by Angela Peach
Sophie chewed her lip contemplatively, pulling the cup and plate closer to her.
“Well look, and this is a last resort, but if it didn’t work out at your place, I could maybe see about taking him in at mine? I live on my own, so it might be nice to have some company, and he seems friendly enough.”
Her offer rocked me slightly and it was as if my perception shifted because the more I looked at her, the more beautiful she was becoming. Like I said, she wasn’t unattractive to begin with, but a person’s inner beauty always shines through the more you got to know them. She had a very sexy mouth, but her features carried a kind of innocence that I imagined got her out of all sorts of trouble.
And will get me into all sorts of trouble?
“Oh wow. I mean, that would be just amazing! So long as you didn’t just disappear with him, y’know cos I’ve got kinda attached to him,” I spluttered, knowing I was staring again. Her brown eyes made contact with mine, and I saw her stutter as she inevitably felt the same powerful connection that I was experiencing.
“Sure. You’d be more than welcome to come and visit and stuff. If he didn’t fit in at your place with you and your…er…”
“Friend,” I filled in, feeling my face flush red. Obviously I couldn’t tell the truth, but I’m a terrible liar unless I have time to prep myself for it, and on this occasion no amount of prep was going to help me. I felt unnaturally flustered around her. She gave a little nod, then picked up her fork and jabbed at the cake as if she didn’t know what to do with her hands. “Are you…” I started, but clamped my mouth shut with an audible clunk before I could say anything like ‘single’ or ‘interested,’ but to my horror she paused, fork midway to her mouth. I realised she was politely waiting to answer my question without a mouthful of cake so I blurted the first thing that came to mind. “…local?”
“Kind of. I grew up here, but I’ve been at Uni for the last few years. I just came back in August.”
I nodded, but felt like I was now interrupting cake time, which was never a good thing. Plus I was genuinely interested in hearing about her, but I had work to be getting on with and didn’t want to keep disappearing on her – this was a chat for another time when I could give her my full attention.
“Awesome! Well, I guess I should let you eat in peace and do some work” I mumbled, feeling awkward and rude, before waving my cloth at her and backing away. She looked a bit puzzled, but said nothing.
Okay, so I’m neither stupid nor ignorant. I knew I was seriously attracted to this girl. Seriously. And the signals she was giving off said it was mutual. (Seriously mutual.)
But.
How was my dead girlfriend going to feel about my wanting to see someone else? Was it even classed as cheating? I hadn’t even felt attracted to anyone since I’d been with her, so this question had never entered my mind until now.
I tried not to look over at Sophie as I worked, collecting plates and clearing tables, making coffees and pots of tea, trying to talk people into having some half price gluten free cake. But it was like she’d suddenly become true north, magnetically drawing my attention without my being able to stop it. Every so often she’d turn and catch me staring and the air would become heavy and fizz with electricity, and even after I looked away, I could feel when her eyes were on me. Oh man, did it feel good.
But I was going to have to let her go. For now at least. Things were bound to get too messy if I attempted to start seeing her while Mel was still on the scene, and to be honest, was I really ready to start dating again? Fear coursed through me at the prospect. What if it all went horribly wrong again? What if I ended up hurting Sophie, or worse? There were a billion things that could go wrong, and so many obstacles to overcome, and for what? The possibility that we might have something good? Was it really worth all the pain and hassle and anguish?
I made a conscious effort to ignore Sophie and set about Googling vets on my phone. When she came over to say goodbye after nearly an hour of my cold shouldering her, I was as aloof as possible and she left quietly and without drama.
I felt awful. Cold and empty and alone. It only served to prove I’d definitely made the right decision.
I think.
CHAPTER 3
As closing time approached, I distracted myself by compiling a list of what I needed to buy for Danny from the shop on the way home. We weren’t always lucky enough not to have Pete breathing down our necks during the day, but we took full advantage of it when it happened. Freddie had the radio on louder than normal, portion sizes were possibly more generous than they needed to be, and I indulged in giving a few customers free refills here and there.
Every three months Pete gave us a list of intense deep cleaning to be done throughout the café. It was hard work, but necessary and usually took an extra hour after each shift for a week.
After I’d put the closed sign up, I took some scraps out to Danny and checked the bowl of water I’d left him with earlier. He seemed content enough sleeping on the back seat and hadn’t chewed any of the upholstery which I took as a good sign. I just hoped he was one of those dogs that didn’t go ballistic at spirits and ghosts.
Of course, how Mel was going to react was another issue. It wasn’t that she didn’t like dogs, because she’d always been kind of impartial to them. When she’d been alive. I literally had no idea how either of them were going to take to each other but I could only hope for my sake, and Danny’s, that it was going to be amicable and smooth.
I knew I was really doing a double distraction on myself, because my thoughts were pretty much consumed by Sophie. Despite my earlier brush off, I knew I couldn’t continue ignoring her. I wanted to get to know her, to share my thoughts with her, to touch her and watch her eyes as I gave her pleasure. However odd it sounded, I just knew there was going to be something between us - it was inevitable. I was just prolonging it, and for very good reasons. Mel was not going to take the news that I was attracted to someone else very well, especially when they could provide me with everything she couldn’t. I had to find some way to approach this gently, maybe talk about us both moving on in a way that wasn’t going to turn her into an angry poltergeist.
By the time I’d made two large mugs of tea and gone out to the kitchen, Freddie had finished the last of the dirty dishes and was already making a start moving the appliances away from the wall we were about to scrub down. As I passed over the mug, she smirked at me.
“What? What was that look for?”
“Don’t think I didn’t clock you with blondie earlier. I may be stuck out here, but I see a lot through that little window,” she nodded her head towards the kitchen door.
“She stopped Danny getting beaten up by a horrid old lady on the beach so I offered her cake as a thank you. No biggie,” I mumbled, casually sipping scalding tea and trying to pretend it hadn’t burned.
“Han, you do know you’re a shite liar don’t you? I know you, and you were totally crushing on her. Admit it!”
I looked over at her, with her cap on backwards and her chef’s whites hanging off her in as cool a manner as possible, and knew she was right. I was an incredibly shite liar, and I had been crushing on blondie. That didn’t mean I was going to readily admit it to her.
“She was attractive, yes. But you know I’m not ready for a relationship right now.”
“Look, mate, I know you like to pretend Mel’s death didn’t affect you, but…well, I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be holding out like this? I mean…she woulda wanted you to move on, be happy, to meet other people.”
“Really? You really think that’s what Mel would’ve wanted?”
“No, of course not! She was a total arsehole! I’m sure she’s up there ready to haunt you if you so much as look at another girl, but I was tryna be nice.”
I tried not to laugh at the accuracy of her words.
“Look, this isn’t about what Mel wants. Or would have wanted. It’s about what I want. I don’t know if I want to go through the whole girlfr
iend process right now, not after what happened last time. I just don’t feel it’s the right time yet. I have baggage.”
“Ah come on, you know as well as I do that Mel was totally unhinged. I’m sorry, but she was.”
“Okay, I don’t need relationship advice from you thanks, especially when you can’t even sort out your own little crush,” I grumbled. “You don’t wanna talk about Julianne, I don’t wanna talk about Sophie.”
There was a long pause as we both got gloves on and moved over to the grubby wall.
“Sophie, eh?”
I sighed.
“Can we just get on with it?”
“Mate, seriously,” she turned to me, putting her hand gently on my arm. “Mel was not a very nice person. She brought out the worst in you, and it’s been over a year since…”
“I know what you’re trying to say, but please don’t. You know I hate it when you talk about her like this?”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
I looked away.
“Come on, let’s just get on with the cleaning.”
Now it was her turn to sigh, but she wisely let it drop and we got started in silence, just listening to the music as we scrubbed. However, a plan started forming in my head.
“You know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe it is time for me to move on?” I said, draining the last of my tea.
“Huh?”
I tried not to smile at the surprise in her voice.
“I think you’re right. I should get back out there, but slowly.” I paused a second, as if thinking. “Hmm, Ju invited me to go to a beer festival with her this weekend. I could always invite Sophie as well?”
“Oh my god, that sounds perfect,” Freddie over-enthused, knowing exactly what I was up to. “And I guess you want me to come along as well, to keep Julianne occupied while you get to know Sophie better?”
I looked at her as if the idea hadn’t even occurred to me, although as she said, I was a terrible liar.
“Well, I suppose it would be better if you did, so that Ju won’t feel like a third wheel?”
Freddie made a face. It sounded like a double date because in all honesty it was a double date.
“Okay. But I’m only doing this for you, to help you in your process of moving on. This is a big favour and you owe me.”
I smiled innocently. If I was a terrible liar, her body language was worse. I saw a new sparkle in her eyes, and she seemed far perkier as she renewed her scrubbing of the wall. Perhaps this was a stepping stone for the both of us? I knew I was contradicting my earlier decision to let things be until I’d worked things out with Mel, but the trouble was I wanted to see Sophie. And when I wanted something, I usually put my energy into getting it. I wasn’t very good at self-discipline, believing life too short not to grab every opportunity when they arose.
Now all I had to do was hope I hadn’t put Sophie off for good, and that she was going to return in time for me to invite her to this double date.
At the end of the hour, we stood back to survey the now gleaming wall. It had been hard graft, the grease from the fryers stuck on like a layer of superglue, but we’d managed it. Fred leaned into my shoulder.
“Not bad, even if I do say so myself” I said.
“Is it wrong that I feel proud of how white they look?” she said, stretching her arms above her neck. I caught the aroma of her body odour from her hard work on the wall after grafting in the hot kitchen all day. Come to think of it, I wasn’t smelling too fresh myself. I lifted my arms one by one and sniffed tentatively. I was grimy and sticky and smelly and the thought of a shower was suddenly incredibly enticing.
We said our goodbyes and she rode off on her bike while I locked up, then I got in my car, said hello to an excited Danny, and was mildly pleased when the engine started on the fifth turn. I detoured off to the large supermarket that was open twenty four hours and spent a small fortune on dog foods, flea treatments, toys and a collar and lead. There were a few itchy bites on my arms already and I tried not to think about how infested my car must already be.
Danny behaved wonderfully the whole time, and I kept my fingers crossed that this was going to continue. Now that I’d got this far with him, I’d kind of set my heart on keeping him. And as I pulled up to the block of flats where I lived, I’d decided on just biting the bullet and taking him straight in. That way I’d know pretty much straight away where we all stood. I put the collar and lead on him, hooked the rest of the shopping bags over my other arm, and took a deep breath before exiting the car.
“Okay boy, now you have to really be on your best behaviour, cos I’m not sure if my tenancy agreement allows ghosts or dogs. I don’t want all of us to be homeless,” I muttered, walking through the entrance doors. Danny barked and pulled toward the stairs, but I went straight to the lift. No way was I walking up seven flights of stairs after today. He barked again, then again, louder still. “Are you kidding me? Don’t tell me you’re afraid to get in the lift,” I addressed him, incredulously. He tugged toward the stairs again, so with a groan I followed suit. However he suddenly took off, jerking the lead out of my hand and leaving me to watch in horror as he disappeared at high speed.
“No! Danny! DANNY! Here boy! Shit! Oh…bloody fucking hell! DA-NNY!”
Momentarily frozen to the spot, I looked wearily up at the twenty eight flights of concrete stairs before giving chase, hoping he wasn’t aiming for the roof because I wasn’t sure I’d make it to the top. I could vaguely hear him barking, but he sounded far away and my legs were already running out of energy, a heaviness settling in making them leaden. Sweating more profusely now, my hair sticking to my forehead and poking the corner of my eyes annoyingly, I stopped for a moment to catch my breath. I was on floor three and could hear him not far above now, but it sounded like someone had caught him. Groaning, I pushed off again, preparing myself for a possible showdown about him running wild.
On the fourth floor I heard him on the other side of the connecting door, crooning in a friendly way to someone. I pushed it open and peered round, wondering how he’d got through it.
“Hey, sorry about…Sophie?”
“Anna? What are you doing here? Did you follow me?”
We both stared at each other, confused but definitely mutually pleased.
“Er, no, I live here,” I managed, but now overtaking the initial pleasure of seeing her was the knowledge that I was sweaty, grimy and smelly. I panicked, in a way I hoped she was unable to detect. Shit. I couldn’t look or smell any worse than I did right now, not the best impression to make on a girl. Before she could answer, I lunged forward and grabbed Danny’s lead. It was obvious she lived here too by the lack of shoes on her feet and the open door behind her, some light jazz music floating out, so I just wanted to make a hasty exit and hope she forgot all about this. “Thanks for holding onto him. I’ll see you in the café later this week maybe?”
“Um, sure. If you want me to come by?” she said, looking uncertain at my abruptness.
“Yeah, definitely, I really would like that. I’d best be off,” I called out, before turning and jogging up the remaining flights to my floor, cursing under my breath. If I ever saw her again I’d be super surprised, but I’d make sure I looked and smelled my best from now on, just in case. By the time I got to the sixth floor, it suddenly occurred to me that she’d called me Anna and I’d been too caught up in how I looked to correct her. Just another thing to make me seem more of an idiot when I finally did.
And we lived in the same block of flats for Pete’s sake! Could things get any messier? I hadn’t entertained the possibility of even liking someone else until today, and now there was all this attraction to someone who lived a few floors below me? I felt like I was sitting a Higher Level Physics exam without any revision or notes to go on – there were all these questions and possibilities in front of me, but I had no idea what to do or how to find the answers.
At my front door, I paused for a couple of minutes to collect myself as much as
possible. I needed to focus on the here and now, which was based on Danny and Mel getting along. Danny had gone stiff and was staring at the door warily.
“Here goes,” I muttered, then put my key in the lock and opened the door.
CHAPTER 4
Danny remained on the doorstep, staring straight behind me. I knew that was where Mel was, but I never spoke to her with the door open (for obvious reasons) and she usually waited for the door to shut before talking to me. His hackles were up but he wasn’t growling, so I felt encouraged to pull him over the threshold where the cold icy air drifted out in slow tendrils, making the hairs on my arms stand up. As I shut the door, he whimpered slightly and backed into it.
“It’s okay, she’s very friendly,” I said, stroking him reassuringly. “Hey honey, how was your day?”
“Same old, same old. What’s going on?” Mel asked curiously, brushing her lips against my cheek.
“This is Danny. I’ve, um, kinda rescued him. How would you feel about him staying here, keeping you company and stuff?”
“Here? With me? Shit, I don’t know Han, what if he doesn’t like me? Dogs are funny about ghosts,” she said, sounding worried.
“I think it’s more the energy they pick up on. Look, he’s fine. Why don’t you say hello?”
Mel crouched tentatively on the floor and held her hand out toward him.
“Hey boy. I’m sorry I can’t give you any treats, but I’d really like for us to be friends?” she said, and I smiled. I wasn’t sure if he could hear her in the same way I did, but he was definitely ‘seeing’ her. She moved her hand a little closer and I was mildly impressed with her patience. I crouched down next to her, hoping to encourage him.
