The Love That Heals Me (Forever Mine Book 2)

by H. J. Marshall

  She opened the door and I could smell her perfume from where I stood, her familiar scent settling my nerves and calming my soul. “Good morning. Oh, bagels! I’m starved. Did you bring the juice?” she asked.

  “I brought something better. Surprise!” Emily moved into sight and Caroline let out a squeal, signaling me she was happy to see my sister. I just hoped she had the same reaction when she saw me.

  “Emily! It’s so good to see you! What are you doing here?” Caroline questioned her as they embraced and she held the door open for them to enter.

  “Well, we thought we would come to see you this morning.” Emily replied as I stepped into the doorway and looked at a shocked Caroline.

  “Andrew? I…what…how…” she stammered, unsure of why I was standing in her doorway, praying to be invited in.

  “I brought some friends for breakfast. Don’t be rude, Caroline. Invite our friends in so we can eat.” Josh light-heartedly joked as he made his way into the apartment and Emily followed.

  My feet were planted in the hallway until she allowed me to enter. Her body turned sideways to let me pass into her home. “Hey, baby.” I said to her. “You look beautiful.”

  “Why are you here, Andrew?” she asked as we made our way into the dining room area and sat down, our food laid out for us. Emily and Josh were already eating and Josh had poured Caroline an orange juice and me a coffee before they dug into their food.

  “I came to talk to you and I brought some backup this time. There are some things we need to talk about. I need to apologize for what happened in New Orleans, for not checking on your injuries, for blaming you for something that wasn’t your fault.” I started.

  “Fine. I accept your apology. You can finish your breakfast and leave. There isn’t anything else for us to discuss. We said all the ‘I’m sorry’s’ and ‘goodbyes’ a long time ago.”

  “We never said goodbye and we never will. I’m here to win you back, but there are some things I need to tell you. Will you give me the chance to explain why I acted the way I did? Why I said what I said? Please, hear me out. I beg you. I need one more chance to make this right with you.”

  “Why now?” She turned her full attention to a very contrite looking Josh. “Why the sudden need to make things better? What changed?”

  “I changed, Caroline. Please, can we talk, all of us?” I begged, needing her to hear me out.

  “It’s time to really listen, Caroline. For your future. For all your future, please listen.” Josh cryptically told her. “I promise this is a good thing.”

  “Let’s go into the living room where we can get comfortable.” She mumbled angrily as we finished our breakfast and moved into the large space.

  I sat down in the chair, feeling like I was backed into a corner. Josh had called me yesterday and said he wanted to have breakfast this morning, but I had no idea Andrew and Emily would be joining us. I’d had no idea they weren’t still in New Orleans and I felt like my friends had set me up, the anger I felt overran every other emotion.

  I knew the hurt was evident on my face as Josh got up and came to kneel in front of me, taking my hands into his, his voice very low. “Caroline, I need you to really listen to what they have to say. Everyone here has secrets, you included. It’s time for the truth to come out and for the sake of…” his eyes flicked to my no longer flat stomach, “I need you to give him a chance to explain. I would never put you into a situation where you were under attack. Today is going to be hard for everyone but please, trust me. Trust us. Okay?”

  I nodded my head as I looked up to see Andrew observing our interaction with intense scrutiny. The unborn child I was carrying deserved for her parents to have a good relationship, and I owed it to the baby to hear Andrew out so we could move on. Josh was right, I had a secret too and today was a good day to lay everything out on the table.

  “I’m not sure where to start but I want to say I am so sorry for what happened in New Orleans, for what I did and for what I said to you. Nothing was your fault and I can’t imagine what I put you through that night, on top of what had happened with those drunks. I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want to forgive me but I need to explain. Will you give me a chance to tell you everything?” Andrew asked me, hesitation evident in his body language.

  “I feel like whatever you are about to say, you really don’t want to and I really don’t need for you to. I forgive you for what happened. Both times. I’ve moved past it and I think you should too.” I told him, trying to get them to finish so I could have the emotional breakdown that was threatening to explode.

  “Caroline, listen damn it!” Josh sternly said from his seat next to Emily, tears coming to my eyes, afraid of what was about to be said. Since I found out I was pregnant, my emotions were all over the place. I went from sadness to angry at the drop of a hat and right now, I felt both.

  Andrew looked over at Emily with a sad expression on his face and turned back towards me. “I’ve been in counseling for the last two months, trying to get better so I could make things right with you. I carried around years of guilt, blame, shame, regret. Trying to right something I saw as my fault. Something that changed the whole family, changed me, in a matter of hours.”

  For him to admit he had been seeing a shrink caused me to pause and really listen. I had never known him to ask for help, so whatever was burdening him must be worse than I originally thought. I looked at Emily who had her head down slightly, picking at the seam of her shorts. Josh observed her fidgeting, gently taking her hand into his.

  “When I called you all those years ago, I was trying to push you away. I was afraid I couldn’t protect you the way I didn’t protect Emily. What happened in New Orleans was years of emotions and anger rolled into one major flashback that pushed me over the edge. I’m sorry I never checked on you. I’m sorry I blamed you. I’m sorry I destroyed what we had just found again.” Tears filled his eyes as he looked across the room at me.

  “I don’t understand. You explained that Emily had an accident and I knew it wasn’t your fault. How could those two drunks cause a flashback?” His words were not making any sense to me, my hormonal brain bouncing all over the place.

  I looked over at Emily, her head turning towards Josh before her eyes settled on mine. Sadness was evident in her as she began to speak. “I wasn’t involved in an accident. That’s just what I asked Andrew to tell everyone. I was ashamed of what happened to me and he took all the blame on himself, even though it was never his fault. I was…” Emily starts before taking a deep breath and continuing, “I was snatched off the street and assaulted.” She paused to look at Andrew who gave her a small smile and a nod. “Andrew and I were out on a morning run. I wanted to join the cross-country team and he wanted to help train me so we got up early and set out for a five-mile run. He had gotten ahead of me by a couple of blocks, nothing big. I could still see him and I was keeping a good pace when I heard…”

  My eyes filled with tears at her words then Andrew picked up the story. Emily leaned back and Josh put his arm around her, placing a gentle kiss on her head. “A car came up beside her and pulled her inside, speeding off before I could get back to save her. I ran after the car for as long as I could, yelling for her, before I lost sight of them. I got the tag number to call it into the police. All the while, her screams of help were ringing through my head. They found her a few hours later, badly beaten. I blamed myself for what I had allowed to happen to her. If I hadn’t been so far ahead… if I had run faster to save her. Everything went through my head. If I couldn’t protect my sister, how could I protect the woman I loved. I felt like I wasn’t man enough to give you what you needed or what you deserved. I never spoke about it other than to take the blame for it happening and trying to keep Emily happy. Only I was breaking inside.” He paused to wipe his eyes and taking a drink of water.

  “When I saw that guy pulling on her, everything that occurred all those years ago came flashing back and this time I was able to save her. At the cost o
f my relationship with you. I had tunnel vision, hearing the screeching of the car tires, her beating her fists against the glass begging me to help her as the car sped past me, the vision of her broken in the hospital bed. It all flowed into my mind and I couldn’t see what I was doing to you until it was too late.” He shook his head and inhaled a stuttered breath.

  The hot tears flowed down my face as I witnessed Andrew crying for his sister. My hand instinctively went to my stomach, needing to protect the baby that was growing inside of me. “Why didn’t you tell me what happened? I would have come home to help. I love Emily like a sister. I would have wanted to be there.” I asked him, trying to understand how they could keep something so big hidden.

  “I begged for them not to tell anyone. I didn’t want anyone to know what had happened to me. I was ashamed and for a long time, I blamed myself. Dr. Lee helped me to understand that it wasn’t my fault, nor was it my brother’s. It was the fault of the sick bastard who thought to was okay to snatch a 15-year-old girl off the streets for his own perverted reasons. We moved out of Columbus because… how was I supposed to explain where my injuries came from? I didn’t want my friends to find out. Mom and Dad decided New Orleans was a fresh start we all needed while I went through physical therapy. Andrew lying to you has been a major point that we have argued over for years. He shouldn’t have blamed his emotional issues on you, and I’m so sorry I stole all those years from you. It’s all my fault.” Emily cried, her face in her hands as Josh pulled her into an embrace, as he whispered words of encouragement to her, tears in his own eyes for her pain.

  “I was devastated and didn’t want you to give up college for me. If I had told you, you would have walked away from your scholarship and come home. Eventually, you would have hated me for not finishing college and I thought the only way to save your future was to destroy us in the process. I was a broken shell of myself and I couldn’t be the man you needed. It was only after I said what I said in New Orleans, and I saw the look on your face, did the reality of living a life without you really hit home. I got help, needing to be healed so I can make us whole again. You have been my forever since the day I laid eyes on you and I’ll do whatever it takes to have another chance. Please tell me there is a chance you can forgive me. For everything I’ve said and for how callous I was with your heart, I beg you to give me another chance.”

  I got up and walked across the room, kneeling in front of Emily as she silently cried into Josh’s chest. “I am so sorry you had to endure what you did. No one deserves that to happen to them and it wasn’t your fault. I wish I would have known, but I understand why you wanted it kept a secret. You never have anything to be ashamed about. You survived and I am in awe of the strength you have to move past such a horrific event in such a graceful way.” The tears flowed from all of our eyes for all the pain that had transpired.

  Emily reached out and hugged me like the little girl I remember all those years ago as I stroked her hair and whispered words of love and praise for her strength. Josh sat back, his hand on her back as he let the two of us grieve the loss she experienced.

  The loss of her safety.

  The loss of her innocence.

  The loss of a piece of herself.

  She pulled back as Josh handed her a tissue and I got up to go to Andrew. He had sat and observed the emotional moment between the two of us silently, never moving towards us. His watery gaze tracked up my body as he made eye contact with me, a look of loss and despair in his eyes.

  I kneeled down in front of him and took his hands into mine as the tears continued to flow. “You could have told me, but I understand why you didn’t. I forgive you for everything that happened all those years ago. You were a kid who had experienced something I can’t imagine. You had always seen yourself as a protector and with what she endured, I…I forgive you.”

  He linked his fingers with mine as he looked down at me a small smile showing on his tear-streaked face. “What hurts me is the fact that you were so callous with me when you promised you would protect my heart. You never one time came to see if I was hurt and I can’t understand why.”

  “Dr. Lee said I had focalized aggression and I lashed out at anyone I saw as a threat to Emily. I wasn’t able to see that you were hurt until Emily brought it to my attention. I saw you as someone, like me, that didn’t protect her from getting hurt when it turns out, she was saving you. I’ve been working through my issues and I know my triggers. I promise. I swear to God. I will never lose focus on you and your well-being ever again. I was convinced, even with years of training, that she couldn’t take care of herself if I wasn’t there to do it for her. I needed to save her. I should have saved you.” He explained, reaching out and delicately touching my cheek with his hand.

  I leaned into his touch, his words breaking through the rubble that was my heart, putting the pieces back together again. He had broken us because he felt he wasn’t enough of a man to protect what was his. He was so wrong. Andrew always had the ability to heal those around him with his love and I pray he can handle the news I am going to tell him today.

  “How are your issues now?” I asked him, needing to know if he would be able to adapt to the news of impending fatherhood.

  “Dr. Lee says I still need to talk with someone, just not as often as I have over the last few months. I wanted… no, I needed to be better for you. And for me. I couldn’t be the man you needed then, but I’m here to prove I can be the man you need from now on. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” He grasped both of my hands and brought them to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on each before lowering them to his lap.

  “I want to. I’d like to see where we can go but I don’t know how that will work with you living in Louisiana and me living here. I…” I tried to explain before he interrupted.

  “We moved back yesterday. I sold the gym to Cody and Jacob and we rented the house in New Orleans to a new instructor they just hired. Emily starts school next month at Emory so we stored our stuff until we can find an apartment and get settled. I told you, I’ll do whatever I have to do to be with you. I love you, Caroline. You are the other half of my soul. My one and only. My destiny.” He leaned towards me and I moved towards him, a gentle kiss between us in the middle.

  “Are you sure there isn’t any other reason you moved back?” I asked him, hoping that he didn’t know about the baby and this was his move to be a part of her life.

  A look of confusion crossed his face as he looked at me, “What other reason could there be besides I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you? I want the life we dreamed about growing up, the kids we talked about, the future together we deserve.”

  I looked over my shoulder to Josh, who shook his head slightly and gave me a wink, letting me know Andrew really was back for me and not the baby I was carrying. I guess now was as good a time as any to tell him the news, I just hoped he reacted well to it.

  “I have something I need to tell you too.” I said as I sat down in his lap and he placed his arms around my expanding waist. “I left New Orleans with something of yours. I hope you’re as happy about it as I am.” My heart began to race.

  I’d dreamed of having his child since the night we gave our virginity to each other and now I get to tell him the news that may change everything between us, hopefully for the better. I’m glad I have Josh and Emily here, in case he doesn’t take the news well.

  “What did you leave with of mine, besides my heart?” he asked, looking up at me with a smile on his face.

  I gently took his hand and placed in on my now slightly-rounded stomach and smiled down at him. It took a few seconds for him to understand before a look of shock overtook his face.

  “You’re pregnant? You’re having my baby?” His voice cracked and a fresh round of tears fell from his hazel eyes.

  Unable to form words around the lump in my throat, I nodded my head and smiled at him, tears falling from my eyes. He buried his head in my hair and I felt his body shake as he
cried and stroked my stomach. I still didn’t know if he was happy but I gave him a minute to control himself before asking. “Andrew, are you happy about the news? I never want you to think I’m trying to trap you with a child.”

  “You’re…you’re having my baby!” He exclaimed, as he stood up with me in his arms and spun us around, the laughter breaking free from all of us after the sad fog we had been surrounded by. “I’ve prayed that this day would come and now it’s here! I’m going to be a daddy!”

  He sat me back on my feet and engulfed me in a hug, his muscled, tattooed arms surrounding me in the love I had craved my entire adult life. The man of my dreams, my soulmate, and I were having a baby.

  “Congratulations! I’m going to be an aunt!” Emily cheered as she ran over and threw her arms around Andrew and I, pulling Josh into the group hug as we all laughed and smiled at the joy of a new life.

  After all the years of sadness and secrets, there was finally a light at the end of a dark tunnel, leading us into our forever.

  I sat down, pulling Caroline into my lap as the news of the baby really began to sink in. We were going to have a baby and we were finally going to get the second chance we deserved. Placing my hand on her stomach, the reality our child was growing inside made me feel like we had been blessed with a miracle, and destiny was finally within our grasp.

  “How are you feeling? Have you seen a doctor yet? Is the baby healthy?” A million more questions ran through my head at the unexpected and joyous news.

  “I saw him yesterday. I’m healthy, the baby is healthy. Everything is good. They did an ultrasound to check on her yesterday. Let me get the pictures out of my purse.” She said, as she moved across the room and brought back a black and white image, handing it to me as my hands trembled.