Maybe Tomorrow

by Sherri Renee

  “What?” I laughed, moving around her to look in the three-way mirror. What did you know? I did have boobs, and they filled the dress out just right. Ginger stepped beside me, and I put an arm around her waist as we studied our reflections. “I think we hit a home run with these, don’t you?”

  Ginger nodded, but I realized she wasn’t looking at the dresses, her focus was on me. This time she was the one getting misty-eyed. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  Ginger sniffed. “There were so many times I wasn’t sure if you’d make it to graduation, and now look at you. You’re healthier than ever. I’m just so thankful.”

  “Me too.” I pulled her close to my side and dropped my head on her shoulder as we studied ourselves in the mirror. “Me too.”

  Chapter 32

  “Think you're up for a burger?” Lucas ran his thumb along the side of my hand and I shivered as a wide smile curved my lips.

  Friday night, just two weeks before graduation, and I was on a date with the hottest guy in school. Everything about life made me smile nowadays. My brothers’ silliness as I taught them to ride their bicycles. The way Mom and Dad snuggled each other when they thought we weren’t around. But most of all, Lucas.

  I woke up smiling as I thought of Lucas. And I smiled every time he sent me a text. And my biggest smiles were when he nuzzled my neck and murmured that he could hardly wait to kiss me. He didn’t know it yet, but that day was getting close. I almost had everything planned out.

  “A burger sounds great.”

  Lucas glanced over. “With a chocolate shake, right?”

  “You know it!” I still ate healthy and drank gallons of juice, but I had a burger and shake from time to time now.

  Lucas pulled into The Greasy Spoon parking lot. “Did you get the email about the sunrise surfing that I sent you?”

  “I did. It sounds amazing. I think we should definitely do it.”

  “I think so, too. After we’ve had a few lessons,” he added.

  We settled into “our” booth. The one we’d sat at on our very first date—when I’d run away like a scaredy-cat. Lucas slid onto the bench seat beside me. Even with our arms and thighs touching, I just couldn't get close enough to Lucas. I couldn’t wait until our first kiss.

  “My parents will be out of town next Saturday,” I said casually. “They’re taking the boys to an amusement park and spending the night. Think you might want to come over? I could make us dinner.”

  Lucas frowned down at me. “Do you know how to ‘cook’ anything besides green juice?”

  I punched him in the shoulder. “Of course I do. I can cook salads and raw apple slices. And, oh! Carrot and celery sticks are my specialty.”

  Lucas laughed. “I’m down for any of that, as long as I get to spend more time with you.”

  I smiled to myself. If everything went according to plan, the meal wasn’t going to be the important part of the evening. Our first kiss would be.

  “You want your usual?” Lucas asked without even looking at the menu.

  I loved that I had a “usual” and not only that I had one, but that Lucas knew what it was. “Sounds good to me.”

  Lucas ordered his normal double-bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a vanilla shake for himself, and a junior bacon cheeseburger and small chocolate shake for me. He always let me steal a couple of his fries.

  Dropping his arm around my shoulder, Lucas pressed a kiss to my hair, just above my ear. “Have you had any more trouble with Brianna?” he asked.

  “Seriously, you’re going to bring her up on our date?” I only halfway teased him. I’d kept him up to date on Brianna’s more ridiculous comments.

  Lucas shrugged. “Yeah, I didn’t really think that through, but since I’ve already brought her up, has she said anything else to you?”

  “Surprisingly, no,” I shrugged. “I think she might have finally moved on."

  Lucas leaned his forehead against mine and grinned. “About time. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy seeing how feisty you got when she made you mad, though."

  I laughed softly. We were so close. His warm breath fanned my cheeks and heated me down to my core. The last thing I wanted to think about was Brianna. My thoughts were one-hundred percent on Lucas.

  I licked my lips. I could kiss Lucas now. Forget about the perfect moment, and just do it. I reached up and cupped his cheek, hesitating as laughter erupted from the next booth. Our first kiss would be special wherever it was, but I didn’t want it to be in the middle of a crowded restaurant with a full audience.

  Lucas leaned his head into my palm, and his eyes closed. Oh, temptation. He looked so perfect. I wanted nothing more than to brush my lips against his. Instead of giving in, I leaned back, breaking the moment. We could wait one more week, and then everything would be perfect.

  Lucas sighed and leaned back. “Someday, you’re going to kiss me,” he said softly.

  I smiled at him. “Someday, I am.”

  Our orders came, and I took a big bite of my juicy burger. “Mm, just the perfect amount of grease,” I joked.

  “Yep,” Lucas said around a bite of burger. “They’ve got the formula down.”

  We ate in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. I went to steal one of Lucas’s fries, and he playfully swatted my hand away. “Hey,” I protested. “You said you would share.”

  Lucas held up a fry and raised a brow. “What are you going to give me for it?” He smiled down at me with a teasing light in his eyes.

  “What do you want?” I asked with a smile of my own.

  “You know what I want.”

  I did know exactly what he wanted. “Fine,” I conceded, acting put out. “I’ll owe you a ten-minute foot rub.”

  Lucas brought the fry to my mouth. “Deal,” he said with a laugh, as I bit into it.

  He wiped his hands on a napkin. “I’ve been thinking about applying to Central U.”

  “What?” I turned to him in surprise. “But what about your scholarship to Texas State and basketball?” My stomach fell. “What’d your dad say?”

  Lucas shrugged. “Dad’s not speaking to me right now.”

  My stomach fell. “I’m sorry.” I hated that I finally had my dad back, and now it looked like Lucas was losing his.

  “Texas State is eight hours from you. I don’t want to be that far away. Central U is a good school, and they have a great business program. If I can get a late admissions, I’ll be right beside you come fall. Maybe we can take some classes together.”

  My heart fluttered. “Really? You’d do that for me?” So many emotions rushed over me. All of them good.

  “Heck, no!” Lucas said. “No way would I do that for you?” I blinked at Lucas in surprise. He grinned back. “It would be all about me having the chance to see my girlfriend every single day rather than just a couple of times a month.”

  I thought about that for a second. “I know I should discourage you and tell you that you shouldn’t do something like that for a girl.” I shot him a quick smile. “But I really want you to! That would be perfect. We’d be able to see each other every day. Maybe they have an intramural basketball team you could play on. Would that be enough to make your dad happy?”

  “No,” Lucas said shortly. I frowned. “But I can’t live my life for my dad. I have to start making decisions for myself. And my first decision is to be where you are.”

  My heart ached for Lucas’s relationship with his dad but swelled with happiness for me. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. “I really love that idea.”

  “And I love you,” Lucas said just above a whisper. I froze before pulling back.

  “You love me?”

  Lucas’s smile was warm and wide and confident. “I love everything about you, Madison Gardner.”

  What should have been a magical moment suddenly turned my stomach as horror filled me. “But what if I get sick again?” The words sprang out before I could stop them.

  Lucas’s smile lessened but didn’t fall. “Then
I’ll love you all the harder. We can’t live our lives with fears of ‘what if?’”

  I slowly nodded. “You’re right. It’s just so scary.”

  “Living is scary sometimes, Maddie. It’s also exciting and fun and thrilling. If you let it be.”

  “My mom says something just like that.”

  “She’s a wise woman. You don’t have to say it back if you’re not ready,” Lucas said. “It won’t change how I feel about you.”

  I swallowed and picked up my hamburger but couldn’t take another bite. I felt myself pulling away from Lucas, although I didn’t mean to.

  I knew there was something serious between us. We were planning a three-week vacation together. We were definitely more than just friends.

  But love? Love was scary.

  Chapter 33

  With just a week left until graduation, school was pretty much over.

  I swallowed hard as I remembered my goal to simply live long enough to graduate and look at me now. I was getting healthier every day. I had the best friend in the world, an amazing boyfriend, and my dad had even moved back home.

  The only negative was that Dad’s health had started to deteriorate. It was double scary because not only did I worry about him, I also worried about my chances of having a relapse. I didn’t dwell on it or anything, but it was a niggling thought I couldn’t quite eliminate no matter how hard I tried.

  My heart gave a heavy throb, and I absently rubbed my chest as I walked to class. I hated that we’d missed out on over eight months of having Dad in our lives. It was scary to think he might only have a few years left, but that was better than nothing. It was nice having him back home.

  I slid into my seat, putting my purse on my desk, and Ginger tapped my desk.

  “Hey,” she said. “We should go to Luigi’s for lunch. A whole group is going.”

  My heart gave another strange thump, and I pressed a hand to my chest, really focusing on it this time.

  I gave Ginger a blank look. “Um, maybe tomorrow,” I said, barely able to register Ginger’s words as my panic skyrocketed. Was I sick again? Had the remission only been a quick tease of what life could have been?

  Ginger gave me a worried look at my reply, and I realized it had been a long time since I’d said those words.

  My heart pounded again. This time gaining my full attention. I narrowed my eyes and did a quick inventory of how I felt. The tally hit me like a bolt of lightning. I felt a lot like I had when I’d been at my lowest point.

  “Maddie, are you okay?”

  I wasn’t okay. I just didn’t know how bad off I was. I couldn’t get a deep breath, and I developed tunnel vision. I knew I was having a panic attack and tried to talk myself down from it, but all I could think was that something wasn’t right.

  “I don’t know if I’m okay,” I told her honestly. “Maybe. It’s probably just stress.” And it could have been stress. After months of doing nothing but drinking juice and surviving, I now had a calendar full of exciting plans. That was fun, but it was stressful. Oh, please let it just be stress.

  Halfway through class, I couldn’t take it anymore. “I need some air,” I muttered to Ginger.

  “I’ll come with you.” Ginger started to stand, but I shook my head.

  “I need a minute alone. I’ll text you.” I hurried toward the door, my fear growing with each step. “Sick,” I mumbled to my teacher as I passed her desk. Thankfully, she didn’t try to stop me.

  I made it to the hall, and without thinking about my destination, I ended up at Lucas’s locker. I yanked open the locker door and scanned the yellow sheet of paper, reading each affirmation I’d left for him over the past three months.

  I am good enough.

  My life is my own.

  I am strong.

  I am successful.

  The list went on and on. I leaned against the locker beside me as I read each word. Claiming them. Believing them deep down in my heart.

  I was stronger than I knew. I couldn’t ever give up.

  The panic slowly subsided, and my vision cleared, but my heart still twinged and jerked in my chest.

  “I am healthy,” I murmured. “I am whole.”

  “Hey,” Lucas hugged me from behind. I’d been so absorbed with willing myself into health that I hadn’t even heard the bell ring. “This is a nice surprise,” he said.

  I turned, and Lucas’s smile fell. “Maddie, what’s wrong? You’re as white as a ghost. Are you feeling okay?”

  For once, I didn’t give him a bad time about my least-favorite question. I just shook my head. “I think I should go to the hospital.”

  The color melted from Lucas’s face, but he didn’t hesitate. “I’ll drive you,” he said. "Can you walk?”

  I nodded and took a few slow steps beside him, holding onto his arm for support. I must not have been moving fast enough because Lucas scooped a hand under my legs and picked me up.

  “Hold on,” he said, jogging toward the parking lot.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned my head against his chest. I wanted to tell him I was fine, and he didn’t have to carry me, but some part of my brain had gotten stuck on an auto-loop. My only thought was that these could be my last minutes, and I was thankful to spend them with Lucas.

  I still didn’t like the idea of the pain he’d suffer if I died, but I loved the fact that I wasn’t alone. And I loved him. He needed to know that.

  At his truck, Lucas opened the passenger door and helped me inside. I looked over, and our eyes met. I forced a small smile. “I love you, Lucas.”

  His jaw tightened, and he looked like I’d just punched him in the gut rather than told him I loved him for the first time. He rubbed a hand over his face, and his eyes got shiny. “You are not dying on me, Madison Gardner, so you just save your ‘I love you’s’ until we make it to the beach. You got it?”

  I nodded with a tired smile. “Got it.” He shut my door and hurried to get the pickup started. We were flying to the hospital in no time. Lucas’s knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. I reached over and put my hand on his thigh. He glanced down at it then covered it with one of his.

  “You’re going to be fine, Maddie. Okay? I don’t want you to worry about a thing. Dr. Reynolds will know just what to do.” I flipped my hand so I could lace my fingers with his.

  My heart continued to twitch, and as much as I tried to control it, my panic grew. I’d never had an episode last so long. I knew whatever was wrong wasn't as simple as indigestion this time.

  “I need to call my mom.” I found my phone in my purse and dialed the familiar number. Mom picked up on the first ring.

  “Maddie, what’s wrong?”

  Tears filled my eyes at the worry in her voice. I swallowed and cleared my throat. “Can you call Dr. Reynolds and meet me at the hospital? Something’s wrong with my heart.” A moment of silence stretched through the distance between us before Mom jumped into “ultra-calm” mode.

  “Of course, Dear. I’ll be right there. Maddie?” she said just as I was about to hang up.

  “Yeah?”

  “Everything’s going to be okay.” I swallowed again and nodded, even though I knew she couldn’t see me. I would be fine. I had to be. I had plans for a future. I had a boyfriend.

  I turned my head so I could see Lucas. His jaw was so tight I worried he might break his teeth, and his focus was one-hundred percent on the road. He pulled into the hospital and drove straight to the emergency room entrance.

  “Lucas,” I said before he could jump out and come around and get me. He looked over at me, and I saw sheer terror in his eyes. I wanted to tell him not to worry, that everything would be okay. But I couldn’t. I had a terrible feeling that things might not be okay at all. But I did need him to know how I honestly felt about him because I knew this could be my last chance to tell him.

  “I do love you,” I said. “I really, really do. No matter what happens. I need you to know that.”

&n
bsp; He gave me a tight smile. “I love you too, Maddie. Now, let’s get you inside. We have a dance to go to tomorrow.”

  My heart jolted again. This time with disappointment. I’d planned our first kiss for before the dance, just like Ginger had suggested with the meal and candles and everything. Had I waited too long? Would I really die without ever kissing Lucas?

  I’d kiss him now, I decided, just in case. But a nurse rushed out with a wheelchair as soon as Lucas opened my door and ruined my plan. Lucas squeezed my hand, then let his fall to his side as the nurse wheeled me away.

  “I’ll be here waiting for you, Maddie,” he called. Hot tears burned my eyes, and I couldn’t look back.

  He’d be waiting for me, but would I come back?

  Chapter 34

  The rest of the day was filled with tests and scans and worried frowns followed by whispered conversations. I laid on the hospital bed and drew long breaths in through my nose before releasing them through my mouth.

  I am healthy and whole. My body is perfectly made. Affirmations ran through my mind almost constantly but didn’t do much to ease my worry.

  I’d long ago texted Lucas and told him to go home until I had more information. As soon as I sent the text, a nurse took my phone away, saying I needed to rest. I hoped Lucas had taken my advice and wasn’t stuck out in the busy waiting room.

  I fiddled with the bed adjustments, raising and lowering the head and then the foot of the bed. Then I took a sip of water from the cup by the bed. I twiddled my thumbs a few times and stared at the ceiling while willing Dr. Reynolds to break his silence and tell me something. Even if it was just a guess.

  Mom had been in to see me, and after she went home to stay with the boys, Dad came and hung out for a couple of hours. I was glad he’d come. I’d worried that me getting sick again might push him over the edge and send him running.

  He looked stiff and uncomfortable in the hospital room, but I didn’t blame him. Not only was his only daughter possibly dying before his eyes, but he also knew he’d probably end up in my exact same position one day in the not too distant future.