To Be Your Wife

by Rae Kennedy

  Well, shit.

  CHAPTER 2

  This night can seriously suck my dick. The first guy I meet is bland with no social skills and the next one, who I was kind of digging, is now passed the fuck out in the middle of the bar. Not to mention, freshly dumped and not taking it well. The fact he still referred to her as his girlfriend and not ex-girlfriend is a huge red flag. Nope. Not going there.

  Cade and I help Tuck into the backseat of the car. I get in first and Tuck basically falls in on me, his head landing square in my lap. As we drive off, he nuzzles my thighs and starts to breathe softly, mouth open. He does look cute, a big guy all curled up in the tiny seat. I don’t even realize I’m doing it at first, but I’m running my hand over his buzzed head, feeling the short stiff hairs rub across my skin. It’s nice. Tuck sighs just audibly.

  Nope. Stop that, Court. You’re being weird.

  Haley and Cade are in the front. Stealing glances at each other and small smiles. They’re doing it, right in front of me. Falling in love.

  I don’t think I’ll ever have that again—the butterflies of new love.

  I’ll have Wes. According to my family and friends back home, we have always been meant to be, and considering no guy I’ve met while at school has even come close to putting me in danger of losing my heart, I guess they’re right. I already had my butterfly feelings with Wes at fifteen, so no more butterflies for me.

  The car rolls to a stop in front of my building.

  “Thank you so much for the ride, you guys.”

  Cade gives me a little nod in the rearview mirror.

  Haley shrugs. “Sorry you had to deal with that one all night.”

  I look down at the sleeping head in my lap. His dark lashes fanned across his chiseled cheekbone. Those pouty lips barely parted. I wish Haley had warned me her brother was seriously attractive. And exactly my physical type. And funny. And sorry bud—I don’t know if I’m thinking this to him or to me—but we are just going to be friends. I don’t do rebounds.

  “I had a great time, actually.” I look back up at Haley, who isn’t looking at me at all, but at Cade. “Gah! Go get a room you two.” I pop open the door and slide out as smoothly as I can, trying not to bounce Tuck’s huge head against the black leather seat. “Call you later.”

  Haley gives me a little smile and a wave and they are off.

  * * *

  I’m not sure how long I’ve been staring at my ceiling, but when the buzzing starts, I know it’s five o’clock. I find my phone from under my pillow and hit answer.

  “Good morning, Sunshine!” My dad’s booming voice comes through. Just talking he sounds a bit out of breath, as if he’s just been jogging or laughing for an hour.

  “Morning, Daddy.”

  “How’s life treatin’ you, Baby Girl?”

  “Oh, you know, fair to great. What are you doing today?”

  “Feedin’ a bunch of cattle. Your ma’s making a mean lunch, then I might take a nap.”

  “Exciting.”

  “As always. Have a good day, sweetie.”

  “Thanks, Dad. Love you.”

  “Love you.”

  Dad’s never been the chatty type. I slide my feet out of the covers and to the floor. The air is chilly and it is still black outside. As I change in the dark, the apartment is silent. Not even a hint of a roommate. Outside is still. No cars or people or even wind. It’s my favorite time of day. I love the mornings. I always had to get up early to help on the ranch, and I guess it stuck.

  I lace up my running shoes and tread quietly down the hall to the kitchen. I grab a banana from the counter and scroll through my phone, deciding on which playlist to listen to today. I swear, as if by extra-sensory perception, the second I open my mouth and place the banana inside, Nick pops in front of me. Out-of-fucking-nowhere.

  “What I wouldn’t give to be that banana.” He does the creepy double eyebrow raise at me.

  “Is your mind always in the gutter?”

  “Yup.” He sits on the stool across the counter from me and places his chin on his clasped hands. “Don’t mind me. I’ll just watch.” And then he stares at me sweetly. I place the banana between my lips, going deeper than I might normally, giving Nick a little smile. Then I bite down hard and chew it extra aggressively.

  “Damn, girl. I take it back. Definitely do not want to be that banana.”

  “Nope, you don’t.”

  Nick’s sandy brown hair is a mess and his normally bright eyes are looking a bit drowsy.

  “What are you doing up so early?”

  “I’m not.” He stands and yawns. He’s several inches shorter than me. He claims he’s 5’9” but we all know he’s 5’6”. “I had to take a dump. Going back to bed.”

  “Charming. And you wonder why I never did take you up on that offer to sleep with you.”

  He smiles and shrugs. “Always on the table, babe.”

  “The offer would be much more flattering if it weren’t also open to eighty percent of the student body.”

  His mouth drops open in an exaggerated look of offense. “That is not true. Just because I don’t discriminate between girls and boys does not mean I’m not picky. That number has got to be closer to sixty percent.” With a wink, he pads down the hall to his room.

  I put in my earbuds and go out into the black, cold morning. With a burst of energy, I take my first step and my morning begins. This is the only time I don’t want anyone else around. The only time just for me and I relish in being alone. Just my thoughts, the rhythm of my breaths, and the sound of my feet bouncing off the pavement.

  * * *

  The pages of my planner are covered with notes. Due dates are in red, work related to my thesis is in blue, everything else in black. Reminders are highlighted in yellow, study group times are highlighted in green, and sports events are all squished in between.

  I normally love looking through my planner. Planning out my days and weeks is calming. I always know what to expect and everything is laid out in an orderly manner. My love of planning is a strength I’ll get to use often when I graduate and start teaching. But right now, my planner looks anything but neat and orderly. It’s a shitshow.

  I’ve been sitting at my desk, staring at these pages for the last twenty minutes. So. Much. Schoolwork. I have one paper due next week, three quizzes, and one group project we need to finish before I leave for Thanksgiving break.

  One more week. I can make it.

  There has been a dull buzz forming above my right eyebrow that is now a drill boring into my skull and I’m squirmy all over, like millions of ants are wriggling under my skin. Looking at my planner is literally giving me a headache. I need to do something else right now. Anything. Maybe go for a run and burn off some energy.

  Or maybe, something...else.

  Me: Hey you want to hang out tonight?

  James: Sure. Your place in 30?

  Me: Perfect.

  * * *

  His knock is quiet but deliberate. A gust of wind comes in as I open the door to James’s smiling face, his cheeks and nose rosy from the cold.

  “Hey.” His arm wraps around my neck as he steps in.

  “How’ve you been?” I shut the door behind him as he shrugs off his coat.

  “Pretty good. Just trying to keep up with school.” He takes off his shoes. “And occasionally having to talk Rob back from the ledge.”

  “I don’t know why you decided to room with him again. It seems like he takes a lot of your energy.”

  James is sitting on the arm of our old, navy couch, taking off his socks and smirking at me with his dark brown eyes. “I’m a masochist, I guess.” He follows me down the hall to my room. “So, how’s your final year going?”

  “I love it.” I shut the door behind us. “But it is kind of kicking my ass right now.” I remove my shirt, revealing my pink bra. “I have so much to do, I don’t even know where to start. I’m glad I got my student teaching hours done last semester.”

  James pulls
his shirt off over his dark curly hair. “Are you using me to procrastinate?” He starts to undo the top button of his jeans.

  I shrug. “Maybe.” I slide down my yoga pants.

  “Are we done talking now?” He closes the space between us quickly.

  “Yeah.”

  He scoops me up and lays me on my bed. His mouth is over mine instantly, his kisses are sweet but I turn my face after a few moments. He presses against me, his body hot over mine. I wrap my legs around his hips, urging him closer.

  There’s a hum in his chest and a smile at his cheeks as he kisses down my neck to the edge of my bra. A familiar warmth starts to pool in my stomach and a tug in my groin entices me to grind against the erection currently trying to escape James’s boxers.

  “God, Court,” he says under his breath.

  I pull him up and roll us over so I’m on top straddling him. His chest is heaving and eyes hooded as I retrieve the condom from my bedside table.

  “Ready for me already?”

  “Always.”

  * * *

  As we lay on top of my covers, sweat glistening on our skin, hearts still racing as our breathing begins to steady, I am finally relaxed. Nothing like a good orgasm to release some tension.

  The sun is setting. It casts a pink glow across the ceiling.

  James props himself up on his elbow. “I noticed your roommates aren’t here. You ashamed of me?”

  “Of course not, but they don’t need to be all up in my business. Besides, you know how they get whenever I bring a guy over.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think they even started to like me until we broke up.” He sits up, looking around the room for where his clothes landed.

  “True. But I don’t know if you can call it a break-up if we were never officially dating in the first place.”

  “You’re right.” He stands and starts putting on his jeans. “Over before we had a chance to begin. How tragic.”

  “Oh, stop.” I throw him his shirt, which hits him square in the face. “We’re so much better as friends.”

  “Whatever you say,” he says, as he pulls the shirt down. “You and Caleb still in for the basketball tournament next semester?”

  “Definitely. It’s in February, right?”

  “Yeah, I think sign-ups start in January though. I’ll let you know.”

  “Great.”

  He leans over and kisses me on the cheek and turns to leave.

  “Hey, let me walk you out.” Where the eff did my panties go?

  “Don’t worry about it.” He gives me a wink. “I’ll be looking forward to your next call.”

  CHAPTER 3

  “You gonna tell him or what?”

  “That’s the plan.” Haley takes a sip of the beer she’s been nursing all night, a small crease forming between her eyebrows. I open a couple more bottles and head back to the couch, handing one to Nick as I sit next to her.

  “Oh, come on! What a lousy call!” Nick is on his feet, yelling at the television.

  “Fuckin’ refs,” Caleb mumbles. Caleb is my other roommate and he is currently sitting in the corner by himself, sulking as his team incurs another turnover.

  A couple of our other friends, Josh and Jake, are over to watch the college basketball game with us and with all the yelling at the TV screen, I’m surprised Haley and I can hold even the semblance of a conversation.

  “Tuck seems pretty nice, and he’s your brother. I’m sure he’ll understand.” I try to comfort her.

  “Cade thinks he’s going to get murdered.”

  I almost spit out my beer. I might like to see Tuck take Cade down a few pegs. He’s certainly got four or five inches and thirty pounds on him. “Well, let me know how it goes or if I can help in any way.”

  “I’ll text you tomorrow.”

  Josh turns the volume up on the television.

  Caleb continues to sit in his dark and gloomy corner.

  “Pizza’s here!”

  Jake runs to get the door.

  Nick gets more beer.

  Haley looks like a nervous wreck.

  * * *

  Haley hasn’t texted yet. It’s Saturday afternoon. Tuck got home this morning.

  I’m not worried, per se—but it is unlike her not to follow through.

  So, I text her. You know, just a hey, how’s it going? But she doesn’t reply.

  “Court, we’re leaving for the tailgate.” Caleb’s big head is sticking in my doorway. “You comin’?”

  “Yeah! I’ll be right out.”

  We get home late after the football game. When I go to bed, there is still no message from Haley.

  * * *

  Sunday morning after my run and shower, I shoot Haley another text.

  Me: How are you? Did you tell Tuck about Cade? Are you okay?

  Still nothing. I am not a worrier or a clingy friend, but I decide to call her after lunch. It goes straight to voicemail like it has been turned off.

  * * *

  Monday afternoon Haley is not in our sociology class. She is always in class. Like, always.

  It’s official. I’m freaking out over here.

  As soon as we are dismissed, I hop in my jeep and race over to Haley’s house.

  I knock on the front door and anxiously bounce on the front porch until footsteps click on the other side.

  The heavy wood door creaks open and there is Tuck, standing tall and handsome in a white dress shirt with the cuffs rolled up to his elbows, a loosened black tie, and black dress slacks. He gives me a small smile. I catch a glimpse of his left dimple and white teeth and I have a sudden rush of happiness at seeing him again.

  I step right up to him and give him a big hug around the middle. “Hey darlin,’” I say as I walk past him, poking fun at the silly nickname he kept using the other night. “I came to see Haley.”

  He looks at me a bit bewildered as he shuts the door. “Oh! You’re one of Haley’s friends? I’m her brother.” He puts his hand out toward me. “I’m Tucker. People call me Tuck.”

  I stare at him blankly.

  Just blinking.

  At least I think I’m blinking.

  There! I just blinked.

  He looks at me encouragingly, still holding out his hand “And, you are?”

  Oh. My. God.

  I don’t know if I should explain my over-familiar actions, which now seem a bit inappropriate, or if I should just go with it and not embarrass him by pointing out he was so drunk when we met, he doesn’t remember me. Or rubbing all over me on the dance floor. Or passing out in my lap.

  I place my hand in his and shake. “I’m Courtney. People call me Court.”

  “Nice to meet you, Court.”

  Uh huh. “You too, Tuck.” Now it is silent and a little awkward. “So...is Haley around?”

  He looks down for a second, “Yeah, but...she’s sleeping.”

  I eye him skeptically. “At four in the afternoon?”

  He nods and then our eyes catch. His eyes are still stupid pretty and emerald green. “It’s been a rough couple of days.”

  “Tuck, what’s your middle name?”

  I think he’s so caught off guard by my weird question he answers it without hesitating. “Lee.”

  I cross my arms. “Tucker Lee Collison, what did you do?”

  “What the—what?”

  “You heard me. What did you do? When she told you about Cade.”

  “She didn’t tell me anything. I walked in on them. In bed.”

  “Yikes.”

  “Right?”

  “So...back to the original question. What did you do?”

  He looks incredulously at me. “I did what any older brother would do! I freaked the fuck out. I made him leave and told him he was never to see or speak to my sister again.”

  “So, Cade left?”

  Tuck nods.

  “And Haley?”

  “She’s...not taking it well.” He looks down at the floor again, hands in his pockets.

  “I see
.”

  He looks at me from behind his lashes, a pool of sadness in his eyes. I reach around him and slide my hand into his back pocket. Wow, his ass is nice.

  “Whoa!” He jumps back from me in shock but I manage to retrieve the phone from his pocket first. I add my name and number to his contacts.

  “Call or text me when she is up and about again and ready for company—or, even if she’s not, just let me know how she’s doing, okay?”

  I look up at him as I hand him back the phone. He still has a dumbstruck, almost mortified look on his face.

  “What the hell was that?”

  I roll my eyes as I walk to the door. “Jesus. I think I like you better when you’re drunk, which is too bad, because you promised me sober Tuck was much more charming.” That really makes his face contort in confusion. I just smile and close the door behind me as I leave.

  I haven’t even made it to the car yet when my phone buzzes.

  Tuck: What do you mean you like me better drunk?

  Me: Drunk Tuck wasn’t afraid of touching. Sober Tuck seems a little uptight.

  As I drive home, the phone buzzes again in my purse. I decide to let him sweat it out until I get home. It buzzes again as I pull onto my street. Walking up the stairs to my apartment, I finally pull it out.

  Tuck: What?! I am not uptight

  Tuck: Now I know you like to reach into the pants of guys you just meet, I can get on board.

  Me: Technically, we didn’t just meet.

  Tuck: I gathered. When did I drunkenly meet you?

  Me: Last Saturday at Flanagan’s.

  Tuck: Oh

  Then a few minutes later...

  Tuck: And I was touchy?

  He is too fun to mess with.

  Me: Your head did end up in my lap for a good fifteen minutes.

  Tuck: And you liked it?

  This makes me laugh out loud.

  Me: Don’t you wish you could remember?

  Tuck: Drunk Tuck has all the fun. So you’re telling me sober Tuck is out of the running?

  Me: Hmm...will sober Tuck remember me?

  Tuck: Definitely

  Me: I guess he’s alright too, then

  * * *

  Breathe in, in, in. Breathe out, out, out. The sun is creeping over the hills to the East, streaking the sapphire sky with bright yellow. Breathe in, in, in. Breathe out, out, out. Vapors of my breath form and dissipate in front of me. My feet tap on the pavement, music beats in my ears, and I focus on the rhythm of my breathing. It’s all in the breathing.