Somebody to Love

by Ann Christopher

He rounded on Edward, making sure to keep his voice down despite his anger because he didn’t want to wake Ella.

  “Here’s the deal. I’m happy for you. I really am. I want you two kids to have a great life together. But before you do that, you need to know”—he poked Edward’s chest with two of his fingers, which was immature but better than what he really wanted to do, which was punch out most of his front teeth—“that you really fucked with her head and I’m paying the price. So you need to fix it.”

  “What?” Edward had the nerve to look taken aback. Reeve, meanwhile, had the decency to sit, study the menu and let the two of them hash it out. “I thought you two were doing great. She seems really happy every time I see her.”

  “We are happy, but we’re stuck. And I’m not the one to unstick her. You are.”

  “What can I do?” Edward cried. “She barely tolerates my presence. We’ve had a good conversation or two, but I don’t want to make things any worse.”

  “How could they be any worse?” Sean said, incredulous. “She’s petrified that I’m going to walk out on her the way you did. She won’t let me near Ella, even though we all know that Ella loves me. You started this fucking dumpster fire. You need to clean it up.”

  “Yeah, but if I knew what to say to her, I would have—”

  “Fix it,” Sean barked.

  “But —”

  “Sean’s right,” Reeve said, looking up from her menu. “We’re about to get married and you and Amber have a daughter who’s not even two years old yet. We’re all family now. I don’t plan on spending the next sixteen and a half years avoiding each other every holiday season and praying that Amber will one day smile at me when we run into each other getting coffee. Fix. It.”

  Reeve’s do it or else tone seemed to strike the fear of God into Edward. He heaved a harsh sigh and squared his shoulders like a man on his final approach to the lethal injection chamber and had his game face back on by the time Amber reappeared, also with her game face back on.

  “I’d better get back to the boutique and make some progress before little Miss Ella wakes up,” she said, hastily putting on her jacket and grabbing her bag—

  “Well, hello, everyone,” said a chirpy and familiar new female voice, startling them all. “Sorry to interrupt when everyone looked so serious.”

  Sean looked around and froze, feeling like a fool, his desperate brain screaming Not Now! Here he’d thought that his day had reached the summit of Everest in terms of disasters, but no. There was always room for a crevasse fall, monster storm or avalanche to make things worse.

  And there was worse, standing right by his table: his mother, Serena Baldwin, his brother Mike and his wife Dara crash-landing into his peaceful Journey’s End existence a full four hours early.

  “Hope you don’t mind, Sean, but we took an earlier flight,” his mother continued brightly. “We wanted to surprise you.”

  Well, they’d certainly done that.

  Sean somehow got his face unstuck, plastered a smile on it and stood.

  “Hey, Mama,” he said, noting her sleek salt-and-pepper bob, healthy flush and wide smile as he pulled her in for a hug and kiss. Chic as usual, she wore a baby blue plaid suit that looked like Chanel, unless he was much mistaken. “You look great.”

  “So do you, Sean!” She squeezed him hard. “It’s so good to see you.”

  He set her loose, then warily turned to Mike, willing to give things a try and determined not to be the one to break the peace. Mike, to no one’s surprise, looked tall, handsome and prosperous, wearing an expensive navy sports jacket with a custom white shirt, expensive jeans and Italian loafers. The criminal defense biz was still treating him well, apparently, but Sean already knew that. Everything and everyone treated Mike well. Always had. Some things never changed. Oh, sure, Mike’s hair was infused with more gray these days, especially through the temples, but his familiar stern expression was firmly in place as he looked at Sean.

  And Sean, stupid until the bitter end, held his breath and hoped that his perfect big brother would be nice to him today.

  “What’s up, man?” Mike said, managing a genuine smile that actually engaged his eyes and everything as he shook Sean’s hand and pulled him into a hug. “You look good.”

  “So do you.” Sean let go of Mike, absurdly grateful for such a warm greeting, and turned to Dara. “How are you, beautiful?”

  Beautiful was the right word and always had been when it came to Dara. Pregnancy agreed with her. She glowed up at him, eyes sparkling and cheeks pink, her baby bump on full display beneath chic blue dress. “I’m great. Hope you don’t mind us coming to visit and make sure you’re staying out of trouble.”

  Well, that got him. He had to laugh because he and trouble had a long and painful history together. Plus, he’d always had a soft spot for Dara even if she had once chosen his brother over him.

  Hell, he couldn’t blame her. Any woman with a working brain would have done the same back then.

  “I’m trying,” he assured her.

  “And who’s all this?” his mother said, eyeballing the others with interest. “You looked like you were debating a treaty for world peace when we walked up.”

  “This is, ah, everyone,” he said, catching sight of Amber’s flinty expression, which seemed to have snagged on his hand where it lingered on the small of Dara’s back. He hastily got his head back in the game, dropped his hand and reached for Amber to pull her in. “Mama, this is my girlfriend, Amber Garvey. Amber, my mother. And my brother Mike and his wife, Dara.”

  “Well, aren’t you tall and beautiful?” his mother chirped as she pulled Amber in for a hug. “No wonder Sean sounds so happy every time I speak to him these days.”

  “Thanks for that, Mama,” Sean said, cheeks burning.

  “So nice to meet you, Mrs. Baldwin,” Amber said, grinning with pleasure.

  “And who are these lovely people?” his mother said, her sweeping gesture encompassing the others.

  Sean stifled a sigh, waited another beat or two for the earth to open up and swallow him whole and then, when it didn’t, decided to just get it over with and lay it all out there.

  “This little sleeping angel is Amber’s daughter, Ella. This is Edward Harper, Ella’s father. And this is Dr. Reeve Banks, Edward’s fiancée.”

  To her everlasting credit, his mother’s smile never wobbled and her genteel charm never experienced so much as a hiccup.

  Mike, on the other hand? A discreet sidelong what the fuck? look lobbed in Sean’s direction, causing Sean to stiffen. Not one of Mike’s patented passive aggressive comments, to be sure, but a crack in the peace nonetheless.

  “Such a pleasure to meet all of Sean’s friends,” his mother said warmly.

  Pleasantries were exchanged. Hugs and handshakes given.

  When it was all said and done, his mother, Mike and Dara headed to the counter to order lunch. Edward and Reeve settled at their own table, probably for a full afternoon of wedding planning and honeymoon location choosing.

  Leaving Sean to say a wary goodbye to Amber as she steered the stroller toward the front door.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked with all the enthusiasm of someone expecting a terminal diagnosis of some sort.

  Since his nerves were scraped raw, he could only imagine.

  “No idea.” He shrugged irritably. “I felt completely reassured once I saw your reaction to Edward’s engagement news.”

  She winced, dropping her gaze.

  They stood there for two or three of the most painful seconds of his life, he, the woman he loved and her child, whom he also loved. Trapped in a purgatory where he had no idea if Amber could ever love him back or allow Ella the chance to love him back.

  Amber finally looked him in the eye again, those banked tears of hers making another appearance just to make his gut churn.

  “I’m doing the best I can, Sean.”

  He wanted to soften toward her, but he refused to compromise on thi
s point. Their entire future was at stake, and his future had never looked so bright.

  If only they could get over this hurdle.

  “I know you are. So am I. But we need to do better. Because this thing right here?” He gestured between them. “The way it stands now? It’s never going to work if we don’t make some changes. And we both know it.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Amber arrived at her boutique a few minutes later, parked Ella’s stroller in her office/kitchen behind some of the boxes (the baby monitor would alert her when Ella woke up), prayed that her daughter would remain asleep for at least another hour, sent her new assistant on her lunch break and eyeballed the racks of clothes that needed to be steamed. Not to mention the costume jewelry that needed to be placed in the display case and the point of purchase software she needed to set up.

  Oy. Talk about a classic case of be careful what you wish for.

  On top of all that, her brain was still reeling from everything that had just happened at Java Nectar, flittering from topic to topic like a manic butterfly in a poppy field and making focused effort unlikely at the moment.

  Topic One?

  Edward had proposed to Reeve already. Of course he had. Bastard.

  Topic Two?

  Sean wanted to spend time with her and Ella. Funny how his announcement to that effect managed to be the most natural thing in the world and also an unbelievable surprise. At the same time.

  She added water to the steamer and plugged it in, shaking her head as she thought back to the dark days after Edward first ditched her, when she’d been so convinced that she’d never find somebody to love. Because, come on. In a world where dating apps put thousands of people at everyone’s fingertips, what rational man would want a single mother when he could have a free and easy twenty-something with no baggage? Hell, it wasn’t even as though Amber had a grown kid who could, say, carry on a conversation or play soccer or get ice cream with Amber’s new boyfriend, if she was ever lucky enough to land one. Nor did she have a surly teenager likely to spend most of her time with friends and/or holed up in her room ignoring Amber and her new boyfriend.

  No.

  Amber had a high-maintenance and precocious toddler.

  A toddler.

  Yet Sean wanted to spend time with Ella. Actually seemed to resent Amber for continuing to keep Ella from him. Which was another example of how Sean kept blowing her mind. In the best possible way.

  Topic Three?

  Sean said he wanted to discuss next steps with her.

  Next steps? A man wanted to discuss next steps? With her? And not just any old man who turned up on a dating app. A smart, kind, funny, sexy and honest man who was close to the Harpers and had a stellar career unfolding in front of him. An outstanding man who seemed to understand her and who made her heart sing every time he flashed those dimples her way.

  What the fuck?

  She’d stuck around for the better part of a decade waiting, hoping and praying that Edward would one day want to discuss next steps with her. He never had. And now here was Sean, bringing up next steps within four months.

  And what had she done when this outstanding man had suggested he wanted to deepen their relationship? Had she responded with joy and gratitude? Had she spilled the contents of her heart and told him that she was pretty sure she was falling in love with him?

  No, she had not.

  She’d gone into paralytic shock and rebuffed him.

  God, she was stupid.

  God, she was scared.

  What if she’d run Sean off with her irrational angst? What if he decided that, upon further consideration, Edward had had the right idea about her? What if Sean cut her loose the way Edward had?

  She pressed a hand to her chest, the mere thought making her lungs seize up.

  The boutique’s front door opened just then, making her wind chimes tinkle. She quickly glanced around, hoping against hope that it was Sean—

  But it was Edward.

  Come to deliver an additional dose of upsetting news, no doubt.

  “Hey,” she said, her heart sinking as she wondered how much worse the day could get before it was all over. “Did I forget something?”

  “Nope.” He didn’t seem that eager to look her in the eye as he came closer, instead taking the time to examine the boutique with an appreciative whistle. “Wow. This looks amazing. You’ve done a great job.”

  Startled, she inventoried her handiwork and tried to focus on what she’d already accomplished instead of how far she still had to go before the official opening.

  It did look pretty nice, she supposed. Elegant and chic, it was decorated in pale grays and black, with plenty of natural light from the plate glass window up front and pops of color from the potted trees. Shelves, tables and stands waited for their accessories to arrive. Fashion posters (Chanel’s interlocking Cs, Vogue, miscellaneous designer sketches and a sign that said I Have Nothing to Wear) leaned against the wall, waiting to be hung. Dressing rooms idled with their black linen drapes open, waiting for their first customers to put them into use.

  Seeing it all come together, Amber felt a quiet moment of pride. She’d done this. She could do this. And all the hard work (researching; planning; budgeting; painting; buying; cleaning; decorating; hiring; managing) that had gone into pulling this baby together was so much more meaningful than any runway she’d ever walked or catalog she’d ever graced.

  “Thanks,” she said, keeping her pride to herself and instead focusing on getting rid of Edward ASAP. “What’s up? I don’t have much time before your daughter wakes up, so…”

  He rubbed his hands together, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

  “I was, ah, hoping we could talk.”

  “About what?” she asked warily, praying that this had nothing to do with his upcoming wedding. She’d done her best to be gracious about it a little while ago, but she had her limits and her Classy Woman façade was running on fumes.

  “I want to make sure that you and I are good. That we’ve put the past behind us.”

  “Well, you certainly have,” she blurted before she could stop herself, causing Edward to flinch.

  Shit.

  She hadn’t meant to say that. She’d meant to be cool and aloof. The same as she’d been for the last several months. But her cheeks began to burn and she felt the sudden tightness in her throat that always signaled a pending temper flareup.

  “I thought you were too,” he said quietly. “With Sean.”

  “Evidently not.” Bitterness crept into her voice, despite all her attempts to eradicate it. “Not according to Sean, anyway.”

  Shit. Fuck.

  What was wrong with her today? Why couldn’t she keep her big mouth shut and her shameful secrets to herself? Desperate to exit this conversation and get rid of Edward before anything worse happened, she turned her back on him, grabbed the steamer wand and attacked the nearest blouse with it.

  “Anything else? I’ve got tons of stuff to get done here.”

  “Yeah.” Edward had a funny catch in his throat that caught her attention and brought her back around. As did all the turbulence in his expression. “Hate me all you want. But don’t punish Sean. He’s a good guy. He doesn’t deserve to suffer from my mistakes.” Long pause. “Neither do you.”

  All her anger surged higher, threatening to pour out of her like sweat during one of her hot yoga sessions, so she put the wand down again. She didn’t trust herself with dangerous implements at the moment.

  “Are you serious?” She took an aggressive step forward and got in his face. “What happens between me and Sean is none of your business. And kindly do not act like you care about what I deserve and what I don’t deserve.”

  “Go ahead.” Edward remained the soul of serenity, much to her annoyance. “Get it all out. It’s been a long time coming.”

  “Don’t you tell me what to do!” she shouted, his quiet calm slowly unhinging her. “I don’t need your permission for anything!”

>   “Nope. But you need to get all that anger out so you can get past it. Live the rest of your life in peace and happiness.”

  “Like you’re doing, you mean,” she said, somehow resisting the strong urge to swing on all that pained concern in his face. Like he was concerned when he sliced her out of his life and took off with Reeve without a second glance. She blinked back a sudden tear, infuriated by her own weakness. “And stop looking at me like that. You don’t like seeing the mess you made? Well, tough shit. You made me like this. Deal with it.”

  “That’s why I’m here.”

  “Sorry I don’t have a magic wand to get rid of all my messy feelings and make your life easier. You’d probably feel so much less guilt that way, wouldn’t you?”

  “Yeah.” He wiped an eye with the back of his hand. “Because I know that I’m not worth it. And I keep thinking about something I told Reeve’s friend Sofia when she was crying over a breakup.”

  “I can hardly wait to hear this,” she said acidly, wiping her own eyes.

  Edward’s nostrils flared. He pressed his lips together, taking a long time to speak.

  “I told her that that guy would never be who she needed him to be. And I’m that toxic guy for you, Amber. I’ve never been and never could be the guy you needed me to be. I think Sean might be who you need.”

  Wow.

  As if she needed all his righteous wisdom after all he’d put her through.

  Bastard.

  “I know that! I don’t even want you anymore! I’m so much happier now! If you came belly crawling back to me through the mud with a Cartier engagement ring clamped in your teeth, I wouldn’t want you back!”

  “Then what are you doing, Amber?” he asked with unmistakable relief and more than a tinge of frustration. “Why are you trying to self-destruct?”

  “I don’t know,” she said helplessly, unable to hold back a sob. “I don’t know why I’m so stuck. I have no idea why you’re off living your life with no problems and I’m afraid to make a meaningful place for Sean in my life. You think I want to be like this?”

  The piteous note in her voice shamed her. And broke off more than a little chunk of his heart, judging by the way his face crumpled.