An Orc at College: A Contemporary Sword and Sorcery Harem Fantasy

by Liam Lawson

  He dove. Grabbed his staff from where it was propped up. Heard a sound behind him and spun.

  One of the simian beasts fell out of the air before Winnie, who stood just behind it armed with a slime-spattered folding chair which she had just used to brain the creature from behind. From the look of things, she’d gotten the third one as well. Apparently she could unleash a lot more blunt force trauma with a folding chair than he could with his fist.

  “I think I ruined my dress,” she said a little sheepishly. Blood, slime, and mucus had splashed over the sexy garment.

  “You’ve never looked so hot,” Trorm said.

  Winnie’s ears perked up. PROUD. ECSTATIC. PLEASED.

  “Guard my back,” he said, surging forward, staff held before him like a spear. He remembered the spell from the Roaring Stag and the adjustments he’d needed to make in order to penetrate the innate magical resistance of these creatures. With a roar, he aimed his staff at the group of attackers swarming Lilian.

  She still shone like a beacon, slicing through attacker after attacker even as they bit, clawed, and whipped at her. Somehow in the time it had taken him to recover his staff the entire human population of the warehouse had rallied behind her and she’d become a sort of bastion between them and the slimy simians. The light shining from her seemed to be healing her and filling her with strength. One of every three attacks landed by her enemies closed almost at once. Against that many foes, any normal warrior would have already fallen.

  Despite himself, Trorm felt a growing respect for Lilian as he unleashed his lightning spell. It crashed into the nearest attacker and leapt from slimian to slimian to slimian, lighting them from the inside out. The crowd screamed. The monkeys screamed. The ones caught up in the lightning burst like blisters.

  There were still easily two dozen left. Just how many of these things had come after them? Trorm ran through the opening his attack had created in their ranks, Winnie at his side, to join with Lilian between the partiers and the monkeys.

  “Do that again!” Lilian said, her light dwindling.

  “I don’t think I can,” Trorm said. The casting of that spell required specific types of arcane energy from within him and he could already feel that reserve had dried and was taking its toll on him in the form of fatigue.

  One of the creatures leapt at him and he struck it from the air with his staff, wielding it like a club. It continued to thrash so Winnie leapt on it and wildly slammed her chair down on it over and over again.

  “I thought lagothropes were supposed to be gentle souls,” Lilian said, eyeing Winnie.

  Winnie shrugged. “I’ll gently pulp anyone who tries to kill me or my date.”

  Lilian’s light faded still further. The attackers split before them like water rushing past a stone, trying to get around to the people they were defending. With a yell, Trorm dug into a different reserve of magical energy and cast a shield spell. It wasn’t large enough. He had to direct it between the group behind him and the largest bunch of attackers. They struck upon it and were repelled, leaving splatters of mucus hovering in the air to mark the shield’s presence.

  Lilian rushed to the other side, trying to slay as many of the things as her sword could reach. Why in the frozen hells hadn’t she brought a gun with her? She’d have been out of ammo by now but at least she could have attacked at range. Winie leapt upon those that made it past Lilian, smashing them in the face with her chair. It was slowly becoming dented and warped. She needed a better weapon.

  Between his shield, Lilian’s light, and the three of them striking at everything that made it past those barriers, they put up a reasonable defense against all of the attackers. They were effectively locked in a stalemate. Only, his side was quickly growing tired while the simian’s showed no signs of slowing down. They needed to change tactics or they were all going to die.

  One of the simian’s broke away from the group, darting across the warehouse toward the coat check. What the hell was it after?

  “No!” Lilian cried out. “Trorm, don’t let it get that item!”

  Item? The paperweight! She’d said it had a dark or evil aura about it. Could it be that these things had been drawn to the party by it? Had he unknowingly put all of these people in danger.

  With a roar he dropped the shield and flung a fireball at the running monkey, this time with both more power and finesse. The eldritch beast popped with a hiss and a sizzle, falling in a puddle of boiling mucus to the ground before it could reach its destination. Trorm rushed to recast his shield spell, barely getting it up in time to prevent another wave of attackers from getting to the people behind him.

  As he did, two more monkeys pulled away to rush toward the coat check. Dammit, this wasn’t going to work! He couldn’t keep recasting the shield spell like this. He needed to somehow go on the offensive while maintaining his defense. Lilian let out an impressive roar for a human and stuck out, her light not covering the same range it had moments ago but still bright and powerful.

  “Lilian,” Trorm called. “I need you!”

  He rushed over to her, doing his best to maintain the shield spell. “Permission to use your divine magic?”

  “What?” she asked. CONFUSED.

  “I don’t have time to explain,” he shouted. “Trust me?”

  She hesitated, then nodded. “Do whatever it is you’re going to do!”

  He pulled her light into him, like drawing in stored power from a reserve, and fueled it into his shield. Lilian’s light vanished from her and she shuddered, going still. A new light arose, this one shining from Trorm’s shield spell, which rapidly expanded to cover the entire group of people. The light from it burned the attacking horrors, driving them back. Those that were too close, popped, sizzled, or melted into goo.

  But the holy light did not cover the entire warehouse. The attackers fell back and waited. That was all they had to do. Trorm couldn’t hold the spell for much longer and Lilian was rapidly being drained of power. Both of them would collapse in a matter of moments. And the two monkeys that had pulled away earlier had reached the coat check and were tearing through the garments there searching for the damn paperweight.

  Music blared to life, filling the warehouse. Fresh energy rushed into Trorm, washing away his fatigue and bolstering his reserves and will. The entire warehouse, attackers, partiers, and fighters, all turned as one to direct their attention to the stage.

  Tibs stood there, singing into the microphone for all he was worth, shredding it on his electric guitar. Bardic magic surged from him and the speakers around the warehouse, boosting the strength and endurance of all his allies.

  I stand alone!

  A banana eating monkeys

  Pop! Pop! Like zits

  Under divine fire!!!

  And he was alone, Trorm realized. Well outside the range of the shield spell and holy light’s protection.

  Monkey-beasts turned, rushing from the shield to charge at the defenseless bard, who continued to sing and pour out his magic even as they came at him. Tibs was either fearless or suicidal, Trorm decided. Either way, he wasn’t about to let the crazy bard die. Not now.

  He roared, digging deeper into himself than he’d ever thought possible, energized by the bardic music, and pushed out with the shield. It shuddered, expanded, and then crashed outward like a wave. It washed over the warehouse like a wall of blinding white fire.

  Every eldritch horror it touched exploded in a cloud of steam. Even the puddles left behind on the ground sizzled and evaporated beneath the holy heatwave.

  And then it and the slimians was gone.

  Trorm fell to his knees, staff clattering to the ground before him.

  He looked to the stage. Tibbs had stopped singing and looked like he was about to collapse, holding onto the mic stand for support. The creatures hadn’t gotten him.

  He looked to the coat check. There, barely a yard or two away from the now ruined garments, shone that damn paperweight.
Good. They hadn’t gotten that either.

  The silence abruptly broke as every one of the partiers let out a raucous cheer.

  Above the noise he heard a voice, apparently one of the frat brothers, call out, “Free booze for everyone!”

  The cheers turned deafening.

  Chapter Ten

  An hour and a half later, Lilian, Winnie, and Trorm sat in Tib’s living room. Along with Tibs and a new girl he’d picked up at the party who wasn’t either of the two he’d introduced earlier. She’d fallen asleep on the couch after an intense and oblivious make out session with Tibs that had Trorm’s eyebrows raised, Winnie leaning forward in interest, and Lilian pointedly looking away with her face on fire.

  Trorm was surprised to discover that the half-elf owned his own house though in hindsight he shouldn’t have been. Tibs was much older than he looked thanks to his elf-blood and an accomplished professional bard. Unlike Trorm, who was a full-time student, Tibs it turned out, only dabbled in academia when he wasn’t going on tour or too heavily focused on work. Right now, he was just doing gigs, focusing on his songwriting, and producing regular music videos for the internet that was driving people to his merchandise shop. Bananas Eating Monkeys was a much bigger deal than Trorm had thought.

  Getting away from the party had been difficult for several reasons. The first was that the campus police had showed up only moments after the battle had ended and proceeded to question everyone and call for medics and healers. Despite Trorm and the other’s best efforts, quite a few people had been injured and free booze couldn’t fix that.

  Trorm had recovered the paperweight and his satchel and been ready to go almost at once. The campus police did not like that idea. They’d pulled him aside and taken his staff at gunpoint before starting questioning him. Thoroughly. Demanding to see his both his ID and student ID.

  Only the other students stepping in, led by Winnie, Tibs, and Lilian had kept them from putting him in handcuffs. Several students had actually recorded the whole thing on their phones and showed the cops recordings. That, combined with an unexpected tirade of unbridled fury from Lilian about racist profiling and unjust accusations, had been enough to finally pull him free and see his staff returned.

  There was an issue that existed between the campus police and Lilian that Trorm did not understand nor did his sunglasses adequately explain. It was odd. The city police obviously respected the paladin, perhaps even deferred to her. What had happened to turn the campus police against her?

  Trorm didn’t have much time to worry about the issue. The fact that he had not handed over the paperweight to the police was something he was still arguing about with Lilian as they sat in Tib’s living room, his newest girlfriend snoring softly beside him.

  “I will not betray my teammates like that,” Trorm said finally, putting his foot down and crossing his arms.

  “And it has nothing to do with the fact that they might revoke your student visa and deport you?” Lilian demanded.

  “Of course that’s a factor,” Trorm said. “But all of them were in on this together, including Dr. Hunt. Involving the police in something that was not actually a crime would just get people in trouble for no reason.”

  He had taken off his sunglasses. The nighttime darkness was refreshing on his eyes after his newly diurnal schedule. He wanted to enjoy it, especially after that fight, and hadn’t bothered putting them back on after they’d got settled in at Tib’s place. He didn’t need his sunglass’s enchantment to tell him about her frustration.

  “What I need to do,” Trorm said. “Is return the object to Dr. Hunt. It’s rightfully his and he was in on the test.”

  He’d played for her the recording he’d taken of his conversation with his teammates, earning a whistle of appreciation from Tib’s who’d called him “sly.” Winnie had crawled onto his lap, wriggled back into his chest, and hadn’t moved since.

  “Out of the question,” Lilian said.

  “How is returning an object to its rightful owner out of the question?” Trorm asked.

  “First, because it’s suspicious that he has something that gives off such a dark aura in the first place. He’s a conjuration specialist. Dark items shouldn’t be of interest to him.”

  “Actually,” Tibs interjected. “They can be exceedingly useful for conjurers, especially with entities summoned from other dimensions or planes of existence. It’s difficult to get your hands on the permits for them but I’d be willing to bet that Dr. Hunt’s got one.”

  “Second,” Lilian said through clenched teeth, giving Tibs a sideways glare.

  He shrugged and returned the glare with a grin.

  “Because a wizard like Ismael Hunt would know how dangerous an object like this is,” she continued. “And if he was letting it be used as some sort of immature prank or hazing ritual, that shows that he’s incredibly irresponsible and can’t be trusted with something like this.”

  “Do we have the right to decide that?” Trorm asked. “Your nation has given him a permit to own it and recognizes his expertise.”

  “Also,” Tibs said, right on the heels of Trorm. “We don’t actually know what it is or what it does. Maybe it’s just supposed to give off a dark aura but actually just shells nuts.”

  Winnie cocked her head. “Ooh, like they just set it up as a con to try and make Trorm uncomfortable. See if he’d still be willing to take it.”

  Lilian scowled. “Possible but unlikely.”

  Trorm nodded in agreement. “I can’t detect those kinds of auras like a paladin or acolyte can.”

  “Would they know that though?” Winnie asked. “I mean, Dr. Hunt sure, but Arlen’s not exactly a topnotch student and the other two don’t know anything about magic.”

  “Fair point,” Trorm said.

  “Thirdly,” Lilian went on. “Those monsters that attacked the party tonight also attacked the Roaring Stag. They’re clearly summoned from another plane of existence and…and I think they might be connected to a dark cult I’ve been investigating.”

  “No shit,” Winnie said, ears perking up.

  Lilian grimaced. “Yeah. I think that’s why the Stag was attacked. They must have sensed or otherwise learned that the item was going to be at the party and if they want it, it’s got to be bad. And clearly, they don’t mind hurting people to try and get it. If Trorm was able to sneak in and take it from Dr. Hunt, there’s a good chance that they’d be able to as well. More importantly, they’d be more likely to murder him and his wife getting it. If we return it to them without knowing more, we’re putting them in danger. Maybe Arlen too.”

  The room fell silent after that, save for the soft snoring from Tib’s new date. Trorm wished he could remember her name.

  “That…makes sense,” Trorm admitted. “We can take it to Abigail in the morning. She’s good with this sort of thing.”

  Lilian stood up. “Absolutely not!”

  Trorm held up a hand for peace. “Why not?”

  “Because I am not getting her or Mom involved in this. It’s bad enough that the Stag was attacked. I am not making my baby sister a target for these monsters,” she said.

  “But someone else is okay?” Trorm asked. “Wouldn’t she be safer since she lives with both of us?”

  Lilian shook her head. “Nobody’s safe and I freely admit that this is me being selfish. I’m not proud of it. I’m also not bending on it. We’ll take it to someone else.”

  “Like who?” Trorm asked.

  “I know a guy at the precinct,” Lilian said. “Give the object to me and—”

  “No,” Trorm interrupted. “This is my problem. My fight. I will not pass it over to you.”

  Lilian crossed her arms. “As long as you’re keeping that thing you are not welcome in our house.”

  “Isn’t that your mother’s call?”

  “Do you really want to test that?” Lilian asked, narrowing her eyes.

  He didn’t. He really didn’t. He also
couldn’t bring himself to hand it over.

  “Stay here tonight,” Tibs said. “I’ve got an extra room. Bring it to Nymal tomorrow.”

  Trorm looked at him. “Nymal?”

  “Yeah,” Tibs said, nodding. “I know he’s a hoity toity pain in the ass, but the guy knows his magic. He’s actually pretty young for an elf to be attending university, let alone studying magic. Pretty sure that’s why he’s at a human school. We’re more lenient about age than elves are.”

  He said that last bit a little oddly, Trorm thought. “Thank you.”

  Lilian threw her hands up. “Fine. You stay here and take it to this Nymal tomorrow. Call me when you go see him. I want to be there.”

  Trorm raised an eyebrow.

  Lilian glared at him.

  He glared back. Paladin or no, he wasn’t about to let her push him around. “I’ll think about it.”

  With an exasperated sound, she made to storm out of the living room, but paused at the door to look over at Tibs. “Thank you for your assistance and hospitality tonight.”

  Tibs shrugged. “No prob.”

  She left.

  Soon as the door closed Tibs looked to Winnie and Trorm. “Paladin’s gone. Either of you want a beer?”

  They both chuckled but declined.

  “Okay,” he said, standing up and scooping his date into a bridal carry. “Going to get her situated in my room. I’ll be sleeping on the couch in my studio if you need me. Guest bedroom’s second door on the right down the hall.”

  He started toward his bedroom when, in an odd reflection of Lilian, he paused. “Condoms and lube are in the top drawer of the bedside table. Enjoy.”

  Trorm’s face burned.

  Winnie beamed, bouncing on Trorm’s lap. “Thanks, Tibs.”

  Tibs nodded and left.

  Winnie looked up at Trorm. “You made a good friend there.”

  “I…think so too,” Trorm said. “I guess…um…about what he said. We don’t have to….”