by Carrie Elks
“Ember?” She only vaguely heard Lucas above the thud of her heartbeat. “Are you okay?”
“Her foot’s bleeding,” one of the people picking up glass told him. “There’s a shard stuck in her foot.”
The blood rushing through her ears drowned out every other sound. She stood as compliant as a child as Lucas slowly pulled the glass out, his fingers deft and warm against her skin.
“Does it hurt?” he asked her, as he pressed a paper towel to her skin.
She shook her head, still saying nothing.
“What happened?” Janice asked, joining the crowd to see what the fuss was.
“Nothing, I dropped a glass,” Lucas said, shooting Ember a glance from the corner of his eye. “Do you have a broom somewhere?”
Janice disappeared, and Lucas turned to Ember, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Ember, can you say something?”
Could she? She wasn’t totally sure. Her lips were stuck together and it took some effort to pull them apart. Frowning, she tried to remember how to form words on her tongue and make them come to life with her voice.
“Do you think she’s in shock?” somebody to the left of her asked.
It was as though somebody had covered her in cotton wool, making everything around her muted and fuzzy. When she finally opened her mouth to say something, she didn’t recognize her own voice. It sounded as sharp as the glass that had shattered on the floor.
“I want to go home.”
24
Lucas pulled his car into her apartment parking lot and put it in park, turning the ignition off before he turned to look at Ember. She hadn’t said a word for the entire journey home. Okay, it had only taken seven minutes, but it had felt a hell of a lot longer in his opinion.
The only sounds he could hear were the short intake of her breaths and the louder thumping of his heart. When he turned to look at her, she was sitting ramrod straight in the passenger seat, her head turned as she looked out of the side window.
“Ember?” he said, his voice gentle. “We’re here, you’re home.”
She nodded, still saying nothing. It had been almost twenty minutes since she’d said anything other than she wanted to go home.
He reached out to touch her arm. In spite of the desert-like heat outside she felt cold, almost clammy. He had no idea what was going on in her head, but whatever it was he didn’t like it one bit. “Are you okay?” he asked her.
“I don’t feel well.”
He wasn’t sure whether to be delighted she’d finally answered him, or afraid of the lifelessness in her voice.
“Thank you for the ride,” she said, still monotone. “I’ll see you later.”
“Wait.” He reached out and stilled her hand where it was pulling at the door handle. “I’ll see you up.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’ll be fine, I just need to be alone for a little while.”
“I don’t want to leave you when you’re feeling like this. At least let me make sure you’re okay?”
She didn’t reply, just kept her hand hovering by the handle. Lucas sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingertips. Somebody had suggested she was in shock, and he knew those symptoms well enough. The feeling of being frozen, of being half a step out of time with the rest of the world. Of everything pushing in on you until you weren’t sure you could even breathe any more.
But there was something else bothering him. If she was in shock, what did that mean? Was she upset about Will and his new fiancée? About the news they were having a baby?
Was she still in love with him, even though she said she wasn’t?
His mind was full of questions that he had no idea how to ask. Maybe because he was afraid of the answers. But even though he felt paralyzed by the thought of her still being in love with her ex, there was no way he was going to let her be alone.
“I’ll take you up,” he said again, his voice firm. “And if you don’t want me to stay, I’ll call one of your friends to come over, okay? There’s no way I’m leaving you on your own tonight.”
“Okay.” Her voice a whisper, but he’d take it.
“Come on then. Let’s get you home.”
“How is she?” Ally asked as Lucas opened the door to her. Ember glanced over her shoulder at her friend. Even with her tall stature, Ally had to stand on her tiptoes to peer over Lucas’ shoulders and into Ember’s apartment.
Ember was sitting on the sofa, her back as straight as it had been in his car, perched at the edge of the seat as if she was going to stand up any minute. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Lucas had brought her home. She remembered him pouring her a glass of water and offering it to her. Eventually, he gave up and put it on the coffee table. And she remembered him using her phone to call Ally and Brooke, but after that everything felt a little blank.
She shivered, her whole body feeling cold. Maybe she should turn down the air conditioning. It was weird the way she couldn’t think properly, it was as though somebody had flipped the off switch in her brain and nothing was firing properly.
“…and then Richard told everybody that Will and his fiancée were having a baby. After that she stopped talking. She’s hardly said a word since we left the party.” Lucas was half-whispering to Ally, as if he didn’t want Ember to hear.
“They’re having a baby?” Ally’s voice rose up an octave. “Shit.” Yeah, Ember definitely heard that.
“Not good?” Lucas asked.
“Not good at all.” Ally sighed. “Oh God, poor Ember.”
“I don’t get it,” Lucas said, sounding confused. “Is she still in love with him? Why is she so upset? I thought she was over him.”
Ember could feel her heart racing, slamming against her chest.
“She didn’t tell you?” Ally asked.
“Tell me what?”
“Oh damn,” Ally cursed, this time even louder than the last. “Okay, you need to get out of here. Let me speak with her, okay?”
“Should I wait outside?”
There was a pause, as though Ally was weighing up the options. “Lemme come in and see her.” Ember heard the sound of footsteps across the wooden floor, then saw Ally standing in front of her, her brows pulled down as she looked at her friend.
She wanted to open her mouth and tell them everything was okay. That she was only kidding, that it didn’t matter that Will had a ready-made-family while she had nothing. It didn’t matter that his lies were even worse than she’d thought.
But she couldn’t open her mouth, she couldn’t say anything at all.
“You know what, Lucas?” Ally called out, her eyes never leaving Ember’s. “I think you should go home. Get some rest, I promise to call you later.”
“I came as soon as I could,” Brooke said, walking through the front door, past Ally and right over to Ember. “I’m so sorry it took a while. I had to get a sitter for Nick. I didn’t think I should bring him with me.” She paused long enough to take a breath. “How is she?”
“I’m fine,” Ember said, her voice still as cracked as a parched desert. “I don’t know why everybody’s fussing.”
“She’s talking, which is an improvement from an hour ago. You should have seen Lucas. He looked so scared, like he’d never dealt with a hysterical woman before.”
“Oh honey,” Brooke said, sitting down next to Ember and taking her hand between her two palms. “What a horrible way to find out about Will.”
“He’s an even bigger bastard than I thought,” Ally said through gritted teeth. “Which is saying something, because I already thought he was a huge dick.” She sat on the other side of Ember, taking her other hand. “It’s a good thing I wasn’t there. I would have given him a piece of my mind.”
Ember would have laughed if she had it in her. “It’s not his fault. He’s allowed to have a relationship, he owes nothing to me.”
But even in her addled state she didn’t quite believe it. She felt less than worthless. As though she’d been a rock weighing him down f
or all these years. He must have been delighted to be free of her.
“He said he didn’t want children,” Ember whispered. “But he looked so happy when his dad announced it, as though all his dreams were coming true.”
“I hate him,” Brooke said, squeezing Ember’s hand. “I really hate him. You think we can send Lucas over to beat him up?”
“Oh God, Lucas.” Ember pulled her hands away from her friends and buried her face in them. “What must he think of me? I completely froze when Richard announced the pregnancy. I must have looked crazy.”
“It doesn’t matter what he thinks,” Ally said, her voice firm.
“Can you tell us what happened at the party?” Brooke asked. “Only if you feel up to it.”
Her two friends listened as Ember recounted the story, her voice low as she told them about Will’s appearance and Richard’s awkward speech, followed by her dropping her glass and grabbing everybody’s attention.
“And only minutes before I felt like I was on top of the world,” Ember told them. “I had Lucas with me. I felt strong, and then everything crumbled.”
“Of course it did. After everything that happened, no wonder you were so shocked.” Brooke gave Ember a soft smile.
“I don’t get it,” Ally said, shaking her head. “Will told you he didn’t want children. That’s why he left, isn’t it? So why is he so happy about having a baby now?”
“It wasn’t a baby he didn’t want,” Ember said. “He just didn’t want to have a family with me.”
She closed her eyes, trying not to remember that day all those months ago when she’d taken a pregnancy test and it had come up positive. She’d been almost as shocked then as she was now. Yet then there had been a spark within her. Pure excitement that she and Will would finally become a family.
Looking back, Will had been strangely silent when she told him she was pregnant. He’d remained silent all that week. And then when she’d gone to the doctor and he’d told her it was almost certainly a false positive, Will must have seen it as a near miss. Within two days, he’d left her, and she hadn’t seen him again.
All along she’d assumed they’d split because he hadn’t wanted children. What else was she supposed to think? But now… it hurt like hell to know everything she’d thought was wrong.
“You know what I think?” Ally said, tipping her head to the left as she looked at Ember. “I think you’re processing everything now that you should have done all those months ago. You lost a baby – okay, the idea of one – and then within the blink of an eye you lost Will as well. And only a few months later your father died. Maybe you didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with it all back then. So as soon as you heard Will’s announcement tonight it all came flooding back.”
Neither Ember nor Brooke said a word. They both turned to stare at Ally, their eyes wide, their lips parted. For a second the room was filled with silence – something completely unheard of when all three of them were together.
“Whoa,” Brooke eventually said, shaking her head. “Where the hell did you get that from? It’s perfect.”
Ally licked her lips and looked down at the floor. “I may have been watching re-runs of Doctor Phil late at night when I couldn’t sleep.” She shrugged. “Anyway, it makes sense, right? You told me yourself you’re over Will. You’re not upset that he’s moved on as much as you’re upset because all that bad stuff is back in your thoughts again, right when you hoped you’d seen the last of it.”
Ember licked her lips, considering Ally’s words. They rang true for her. She didn’t want to think about the pain she’d been through, or how weak she’d felt in the weeks after Will left. Remembering those days when she’d get back from work and stare vacantly at her TV, counting the hours until bedtime, only made her want to scream.
She’d worked so hard to pull herself out of the mire and become strong again. It made her angry to think she could fall right back in so easily.
Her phone rang, and she looked around to see where Lucas had put it. The ringtone was coming from the evening purse she’d bought to match her pretty dress, laying on the coffee table where Lucas had gently laid it down. She pulled it out and glanced at the display.
Mom.
It was way too late for her mom’s usually chatty kind of call. She felt half-inclined to send it to voicemail, but she’d worry her mom was having some kind of genuine emergency.
“Hello?”
“Ember, I just heard about Will. You were at the party, weren’t you? Are you okay?”
The town gossip was getting faster than ever. She blamed broadband.
“I’m fine.” Ember tried to keep her voice light. “It was wonderful news. I’m very happy for him.”
“I can’t believe he’s getting married and having a baby, I always thought it would be you.”
“Yeah, well I’m glad it’s not.” Thank goodness she never told her mom about her phantom pregnancy. That would have brought a whole new level of hand wringing to the situation. “Hopefully they’ll be very happy together.”
“I heard you were there with a man, too. Was it a friend from school?”
Okay, somebody needed to chop the grapevine down. Megassey’s sold axes. Ember was pretty sure they would do the job. Maybe she’d buy one tomorrow. “Mom, it’s late. Is there anything else you need or could this wait until tomorrow?”
Ally sniggered and Ember rolled her eyes at her.
“Well if you’re going to speak to me like that, I guess I’ll go to bed. I’m just worried about you.”
“You don’t need to worry about me.” Ember’s voice was soft. She felt bad about chewing her mom out. “Seriously, I’m fine. I was with a friend and he took care of me, I’ll fill you in on the rest tomorrow.” The highlight reel only, though. She’d learned that from experience.
“As long as you’re okay, then I’m happy. What’s your friend’s name?”
“Good night, Mom,” Ember said firmly.
She ended the call and laid her phone back down on the coffee table, the display facing up. It would have been so natural to pick it up again and speed dial Lucas. For the past weeks when they hadn’t been together, they’d been messaging or calling each other; it felt strange without him.
And yet she was afraid, scared of what he must think about her. She’d practically collapsed after Richard made Will’s announcement. Although Ally’s explanation of her reaction made sense, she wasn’t sure how to explain it to him.
He must think she still loved Will when the fact was she didn’t care for him at all, not the way she felt about Lucas. She just didn’t want to tell him the real reasons she’d been taken by surprise. She didn’t want him to know how easily she could be hurt, and she definitely didn’t want to tell him about the baby – or lack of it. What would he think of her?
Pulling her eyes away from her phone, she looked first at Ally, then at Brooke. She felt blessed to have them in her life. How many times had they run to help her when she needed them?
But right now, she was desperate to be alone. She didn’t want to talk about Will or Lucas anymore. She wanted to curl up, close her eyes, and submit herself to the sweet nothingness of sleep.
“I think I’m going to go to bed.” She gave the smallest of smiles. “My dad always said things looked better in the morning light, I’m going to see if he’s right.”
“Would you like one of us to stay?” Brooke asked. “I could sleep on the sofa.”
Ember shook her head. “No. I’ll be fine, I promise. I’m so tired I’ll fall asleep right away.”
“If you’re sure…”
“I’m sure,” Ember told them, her voice firm. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this exhausted, her whole body was dog tired. She wasn’t sure she’d even make it to the bed without collapsing. “Thank you both for being here. I’ll call you in the morning to let you know how I’m doing.”
They stood and Ally hugged her, followed by Brooke. They still looked reluctant to leave.
“Go,” Ember told them, making shooing movements with the last of her energy. “Let’s all get some sleep, okay?”
When they left, she changed into her sleep shorts and cleaned her teeth slowly, every movement of her arm feeling leaden. She climbed into bed and let her head sink back into the softness of her pillow, and tried not to look at the space where Lucas sometimes slept.
Lucas. Agh, what a mess she’d made of things. The thought of trying to explain it to him made her feel sick. She sighed again, turning on her side so she didn’t have to look at the empty space beside her, and squeezed her eyes tightly shut.
She didn’t want to think about it anymore. Her messed-up non-relationship would have to wait until morning.
25
The loud ring of his phone woke him up. Lucas turned onto his side, reaching his hand out in the darkness of the room, moving it around until he located his cell on the table next to his bed. Frowning, he lifted it to look at the display.
Chief Simons.
Well that got his attention like nothing else. He immediately sat up, sliding his finger across the screen to accept the call, and lifted his phone to his ear, trying not to worry about why she was calling this early in the morning.
“Hello?” His voice still held the heaviness of sleep. “Chief Simons?”
“Thanks for answering. Did I wake you up?”
A glance at the clock beside his bed which told him it was just after two a.m. No point in lying about it. “Yeah, but that’s okay. What’s up?”
“A fire’s broken out in the Santa Maria Forest.” The chief’s voice was low as she spoke down the line. “The dryness of the trees and the constant wind is making it spread fast. We’re sending every wildfire-trained crew we’ve got down there. If you’re available, I need you, too. Can you get to White City station within an hour?”
