Dogchild

by Kevin Brooks

  So whats he telling them?

  That weare running out of water, and that from now on weare all on emergency rations.

  What about the battle?

  Pilgrim cocked his head towards the open window, listening to Gun Surs voice as it reverberated around the Square.

  ---everything will be explained in due course, the Marshal was announcing somberly, and I can assure you that when the time comes, you will all be told exactly whats happening and what your duties will be. Until then, however, your only responsibility is to follow your orders without question and carry them out as if your lives depended on it. Because, believe me, they do. Our survival, the future of us all, is in your hands.

  Despite Gun Surs refusal to reveal anything about the battle, everyone knows its coming – theyd have to be stupid not to. They might not know when its happening – or how or where or why – but they know the time has finally come. Its the only thing that makes sense. And if they had any doubts at all when Gun Sur addressed them on Sunday, they certainly dont have any now, because ever since then everyone whose physically capable has been put to work preparing the town for war.

  There are teams of people planting TNT in the roof of the cavern, others fixing up the truck, others working on the explosives in the wall. There are at least a dozen people working with the Armorers – repairing and servicing every available weapon, manufacturing as much ammunition as possible – and others have been assigned to various engineering tasks – providing ladders and scaffolding, preparing gun positions, cobbling together whatever straps and brackets and mountings are required to fix everything together. Those who arent so physically capable are helping out too – providing food and (rationed) drink for the Workers, assisting Doctor Shiva, running errands, delivering messages---

  The town has never been so busy.

  And, unfortunately, its never been so hot either. The temperature is rising all the time, and every day the blinding white sun blazes down from a cloudless sky making the air almost too hot to breathe, and every day our water supply dwindles---

  And every night I lie in bed with Chola Se wondering why weare still here.

  Weare living at Starrys house permanently now, having taken up his offer to move into one of his spare rooms. As well as making us feel safer, it also just felt like the right thing to do. We feel comfortable here. We feel at home.

  The news that weare living together didnt take long to get around, and it didnt take long for us to realize that almost everyone disapproves. Weare dogchilds, and dogchilds arent meant to socialize, never mind live together as mates. Apart from the other Youngers, most people arent actually saying anything to our faces, but theyre not trying to hide their feelings either. Everywhere we go we see people whispering to each other, making overly loud tutting noises, glancing slyly at us, then rolling their eyes and shaking their heads. The Youngers dont bother with sly looks or whispers though, they just come right out with it, yelling out all kinds of insults and obscenities. They still keep their distance when theyre doing it though, and although its often quite threatening as well as being abusive – especially towards Chola Se – we know theyre too scared of us to actually do anything.

  Its just noise, I told Chola Se. It doesnt mean anything.

  Its ugly noise, she said. We shouldnt have to put up with it.

  This was late Monday night, early Tuesday morning. We were lying in bed together, both of us tired out after a hard days work, and both of us dirty and sticky and sweaty because there isnt enough water to wash.

  You know its not right, dont you? Chola Se said.

  Lots of things arent right.

  Yeh, but this is one we can do something about. We dont have to put up with it anymore, Jeet. We can get away from it if we want. Theyre never going to change, are they? Unless we leave, weare going to have to put up with their ugly noises forever.

  Forever might only be another few days, I reminded her.

  Its still going to be forever.

  I knew she was right, and I still didnt know what it was that was holding me back. Was it some twisted sense of loyalty? Did I simply think it was wrong to leave right now, just when the town desperately needed everyone to stay together and fight? Did I feel Ide be letting them down if I just upped and left them to it?

  I didnt know.

  I honestly didnt know.

  What would your mother want you to do? Chola Se said quietly.

  Shede want me to leave. Shede want me to be with her.

  Would she care about the people you left behind?

  No, she hates them. Shede like to see them all dead, the Dau too. Shese the same as every other Deathland dog – shede like to see every human wiped from the face of the earth.

  You have to decide what you are, Jeet, Chola Se said.

  What?

  You have to decide if youre human or dog.

  Ime both, I said without thinking.

  You cant be both.

  I know.

  We almost missed Starry on Tuesday morning. Wede woken early, before first light, and as we went downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat before leaving for work, Starry was heading along the hallway towards the front door – his crutch under one arm, his shotgun slung over his shoulder, his fishing gear in his other hand.

  I called out to him, and he came back in and joined us while we ate.

  Neither of us really felt like eating, but we knew we had a long day ahead of us and would need the energy later on, so while we sat there talking to Starry, we filled ourselves up with as much bread and fruit as we could, and washed it all down with our mornings ration of water – half a cup each.

  Take some more fruit with you, Starry told us. Its not that fresh, but its better than nothing when youre thirsty. And it looks like its going to be even hotter today.

  Are you fishing all day? I asked him. Or have they got you working on the battle preparations?

  I shouldnt be going fishing at all really, he admitted. Ime supposed to stay here all day to provide whatever bits and pieces are needed. He sighed and shook his head. The thing is, Jeet, Ive gone fishing first thing every morning for as long as I can remember, and when I woke up this morning knowing that Ide been ordered to stay here---He smiled awkwardly. I just couldnt do it. It was like---I dont know. I just had to go fishing. He shrugged again. Ile only be gone a couple of hours. Ile leave the door open while Ime gone. If anyone needs anything, they can find it themselves.

  Youd better hope Pilgrim doesnt find out, I said.

  Starry grinned. Whats he going to do if he does? Lock me up? Courtmartial me?

  He locked up Yael, Chola Se said quietly. And look what happened to him.

  I know, Starry said, nodding thoughtfully. And Ive had some thoughts about that---

  His voice trailed off and he just sat there, staring blindly into space.

  And? I said.

  What?

  You said youd had some thoughts about Yael. Do you know what happened to him?

  I cant prove anything, he said. Not yet anyway.

  Prove what?

  Ile know more about it by the time I get back tonight, he said, standing up and reaching for his crutch. Ile tell you everything then.

  Get back from where? I asked him as he picked up all his fishing gear and went to leave. Starry? Where are you going tonight? What are you —?

  Ile see you later, he said.

  Hold on, Starry---just a minute. Starry?

  But he wasnt going to tell me anything else, and all I could do was sit there and watch as he hobbled wearily out of the kitchen with his precious fishing poles clutched in his hand. I listened to the familiar sound of his crutch clomping along the hall, then I heard the front door opening, a brief pause, then the quiet thud of the door being closed.

  You love him, dont you? Chola Se said simply.

  Her words slammed into my heart like a sledgehammer. Love him? Was that it? Was that what it was that I felt for Starry? I had no idea. All I knew was that
the feeling in my gut right then was a kind of sickness Ide never felt before, a howling sickness deep down inside me that hurt so much I wanted to scream.

  I dont know if a conscious decision had been made to keep me and Chola Se apart, or if we just happened to be assigned different tasks in different parts of town, but thats how it ended up. While Chola Se was put to work with the team laying cables for the explosives in the wall, I was assigned to a handpicked group who were working on the truck in the storehouse on Eastside. There were lots of other Workers in the building – some of them working on the truck itself, others helping out with the preparations in the cavern – but my team was kept apart from all the others, working in a sectioned-off area behind makeshift walls so that no one else could see what we were doing. There were only 4 of us in the group – me, 2 Senior Fighters (Muqatil and Ovan), and Captain Kite – and the reason we were working on our own was that we were the only ones in the storehouse who knew all the details of the battle plan, and it was one of those details we were working on.

  The Marshal is perfectly aware that the battle is common knowledge now, Captain Kite had told us when wede first got together. And hese also aware that everyone wants to know more. But its vital that the specifics – such as this one – remain confidential, and its your job, your duty, to make sure that happens.

  Our job was to get the truck ready for the public display that would convince Hensch the vehicle was in full working order. Pilgrim had told the Dau Marshal that on Friday night, an hour after sunset, the truck would be given a final test drive in order to check the gears and brakes. It wouldnt last long, hede told him, just a quick circuit of the yard at the front of the storehouse, but it would be enough to prove that the truck was capable of carrying out its mission. So we knew that Hensch – together with his Captains – would be watching closely through their nightvision glasses that night, probably from either one of their watchtowers or a carefully chosen elevated spot somewhere out in the Deathlands – and we knew we had to provide a convincing display for them. The entire battle plan depended on the Dau believing that the truck was operational, and although Pilgrim had told us that Hensch would see what he wanted to see, it was obvious he had his suspicions. If he wasnt totally convinced by what he saw, if he had any doubts at all, he wouldnt go along with the plan. As Captain Kite kept reminding us, we couldnt leave anything to chance. If Hensch – or any of his people – saw anything at all on Friday night that was in any way slightly suspicious, we were all as good as dead.

  So the question was, how do you make a massive empty shell of rusted metal look like – and behave like – a fully functional engine-powered vehicle?

  It was the kind of work that requires a lot of hard thinking – discussing different ideas, trying things out, solving practical problems – and although I did my best to forget about everything else and concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing, for my own sake as much as anything, I simply couldnt do it. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldnt get everything else out of my mind – me and Chola Se, staying or leaving, my dogmother and the pack, Starry, Pilgrim, Yael, the Dau---it was all tangled up inside my head, all of it crashing and whirling around like a thousand crazed birds caught up in a roaring wind.

  I tried to listen to what the others were saying, and every now and then I somehow managed to say something myself, but I might as well have not been there at all. And in my mind, I wasnt.

  Muqatil and Ovan didnt seem to care about my lack of engagement – or if they did, they didnt show it – but it was obvious that Captain Kite was aware of it. She seemed to be watching me all the time, and although I tried not to let it bother me, it wasnt easy to dismiss her from my thoughts. If it had been anyone else, I probably could have just shrugged it off, but Kites not like anyone else. You can feel it when shese staring at you – like cold knives slicing into your skin – and when she looks away, it feels as if shese left something inside you---

  Something of her.

  Shivering like a parasite in your bones.

  Its a disturbing experience, and what makes it even stranger is that despite the sense of menace that Kite can impart just by looking at you, there isnt anything obviously malicious about her. But then there isnt anything obviously anything about her. She doesnt seem to like or dislike anyone---or anything at all, for that matter. She has the same blank emptiness about her that Chola Se sometimes has, only with Kite its there all the time. She never smiles, never gets angry, never looks sad or content or dismayed about anything. Its as if theres nothing inside her, no feelings at all, just an overriding drive to achieve something – something that only she knows.

  Or maybe she doesnt know.

  Maybe shese just like a jawfish – she has to keep moving all the time, keep striving, keep going---because if she doesnt, if she stops for even a moment, shele sink down into the depths and die.

  Maybe thats all it is – the desire to survive.

  But whatever it is – whatever Kite is – she wasnt always like this.

  There was a moment that morning when Ide felt Kites eyes on me again, and this time, rather than trying to ignore her, Ide found myself looking up and meeting her gaze instead, and it was just then – as our eyes came together – that a remembered image suddenly came to me.

  It was the image of a much younger Kite, a Kite who was actually smiling.

  It was a memory from a long time ago, an almost-forgotten moment from the final stages of my rehumanization process, when Starry was first introducing me to the town. As far as I could remember, hede taken me to the Grocers with him to hand in his mornings catch, and while he was busy talking to Van Hesse about something, hede let me wander around on my own for a few minutes. I didnt go far. It was one of the first times Ide been anywhere without Starry being right next to me all the time, and every few seconds I found myself looking around to see where he was, just to make sure he was still there, and at one point – after a brief moment of panic when I thought Ide lost him – I realized that hede finished talking to Van Hesse and had moved across to the doorway to talk to a woman whode just come in. I didnt know who she was at the time, and it was only now – as I stood there in the storehouse momentarily gazing into the Captains ashgray eyes – that I realized it was Kite. All I could remember thinking at the time was that she was about the same age as Starry, maybe a year or 2 younger, that she was obviously a Fighter, and that although she was kind of nice-looking in a way, there was something a bit strange about her too---something slightly disturbing. She had a very pale face, oddly small features, and her skin was so smooth that it looked almost unnatural. She reminded me a bit of a childs doll Ide once seen. Her face was expressionless as Starry talked to her, and even when she made eye contact with him, it seemed to me that she was gazing right through him.

  But then something changed.

  Starry still had his basket of fish with him (for some reason he hadnt yet handed it in) and as he carried on talking to Kite, I saw him reach into the basket and pull out a goodsized fish, and then – without so much as a pause or a smile – he held up the fish and pretended to make it talk to her. And as he stood there with the fish head in his hands, opening and closing its mouth while he continued speaking to Kite – presumably in a funny voice – her blanked-out face suddenly broke into a beaming smile, and in that moment it was as if shede become a different person. The smile didnt just light up her face, it totally transformed her entire being, and just for a few seconds she wasnt a coldhearted Fighter anymore but a wondrously joyful child.

  But then Van Hesse called out to Starry, and as he turned to answer him, momentarily forgetting the fish, everything suddenly changed again. In the short time it took for Starry to answer the Grocer and turn his attention back to Kite, her smile had disappeared and the joy had gone from her eyes. And although Starry made a halfhearted attempt to bring it back – pretending to have a conversation with the fish – it was clear he was wasting his time.

  The moment had gone, and it wasn
t coming back.

  And now, all those years later, as I held the Captains gaze for a few seconds more – wondering if that was the last time shede ever smiled – the moment was broken again, this time by Kite herself.

  Did you want something, Jeet? she said coldly.

  I shook my head.

  Well get on with your work then.

  I got on with my work.

  Or rather, I got on with pretending to work.

  I was fairly sure by now that although Kite was keeping an eye on me, she didnt actually care whether I did anything useful or not. I wasnt there to work, Ide realized. I was there because Pilgrim wanted me to be there. And he wanted me there for 2 reasons. Firstly, because I had to be somewhere, and I had to be seen to be doing something, and being with Kite meant that he knew where I was and what I was doing. And secondly, by putting me with a team that was working in secret, he was letting everyone else know that I was one of the privileged few who knew exactly what was going on, which gave them all the more reason to dislike and distrust me.

  And I knew thats what he wanted.

  He wanted me to be hated, despised, discredited---

  He wanted to make sure that whatever I might accuse him of, no one would believe me.

  I knew it.

  But at the same time I couldnt help wondering if I was wrong. Maybe I was just being paranoid? Maybe there was nothing going on here at all? Maybe it was all just me, my mind mixed up with too many things I didnt understand, my head full of too much chaos---like a thousand crazed birds caught up in a roaring wind---

  But then along came Cruke.

  And that changed everything.

  It was midafternoon by then, and I was standing at a workbench, supposedly experimenting with different types of cable – trying to figure out which of them was strongest for its size – when I heard someone behind me calling out my name. The storehouse was a hive of activity – lots of people working and talking, lots of loud hammering and thumping – and in all the noise I didnt recognize the voice at first, but when I turned round and saw the unmistakable figure of Cruke – the one-eyed Older and Councillor – I knew straightaway it was him whode called out. He was about 20 feet away, walking slowly past me, carrying a heavy-looking wooden crate in both arms. He was heading towards the tunnel entrance at the back of the storehouse, so I guessed he was delivering something to the Workers in the cavern.