by Carrie Elks
“Yes ma’am.” Lucas jumped out of bed, the soles of his feet hitting the wooden floor hard. He was completely awake now, his mind on high alert. He’d been called out to wildfires before – they were no joke. “You want me to lead a crew?”
“Yes. I know you’re not due back until Monday, but if you can start a day early I’d be really grateful.” She took a deep breath. “I need my best men out there, Lucas. You’re one of them. I know I can rely on you.”
Lucas pulled a t-shirt over his head and grabbed his pants, sliding his legs into them while still holding the phone. “Yes you can, ma’am,” he told Chief Simons, his thoughts already on the location of the fire and the direction of the dry wind. “I’ll be with you shortly.”
Wildfires were common at this time of the year in Southern California, and Lucas had been involved in fighting a number of them during his time with the White City Fire Department. He knew how unpredictable they could be, how long they could last, and how much they were at the mercy of nature when they tried to fight back the flames.
As the crew climbed out of their truck and joined the other firefighters on the ground, he could feel the heat of the inferno as it carried through the wind. Black dust surrounded him as he put his breathing equipment on, making sure it was snug against his skin. One thing he’d learned from experience – you didn’t take any risks when it came to wildfires.
It was a little known fact that you didn’t only fight wildfires with water. Oh yeah, there was plenty of the stuff used, both on the ground and in the air, but there wasn’t enough water in the whole of California to effectively put out a fire this big. Containing and putting out fires like this was similar to running a military operation – with the Chief coordinating her staff on both land and in the air, switching tactics as the weather changed, directing the crews to create a fire line – a barrier between the encroaching wildfire and the land that hadn’t yet been affected by the flames.
“Lucas, thanks for coming,” Chief Simons nodded at him, her face grim. “I need you and your crew to join the others in the forest. We have a bulldozer out there bringing down trees, we’re going to need to burn them all before the fire gets here. According to the forecasts, the wind is going to get worse in the morning. I want us to get this under control before that happens.”
Fighting fire with fire. It was a tactic they often used in situations like these to try and slow the wildfire down. If you took away the fuel it needed to keep going, you could start to contain the flames. But with conditions as bad as this, it would take a lot to have a controllable friendly fire. Lucas rolled his shoulders to loosen his muscles, then called for the crew to join him.
As they made their way into the forest, the impact of the fire overwhelmed his senses. It wasn’t just the bright orange glow of the flames, or the intense heat that came at them with every step they took. There was the sound of the fire mixed in with the noise of the bulldozer and chainsaws as the crews desperately tried to create a barrier between the land and the fire. Then there was the beating of the propellers from the choppers overhead, waiting with huge tanks full of water that they’d send down at the Chief’s direction; added to that, the constant pumping of blood through his veins – fueled by regular bursts of adrenaline – and it felt as though every sense in Lucas’ body was on high alert.
His crew was with him – people he knew inside and out. Rather than being individuals, they were soldiers, part of a serious operation. They were walking into a war zone and they all had to do their part.
“Gray, I need you to spot the fire,” Lucas said, his voice echoing through his breathing equipment. It was one of the most important jobs – Gray would need to keep his eyes on the fire at all times, ready to call it if the flames were coming too close to them. Without him, the rest of them could be engulfed without even knowing it was coming.
“And Mark? You, me, and Georgia will start cutting down the trees. We want to have a gap of around sixty feet between the trees on this side and the rest of the land.”
They both nodded at Lucas and started up the chainsaws. Though the bulldozer would be doing the majority of the work, there were some hard to reach places where Mark and Georgia would have to cut the trees down by hand. And after that they’d need to move the debris away or burn it – depending on the speed and direction of the fire.
For the briefest of moments his thoughts turned to Ember, the image of her was so vivid it shocked him. She was looking up at him with those deep brown eyes, her face a mask of concern as he picked up a chainsaw and joined the others.
Resolutely pushing her out of his mind, he got to work on the task at hand. It was time to do what he was trained to do – everything else would have to wait.
“Mom?” Ember said groggily as she opened her apartment door. “What are you doing here?” She looked down at the watch her parents had given to her for graduation – still going strong after all these years. “It’s not even eight, couldn’t you sleep?”
“I brought you breakfast,” Laura said, lifting up a brown bag in her hand. “Coffee and pastries, the way you like them.” She smiled at her daughter. “Aren’t you going to let me in?”
She hadn’t answered Ember’s question – not really, but she let her mom in, following her into the kitchen where Laura unpacked the brown bag, laying out two coffees and four pastries on the wooden surface. “You want a plate or should we just use these napkins and save the washing up?” Laura asked.
Ember shrugged. “I don’t mind. Whatever works for you.” She waited, expecting her mom to get the chinaware out – she never had been the type to slum it with paper towels.
And yet she didn’t. Instead, she sat down at the table and lifted her coffee up to her mouth. “Okay then, paper it is.”
It wasn’t until they’d finished their coffees and pastries – deliciously buttery and flaky – that Laura finally began to talk. “I woke up this morning and had the strangest feeling, as if you needed me. I knew if I called you’d tell me you didn’t, but a mother can feel these things.”
Ember still didn’t feel quite awake, her body still drained after last night’s fiasco. Yet there was something about her mom’s words that seemed to strike straight into her heart.
Because she was right. Ember did need her mom, she just hadn’t realized it.
“Will’s having a baby,” Ember told her, even though her mom already knew.
Laura reached out for her hand, squeezing it. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
“And I made such a fool out of myself at the Martins’. Everybody must be talking about me.”
“I think you’ll find that they’re talking about Will. How much of a b-tard he is.”
“B-tard?” Ember echoed. “Are you sure you’re allowed to say that?” She tried not to laugh through her tears at her mom’s lame attempt to swear.
“I’m allowed to say it when it comes to Will. I’m so sorry for you, honey, that you had to hear it like that. He should have given you a warning.”
Ember blinked, remembering the previous night, and Will’s request that they talk privately. “I think he tried,” she said. “But I was too busy having fun. I wanted to rub his nose in the fact that I was with another guy.”
“So this other guy…” Her mom trailed off. “Just ignore me, honey. I’m sorry to be so nosy.”
“It’s okay.” Ember’s voice was soft. “You’re allowed to ask me questions.”
“I am? I wasn’t sure, you’ve always wanted to solve everything yourself. I don’t want to butt in where I’m not needed.” Laura took a sip of her coffee. “I just want you to know that you don’t have to face things alone.”
Tears stung at Ember’s eyes. Wasn’t that what she’d been trying to do since Will left? She’d thought strength meant that she had to solve everything by herself, to harness her inner girl power and fight all her demons on her own.
But how would she have coped without her friends last night? Having Brooke and Ally here had made her fe
el safe again. And Lucas… he’d been so strong, so staunch. Holding her up when she needed him most.
Now there was her mom sitting opposite her. Since her father had died, Ember had seen her mom as somebody to be coddled, taken care of. More of a child than a mother.
“I’ve pushed you away, haven’t I?” Ember said, her heart feeling heavy at the realization. “Just when you needed me most.”
“No, sweetie. You pushed me away when you needed me most.” Laura squeezed her hand again. “But I understood, you lost the two men who meant everything to you. You needed to rebuild yourself from scratch. And you did it, honey, you made yourself whole again. It makes me the proudest mom ever to see how strong you’ve become, but real strength is all about knowing when you need to ask for help. When you need somebody to lean on the way everybody leans on you.”
The tears that had been pricking at Ember’s eyes spilled over, rolling down her cheeks. Wordlessly Laura pulled her into an embrace, and Ember closed her eyes, breathing in the familiar, comforting smell of her mother.
Strength wasn’t about bottling everything up because you didn’t want to burden anybody else with your woes, Ember realized. It was about making yourself vulnerable, letting people see the real you, warts and all.
It was about allowing them to love her, the way she loved them.
“Mom,” Ember whispered, her mother’s arms still tight around her. “I’ve fallen in love.”
“Of course you have,” Laura said, a smile in her voice. “I could tell from the moment we spoke last night. You always did like to complicate things, to make them seem harder than they are.” She leaned back, catching Ember’s eyes with her own. “Are you ready to tell me about him?”
Ember’s smiled. “Yes, I really am.” She licked her lips, tasting the saltwater of her tears. “His name is Lucas Russell and he’s two years older than me. I went to school with his sister, Caitie.”
“Band Caitie?” Laura asked, leaning forward to catch every word.
“Yeah, that’s right. He’s a firefighter. That’s how we met, sort of. Although he also helped me carry the propane tank for your birthday party a while ago.”
“He sounds helpful,” Laura said, sounding amused. “And strong. Everything I like in a man.”
It was as though a dam was breached and all of Ember’s feelings were rushing out, and she couldn’t stop talking about him. Her mom listened intently as she described the way he’d saved Carter from the roof, and how they’d served on the Angel Day committee together. She even told her about their first kiss on the beach.
“You always did love that beach.”
Ember nodded. “I love it even more now.”
“He sounds wonderful, so why are you still crying?” Laura asked.
Ember hadn’t realized she was. She lifted her hand to her cheeks and felt the fresh wetness there. “Because I’m afraid he doesn’t feel the same way about me.”
“Have you told him how you feel?”
Ember slowly shook her head. She wasn’t going to tell her mom about their taking-it-slow arrangement, it seemed so stupid now. “We were keeping things casual.”
“It doesn’t look very casual from where I’m standing.” Laura’s eyes were soft as she looked at her daughter. “Did you know that I was the one who asked your father to dance all those years ago? He was looking at me all night at our school dance, but he wouldn’t come up and talk to me. In the end, I had to walk over and drag him onto the dance floor.” She shook her head, smiling. “I was so scared he was going to say no, yet as soon as I asked he couldn’t wait to put his arms around me. And thank God I did, because otherwise you and Chelsea wouldn’t be here.”
“I didn’t know that,” Ember said, her eyes widening at her mom’s revelation. “I always thought Dad was the one who did the asking.”
Laura shrugged. “He was, mostly. I just needed to push him along a bit. It’s scary as hell to lay your feelings out to somebody, but the potential rewards are worth it.” She reached her hand up to cup Ember’s cheek. “Only somebody very strong can make themselves vulnerable like that.”
Ember’s breath caught in her throat. The truth of her mom’s words washed over her like an ocean wave. Being strong didn’t mean you had to be alone.
It meant knowing you had the choice to be with somebody else.
“Mom, I need to get out of here,” Ember said, her voice resolute as she stood up from the kitchen table. “There’s somebody I need to talk to.”
Not just somebody. He was everything. She needed to tell him that.
“You get out of here. I’ll lock up.” Her mom pulled Ember’s spare keys from her purse. “And when you’ve sorted everything out, remember to call your mother, okay?”
“Okay.” Ember grinned then ran for the door, only stopping to pick up her phone and keys. “Bye, Mom.”
There was a time to think and a time to take action. From the way the adrenaline was rushing through her veins, Ember knew her time for feeling sorry for herself was over.
26
His phone kept going to voicemail. On the third try Ember left a message, trying not to fear the worst – that Lucas was actively avoiding her. She had to close her eyes and take a deep breath, reminding herself of her mom’s advice – the only route to happiness was to allow herself to be vulnerable.
“So, um, hey Lucas, it’s Ember. I’m so sorry about last night. I’d really like to see you if you’re around. In fact, I’m outside your house. Is that stalkerish? I hope it’s not stalkerish. Oh God, I’m going to hang up now. Please delete this message and never mention it again, okay?”
She put the phone down on the passenger seat and rolled her eyes at herself. Okay, so she had more work to do before being vulnerable felt natural.
Getting out of her car, she walked over to the tiny cottage on the beach and rapped her knuckles on the wooden door. Her heart was hammering against her chest as she waited for him to answer.
But…
There was nothing.
She knocked again and got the same response, maybe he really was trying to avoid her. Yeah, or maybe he was out surfing. She could check the beach to see if he was there.
She walked the short distance along the sand to where the red flags denoted surfing was allowed. The beach was full of people – making the most of a hot weekend. She stood at the shoreline, listening to the crashing of the waves, as she scanned the water for signs of Lucas.
After five minutes she realized her search of the water was impossible. From this far away all the surfers looked the same. She supposed she could sit here on the sand and wait for each one to come in, but that seemed like an awful waste of time when there was no guarantee he was out there.
She looked down the sandy beach to where Ally’s café was. For a moment, she considered walking down there and ordering a latte. Maybe use Ally as a shoulder to cry on. Lucas had to hear her voicemail eventually, didn’t he? Even if it was the most embarrassing message in the world.
But somehow giving up at only the second hurdle didn’t seem right.
Then she had an idea. Turning around on the sand, she looked back at the shops that lined the beach. Nothing would make her as vulnerable as reaching out to Lucas’ mom for her help. The thought of going and speaking to her made Ember want to shiver, yet there was a determination inside of her that made her walk back up the sand to the boardwalk, following the path to the main strip.
A few minutes later, she was pushing open the door of Books By The Beach. The smell of new books hit her. How long had it been since she’d been in there? When she was a child it had been her very favorite shop, and she’d begged her parents to take her in there every time they visited the beach.
For a second, she wondered if she’d seen Lucas in there back in those days, she liked the idea of that.
Pushing the door closed behind her – to keep out the ocean breeze – Ember walked over to the counter, peering behind it to see if Deenie Russell was there. But the space wa
s empty. In the far corner Ember could see an assistant – a teenage girl – stacking the shelves, but there was no sign of the owner.
She could wait. She had nowhere else to go after this, anyway. It took a full five minutes before the back door to the shop opened and Deenie came bustling out.
“Lucy, we have a customer,” she called to the girl who was sliding books on the shelves, oblivious to both of them. “I’m so sorry to keep you waiting,” she said, turning to Ember, her eyes widening as she recognized her. “Oh, hello.”
“Hi, Mrs. Russell. You might not remember me, but I was at school with Caitie. And I’m a friend of Lucas’. My name’s Ember Kennedy.”
Deenie’s lips curled up into a huge smile. “Of course I know who you are. I’m so pleased to see you. How are you? Did you enjoy the party?”
Ember rolled her lip between her teeth before letting the soft skin go. “Um, I guess. Did you hear about it on the grapevine?”
“The grapevine? Oh no. I gave up listening to that damn thing years ago,” Deenie said, still grinning. “Lucas told me he was taking you.”
“He did?” Ember felt the faintest ghost of hope rise up inside her. He wouldn’t have mentioned her to his mom if he was set on keeping their relationship a secret, would he? “It was an interesting evening,” she said, deciding to let Lucas fill his mom in on the rest of the story. She hesitated again, trying to find the right words, before coming to the conclusion that they didn’t exist. She’d just have to throw herself at Deenie’s mercy. “Actually, it’s Lucas I’m looking for. Do you know where he is? I’ve tried his phone and his cottage, and even looked for him on the beach.” If he hadn’t thought she was a stalker from her voicemail, one word with his mom would confirm it. “There’s something I need to speak to him about.”
