang badly on me and more than one person had commented on my worn-down appearance.

  It was Saturday morning and I had gone down to grab some bagels from the corner deli when I got a notification on my phone that someone had entered my apartment. I accessed the security feature to view the cameras and saw Maddie had let herself in, so I sent her a text letting her know I was on the way back and to start the coffee.

  I hadn’t had much of an appetite lately, but maybe some good company would change my outlook. I had seen Josh a few times since we got back but was spending a lot of time alone, thinking about a future I had dreamed about and would never get. It had become an obsession, thinking about the children we wouldn’t raise, the house we wouldn’t own, the future we wouldn’t have.

  Finding the door unlocked, I went in and sat the bagels on the kitchen counter, turning to hug her before grabbing my coffee mug and pouring a cup.

  “You’ve lost more weight. Are you still not feeling good? I thought that stomach virus would have passed already.” She asked, remarking on my tired appearance.

  “I’m fine. It took a little longer for me to get past it than you did, but I feel better,” I told her, trying to calm her fears. I hated lying to her but she didn’t need to know how little I was sleeping. She would call my parents and I didn’t need everyone ganging up on me. I needed to give my heart a chance to heal and I’d be better. I just need time.

  “There is something else going on, Caroline. It’s been weeks since you got back from New Orleans and you’re still sick. Have you seen a doctor?”

  “Why would I see a doctor, Maddie? I just told you I’m fine. It was just a stomach bug, no need to worry,” I explained as we moved into the living room and sat down with our breakfast.

  “Would you do something for me?” she asked, suddenly moving towards her purse and coming back into the living room.

  “What?” The exasperation in my voice evident.

  Reaching into her bag, she pulled out an unopened pregnancy test and my eyes grew wide.

  Was Maddie pregnant?

  “Will you take this?” she asked, handing me the test as I shifted my eyes from her face to the box and back again, still no words coming from my mouth.

  Finally, I spoke, “I’m not pregnant, Maddie. I’m sad, okay?”

  “Humor me. You’ve been ill for over a month, you hardly sleep, Carol told me you pick at your lunch, and Josh told me about your nausea. I’m grasping at straws trying to not worry that you’re sick.”

  “I’m on the pill. There’s no way I’m pregnant. Besides, I had my period the week after I got back from New Orleans and haven’t had sex since then. Isn’t this test for you?” Trying to shift her focus off of me and on to her; I’d become great at deflecting since I got back.

  “I can buy another one on the way home. Please take this and ease my mind.” She asked again and I nodded as I stood and walked to the bathroom, mumbling to myself about what a waste of time the whole thing was.

  After reading the instructions, I peed on the little stick and set it on the counter. As I washed my hands I tried not to look at the window. Opening the door, I found Maddie standing against the wall across from the bathroom, a look of excitement on her face.

  “Don’t get too worked up, its negative.” I said as I walked away from the test and went back to my coffee, leaving her in the hallway.

  “Umm, Caroline. You might want to look at the instructions again.” She said with a smile on her face as she handed me the stick back and I looked at the two blue lines in the test window.

  My hands began to tremble as the test fell to the floor, and tears began to stream down my face.

  “How…how could this happen? I take my pill every night before bed. I can’t be pregnant. It’s impossible.” I stammered, realizing the short time we had together, filled with love, had created a new life that was growing inside of me.

  She sat down beside me and took my hands, “What about the night you flew home and the next few days you camped out in bed, hiding from everyone?”

  My eyes grew wide at her statement because she was right. I had forgotten four days of pills and had started a new pack after my period ended, not thinking about how many times we had made love, unprotected.

  “What do I do now? He isn’t going to want a baby and I can’t…” the thought of getting rid of the child we had created make me sick. I already knew I was going to raise this baby on my own and love her enough for her missing father, though the thought of doing it alone scared me to death. “I can’t do this alone, Maddie.” The sorrow and fear were evident, even to my own ears.

  “You aren’t going to be alone. I will be right here, every step of the way. I promise. So will Mom, Dad, Josh, and Lucas. You won’t be alone, Caroline. You will never be alone.” She reassured me as she brought me in for a hug and began to stroke my hair like she did when we were kids.

  Pulling back, she asked the million-dollar question, “When are you going to tell him?”

  “I don’t know. He deserves to know… but I think I need to come to terms with it before I have to tear my heart open again and call him. I’ll tell him, I just need a little time.” I said, hoping she understood my need to keep this quiet. “I don’t want him to think this is my attempt to get back together or me trying to trap him into a relationship. This is just the result of two people not being careful, nothing more.”

  “Agree to disagree on that point, sunshine. I think this is the universe’s way of telling you to grow up and talk to him. You have avoided his calls, texts, emails, and letters since you got back. Emily told me you text a few times a week with her but you’ve been pulling back from her just when you were getting reacquainted. You need to tell him, sooner rather than later. He deserves a chance to be here to experience the pregnancy with you, the birth of the baby, etc.”

  “I’ll figure out when to tell him but I can’t do it today. I need some time to think about what I’m going to do.” I reasoned with her. I had to decide if staying in Atlanta was the best idea, or if I needed to move back to Columbus where my parents would be closer, to help.

  I knew in Atlanta I had friends who would be there for me, but they had their own lives and I didn’t want to burden my friends with a baby.

  A baby.

  Thinking about the life growing inside of me had a smile breaking out on my face and excitement growing in my
heart. I had prayed to have a family of my own one day and, even though it wasn’t like I had planned, I knew having this child would be one of the greatest things I did in my life.

  “There she is! I haven’t seen you smile in months.” Maddie exclaimed.

  “I’m happy about the baby. I get to have my dream, even if it looks different than I pictured it.” I told her, hopeful for a healthy baby.

  “When are you going to tell Mom and Dad?” she asked, knowing they’d be ecstatic about becoming grandparents.

  “I’ll head down next weekend after I’ve seen a doctor to make sure everything is okay. I want to make sure the baby is healthy before I start announcing it to the world. Can you not say anything right away?”

  “I won’t say anything, I promise.” She said to me as she took my coffee and poured it down the sink, coming back with a glass of orange juice. “No more caffeine for you. We need to place a grocery order to get some more fresh fruits and vegetable in the fridge and to make sure you have everything you need for your nausea.”

  “Thank you, Maddie. You know I love you, right?” I said as we embraced.

  With a small smirk on her face, she pulled up the app and ordered enough food to feed a small army. “I know you do. I love you too.”

  I must have fallen asleep on the couch, the sudden sound of my phone jolting me awake. I looked and saw Josh’s name on the screen, hitting speaker as I sat up and tried to clear my brain fog. “Hello.”

  “Hey, I’m in the neighborhood and was wondering if you wanted to meet me for dinner but it sounds like you just woke up. Are you still sick?” His protective nature kicked in.

  “I just woke up, but I’m not sick. Do you want to grab something and come up to the apartment for dinner?” I hoped he would agree to bring me some food because I was starving.