Teagan's Story: Her Battle With Epilepsy

by Talia Jager

  A bunch of hands shot out. Great, I thought. I pointed to someone. “Which kind do you have?”

  “Actually, I have two different seizures. Absence seizures and tonic-clonic seizures.”

  Dr. Cramer interrupted. “Many people have more than one type of seizures. It’s not uncommon for some people to even have three different ones.”

  I picked another person. “Do you take medication for it?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Does it work?” someone else asked.

  “It helps. I used to have at least twenty absence seizures a day and sometimes I’d have a tonic-clonic everyday. With the medicine, I still have absence seizures daily, but only a few, and I only have a few of the tonic-clonic seizures a month now,” I tried to explain.

  “Will you have surgery?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know yet.”

  Maddie raised her hand. I pointed to her. “Have you had any seizures since you’ve been here?” Maddie asked.

  I looked at her. “Yes.”

  “You really don’t know they’re happening?” someone else spoke up.

  “No, I don’t. Sometimes I get a warning sign if a tonic-clonic is coming on. But, once it starts, I don’t remember anything.”

  “Will we know if you’re having one?”

  “If I’m having a tonic-clonic, you will definitely know. If I’m having an absence seizure, it depends. They last anywhere from a few seconds to half a minute. I might be talking and stop and you’ll know what’s going on.” I met Maddie’s eyes again. “Or I might just stare off into space for five seconds and you’ll never know.”

  “Do you have any limitations?” another voice popped up.

  “Yes. I have many. Since I have two types of seizures and neither is controlled well.”

  “Like what?” the voice asked again.

  “Well, the one I hate the most, I can’t even have a learner’s permit right now. I’m sixteen and I can’t drive, that just sucks.” Some kids laughed. “Truth is I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have one. But, I’d rather be safe then hurt myself or someone else on the road.”

  “Can you ride a bike?” someone asked.

  I shook my head. “No. If I want to do anything, I have to have somebody who knows what to do with me. I love rollerblading, but I can’t go by myself. I have to have someone swimming with me to even put my feet in the water.” I tried to give a couple examples.

  I answered a few more questions and then sat down. Connor squeezed my hand. “Thanks Connor, for saying what you did.”

  “You’re welcome.” He smiled.

  “If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask me after the assembly or go to Mrs. Tavi or I’m sure Teagan will answer your questions if you ask her,” Dr. Cramer said. “On your way out, you will be getting a booklet that goes over what we talked about. Thank you all!”

  The principal, Mrs. Armstrong got up and thanked everyone for being good and thanked us all for sharing our stories. She dismissed everyone to go to their first period, saying all classes would be shortened today.

  The kids started getting up and filing out. Mrs. Armstrong came over to us and shook Connor and Kate’s hands, and then she came over to me and wished me luck. The nurse stopped over to thank us. “It was very informational,” she said.

  I sat back down for a minute. Kate sat next to me. “You okay?”

  “Still nervous. I feel safe right here, right now. But, out there,” I said motioning to the hallway, “it’s a whole other story.”

  She smiled. “It’s going to be okay. You did wonderful today. The assembly was a success I think.” I nodded. “Call me if you need to get out of here during the day. We’ll play a little hooky,” she whispered.

  I laughed. “Okay.”

  I got up again. Connor gave me a big hug. “I love you.”

  “I love you too. Thank you for coming.”

  Mandi tapped me on the shoulder. “I’ll walk with you to class.”

  “Great.” I smiled.

  I said goodbye to Connor, Kate, Aubrey, and Rick. Then Mandi and I walked out of the auditorium. Most of the kids had gone to their classes. A few were still walking by. As we walked to our class, I noticed some kids pointing and whispering. I knew that was to be expected. A couple of the kids flailed their arms around faking a seizure. “Oooh yeah, haven’t seen that before.” I shook my head as I walked by.

  We walked into English. The kids who were there stopped talking and looked up. I smiled and took my seat. The teacher started class. We went over the book we had to read and she gave us a short quiz on it. “I want five more chapters read by Friday,” she told us. “I also want to say that I am honored to have Teagan in my class and I expect you to all respect her.” I blushed and looked down.

  Mandi gave me a hug. “I will see you in a little bit.”

  “Thanks, Mandi.”

  I walked out the door, Maddie was standing there. “Can I walk with you?” she asked.

  “Of course,” I said. She was quiet at first. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Mhmm.”

  “When we were outside on Friday, did you have a seizure while we were talking?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “But, you didn’t know?”

  “No, not until I realized you were looking at me funny and you started to say that I had stopped talking.”

  “Wow. I’m sorry… It’s just weird. Here we are walking to class and you could drop on the floor right now and have a seizure?”

  I wasn’t sure if that was a question. “Yeah that could happen. In fact, it’s a very real possibility.”

  “How long ago did you have one of those bigger seizures?” she asked.

  “Saturday.”

  “Are they bad?”

  I nodded and looked away. “Yeah, they are.”

  People in the hallway were giving me looks and I heard a lot of whispering. “Just ignore them.”

  I nodded. We stopped outside my classroom door. “Thanks for walking with me.”

  “I’ll wait for you to go back down.”

  I nodded. “That would be great.”

  I walked into the classroom. The kids looked up. I took my seat next to Eve. “Hi,” she said.

  “Hi,” I said back. I didn’t know what else to say.

  Mr. Harmon came in. “Settle down class. I know it’s been an exciting morning, but we have stuff to do in a shorter period of time.” I blushed. He started his lesson and hurried through it.

  Maddie did walk with me to our next class. Many kids were still looking at me. It seemed like they were waiting for me to have a seizure right then. In computer class, Craig walked up to me. “Hi Teagan.”

  “Hi Craig, how are you?”

  “I’m good. I ah…” His face turned red. “I wanted to say that it doesn’t bother me.”

  “What doesn’t bother you?”

  “Your epilepsy,” he said.

  I laughed. “Oh, I’m glad it doesn’t bother you.” I smiled. “That means a lot to me.”

  Now, he was beet red. The teacher came in and started class. She had us start typing what she was saying in Microsoft Word. I realized that I was missing words. Was I having little episodes? I tried to keep up.

  “Ms. Nerick,” someone spoke up. “I think Teagan is doing it.”

  I looked up hearing my name. “What?”

  Ms. Nerick came over to where I was sitting and read over what I had written. “You’re missing a few words,” she said quietly. “I’ll have someone help you catch up in a minute.”

  I nodded. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” She smiled.

  When she was done reading out loud what she wanted us to write, she told us to check it over with spell check and fix our mistakes. “Amalie, will you please have Teagan read what you wrote so she can fill in the words.”

  “Of course,” Amalie responded.

  She sat right next to me, so I just looked o
ver hers and filled in the words, actually a couple sentences that I had missed. “Thank you,” I said.

  “You’re welcome.” She smiled.

  When the bell rang, I went up to Ms. Nerick. “What can I do for you, Teagan?”

  “I think it’s the computer,” I told her.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Certain things trigger more seizures. Computers can be one. Is there any way you can set the refresh rate of the monitor higher? That usually helps.”

  She nodded. “I sure can. I will have it ready for you by tomorrow.”

  “Thank you.”

  * * *

  Study hall was next. A few people were passing notes. I couldn’t help but think they were about me. I did some of my homework and tried to ignore the other kids.

  In Spanish class, a girl asked me some questions about my seizures. “Do the big ones hurt?”

  “Not while they’re happening. But, afterwards, I get real bad headaches.”

  “So, you just go to sleep?”

  “Yeah. I get exhausted. I sleep for hours.”

  It was the end of the day. I had gotten through it. I spotted Connor’s car as soon as I walked outside. I hurried to it not wanting to engage in any after school conversation today. I jumped in the car. “Everything okay?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. It’s just been such an emotional day that I want to go home.”

  “Okay.” He started driving. “Wanna talk?”

  “Lots of kids whispered and looked. Some asked me questions. Not much teasing, not that I saw anyway.”

  “Good. Any more episodes?”

  “Yeah, I had a few in computer class. I asked the teacher to change the refresh rate on it, she said she would.”

  Chapter Six

  We got home and I collapsed on my bed for a few minutes. I grabbed my photo album and started looking through it. There were pictures of me as a baby. A normal baby. There were pictures of Connor holding me. My Mom and Dad looked so young. I missed them so much. Tears filled my eyes.

  I flipped the pages. When I was four, we went to Ireland. I didn’t remember much of it. We went again when I was ten, I remembered that one. We planned on going after I graduated. The pictures were beautiful. There were pictures of me with my grandparents and all my aunts and uncles.

  As I kept flipping, I saw myself grow up. My mom loved taking pictures, she never missed anything. As I got older, she taught me how to take the perfect picture. There was a knock on my door. “Come in.”

  Connor walked in. “What are you doing?”

  “Taking a walk down memory lane,” I said. “Was I really five when I was diagnosed?”

  He nodded. “Yup. I remember Mom bringing you home from the hospital after you had a seizure. She was in tears. Mom and Dad sat me down and told me what my little sister had.”

  I wiped away my tears. “Did I really ruin your childhood?”

  “You didn’t ruin it. That’s not what I said. I said you rocked my world. Everything changed. You weren’t a normal little girl anymore. You loved to follow me around and once you were diagnosed I couldn’t do something if you couldn’t do it.

  “That changed though a couple years later. Mom and Dad realized they couldn’t make me stay at home just because you couldn’t do what I did.” He flipped a page. “You brightened up a room when you walked in it. I always knew you were special. You have that light in you; don’t ever let it go out.”

  “Do you think someone will ever fall in love with me?”

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t they?”

  I looked at him. “Oh c’mon. Who would want to take care of me?”

  “Someone who understands.”

  “But… I look at my future. Sure, I could go to college, get a job, ride the bus to work and back. But, where am I going to live? Who will know I’m in the shower?”

  “You’ll live here.”

  “I can’t stay here forever, Connor. You and Kate need your lives back. You’ll want kids someday.”

  “And you will be the best aunt they could ever have.”

  “But Connor, I couldn’t even hold them,” I turned away. “What if I dropped your baby or started seizing with him in my arms?”

  He rubbed my back. “We’ll deal with all that when it comes to it. Right now, you must know that you are my sister, my family. You are Kate’s family. We love you and you’re staying here forever as far as we’re concerned. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I don’t know… I have to do my homework though.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you at dinnertime.”

  I did my homework pretty fast. This stuff was much easier than what Mom made me do. The studying I did at home was more in depth. I guess that’s good. I can kind of breeze through until it’s over. When I was finished I got online. Both Lainey and Zander were on. We got in a private chat room.

  How did it go? Lainey asked.

  Good.

  How were they to you? Zander asked.

  Okay. I heard some whispering, got some looks, few kids did stupid stuff, but nothing real bad yet.

  That’s got to be hard. I’ve been in public school all along. I can’t imagine going through it now in high school. The kids don’t tease me now, but they’ve known me for years, Lainey said.

  I don’t think they know what to say to me, I said. There were a couple of college kids with epilepsy who got up to speak today. It made me start thinking about my future.

  What do you see? Zander asked.

  That’s just it. I don’t see one.

  Teagan, you have great opportunities, Lainey said.

  Mom always said I could do anything, I typed. But, I can’t. I have so many limitations; I can’t see becoming an adult.

  You’ll work around your limitations, Zander said. I’ve got a part-time job. They don’t mind the epilepsy part.

  Yeah, but I can’t live on a part-time job. I sighed, rubbing my temples.

  Your brother will help, Lainey said.

  I don’t want to be a burden on them forever. But, I don’t see a way out. I know you guys understand what I’m saying. But, it’s harder than you can imagine. I don’t want it to seem like your seizures aren’t as devastating as mine, I know they are. It’s just that I have two kinds. I seize daily! I can’t live a normal life. Nobody will ever hire me. No guy will ever love me. I’m going to be stuck forever. I’ll probably lock myself up so my brother can have a normal life. I typed faster.

  Stop, you’re getting upset, Zander wrote.

  Calm down, Lainey said. We’re not going to let you lock yourself up…

  * * *

  I felt someone stroking my hair. My head pounded. My body ached. I couldn’t even open my eyes I was so weak. I heard Kate’s voice, “Yeah, she’s okay now. Thanks for calling.”

  I licked my lips. “Here, Teagan, I got water right here. Here’s the straw,” Connor said, putting the straw on my lips. I took it and drank some water. I tried to talk, but nothing was coming out. “It’s okay. Do you want your medicine now?” I nodded. “Okay.” He lifted my head up a little and I opened my mouth. He put the pill in and then gave me the drink. “Sleep now.”

  Kate put the cool washcloth over my eyes. It felt so good. I drifted back to sleep. I didn’t wake up again until the next morning. I actually felt somewhat refreshed when I did get up. The door was wide open and I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. I went to find them.

  Connor and Kate were sitting at the table. Kate looked up and smiled. “Hey, how are you?”

  I sat down. “Not bad right now.”

  “Headache?” Connor asked.

  “Nope. I can’t believe I slept all night.” I stretched. “What happened?”

  “We didn’t know anything happened until the phone started ringing. I guess you were online talking to your friends when you had the seizure. You weren’t responding to them anymore so they called us.”

  “Wow. I didn’t even feel it coming on.”

  “Do you feel li
ke staying home?”

  “No, I need to go to school.” I insisted.

  * * *

  The next couple of days consisted of whispers, weird looks, and stupid comments. Slowly, the teasing subsided some, and they found something else to talk about. I knew this would change the second I had a tonic-clonic seizure at school.

  Some kids would say hi to me in the hallway. More kids talked to me in class. It started feeling like I had been there longer. I had multiple absence seizures in class. The kids around me helped fill in the blanks. They were being really nice. Some of the kids still watched me, waiting. But, they weren’t mean about it. They were just being curious.

  I waited a couple days since my episode at the computer and then I got back on. I had a ton of email. Most of it was from Lainey and Zander. They were concerned about me. I wrote them back the same email: “I’m okay. Thanks for calling. Just got to get some stuff figured out in my head. I have an appointment with the neuro next week. I’ll be around. Love, Teagan.”

  * * *

  I had a lot of homework to do over the weekend. I had to finish a book, study for a test, and finish up a paper. I got it all done Saturday. Connor, Kate and I went to a movie Saturday night. I sat a couple seats away so they could pretend they were on a real date without the little sister tagging along. It sure was good to get out.

  On Sunday, Kate suggested playing some games. In the middle of our monopoly game, I went to get a glass of water. I drank some and refilled the glass. I started walking back.

  Suddenly, Kate was in the room and there was broken glass and water all over the floor. “Crap. I’m sorry,” I bent down and started picking up pieces of glass.

  “Teagan, stop,” Kate said. She had a broom and pan in her hands. “Honey, you’re bleeding now, put the glass down.” I put it in the pan and sat back against the cupboard. Kate swept up the glass and put some paper towels over the water.

  Connor kneeled down next to me and put a towel around my hand. “I’m sorry.” I said again.

  “It’s okay. It’s just a glass.”

  I started to cry. “Teagan, what’s wrong?”

  “I just… I can’t… control them. I want Mom,” I cried.

  “I know. Me too,” Connor said.