Somebody to Love

by Ann Christopher

  Too bad Sean seemed to have something on his mind and seemed determined to share it.

  “Sean…” she tried.

  “Amber and I met by accident,” he told a stony-faced Edward, ignoring her protests as she’d somehow known he would. “I didn’t know she was Ella’s mother. She didn’t know that Daniel’s my best friend or that I’ve been staying in your parents’ cottage for the past few months. We spent a little time together. I like her. A lot.” Here Sean paused to shoot her a moody look brimming with anger and vulnerability. Bright patches of red crept over his face, coalescing in his sharp cheekbones. His jaw tightened. “Evidently, she doesn’t feel the same. I already knew Ella. You were there the night I met her at James’s wedding. You’ve seen me with her half a dozen times since then. You’ve never had any issues about it. The end. Any other questions?”

  He waited, but Edward seemed as thunderstruck by this monologue as Amber was.

  “Great. Looks like we’re done here.” Sean shot Amber a final scathing look that blamed her for everything from his hurt feelings to the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby and the Kennedy assassination. Flapped his hand in an irritable wave at both of them. “Happy Holidays. Bye.”

  He took off.

  Amber watched him go with a sinking heart as her stunned paralysis wore off. The full gravity of her situation began to sink in, leading to an aha moment of clarity that would have made Oprah proud. She wanted to kick her own ass, but, given the circumstances, she satisfied herself with smacking her forehead and shaking her head at her own colossal stupidity.

  Amber, you freaking idiot, what the hell did you do?

  In a world full of men who belatedly decided they didn’t want her, men who only wanted to date models and online men who expected women to send them nude selfies before deciding whether they even wanted to show up for drinks, Amber had met one man who’d shown potential. One man who fascinated and excited her. One man who, much to her enormous surprise, also liked small children and came with the Harper family seal of approval, an endorsement awarded only after a vetting worthy of the CIA.

  And what had she done with this precious unicorn of a man?

  Blown. Him. Off.

  God, she was stupid.

  “Amber,” Edward said, but she was sick to death of him and now wasn’t the time.

  “Give me a minute,” she said, hurrying after Sean.

  “Sean.”

  He kept going, his long strides taking him farther away from her and whatever fumbling attempt at an apology she hoped to make.

  “Sean,” she called again, dodging a couple carrying shopping bags full of Christmas gifts.

  She felt a moment’s enormous relief when he slowed and stopped. The feeling quickly turned to dread when he squared his shoulders, turned and faced her, waiting.

  She caught up with him in front of the bookstore window, where the awning gave them a modicum of privacy and cast most of his face into harsh shadows, but the white lights from the menorah illuminated his flashing eyes.

  She hesitated, breathless and tongue-tied now that her big moment had come.

  “Wow,” she said in an awkward attempt to break the ice and get out from under his evil eye. “Thanks for making me chase you down the sidewalk to talk to you.”

  His lips thinned. “Thanks for ignoring my texts and voice mails. I always appreciate feeling like a fool and a stalker. What do you want?”

  She winced. She knew she’d earned a good cold-shouldering from him, but she hadn’t expected him to cut to the chase quite like that.

  “I want to talk to you.” She paused to clear her throat, the laser strikes from his eyes actually making her mouth dry out. “I didn’t know you knew the Harpers.”

  Crooked smile. “Ditto on that one, Sweetness.”

  The nickname, even spoken with all that sarcasm, caused a sweet pang of longing in her belly. She attempted a smile.

  “Surprise! Edward’s my baby daddy!”

  Something in his expression loosened.

  “Surprise. Daniel’s my best friend. I’m an honorary Harper.”

  She had to laugh. He watched her, arrested, his attention dipping to her mouth before quickly reverting to her eyes. He seemed to catch himself softening toward her and wanted to nip it in the bud. So he tipped his head in Edward’s direction and renewed his frown.

  “What’s up, Amber? Edward’s waiting for you.”

  She wanted to offer the heartfelt apology that he deserved and beg for another chance, but the words wouldn’t come. Not here on the street on this cold winter night. Not with Edward watching them. Not when the lingering sadness in Sean’s amazing eyes and the renewed heat from his strong body threw her into this kind of emotional and physical turmoil.

  “Are you free for a drink? In a little while?” she asked helplessly. “I’m buying.”

  Unmistakable hope and excitement flared in his eyes in the millisecond before he hastily looked away. He blew out a harsh breath before looking her in the eye again.

  “I should tell you no. You’ve got my head all screwed up. I didn’t mean to say all that a minute ago. And now I’m heading the wrong way down the sidewalk when I meant to check out the damage to Harper Rose with Daniel. I should run away from you as fast as I can.”

  Some of the tension inside her chest and throat began to ease again.

  “Understood. But then you’d miss my abject apology.”

  They stared at each other for a long time, during which she felt all that intensity between them ratchet higher once again. And if she needed any proof that she was doing the right thing despite her fear, it was all right there in his eyes when he looked at her and the responsive tingling she felt in her nape.

  There was something about Sean Baldwin. Something significant.

  “What about Edward?” Sean seemed determined to provoke some sort of reaction from her. To track down some answer to a question that had eluded her until now. “He’s waiting for you. He looks upset.”

  Then it hit her with the sudden clarity of another aha moment. She spoke again, infusing her voice with all the finality she could manage.

  “I. Don’t. Care.”

  They both knew that she was talking about more than Edward’s time spent wasted in the cold while she worked on her personal life, and the words seemed to give Sean the reassurance he needed.

  He nodded, looking relieved. “An hour? Pub 221B?”

  She also nodded, doing a poor job of keeping her answering smile on contained.

  “See you then.”

  They walked back down the sidewalk together until Amber rejoined Edward and Sean continued on his way to the charred restaurant. She watched him disappear inside, then reluctantly faced Edward, her cheeks burning as she waited for his reaction.

  It didn’t take long.

  He shoved his hands in his pockets. Tried to look nonchalant, with as much success as a leopard trying to look like a penguin.

  “Wow. Sean, huh? Didn’t see that one coming.”

  Much as she kept looking forward to the day when she could rise above her petty bitterness and jealousy over the way Edward had kicked her to the curb, she couldn’t quite manage it yet. Especially when he kept lobbing softballs like that in her direction.

  “What? You mean the same way I didn’t see it coming when you left me and immediately hooked up with someone else? Like that?”

  Edward winced and had the grace to look embarrassed.

  “Point taken.” He opened his mouth, seemed to think better of it for a second or two and then plowed ahead anyway. “So how long has this been going on?”

  Amber crossed her arms and hiked up her chin, beginning to get cold and annoyed.

  “I’m sorry. How is that any of your business? What am I missing here?”

  “We’re co-parents,” he said. “I have a right to know who my child might be spending time with. As a courtesy.”

  Amber made an involuntary sound of outrage, all but choking on the hypocrisy. In th
e entire time she’d known him, Edward had always been a good and honest person. Had he been an emotionally available boyfriend? No, he had not. The mystery as to why not had been solved, once and for all, the day he broke up with her and admitted he was never going to marry her. But even that had been honest. Painful, but honest.

  Which was why she was so determined not to let him get away with this bullshit.

  “Right. Because you’ve been so courteous about telling me that Ella has been spending time with you and your girlfriend and has been since the second you two love birds got together.” She couldn’t bring herself to say the name Reeve aloud. She never could. “You’ve been a model of courtesy and co-parenting, haven’t you, Edward?”

  Edward looked stunned, which only fueled her anger. She’d vacillated between hurt and anger in the months since their breakup, with her wounded ego demanding the lion’s share of attention. But now her anger seemed to be pulling ahead in the home stretch. Maybe it was all part of the process of grieving and letting go. She had no idea. All she knew was that as she stared at Edward’s face, once so beloved, she had plenty of anger to spare.

  “Why so surprised? You know Ella’s precocious. Did you think I wouldn’t notice when she started babbling your girlfriend’s name all the time and talking about her cat named Muffin?”

  “Jesus,” he muttered, leaning back and looking at the night sky while pressing his hands to either side of his head. “I keep fucking this up, don’t I?”

  “Yeah, Edward, you sure do,” she said bitterly.

  He dropped his hands and stood up straight, facing her with unmistakable sadness and regret.

  “I’m an idiot. I thought I was being discreet and sparing your feelings, but I missed the mark. I have no idea how to handle our situation. But I want you to be happy. You deserve that. You’re a great woman and the mother of my child. I want the very best for you. I’m sure you think I’m the scum of the earth right now, but I hope you believe that about me.”

  As she’d told him on more than one occasion since they broke up, he made it difficult for her to remain angry with him. Especially when he gave heartfelt speeches like that and accompanied them with liberal doses of soulful concern.

  “Yeah, I believe that,” she said wearily. “But I am angry at you. You have earned my anger. You think I’m happy to be in this spot emotionally? Well, I’m not. I don’t plan to spend the rest of my life as the tragic victim of your harsh treatment. But for right now, I’m not going to pretend I don’t feel what I feel just because it’s inconvenient and our lives would run more smoothly without my anger.”

  “I get that,” he said, nodding sadly. “Do we need family therapy or some such? Because we don’t want this dynamic to hurt Ella.”

  Wow. There went another sign of Reeve’s effect on Edward and his new awareness of feelings. Which made Amber both proud of him and also perversely angrier at him and Reeve.

  Still, she needed to keep impersonating a mature adult.

  “Maybe at some point, but I don’t think we’re there yet. We just need to keep communicating. I guess. Hell, I don’t know.”

  Edward opened his mouth. Hesitated.

  “I’m not trying to make this all about me,” he said.

  “It’s about both of us.”

  “The thing is… I don’t think we were meant to be lovers. But we are great parents. Separately and jointly. And we were always good friends. Even before we started dating. And in the periods where we dated other people. We always stayed in touch. We always talked to each other. I know I’m not your favorite person right now. But we are part of each other’s lives. We’re stuck. And I’m having a tough time not even being your friend.”

  She nodded. Wiped away a sudden tear that threatened to embarrass her.

  “What should we do?” he asked. “I’m willing to try pretty much anything.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you,” she said, shrugging unhappily. “It’s not like I have the answers and I’m keeping them a secret from you.”

  He shoved his hands deep into his pockets again, hunching his shoulders and shifting uncomfortably.

  “How about if I call you with news about Ella the way I used to. Or send you pictures or whatever. The other day she insisted on shaving her face when I shaved mine. It was adorable. You would have loved it.”

  The image of their chubby cheeked daughter with shaving cream all over her face was just the thing to break the ice between them.

  Amber burst into laughter.

  Edward, meanwhile, suddenly looked as though he might cry.

  “See? We can do it, right?”

  Amber somehow managed to hold his gaze while smiling, something she hadn’t done in months. It felt strange and new. Also familiar and comfortable.

  “We can try.”

  “I’ll take that.” Edward heaved a huge sigh of relief and opened his arms. “Let’s hug it out. Seal the deal.”

  Well, what could she do? The impulse was still there to punch him in his taut abs and tell him he could kiss her ass and go on kissing it for all of eternity. On the other hand, the relieved impulse to hug her daughter’s father and her old friend was much stronger.

  So she walked straight into his arms and returned his bear hug with interest. Received his smacking kiss on the cheek with gratitude. Experienced a real Kumbaya moment.

  Until she glanced over his shoulder and discovered his new girlfriend walking down the sidewalk toward them, looking stricken in her jeans and puffy coat.

  Reeve.

  The ridiculous thing was, Amber actually experienced a moment of feeling as though she’d just been caught cheating with Edward. She stiffened. Pushed him away. Pointed in his girlfriend’s direction in response to his puzzled look. Watched him wince. Hated them both anew.

  Edward hastily cleared his throat. Reached out a hand to beckon Reeve closer. Grew a pair and did the introductions with a hoarse voice.

  “Amber, this is Dr. Reeve Banks. My, ah, girlfriend and a pediatrician at the medical center. As you know. Reeve, this is Amber Garvey. Ella’s mother.”

  “Hi,” Reeve said, trying to smile.

  “Hi,” Amber said, staring at her romantic replacement in the most surreal moment of her life.

  She’d caught a glimpse of Reeve once before with Edward at the doctor’s office, months ago when Ella experienced one of her frequent ear infections. Amber had had a quick and shocked impression of a beautiful face, but had mostly been interested in the way Edward looked at Reeve, which was the rough equivalent of the way most people on the planet looked at Beyoncé. Blind worship. A way that Edward had never looked at Amber, by the way. That moment had felt like a spear hurled directly through Amber’s heart.

  Exactly the way this moment felt.

  Reeve was much shorter than Amber, but then everyone was. Reeve was also curvier. Brown skin and eyes. Sweet and luminous eyes. Pouty mouth. Heart-shaped face. Curly black hair. Scent of warm roses.

  Her overall vibe? Fallen angel waiting for her prince.

  In that wild moment, Amber couldn’t even blame Edward for falling for Reeve so quickly. Hell, Amber half wanted to do her herself, and she wasn’t even into women.

  Another splintered piece of Amber’s heart fell and shattered on the ground.

  “Ella talks about you,” Amber blurted before she thought to stop herself.

  Wait, what?

  What had she just said?

  Her big moment finally came to confront the other woman and that’s what she said? After all the daydreaming she’d done about calling Reeve a home-wrecking beyotch? After she’d spent months longing to tell this woman something along the lines of, don’t fool yourself, honey. Edward walked out on me and he’ll walk out on you, too?

  That was the best she could do in the way of petty revenge?

  Ella talks about you?

  “And your cat,” Amber babbled. “She talks about you and your cat all the time.”

  Amber cringed inwardly, wishing sh
e could clamp a hand on her mouth and keep the nonsense inside, where it belonged. Jesus Christ. Was she a loser, or what?

  Reeve, meanwhile, grimaced and exchanged a horrified and guilty sidelong look with Edward, but somehow kept her pleasant pleased to meet you smile in place. “She’s a wonderful child. You must be so proud of her.”

  “Well.” Amber felt a welcome surge of pettiness, not a moment too soon. “I am her mother. The only one she’ll ever have.”

  Edward froze. Reeve blinked, but maintained her placid smile. “I know. But people can’t help falling in love with her.”

  “Or with Edward, apparently,” Amber muttered.

  “Or with Edward,” Reeve said with a tinge of sadness as she held Amber’s gaze.

  Edward stepped forward to put a supportive hand on the small of Reeve’s back. Everything inside Amber zeroed in on that hand and on the way Reeve shot him a grateful smile. On the way the love birds spoke each other’s language and exchanged secret messages that Amber would never be a part of. On the way this strange new woman now commanded everything about the man Amber had always thought that she would one day marry. On the new knowledge that there were parts of Edward that Reeve easily accessed in a way Amber never had and never would have, even if Edward had one day married her. And now Edward seemed happier than Amber had ever seen him. He smiled all the time. Seemed to glow with some inner sunshine.

  Reeve had done that.

  Amber was still reeling from the strange absurdity of the moment when Edward spoke.

  “I mentioned this already, Amber, but, ah, Reeve and I met after you and I broke up.”

  Amber frowned and used a monumental effort to shift her attention from that protective hand on Reeve’s back to Edward’s face, genuine bewilderment getting the best of her.

  “What makes you think that matters?”

  Edward’s expression fell. “We made some progress here today, Amber. Can we hang on to that? Please?”

  Amber shrugged. Lobbed a final and uncontrollable glance at Reeve, the miracle worker.

  “I’m doing the best I can, Edward. That’s all you can expect me to do.”

  Chapter Nine