Cowboy State of Mind (Tarnation, Texas Book 4)

by Rhonda Lee Carver

  Shifting uneasily, he blew out a long breath, making a quick list of the advantages and disadvantages rolling around inside his brain. “Why do you want to have a baby with me? After all, I bet there are at least a dozen men who would jump at the opportunity.” He cleared his throat.

  “And you’re not jumping at the chance?”

  “You’re a beautiful woman, but—”

  There was that hand back on his arm, causing an alarm bell to sound in his body. “I’m teasing. You’re not, and that’s why I know you’re the best choice.” She twirled a strand of her hair around her finger and let it bounce back against her cheek.

  She couldn’t possibly think he was a saint, could she? He’d done more than just fantasize about making love to her. He’d found self-gratification to her image more times than he’d like to admit. “I’m the best choice because I’m not jumping at a chance to sleep with you?”

  “Deciding to start this journey means that we keep our hearts uninvolved.”

  “You talk as if it’s written in stone.”

  “I’m not getting any younger, and, like I said, I need someone who can benefit equally from an arrangement.”

  “You’re certainly not old either. What…thirty, thirty-one?”

  “Close. Thirty-four.”

  “Hell, you still have time to fall in love and have two or three babies.” He leaned in, placing his elbows on the edge of the bar.

  Her color had paled some and she lowered her gaze for a mere second, the only sliver of circumspection he’d ever witnessed in her. When her gaze lifted, the head strong cowgirl had returned. “I’m an independent woman who enjoys her life just the way it is, except for one thing. I’d like to become a mother.”

  “I’m sure you’d make a wonderful mother.”

  “But?”

  “Babies are cute if you like that sort of thing.”

  “And you’re not?”

  “I’ve never put a lot of thought into children. I guess I’d wonder if I’d make a very good father,” he admitted without shame. Adam had no clue what it took to be a father, except the fascinating stories he’d heard from his buddies who already settled down and had families. They complained how things had changed. No sleep and no sex. Two things Adam had been lacking lately and couldn’t be blamed on marriage or kids.

  “That doesn’t matter.” She demurely nibbled at the corner of her mouth.

  “That doesn’t matter?” He lifted a brow. “That isn’t something I’d expect to hear from the same woman who said she wanted my sperm.”

  “I’m not looking for a father for my child. I’ve thought this over carefully.” She rolled her finger through the condensation of her glass. “You will be rolling out of town come two months and I wouldn’t dream of keeping you here. Hopefully by then I’ll have what I want and you’ll have what you want, then we can file for an annulment.”

  A couple took the stools next to them. Adam blew out a long breath. “We need some privacy.” He motioned for her to follow him to a quiet spot. “Let me get this straight, you want me to get you pregnant, in two months, and then I should disappear?”

  “You make it sound so…so uncouth. It’s an agreement, Adam. Many women raise children alone.” She shifted, sending the wide shoulder of the blouse further down her arm, exposing the very top of her red lace bra.

  “Hell, I know that firsthand, but—”

  “What?”

  “We’re talking about a responsibility a man has to his child.”

  “Do you or do you not want to be married when six months is up?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you have someone else in mind?”

  He’d been too busy being infatuated over CC to even consider giving the stipulation of marriage to a stranger a thought. This either made him a fool or his patience had paid off, because, truthfully, if he married her his problem would be solved. Sex with CC for the next two months then go back home, free. Yeah, that might be the dreams of many men, but there was just something that didn’t settle well in his gut.

  “No,” he finally answered.

  “Does it repel you to think about me in a sexual way?”

  He’d give her one thing. A man would always know what was on her mind. “Absolutely not.” Did she catch the slight tremor in his voice?

  “I know this is a lot to absorb—”

  “Hell right.” He scratched the bridge of his nose. “It’s not every day a woman approaches a man and asks for his sperm.”

  “And his hand in marriage.” She scooped up the arm of her shirt and dragged it back into place.

  “What about that guy there? He has his eyes glued on you.”

  She glanced at the young man leaning against the jukebox nursing a drink. When she looked back at Adam her eyes were narrowed. “Scott Squire? Really? I babysat him when I was fifteen.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “Have you given any thought to what a child of mine would look like?”

  “You’re handsome. You have nice cheekbones. Tall, dark, thick hair. Muscular build.”

  “Switch out cheekbones for muzzle and you could be describing a horse.” He laughed.

  “You’re kind. Intelligent. Sometimes distant, but I think that’s because you’re in deep thought not being aloof. I’ve watched you at the ranch with the livestock and you’re gentle. You show them a tenderness that I rarely see in cowboys. Just like with Link, when he was diagnosed with EDS, you stayed in the stables near his stall as if you couldn’t bear the thought of him being alone.” Did her eyes fill with moisture? She blinked and any signs of emotion were gone. “Do you know how many women want those characteristics in a man?”

  “In a man to father their child?”

  “Yes.”

  He leaned against the wall. “I understand you want a child, but don’t you think you should wait for that perfect man? A guy who will love you, so you can have a family together.” Adam cared enough about her that he had to open the conversation up to other options. He wasn’t a saint, but he did have ethics. Taking advantage of a woman, even if it solved all his problems, didn’t work in his plans. He didn’t care what the repercussions would be.

  Again, something flicked across her expression that made him curious.

  “Like I told you, I’ve thought about this scrupulously. I didn’t just wake up this morning and decide I’d make this offer. If the answer is no…” She looked away, some of her confidence fading in her stature.

  He gently took her wrist between his fingers, feeling the satin pulse under his thumb. An electrical current passed between them and he watched her to see if she felt it too. Her cheeks flushed and her bottom lip slightly trembled. The feeling caught him off guard but everything about the woman kept him on his toes. “I didn’t say no, but I don’t know if I can say yes,” he blurted.

  “I understand it’s a lot to soak in.”

  “You ain’t a kiddin’.”

  “How about a dance, Cowboy? You dance, don’t you?”

  “I’ve been known to a time or two, but I’m no Fred Astaire.”

  “Not asking for one. I’ll be right back.”

  He watched her sashay across the room, followed by the gazes of more than one man, to the three-man band on stage who were preparing to start playing. The guitarist squatted, smiling as CC leaned in and said something in his ear. He nodded and she turned to come back when a man stepped out to greet her. A second later she was laughing and threading her fingers through her hair, her gaze then meeting Adam’s across the distance of the room. He had to wonder if the man in the black Stetson and western shirt was also a potential father? The cowboy hugged her and a growl escaped Adam’s throat.

  Blowing out a breath, Adam needed to pull back. Way back.

  “That’s my cousin, Craig. He asked who you were,” she said when she came back.

  “And who am I?”

  “My seed donor.”

  Adam choked on his spit. “What?”

  She met his gaze
, smiling from ear to ear. “Just kidding. I told him you’re a friend. The band is going to play one of my favorite songs. Let’s dance.” She winked and motioned for him to follow her.

  A part of him wanted to stay put, to resist the urge to hold her because he knew the power a beautiful woman could have over a man. CC’s womanly influence couldn’t be described in words, at least none he’d found yet. The moment he met her, the very second he saw the tilt of her cowgirl hat and the sparkle in her eyes, he realized she was different than any other he’d met. She had so much confidence, and yet he saw glimpses of vulnerability too that made her a perfect balance of independence and compassionate.

  When he didn’t immediately follow, she stopped and looked back at him over her shoulder, smiling. Damn if that wasn’t the hook that reeled him in. “Do I scare you?”

  Maybe a little.

  He pushed off the safety of the wall and took the walk of a man whose life was about to change—radically. There was only trouble on that dance floor, but he couldn’t resist, couldn’t deny her. Meeting CC between other couples, he took her into his arms, feeling her flared, soft curves and the silken brushing of her hair sweeping across his hands as they took their first steps. She smelled nice, not what most men would expect from a beautiful woman but a delicate combination of leather and the mint soap she scrubbed her hands with after examining an animal. She probably came straight to the bar from work because she worked all the time. He understood jumping into work and not coming up for air. It had been his sustenance for a very long time, especially after he retired from the rodeo.

  They moved to the slow country song and he sang along…

  “I could have missed the pain—”

  Realizing she was staring at him, he smiled. “That bad?”

  “No, that good. I should have guessed with a voice like yours you could use it for more than talking. I think I like you even more now.”

  “I’m flattered.”

  “I’m sure you’ve had a line of women willing to feed your ego.”

  “Let me ask, do you ever keep your thoughts secret?”

  “Nope. Is that a problem?”

  They were bumped by a passing couple that shoved them together, and he kept her right there. “Nope.” Bending his face, he inhaled the scent of her hair. He was crazy about coconut and sassy veterinarians.

  “So, if we’d get married—”

  “Yeah?”

  “I cross my heart I won’t let you fall in love with me.” Her gaze held his for three heartbeats. “And I won’t fall for you. Who needs a singing cowboy anyway?”

  “And who needs a beautiful vet with a penchant for saying exactly what’s on her mind?”

  “You think I’m beautiful?”

  “We certainly wouldn’t make ugly babies.” He swept her around the floor.

  She giggled. “Babies? Whoa there, Cowboy. Just one.”

  “What if we had twins? Then what?” He liked the easy flirtation between them. This conversation was more like being back on the ranch and enjoying each other’s company.

  “Wow! For a man who hasn’t thought about babies he certainly is confident in his ability to reproduce. That’s a Colt trait I do believe.”

  “Confidence in reproducing?”

  “Confidence in general.”

  “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m not shooting blanks,” he said next to her ear.

  Did he hear a soft moan escape her?

  The song ended but neither made a move to leave the floor as another played.

  “I’ve been wrong about you all this time.” She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “Really? You no longer want my sperm?”

  “No, I still want that. I’m only saying, I thought you were distant, maybe a little shy. I like this man that I’m getting to know better. You have many layers.”

  “I think you’re just sweet talkin’ me.” He brushed his fingertips over her cheek—an unexpected move for both. He dropped his hand to his side and swallowed the tension in his throat.

  “If I thought I was any good at the seduction game I might just seduce you, but what’s the fun in that? I don’t mind a challenge. You’ll cave.” She pressed her hands into his chest, right over his heart. “We can help each other.”

  Whether she knew it or not, this could be easily described as seduction. His body responded with flying colors. “I’m listening.”

  “At least I have your attention.”

  “Okay, serious question. Are you ready? If you had a baby how would this affect your career? You work more than I do.”

  She looked up at him through her lashes. “I’ve thought about this too. A lot. My career has been my life, but I’m at a place where I can shift my schedule, maybe even hire another doctor.”

  He chuckled. “No offense, but we all say we can make changes yet it’s harder to follow through. I’m not saying you can’t balance motherhood and work, I’m sure you can, but when we eat, breathe and live our career priorities change with parenthood.”

  “Whether I have a baby or not, expanding my office is the next natural step, anyway. I could bring someone in and they’d have the lay of the land within a few weeks. Just know, I can do the single parent thing. A child would come first.”

  “Hey, I hear you, but if you’re asking for my participation in making a baby, I think it’s important for me to have all my questions answered.”

  “I respect that.”

  “Sounds like you’ve made a mental list and have checked it twice, but you couldn’t possibly have thought of everything.” A couple dancing next to them were laughing and Adam glanced their direction. They looked so happy and in love. He believed love existed he just hadn’t found it yet.

  “If you’re worried that I haven’t thought this though, I assure you I have.”

  “There’s something I need to ask?”

  “Shoot, cowboy.”

  “How would we make a baby. You said sex isn’t a part of this.”

  She brazenly held her chin up. “There are other ways than the obvious, like In Vitro or even finding a surrogate, but I’d like to do this naturally.” There it was, a new flush to her cheeks.

  “That does require some touching.” What was meant as an innocent fact wasn’t so innocent in the areas below his belt. No doubt, he wanted her, even more now that he’d gotten a touch of her soft curves. He’d watched her ride every chance he’d gotten. There were riders and then there were riders, and the saddle was made for CC. She was a pro on the back of a horse which only made him certain how she’d handle herself in other areas..

  “I know how babies are made, Adam.” Her hand slipped from his chest and settled on his waist, her finger hooking in his belt loop. He could feel her relaxing, leaning into him. “It doesn’t repulse me.”

  He lost the rhythm of his footsteps. No lie, he’d had this conversation with a dozen other women before, not quite the exact same words, but the same end goal. Although he should be stone cold sober over the direction this discussion was taking him, fatherhood and all, but parts of him reacted in a big way. “That’s good to know. It’d break my heart to think I repulsed you.”

  She averted her gaze. “IVF takes time and that’s something we don’t have a lot of. So does finding a surrogate. That leaves one choice.” The soft tone of her voice made the hair on his arms erect, and another part that had a hankering for cowgirl.

  “This is a lot to take in.” His physical reactions had him staggering.

  The song ended and she took a step back, allowing the world to seep right back in. “I understand. This is a subject that needs a lot of thought. Take a day or two. Weigh the options, then let me know. I promised Craig a dance. See you around.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, turned on her heel and weaved her way through the couples.

  Another song started and dancers lined up, kicking up their heels and stomping. He took a short step and was bumped by someone. . He apologized and moved back, right into the path of a c
ute blonde rolling her hips.

  “You like the Tush Push, Cowboy?”

  “I have no clue.” Staring at the crowded floor where CC had disappeared into, but not before she ambushed him with her request, and most importantly, her witchery. This would definitely go down in the books as the first time Adam Colt had been knocked for a loop.

  “I’m good at teaching.” She winked a long fringe of lashes.

  He caught a glimpse of CC as she twirled, shaking her booty to the song. Her chin lifted as she laughed, her thumbs were hooked in her front pockets as she stomped her boots. He knew then heartbreaker had a name and he wasn’t immune.

  The petite blonde grabbed his hand and he was jostled into the line with the other dancers. “Keep your eyes here.” She smacked her bottom.

  What the hell?

  He shrugged and followed the movements. “Girls gone wild” fit the moment. One in particular, his gaze automatically searched for her, but he couldn’t find her. His shoulders slumped…

  Chapter 2

  “DO YOU THINK I’m crazy?” CC glanced over at her friend, Stella, who had her feet tucked up under her bottom while sipping a cup of steaming chamomile tea. The scary movie they’d been watching was set on pause as they discussed the new situation.

  “No, of course not. Okay, maybe a little. Did you really go up to him and ask him to marry you?”

  “Not in those exact words.” CC set her full cup on the coffee table Planting her palms on her jeaned thighs, she took a moment to prepare her words, hopefully helping her friend understand why CC had approached Adam. “I know this would seem crazy to a lot of people, you know, asking a stranger to father a child, but I want a baby and I don’t see another way. I thought I found Mr. Right but I was completely off the mark. Maybe love, well, it’s not in the cards for me.”

  “You shouldn’t allow Rob Donavon to be the baseline to which you compare men. He’s a walking dick that has a trajectory for the willing. I can’t believe he still thinks he has a shot with you.”

  CC never doubted that her friend despised the older man. She had loathed him too for a long time, but learned the best way to handle a toxic relationship was to forgive and then move on. The pain of finding Rob with his pants down with one of his college students in his office had long faded, but the wall of protection she’d erected remained. He still called her on occasion and once in a while they got together for coffee when time allowed, but her charming, handsome ex had become a friend who would never learn his lesson about keeping his zipper in place.