Caden (Loving the Sykes Book 1)

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “Get your fucking hands off me!” Caden snapped. “Lucy! I’d rather not do this in front of these fuckers, but I will if I have to…” I didn’t answer and he went on. “Fine, here it is then. There never was anyone else. It was always you! You’re the one who always gets me home. You’re the only one I ever wanted to come home for–”

  “You fucking watch yourself here, Reece,” Carter spat and I felt my heart constrict.

  “Let him fucking speak!” Oscar yelled in an uncharacteristic display of anger.

  “That last op, when things got fucked, you were the only thing to keep me sane, Luce. I wouldn’t have made it home without you to come home to. I thought I was going to die, baby, but I knew I couldn’t go without seeing you one more time. I know I never should have left home in the first place. But I had to. I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t in love with you anymore–”

  I couldn’t even keep track of the things I was feeling anymore; my heart fluttered and twinged, my stomach swirled so I felt sick and elated all at once, tears burned unshed, and I shook. I dropped onto my bed. I didn’t think I could answer even if my brain knew where to start.

  “–I knew these guys would rather kill me than have me anywhere near you – hell, I agreed with them – so I left. I spent six fucking years pretending I was over you, baby, but I never was. Nothing drowned you out. Nothing changed the way my heart lit up when I thought of you, when I got a new email from you. You stole a piece of my heart when you were only two and I don’t think you’re ever going to give it back, Lucy. You’re ingrained in my fucking soul. You could go and marry that fucking wanker, Tommy, have ten of his kids and be the happiest woman in the world, and you’d still own my heart, Lucy. It’s always been yours. You’ve always been my girl.”

  There was a thump and a yell of annoyance.

  “Will you fucking just… Oi!”

  There was obviously a tussle of some kind going on out there and the words became illegible. If I wanted to hear more – if there was any more to hear – I was going to have to unlock my door.

  My heart pounded at the realisation I was going to find all four of my boys outside my door. And by the sounds of it, some of them were going to have some new bruises.

  “All this fucking time!” Carter yelled, incredulous.

  “I’m sorry!” Caden said. “Actually, you know what? I’m not. Not anymore. I fucking love your sister, Sykes. I’ve loved her for years!”

  “So, what? We playing happy families now, mate?” There was another crash. “You going to make an honest woman out of her.”

  “If she’ll have me.”

  As answers go, it was simple.

  As reactions go, it was anything but.

  The whole house seemed to freeze. There was deadly silence and I found myself in front of the door and opening it before I registered what I was doing. For a second, I saw Carter with Caden in a head lock, while Oscar hovered in concern and Luther fumed.

  They all turned to look at me expectantly.

  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I, uh, think Caden and I should talk…”

  Oscar did try to hide his happy grin, so that was something. Luther was, as usual, happy to let me make my own mistakes, but his expression told me he was always behind me. Carter didn’t let Caden go.

  “Cart…” I said, pleading with my eyes. “Can you let him go?” My voice was still shaky.

  “Whatever he’s got to say, he can say in front of us,” Carter said, pouting like a six-year-old.

  “I think he’s said plenty already and I’d rather some privacy if you don’t mind.”

  Carter dropped Caden suddenly, who only just managed not to fall on his arse. Carter glared at me sullenly, but led the others down stairs.

  Caden’s eyes were full of something I didn’t know if I had the energy to meet. But I kicked my head into my room and closed the door behind us.

  “Luce–”

  I held up a hand and found I couldn’t look at him. “Why now, Caden?” I asked.

  “What?”

  I sighed. “You were here for months. We were sleeping together. Why are you suddenly telling me this now? Why not when we fought?”

  I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had happened with the real girl in his heart and I was a consolation prize. A part of me told myself I’d take Caden Reece however I could have him. But it hurt and I had to know.

  “Because I was stupid, baby. I never… I didn’t know that other guy you kept talking about was me, not until Oz rang me–”

  “What?” I looked up quickly, meeting those beautiful eyes.

  Caden Reece looked somewhat contrite for quite possibly the first time in his life as he rubbed the back of his head. “Uh, yeah,” he chuckled. “All that time I couldn’t tell you that you were my girl, I never once stopped to think that guy was me. Looking back, I should have guessed. My arrogance should have seen it and called you out on it, but I didn’t want to risk losing the part of you I finally had in my hands. I’m sorry.”

  “All this time?” I asked slowly. “I wasted five years on Tommy, pining for you, for nothing?”

  He opened his mouth and I saw the guilt and hurt that crossed his eyes, then he smirked. “You spent five years pining for me?”

  “I spent the last eight years pining for you!” I snapped and his smirk dropped. “You were the first guy I ever crushed on. You were the first guy I dreamt about. You were my first love. You were my first for everything except what mattered, Caden! I have spent the last eight years, at least, of my life thinking I’ll never be more than a little sister to you, and you have the audacity to come here and tell me you’ve been in love with me this whole time?”

  He didn’t seem to know what to say. There was no sign of the smooth ladies’ man. There was no sign of the competent soldier. In front of me, in the depths of his grey eyes, I saw the boy he used to be; scared, unsure, uncertain, everything he’d been in the comfort of our relationship before puberty had hit.

  He opened his mouth. Closed it. Tried again. “Baby, I’m sorry. I messed up. Worse than messed up–”

  “You think, Caden?” I interrupted. “You broke my heart when I was twelve and slept with Verity Fields, you broke it again when I was fifteen and you left us, you broke it every time I woke convinced you were dead, every time I didn’t hear from you, and you broke it again when you left the last time. Do you think there is anything in the world you can say that will make any of that better? That could make me think I should risk you breaking it again?”

  He visibly deflated. “No, Luce. I suppose there’s not. I can only tell you the truth and if you want me to walk away after, I will.”

  “And what’s the truth, Caden?” I asked, sceptical that anything he could say would make me lay aside the burning fear inside me.

  I felt like I was literally tearing in two.

  Half of me believed him like I’d always known he loved me, like it was fact etched into the very fabric of existence that I was his girl, that I always had been, always would be.

  But the other half of me was so scared he was going to break my heart again, and I’d spent so many years denying my love for him that a lifetime didn’t seem so hard if that was what it took to protect myself.

  I couldn’t have been prepared for his next actions if I’d had that whole lifetime to prepare.

  27

  Caden

  She was scared, I could see it. I’d seen it on plenty of faces in my life. But I never wanted her to look like that again.

  I didn’t even think. I just acted.

  My leg bent of its own accord and I was kneeling in front of her. Her eyes widened, but I spoke before she could say anything.

  “Baby, I shouldn’t have fallen in love with you, but I did. You deserve the best, but I’ve loved you my whole life. And all I want to do is love you for whatever time I have left. I would anyway, but I want to be able to
tell you every day, to show you, to die with the world knowing I was yours and you were mine. I want to marry you, Lucy. That’s my truth, and I won’t apologise for it. I’ll accept if that’s not what you want, if you can’t forgive me, of course I will. But my truth is my love for you.”

  I could see her eyes were glassy and her mind was whirring. She blinked and licked her lips like she wasn’t sure what to say. Her eyes stared into mine like she was trying to discern truth from lie, but all I had was truth to give her now.

  “And you think a marriage proposal will fix everything?” she asked, looking for a fight.

  I took a deep breath, knowing now was the time to keep my cool. “No, I don’t think it will fix anything. But I’ve searched my soul since I last left you, Lulu, and I realised I always wanted to marry you. There was a part of me I buried who couldn’t imagine a future where I didn’t. I will always be yours, whether you want me or not. The question is, can you forgive me?”

  “That’s hardly the same thing.”

  “What is?”

  “I might forgive you, but I might not want you. I might want you and not forgive you.”

  I nodded. “You could. You could do both or neither, too.”

  She sighed. “Caden, get up.”

  I shook my head. “Not until you answer me, Lucy.”

  “Who says I will?” she snapped.

  I looked at her, prepared to wait there for a lifetime if that’s what it took. I wasn’t losing her again. Not if I was that guy that had lived in her heart all this time. Not if there was a chance I would continue to be. No more miscommunication, no more talking in circles. I wasn’t leaving until she either agreed to be my wife, or if I was never going to see her again. Anything else and I wasn’t giving up hope.

  “Caden!” she said.

  I shrugged. “Baby, I will wait forever for you. If there’s even the slightest chance, I’m not going anywhere. No more fights. You tell me what’s in your heart. If you want me gone after, then I’ll go. But if I’m still that guy in your heart, Lucy, then I’m going to fight to keep being that guy.”

  She huffed and whirled around. “Yes, you...” she paused and I thought my heart was going to crumple, “have always been the guy in my heart, Cade. I was too scared to tell you. I thought you were in love with someone else and I was going to take you however I could have you. I thought maybe the desire you had for my body would one day change, that you’d see I wasn’t little Lucy Sykes, that maybe you could love me–”

  “Lu–”

  “Did I interrupt you?” she asked, throwing a quirked eyebrow over her shoulder. I tried to hide my smirk. She sighed. “Caden, I can’t forgive you because I already did. Every time, I instantly forgive you. I can’t not. You’re as much a part of me as Carter, Luther or Oscar. You think I’m ingrained in your soul? You left, Caden. You left and you took my heart, you took my soul with you. Tommy never stood a chance. I didn’t even realise until you were back. I’ve never not been yours. Five years with him, but I was yours.”

  I felt my heart trip over itself and I hoped that meant she was going to say yes.

  “You want to marry me, Caden?” She finally turned back to me and I couldn’t help but think she was the most beautiful thing in the world.

  “Yes, Lucy. I want to marry you.”

  “Marriage isn’t a band aid, Caden. It won’t fix the complications, the fights, the hurt, the lies, intentional or not.”

  I nodded. “I know, baby. Marriage is big. It’s a promise of forever. It’s showing the world this is the family you chose. It’s not a fix, Lucy. I just don’t know what else the next step could be. Either I walk away without you forever, or my forever is you. I don’t have a third option, baby. I don’t want a third option. I want forever. I’d prefer it with you, but that’s not my choice to make…”

  I let the end of the sentence hang, the question unasked. I waited and could see her thinking. Finally, she dropped to her knees in front of me, studying me intently.

  “Forever?”

  I nodded.

  “Cade, I’m twenty-one…”

  I shrugged. “And it will always eat at me that there was two years of your life where I didn’t love you.”

  I saw the smile play at the corner of her lips. “You’re twenty-four.”

  “There are worse age differences.”

  She bit her lip to hide her smile. “That’s not what I meant. What happens when you’re thirty and you realise we were too young? You’re jet setting around the world being a sexy spy and you realise that your love for me belonged in our childhood and nothing more?”

  I dropped my other knee and mimicked her kneel. “I’ll tell you what I realised after Oscar called and gave me a right hiding, baby. My love for you will change as we get older. It will grow with us, stronger as we’re older, but I’ll never not be in love with you.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because my love for you has been changing and growing with us for nineteen years. I can’t not love you, Lucy. It’s who I am.”

  “I thought you were a spy.”

  “If you marry me, I’ll get to tell you more about that.”

  “That’s bribery, Mr Reece. Now, I might just say yes to get to your secrets.”

  I smirked. “You might. But I think you’re far too good for that.”

  I could see the decision in her eyes, but I wasn’t sure she’d realised it yet, so I held my tongue and waited. I was fucking glad for those six years of heavy training, or I might not have managed such patience. But my life had depended on patience before and I knew I’d be in trouble if I was impatient now.

  Slowly, she started nodding. “Marriage.”

  I smiled. “Marriage, baby.”

  “You and me.”

  “You and me.”

  It still wasn’t a yes, but I had a feeling it was coming. She didn’t stop nodding slowly.

  “When?”

  I couldn’t stop myself smiling. “Is that a yes, Lucy?”

  She nodded once more, then stopped and bit her lip. “Yes, Caden. Of course, it’s a yes.”

  I was sure I was smiling like an idiot, but I was past caring. I opened my arms and she flung herself into them and my lips found hers. My lips found hers like they were the only lips I should have ever kissed. And maybe they should have been. But I had to think late was better than never.

  And I felt settled for the first time in my life.

  I had the girl of my dreams in my arms and she was going to be my wife.

  She squealed a laugh as we fell backwards and she landed on top of me. It took me seconds before I was hard and I knew she felt it. But this time she didn’t blush, her eyes darkened and she licked her bottom lip slowly, purposefully.

  “As much as I want to show you how much I’ve missed you, babe, I think there are three boys downstairs desperate to know what’s going on…”

  She nodded and sat up in a panic. “Oh my God, they’re going to kill you.”

  I scoffed as sat up. “Thanks, babe.”

  She looked at me weirdly.

  “What?”

  She smiled. “You know, I used to hate Tommy calling me that. It was possessive and everything about it felt wrong. But when you do it… I want you to possess me, Cade, as backwards as that sounds–”

  “I think every feminist in the world just felt someone walk over their grave,” I chuckled.

  She swatted me playfully. “I know. But it’s true. I want to be yours. Of course, I expect it to go both ways, babe.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I could get used to that.” And I so could. “Hell, I’ll even let you call me ridiculously embarrassing pet names in front of my team.”

  “Mr Reece! You love me that much?” she teased.

  I pulled her into my lap and kissed her. “I love you that much, future Mrs Reece.”

  She broke out into a huge smile, her eyes alight with happiness, and I felt my chest warm. I
didn’t even care I felt a bit like a sissy. If she made me feel like a sissy, then I was happy to feel like a sissy every damned day of the rest of my life. Phillips had been right, the whole feelings thing wasn’t so bad after all.

  She gave me another quick kiss, then scrambled out of my arms and stood up. She held her hands out and I let her pull me up.

  “Downstairs?” I asked and she nodded. I sighed. “All right, but let it be known that I’m risking my life for you.”

  “I thought a solider never wavered in the face of duty?” she asked, holding the door open for me.

  I grinned and conceded that. “Yeah, okay. Let’s face the firing squad then.”

  I followed her downstairs to where Luther was leaning against the mantle of the fireplace, Carter was pacing and Oscar was slumped in the arm chair. Oscar shot up and caught my slight nod, breaking into a huge smile.

  Lucy cleared her throat.

  “Well, what the fuck have you got to say for yourself?” Carter asked, glaring at me.

  Lucy put her hand on my arm and stepped forward. “Guys…” she started, “Caden’s always been a part of this family and I want you to remember that. Remember all the times he was there for you, the times you were there for him, the history we all share…”

  “Where is this going, Lulu?” Carter growled.

  She cleared her throat again but I stopped her.

  “I know I betrayed the deepest trust that you all put in me with Lucy, and I have no excuse for it. But I do love her. I love you all. So, I ask you now for your permission to marry your sister.” I looked around at them all in turn.

  “Yes!” Oscar yelled.

  “No!” Carter said at the same time.

  I turned to Luther, who was looking thoughtful.

  “It’s not a fucking democracy,” Carter snapped. “He’s not marrying her.”

  “Lulubell?” Luther asked, looking from me to her. “You just forgive him like that?”

  “Of course, I did,” she answered. “The whole mix up was as much my fault as his and he’s as much a part of my life as you lot. I couldn’t not forgive him the same way I couldn’t not forgive any of you. I’ve loved him forever, Luther. I loved him before he left six years ago and I loved him even more the moment he was back–”