A Mother's Strength

by Allie Pleiter

  After a minute or so, worry over Zack pulled her from the sadness. “He knows?” That broke her heart. She’d tried so hard to keep any hint of her worry from him. Some days Zack’s acute powers of observation were a curse.

  Sawyer brushed a strand of hair from over her eye, and she felt the care of the gesture deep into her bones. He did not move to step away from her, and she could not bring herself to step away from him. “He suspects. He overheard you talking to Tessa, and he thinks people bringing you cake means you’re sick.”

  Molly shook her head. That was pure Zack, imagining alarming connections between events that weren’t connected at all. “I’m sorry you got caught up in all this.”

  “I’m not.” He meant it. It glowed like a promise in his eyes. “I mean, it’s not my strong suit, but I was glad to be the person he could unload on. We get each other, Zack and I.”

  Sawyer seemed to consider that a weird accident. She knew better. “Do you realize what a gift that is? To him?” Despite her resistance, she couldn’t help but add, “To me?”

  Now it was he who shook his head. “I’m no gift to anybody.”

  The world had beaten so much of his self-worth out of him. “You’re wrong. You’re scarred, but most of us are.” She reached her hand up and ran it across the strong angle of his jaw. He sucked in a breath, stunned by the touch.

  “Molly...” It was more of a breath than a word. Did he realize what it did to her when he said her name like that?

  His tortured tone and the longing in his eyes tore down the last of her defenses. Giving in to the flood of care and tenderness that overtook her, Molly leaned in and kissed him. A soft, sweet kiss, a careful, shaky thing that dared to cross all the space between them. He held still, as if worried the slightest movement would scare her away. But when she slid her arms around his neck, his whole body responded as if she’d handed him the secret of life. Maybe she had.

  One hand held her tight while the other cupped her face tenderly. She could feel the surprise and wonder in his racing pulse, in the breaths that matched her own. What an extraordinary thing it was to be so surprised by something you knew all along. The small pull she’d felt from that first morning in the coffee shop bloomed into something full and rich and worth every struggle.

  When the sheer power of the moment felt as if it was getting beyond them, Molly pulled back to catch her breath. “Wouldn’t it shock Zack to walk in on that?” She rolled her eyes. Probably not the best response to an epic kiss like that.

  Sawyer’s laugh was rich and low. “Actually, no. He knows.”

  Molly stared at him. “He what?”

  “He figured it out. Today he told me I like you and you like me. Simple as that.” Sawyer slid his hand down her arm to grasp her hand. It was a simple, affectionate gesture, but to Molly it held as much power as the breathtaking kiss. He smirked. “He also told me neither of us wants to admit it. Smart kid.”

  Molly felt her cheeks redden. “I think we just did a pretty good job of admitting it.”

  “I suppose so.”

  “How long?” Had it been steadily growing for him, as well?

  She would have never in a million years thought that Sawyer’s eyes could sparkle. It was as if the layers of darkness were sliding off him right in front of her eyes. “You’ve been the best part of my day. That impossible cheer you carry around. I can never get enough of it.”

  Even feeling that way, he’d gone to Steve to try to restore her family. What she’d thought was arrogance was actually an act of service, of sacrifice. She felt a new tear slip down her cheek. They’d muddled so much of this, and yet God had still led them here.

  “So it wasn’t just my great coffee after all?” she teased.

  He smiled. “That, too. But when I began to realize just how much you were dealing with, and still...well, I don’t know how you keep that cheer.”

  She gave him a look. “Yeah, you do. I’ve already told you. And it’s not cheer. Cheer is something that comes and goes. It’s joy.” She laid her hand on his heart. “Joy is something God gives us.”

  “Does everything always come back to God’s gifts for you?” His words were teasing, but she loved the affection in his eyes.

  She tapped his heart, feeling her own glow in her chest. “Uh-huh. Even you.” Molly shouldn’t have been so startled by how much she meant it. “You’ve been so far from joy for so long.” She raised her hand to touch his face. “Come on back to it. Let us walk you back to it. It’s closer than you think.”

  Sawyer’s response was to close the distance between them and kiss her. This kiss was deeper, as filled with promise and hope as a kiss between two scarred people could be. The power of it showed her all the loneliness she’d endured, how solitary her heart had been. The kiss was a pledge that she wouldn’t bear whatever burdens were coming all on her own.

  “What do you want to tell Zack?” he asked when they finally broke the embrace. Molly was amused at the breathless tone of his voice. The man knew how to make a woman swoon in her own kitchen.

  “That he was right and I do like you and you like me,” she replied.

  “I meant about you. I promised him I would ask you, so I’ll need to give an answer. I don’t want to lie to him, but I’m worried the truth is a bit much for him. Still, it’s your call. He’s my friend, but he’s your son. I’ll do whatever you want.”

  Sawyer was already so much more to Zack than Steve had ever been. Molly leaned against the counter, pondering the difficult issue. “I think,” she began, “I tell the truth I have for now. I’m not sick. Because I’m not. Except for being panicked with worry, I feel fine. And while I’m scared to death I might be getting sick, I’m not. Not now, at least.” After a moment, she added, “Thank you. For being there for him.”

  “I want to be there for you, too. I’m not sure how, and I’ll probably mess it up in a million ways, but I want you to know. I’m ready to stay.” His voice broke a bit on that declaration, and Molly marveled at what it meant for him to say that. “Even when it gets messy,” he went on. “Some wacky, joyful lady told me that was important.”

  She loved that he used the word joy. How incredible that her heart was so full of wonder and hope when it had been crushed in fears mere hours ago. “‘Bridge Over Troubled Water,’” she said, recalling that wondrous time in the church sanctuary. So many of the lyrics fit the moment, Molly was sure it was no accident it had been the first song they’d shared together.

  “Yeah, that,” he said. “Maybe we can learn a few more.”

  “I’d like that.” At this moment, nothing meant more to her in the world.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Two days later, Sawyer found himself in church. Willingly. If that didn’t showcase the power of God Almighty, Sawyer wasn’t sure what would. Well, he thought to himself as he sat in a pew—a front pew—with Molly and Zack, God and the mighty powers of Molly Kane’s relentless persuasion.

  On the outside, nothing had really changed. He still had a dead-end night job on the outskirts of town. He still didn’t know what—or if—he’d ever be in law enforcement ever again. Zack was still an anxious little guy for whom life was a daily struggle. Molly still didn’t have test results, so, while she was doing her best to hide it, she was as full of anxieties as her son.

  It was the inside that had changed. Words like grace and hope had been fluffy, nonexistent ideas in his life for years. Even before the accident, if he was honest. Life had felt like a long battle he was losing by degrees.

  That was changing. Right before his eyes, it seemed. Little bits at a time, but in tiny ways that made a huge difference.

  “And now we’ll be blessed by our choir,” announced Pastor Newton. “And I want to take this moment to thank Sawyer Bradshaw for filling in while Samantha’s arm heals. Most of you don’t know Sawyer, but I trust you’ll show him a warm welcome after the s
ervice.”

  Molly smiled. A broad, “you’re one of us whether you like it or not now” smile he felt warm his chest like the clear sunshine beaming in through the tall church windows. He took the look she gave him as she stepped apart from the choir to sing her solo and tucked it in a corner of his heart. Having Molly make him coffee had always been the highlight of his day. Hearing Molly sing was becoming his oxygen, his sunlight and his doorway back into the world.

  He waited for her nod, then began the opening chords. Playing the piano while Molly sang felt like home—the place he’d been heading for this whole time without knowing it. The song spoke to him of faith and journey, of imperfection and grace. Molly’s faith sailed out into the sanctuary on her gorgeous voice. He yearned for what she had, and this morning, for the first time, Sawyer began to believe it was possible. If faith really was the gift she described, then he could ask for it. He could receive it. He could rebuild his life on it.

  The rest of the choir came in on the chorus, and the sound built to soar around the space. It wasn’t perfect—far from—but it was heartfelt. This was what people meant by worship. This was why two-hundred-year-old hymns still meant something today.

  When he thought the moment couldn’t get more powerful, Pastor Newton lifted his hands and the whole congregation joined in. A swell of voices—some lovely, some gravelly, some loud, some soft—built upon the choir’s notes. For a split second Sawyer looked over and saw Zack singing at the top of his voice. He was getting most of the words wrong, but the boy’s enthusiasm pulled down the last of Sawyer’s resistance.

  He joined in. Humming at first, and then startling himself by singing. Terribly, probably, but why had he never realized that didn’t matter? The powerful words sank into him as he sang, holy and healing.

  Molly looked over the moment she realized he had added his voice, her eyes full of joy. And maybe a tear or two. For that matter, Sawyer felt his own voice thicken up with the power of the moment. His fingers wove prayers over the keyboard, his voice—all their voices—sent prayers into his heart.

  Thank You. Sawyer sent the prayer silently up into the rafters to join the echo of the voices as the song ended. He could not remember the last time he felt this useful, this purposeful, this okay with his place in the world. Thank You. There was a lot God still needed to set right in his life and the world around him, but thanks were more than enough for now.

  “You can’t sing any better than I can,” Zack whispered as they took their place in the pew after the hymn.

  “I’m glad that doesn’t matter,” Sawyer said. When had he become the kind of man who could say something like that? “Your mom makes up for the both of us.”

  Sawyer sat back and let the rest of the service pour over him. And afterward, it wasn’t so hard to stand around the cozy little church parlor sipping good coffee from paper cups and accepting compliments from churchgoers.

  “Look at you!” Chaz Walker said as he balanced a coffee in one hand and Henry, his squirmy toddler, on the opposite hip. “I always say you can only hide from WCCC for so long.”

  “I tried,” Sawyer confessed.

  “Me, too,” Chaz said in a tone that hinted there was a long story behind that admission.

  “There’s a bunch of us who could make that claim,” Wyatt Walker said as he joined them. He made a face at Henry. “There’s no hope for you, little guy. They got you in here already, so you’re a goner from the start.”

  Sawyer didn’t feel like a goner at all. He felt like someone who had finally come to his senses.

  “So,” Wyatt said with a wry smile. “Molly.” The two words held a dozen implications.

  He’d been sitting with Molly in church. He’d kissed her in her own kitchen. Rather soundly. He’d always had an attraction to her, but now he knew he’d truly fallen for her. “Um...yeah,” he admitted, running one hand nervously through his hair. Was that okay to admit publicly? He felt as if his entire being broadcast it in neon colors—Molly’s, too.

  Chaz laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’m happy for you, man. Wander Canyon women are one of a kind.”

  “Hey,” Wyatt teased his brother, “you imported yours.” Sawyer had heard the story from Molly about how Chaz had brought Yvonne from North Carolina when Chaz’s stepfather married Yvonne’s aunt. This town seemed to specialize in unusual—and dramatic—romances. Were he and Molly on their way to being another of them?

  With a shocked but happy surprise, Sawyer realized that he wouldn’t mind that at all.

  “Molly’s pretty amazing,” Wyatt commented. “Great barista and that golden voice. A man could do a lot worse.”

  “Yeah,” Sawyer agreed. Maybe small talk with neighbors wasn’t so hard after all. “And Zack. He’s a special little guy, you know?”

  “I’d say the guy willing to build him an award-winning hippo cart has a lot going for him, too. And you play a mean piano. I think we’ll all be willing to look past the golf resort thing...eventually.”

  Sawyer stiffened for a moment, until he realized Wyatt was kidding. It had never occurred to him that people would eventually look past his employer. He’d thought it guaranteed him a position as town outcast.

  Of course, that was before Molly Kane.

  Suddenly, as much as Sawyer liked his new friends, he wanted to be near Molly. The urge to be beside her, to be seeing her, holding her hand, talking with her, had become a near constant ache. He’d fallen hard for that woman.

  Sawyer smiled at Wyatt and Chaz, but found himself looking over their shoulders to scan the room for Molly or Zack.

  “Speaking of goners,” Wyatt teased again. “Go find her, man. We don’t blame you one bit.”

  “Thanks,” Sawyer said, feeling weirdly exposed and yet like he was among friends for the first time in a long while. He’d been chasing solitude for so long he’d forgotten how good it felt to be connected. And he had Molly to thank.

  The urge to tell her, to thank her—and maybe steal one more kiss from her—sent him from the room to hunt through the halls of the church.

  * * *

  Molly stood at the edge of the church lawn, pulling in a deep breath. She stared at the Call me text on her cell phone, willing herself to press the icon that would dial her oncologist’s number.

  Dr. Swanson wouldn’t text on a Sunday morning for just anything. This had to be the test results. She could make the case that it was bad news just as much that it was good news. Whichever, it was clearly news Dr. Swanson felt couldn’t wait.

  Oh, Father, protect me either way. I know You’re with me whether it’s good or bad, but I’m scared to death here. Digging for a blessing, Molly tried to be thankful that she’d seen the message notification while Zack was occupied with friends from church. She needed to hear this news alone.

  Or did she? Molly heard a noise and looked up to see Sawyer coming toward her. It was hard to believe the man had changed as much as he had since they’d admitted everything to each other. So much of his darkness was gone, and an extraordinary man was appearing. The intensity of his eyes was transforming from pain to...well, to something that could make her stomach flip with a single glance.

  It was endearing how he sent a glance over his shoulder back toward the church before he took her hand. “Hey,” he said, noticing her expression. “Everything okay?”

  That was the million-dollar question at the moment, wasn’t it? “I think I’m about to find out.” Her voice shook a bit as she held up the screen so he could see the text.

  “Test results?” Sawyer’s grip on her other hand tightened. Gratitude for even that tiny show of reassurance pushed back against the fear.

  She could only manage a nod.

  “Do you want me to go? Do you need to hear this alone?”

  No. I want you beside me when I hear this. The depth of her response showed Molly just how used she’d become to shouldering
everything alone. “Please stay.”

  She was about to tap the icon to dial when Sawyer stayed her hand. He stared into her eyes for a long moment, then kissed her. His touch felt filled with a promise that was both strong and tender. Without a single word, he let her know that this kiss stood solid no matter what the next moments held. He would, truly, stay even if it got messy. Tears filled her eyes at the powerful gesture.

  Molly pulled in a breath as Sawyer’s arms wrapped around her. It was a strange, beautiful gift to be able to put the call on speakerphone. A tiny detail confirming she wouldn’t do this alone.

  Molly tried not to read disaster in the fact that Dr. Swanson picked up almost immediately. “Hello, Molly.”

  “Hi, Doc.” Her voice nearly squeaked with anxiety.

  “I knew you’d be okay with a Sunday morning call. I know how much you’ve been waiting for these test results.”

  “And...” Molly shut her eyes, preparing for her world to tilt.

  “Exhale, Molly. There’s no indication of cancer. Just a benign mass. We can remove it if you like, but there’s no need. You’re cancer-free. I want you to contact me whenever you find anything that concerns you, but your cancer has not returned.”

  Molly felt Sawyer exhale behind her, felt his head fall to touch hers. Relief flooded through the both of them. It felt as if it flooded through the whole canyon.

  “I’m so glad to hear that.” She didn’t bother to hide the tears in her voice. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that.”

  “I knew it couldn’t wait,” Dr. Swanson said. “And I’m glad, too. You’re fine, Molly. You’re just fine.”

  Molly leaned back against Sawyer’s chest. It felt so wonderful to have someone to lean on. “Thanks a million, Doc.”

  “My pleasure, Molly. I’ll see you for your regular checkup in six months unless you need me for anything else. You take care, now.”