Forever and Always

by Megan Jeffery

  Georgia’s smile returned as she got up. I did too as I anticipated the hug she was about to give me and we held each other. She wept on my shoulder as I felt her warm breath and moist tears cluster on my collar bone. I held her tighter and stroked her hair.

  We sat back down and I tried to hold back tears of my own. She was so broken and so was I but this was the first time that our souls realised it and noticed each other. The connection was intense.

  After a second or two once she was more composed, she wiped her face with a napkin.

  I smiled at her knowing that I was finally seeing the real Georgia. I said, “so I guess we aren’t that different after all.”

  In her adorable addictive voice, she responded with, “I guess not.”

  “I suppose you need to answer my question.” I posited.

  “Which question, sorry?” She said.

  “Will you give me that chance then?” I asked.

  “Of course” Georgia nodded giggling. It was a cute laughter out of a place of sincerity. The clouds were slowly fading. Not completely though but through the thick grey layer covering the true essence of the sky, there was at last one small clearing with a shining ray that was breaking through.

  However, I wasn’t finished and had one more question to ask her. “Georgia, I want to one up you on the offer of being your friend.”

  “What do you mean?” She asked.

  In that instant, it dawned on me that she didn’t know I was a lesbian and I didn’t know what her sexuality was. I was about to put myself on the line and risk losing her entirely if my following question scared her. I went for it. I had to. My feelings were raw and manic but they were extremely concrete. “Would you like to go on a date?” The question slipped out before my anxiety had time to finish making itself manifest.

  “You mean romantically?” She asked. She didn’t sound as phased as I had feared so instantly I nodded without saying a word.

  “I would love that.” Georgia’s face lit up.

  My heart skipped three beats as I thought I was dreaming. I was ecstatic and laughed. A small “yay” even came out really high pitched.

  “So you’re gay?” Georgia directly asked me.

  “Yeah, I’m guessing you are too?” I assumed.

  “I’m bisexual but leaning more towards gay.” She asserted.

  I don’t know what I had done to deserve such luck. Things really went my way that day. Not only did I gain the trust and forgiveness of Georgia, but we opened up to each other for the first time and now, we were dating. Life couldn’t get much better to be honest. Because quickly in my head, she was becoming my life.

  Thoughts of her took complete control of my psyche. We organised to meet up the next day for our first date and hand on heart, I couldn’t wait. We planned to meet at the park which is on the south campus of our university.

  I arrived right on time and I saw Georgia waiting on the bench. This time, she was the one who was early. She sat on the park bench and like a goddess, she could turn anything to gold by just touching it. She glowed magnificently. Her hair was perfect, her eyes were too and everything about her caused me to melt.

  “Hey you.” I said.

  She stood up with a grin and grabbed me. I wasn’t expecting it since Georgia had never shown that much warmth towards me but it was the best kind of surprise. I embraced her back. The atmosphere between us was vastly dissimilar to our previous meet-ups. Romance surrounded us. It was as if we were in a computer game and love hearts were exploding out from the circle of air around us. Love was certainly in my eyes and I could see it in hers too. To be young, happy and have a perfect date is the dream of lovers around the world.

  But we were different. We were happy in each other’s arms but outside of that, everything was ice. The cold never affected us when we were together. I knew that from the first time we talked. Even at Katie’s party when the disastrous incident occurred. It may have been unpleasant but the silver lining was that I knew from that second that this was the girl for me, the girl I wanted to treat and show her just how much she is worth.

  Our first date could not have gone much better. We walked all over town and got coffee, yet again. We talked, we laughed and shared many experiences. I did not want it to end, but it had to. We both had lectures the next day. At the end of our date, Georgia and I stared into each other’s eyes by the train station. We both knew what was going through our heads. The amorous date had to end and yet, we didn’t want to leave our little bubble which we had formed together. She pecked me on the cheek and was about to turn away but I brought her closer to me and I kissed her lips passionately. She tasted better than any other. Her lips were soft, delicate but with a firm fervour.

  “Thank you.” Georgia said.

  I was still holding her close to my body and looking intently down at her lips, only pausing occasionally to stare up at her eyes.

  “For what?” I asked.

  “The best day of my life.” Georgia smiled, pulled away and left.

  I went home and wanted so badly to text her, call her or do anything to be near her. I missed her already and feared my attachment was growing too profound. I couldn’t help it though. Every fibre of my being longed for her. It had only been one date but my word, was it a heck of a date. In fact, I would go a step further to assert that it was more than just a date. It was everything I had ever wanted. She was everything I had ever wanted.

  Our relationship progressed rapidly. We were seeing each other every day. She even stayed over a few times and we shared the best love making. We cooked together, we saw sights together, we spent weekends together. We did everything together.

  The days that we couldn’t see each other were difficult but it became a typical tradition to be on the phone to each other all night. We shared our dreams, our hopes, and before we knew it, we were intertwined. Two hopeless souls in love.

  5

  From Lovers to Life-Partners

  Two months passed by and one morning, Georgia was scheduled to come over. We hadn’t organised anything yet but it was meant to be a romantic day of just being with each other. I loved the days where we did nothing. Just sitting in bed, watching silly films, making out and eating junk food. That’s what it’s all about for me.

  But something was off about Georgia when she arrived. I had to go down to the ground floor to let her in and when I did, I gave her a big hug and kissed her head but she didn’t seem too happy.

  “Hey babe, what’s wrong?” I asked her.

  “Can we talk when we get upstairs?” She inquired.

  “Absolutely.” I said.

  Once we were alone in my flat, I asked her, “so what’s on your mind?”

  She took her coat off and sat on the bed. I sat next to her as she needed a second or two to come out with it.

  “Adri, I think I’m falling in love with you.” Georgia said these words with her eyes closed as she looked down at her lap.

  “Oh my god Georgia…” I didn’t know what to say.

  “I’m scared though.” She added.

  “Why are you scared? This is wonderful news, isn’t it?” I asked, concerned.

  “Thing is, I’ve never been in love before. I have never let anyone in and now that you have broken through, I know that I love you and I am scared of being hurt.” Georgia was deeply troubled when she spoke and it seemed like it was a difficult endeavour to have told me.

  “But babe, I would never hurt you. I’ve always promised you that I’d be the one to hold you and take care of you. I’ll always be yours because I love you too.” I said with infatuation.

  “You do?” She looked at me.

  I placed my head on her shoulder and starting soothing her by stroking her hands.

  “Of course I do. I always did.” I said in a small voice.

  “And that doesn’t scare you?” Georgia asked.

  “Not really. I mean sure, when you tell someone you love them there is always that possibility that it doesn’t work out an
d you end up getting hurt but with you, it’s different.”

  “Why is it different?” She asked.

  “Because it’s you. Because you’re Georgia and nobody else in this world could ever make me feel the way that you do. When I look at you, it fits. The whole puzzle fits together and I have never known that before meeting you.” I kissed her cheek.

  Georgia appeared to be settled by my words and we fell onto the bed cuddling each other. I spooned her and her hair was in my face. I loved it. I could smell her pheromones and feel her warm being. She sighed and took two deep breaths.

  “Penny for your thoughts.” I said, nibbling her ear.

  “Do you ever wish you could just stay like this forever? Nothing else. Just wrapped in each other’s arms for all eternity.”

  “Mmm I sure do baby.” I replied thinking of the bliss that such a situation would bring.

  “It can be like this forever. One day we won’t have to worry about the outside world and it’ll be just us.” I said.

  “I would cease that chance any day of the week Adri. In fact, I don’t want anything else, I just want you. It’s scary though because you have my heart now. I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t think I could handle that pain. Just promise me one thing?”

  “Anything.” I quickly postulated.

  “Now that you have my heart, promise me you will never give it back.” She said with trepidation.

  “Turn around for a second.” I requested. She did.

  “I promise.” I stated while kissing her.

  “Good” Georgia replied. “I’ve never been in love before Adri. It’s…magical but terrifying.”

  I didn’t say anything. No words could adequately capture what my heart desired to express which was that I was never going to let her slip away.

  She began to caress the back of my head and we made out for what felt like five seconds. In reality, I think it must have been a solid ten minutes. I was addicted to her and from her words, she seemed to be too.

  Although I was under the impression that we had sorted out the doubts and fears between us, notably how Georgia was afraid of falling in love, she seemed a little bit off with me for the rest of the day. Perhaps she had a lot on her mind or maybe she was trying to process her feelings. Either way, I did ask her once or twice if everything was okay and she always said yes. I didn’t want to be persistent and cause annoyance for her but I knew in my heart of hearts there was something wrong. Never had I ever wanted to reach out my love to her as much as I did then and there with her in my arms. But something was acting as an obstacle between us. What I wouldn’t give to have known.

  We stayed in all day with movies and take-out. At one point, as one movie came to an end, I closed the screen on my laptop.

  “Everything okay?” She curiously asked.

  “I want to ask you something.” I said.

  Georgia turned to face me as we lay in bed.

  “Why don’t we do something different the next time I see you?” I proposed.

  “What did you have in mind?” She enquired.

  “Let’s go somewhere where it’s just us. Somewhere quiet, maybe even isolated. In the middle of nowhere.” I said.

  Georgia had a cheeky grin on her face and joked, “you know, this is how a lot of horror films begin.”

  “Hah! Hey I was being serious. You know what I mean.” I reacted.

  “I know.” She said calmly.

  “I think it might be nice to get away and clear our heads from assignments and it’d be really special. We haven’t done something like that before. Just picture us together in the midst of nature and taking in that fresh clear air. I think you need it babe, you seem a little stressed recently.” I told her.

  “That sounds lovely. I’m sorry if I seem stressed. I suppose there is just a lot on my mind which I’m trying to deal with.” Georgia sighed.

  “Can we talk about it?” I asked hoping that this would be the instant that Georgia opened up to me about how she was feeling and what was causing her to be distant.

  “I think you already know.” She whispered.

  I kissed her adorable nose. “I do?”

  “Yeah, you do. Just life babe, just everything.” She replied.

  “Then let’s get away for a day. Do you know anywhere we could go or do you want me to suggest a place?” I asked.

  Georgia pensively gazed past me for a minute before coming out with, “actually yes, there is a place I want to take you to.”

  “Oh yeah?” I said, tantalised.

  “Yeah there’s this lovely wide open field on the outskirts of Sutton. There is a bus that goes there from the north campus.” She said with an envious look.

  “A field?” I asked.

  “Yes. It’s actually really near to where I grew up. When I was younger, I used to get away to those fields. They used to be privately owned so there was always that rush of the chance of getting caught. But boy did I love those fields. Acres of land that made me feel utterly invincible. I remember that the proprietor owned a few horses. One of them was a shetland pony. I never found out his real name but I called him Billy. I befriended him and would just talk to him for hours. Well that was until I had to come home for my mother to give me a right shouting at. She hated me going places I wasn’t supposed to. It was worth the telling off though.

  But anyways, those fields meant a lot to me and if it’s alright with you, I would love to take you there.”

  I admired the way Georgia could talk with such passion. It was times like that when she would reminisce that I truly got a perspicacious look into her heart. She didn’t often open up so I would jump at every opportunity to get a glimpse into her mind. She had such a precious one.

  We organised our trip for three days time. Leading up to the date, we would maintain our regular phone calls and texts but just like when we were laying in bed in each other’s company, Georgia wasn’t telling me something. It’s as if when she told me she was falling in love with me, something shifted in her.

  She wasn’t being as warm or loving as normal but at the same time, she wasn’t avoiding me. I gave some grievous thought to possibilities since Georgia didn’t give me any insight, even when I’d ask her.

  I did have an epiphany the night before our date. I realised that I was asking a lot from Georgia. Before we were dating, she was going out all the time, drinking with her friends and spending a lot of time living the university lifestyle.

  Now that she was with me, maybe she felt a need to change herself to make me happy since I am not into any of that. My thoughts spiralled out of control and I became paranoid that she wasn’t content in our relationship.

  I had contradicting convictions in my head because on the other hand, she did say she wasn’t happy faking that sort of party life anymore. Plus, she did consistently tell me how happy I made her. All of these thoughts were primarily caused by my worries of losing her. I let them go because I knew that we were going to have an amazing time together.

  The day came. We met at the north campus and took the 44 bus towards Sutton. We didn’t speak much on the bus but Georgia fell asleep in my arms. I smelled her hair and and wrapped my arm around her shoulder as she fell into me. I gave her regular kisses to comfort her. She would make the most darling squeaks in her sleep. I loved it. Having her beside me in and of itself was enough to make my life whole but even more special than that, was how protective I felt over her. She was my baby and I would never let anyone hurt her.

  My father used to tell me that sometimes in life, words do not suffice to express how we feel. Instead, we just have to allow our experiences to do the talking for us. This was precisely one of those moments.

  I could not find adequate vocabulary to describe how perfect Georgia and I were together. Nonetheless, as I rocked with the movement of the bus with my true love laying into me, I couldn’t help but fear that she did not feel the same way. I liken the feeling to when you look upon a new born baby sleeping. You find the infant adorable
and innocent, but you hope that their dreams are just as sweet.

  We arrived and I waited for the other passengers to get off the bus. I gently shook Georgia and said, “hey baby, we are here.”

  She got off my shoulder and looked around dazed. “Hey you.” She spoke with a cracked voice.

  I chuckled. I kissed her cheek and then her lips. She met my lips and did the same back. “That was quick.” She uttered.

  “Not it you were awake.” I teased.

  We collected our bags and Georgia led the way. The walk to those fields was not very long and within ten minutes, we arrived.