Fight for Me

by Corinne Michaels

  He leans his head close but doesn’t drop his voice. “Isn’t it just total fun to poke the bastard? Look, he knows I am desperately in love with my wife, and he’s still about ready to rip my arms off. Aren’t you, mate?”

  I’m going to fucking kill him. We may have been friends for years, but right now, I want to do exactly what he’s accusing me of wanting to do.

  However, giving Milo any satisfaction is not in my plan. “Not at all, I’ll be happy to watch Danielle do it for me.”

  He grins and then releases Sydney. “Come now, you know she can’t resist my charms.”

  Sydney shakes her head, smiling the entire time. “You two are trouble.”

  “You have no idea,” he replies.

  She really doesn’t. Milo was the bachelor of the year, living life as he wanted, and then he was knocked on his ass by his now wife. It has been a joy to watch.

  “All right, Casanova, let’s show you the property so you can give us your expert opinion on this.”

  “Don’t let him fool you, darling, all my opinions are expert.” Then he turns to me. “We don’t need you, Declan. Sydney and I will walk the property, you can go do ... whatever it is you need to do.”

  Sydney loops her arm in his and gives me a cheeky smirk. “Yes, do what it is you do.”

  They walk out the front door, and I ball my hands so tightly I worry I’ll crack the skin. I’m going to lose my fucking mind, that’s what I’m going to do.

  Two fucking hours.

  They have been walking around for two hours, and I’m going out of my skull. I have no reason—or right—to be jealous. Milo would never do anything to hurt her or his marriage. I know this, and he knows I know this, and yet, he knows it would still bother me.

  The idea of any man with Sydney drives me fucking insane.

  Now, I’m walking in circles, waiting for the two of them to show up.

  “It’s tough waiting around to see if she’ll come back in one piece, isn’t it?” Jimmy says from behind me.

  “Was it like this for you?”

  “Always.”

  “This is why I don’t want kids,” I say and then look back out the window.

  Jimmy grunts. “I didn’t have kids, and I still ended up this way. I would bet my life savings that you’ll feel the same about Hadley.”

  I grimace thinking about some boy wanting to touch her or do any of the things I did with Sydney. “I would bet you’re right.”

  He laughs. “Based on the look you had, the idea alone makes you feel a bit sick, huh?”

  “Just a bit.”

  “You know, I felt like that when you left. Part proud and part out of my mind with worry.”

  Jimmy is the only other thing in this town I missed when I left. He was the father I never had, and I knew that when I gave Sydney up, I was going to lose him too.

  “I wanted to reach out ...”

  “But you worried I was on her side?”

  I nod. “She was yours, I was hers, and when I gave her up ...” I can’t finish the sentence because I feel like a fool.

  Jimmy wouldn’t have turned me out. He would’ve listened, probably talked some sense into me, and maybe that was why I didn’t do it. I didn’t need reason and rationale—I needed out. I had to save the people I loved the only way I knew how.

  He sits at the table, holding his mug. “Sit, Son.”

  I do as he asks.

  “A man doesn’t walk away from the things he loves easily, which is why I think it breaks Sydney’s heart so damn much that her father did. She knows that if he loved her as much as he should’ve, he’d have fought for her. That’s why it broke her to pieces when you left because she knew you loved her. She knew it in her bones. That girl would sit up in that window and wait to see if you’d come back.”

  “I couldn’t.”

  He puts his hand up. “You could’ve, but you chose not to.”

  “It feels the same,” I admit.

  “Maybe so, but you’re a grown man now, and you can sling your bullshit wherever you want, but not at me. I throw it back.”

  I grin and nod. “Understood. My point is that leaving Sydney wasn’t easy for me. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was what needed to be done to protect everyone in my life.”

  “Your father did a number on you boys too, Declan. He twisted you all up, made you doubt yourselves, and forced you to take on a role that you weren’t meant to do. You weren’t those boys’ father. You are their brother, and he took that from you.”

  Yes, he did, but I didn’t feel like I was being robbed. I was able to do for my brothers what no one else could do for me. I protected them. I gave them a chance by getting out of this town.

  As much as the accident stole from us, it gave us a lot too. I started my company, Sean is a professional baseball player, Jacob is an actor, and Connor found all he wanted.

  “I did what my mother asked me to on her deathbed.”

  “And I have no doubt she’s proud of you.”

  I wish I felt the same. If anything, I think my mother is saddened by what we all have become. She would’ve wanted us to have people in our lives to love and cherish. She believed that family was everything. While we’ve held up her memory by being loyal to the brotherhood, we haven’t lived the way she’d have wanted.

  * * *

  “Now, kissing a girl is a big deal, Declan Arrowood.” Mom stands there scowling at me. “You better not do anything with Sydney until you’re much older.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  All because my stupid brother couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Sydney was crying at school today, and I told her if she didn’t quit, I was going to kiss her. I already told her I’d love her forever, and while that stopped her tears for a minute, she started right back up again.

  Girls are always crying.

  I can’t handle it.

  “I mean it, you might think you love that girl, but I won’t be okay with knowing you aren’t treating her right. You’re going to wait until you’re both grown and know what adult choices are.”

  I release a heavy sigh, thinking of how I’m going to pay Sean back for this. She would’ve never heard us, but he has a big mouth and yelled that I kissed a girl.

  Which I didn’t ... not yet anyway.

  “How long do I have to wait?”

  Her eyes widen. “At least until you’re thirty!”

  “Thirty? But ... that’s old!”

  “Old enough to know that the only thing in this world that matters is how you love someone else. It’s not about kissing and all that. It’s about giving your heart to someone and always doing what’s best for them. I want you to have that, Declan. To know a love so pure and true that you’d give anything for her. You’re too young to know if Sydney is that girl.”

  That’s where she’s wrong. “I know it in my heart, Mom. She’s the girl I will always love.”

  She smiles softly and then touches my face. “Then you hold onto that, Declan.” Mom places her hand on my chest, right over my heart. “Give her this, and you’ll have everything you could ever want. A life without love isn’t living, it’s just existing and you were destined to live.”

  * * *

  I shake my head, saying, “I don’t think she’d be happy.”

  “I said proud, not happy,” Jimmy corrects. “I knew your mother, and the one thing she valued most was her family. She wanted you to have what she had.”

  This is the part I still can’t reconcile. “And what did she have, Jimmy? My father couldn’t have been perfect with her.”

  “I don’t think anyone has perfect, but you’re a fool if you think Michael Arrowood didn’t love Elizabeth with his whole entire being. The day that woman died, a part of him went with her, and there was nothing he could do but drink.”

  What he says is right in some ways, but he could’ve chosen differently. “He made a choice to drink. He had four boys who lost their mother and were trying to find the strength to breathe. My father died bec
ause he didn’t care enough about us.”

  Jimmy nods slowly. “And you chose to leave Sydney much the same way.”

  “You have it all wrong, Jimmy. I left Sydney because I loved her enough to save her. That is why I can never allow myself back into her life. I love her more than I love anything in the world, regardless of what bullshit I say. I would give anything to be the man she needs, but I’m not. Telling her otherwise would be unfair.”

  “I think that’s up to her, don’t you?”

  “Not if I know that I would only break her heart in the end. It’s better to protect her.”

  He laughs once. “I think you’re protecting yourself.”

  Maybe he’s right, but the one thing I know for sure is that I’m not good enough for her—not anymore.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sydney

  I really have enjoyed my time with Milo. He was meticulous going over all areas of the farm with me. He explained what a potential buyer would want me to fix or what they might ask me about, showed me weaknesses to underplay and strengths to play up, and coached me on what my expectations should be. We also spoke about what I want from the sale and what I was willing to give up in order to get that. It’s been a difficult conversation, but I’m glad I had it.

  At least now, my eyes are wide open and I know the kind of things to do and look for.

  We just walked into the main barn, and there are so many memories in here, I can hardly breathe. All I can think about is that kiss. The way he touched me again, as though there were no other option.

  I shove the memory away and remember why letting even a seedling of hope grow will destroy me.

  “You’ve loved him for a long time?” Milo asks as we stand at the door.

  My eyes meet his, and even if I want to lie, I have a feeling he can see right through me. “Too long.”

  “He’s been a good friend and I’ve learned a lot about him, but you’ve always been the mystery I couldn’t crack.”

  “Me?”

  He grins. “Our wanker of a friend in there is a bit daft when it comes to matters of the heart. He has this ridiculous notion that it’s his responsibility to protect the people in his life. While, for my purposes, I appreciate his diligence because he manages my wealth and I pay him to be cautious, when it comes to people, he is a fucking idiot.”

  I laugh and my hand flies to my mouth. “Yes, I’ve called him that and worse.”

  “Deservingly.”

  This topic is nowhere near what I thought we’d end the tour on though.

  “Did he tell you why he left me?”

  Milo shakes his head as we walk. “He didn’t, and while I would never betray his trust if he had, I would at least tell you that I knew.”

  “He’s lucky to have you as a friend.”

  His smile is devilish. “Yes, he bloody well is. However, I would like to say that you and I are friends now as well.”

  “I would like that too.”

  “Good, and as a friend, I often like to counsel those in need, even though my advice is rarely good. In fact, if you ask my wife, I’m usually quite wrong. Still, I know Declan, and I don’t believe that he truly wants what he says he does.”

  “Which is?”

  “To be alone.”

  My eyes meet his as he stares at me intently. I have no idea what to say. Maybe it’s the stupid desire in my heart that wants to rebuke him, but then I think about all he’s said and what I heard. He doesn’t want what I do.

  “I think you’re wrong, Milo. Declan isn’t alone either, he has his brothers.”

  His deep chuckle tells me he doesn’t believe that. “His brothers who live all over the country? Yes, he has them, love, but they’re not the same. He isn’t pining over his brothers or having to fight to avoid them and then calling his friend to walk their property. Hell, he didn’t even ask me to walk his land, which we all know he wants to sell.”

  “He called you because he wants me gone. If he can’t leave Sugarloaf, then the next best thing is for me to go.”

  Milo puts his hands behind his back as he looks around, seeming to think on what I said. His arms fall back to his sides, and he watches me before speaking. “Men are simple creatures. I promise that he wants you and his pushing you away has nothing to do with anything other than fear. He’s terrified that he won’t be able to keep the walls he’s built around you up for long. You are a beautiful woman who he’s loved most of his life, and now, his excuses to resist you are gone.”

  I release a shaky breath, wishing this conversation were different. I don’t want to think about him or resistance because I have neither. All I have right now is self-preservation, and even that is on shaky ground.

  “I appreciate your advice, but my life is going down a path that Declan doesn’t want. It’s complicated, and we both have issues that neither of us will be able to move past. The sad reality is that he’s afraid to let himself love anyone and not even I am enough to change that.”

  Milo gives me a sad smile. “I hope that maybe you’re wrong about that, darling. However, we’ve been out here for hours and I’m absolutely starving. I’m sure Declan is crawling out of his skin, shall we return and torment him?”

  I loop my arm in his. “I would love nothing more.”

  We make it back to the house, and Declan jumps up, his eyes darting to Milo and then me. Milo leans closer to me and whispers. “I was right about this.”

  I giggle and then shake my head.

  “How did the tour go, Bean?” Jimmy asks.

  “Good, I think. Milo had a lot of suggestions to make the property more desirable to the type of buyer I want. He was really kind and I ...” I turn to him. “I really appreciate it. Your insight is invaluable.”

  He bows just a bit. “It was my pleasure.”

  “Don’t you have a plane to catch back to London tomorrow?” Declan asks with a raised brow.

  “Don’t be rude to your friend,” I chastise him. “Milo drove all the way out here from New York, and I won’t let you be a jackass in my house.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Milo grinning, but when I turn to him, his smile is gone. “I think he deserves to be punished.”

  Declan grumbles under his breath.

  “I thought you two were friends.”

  Milo leans in and kisses the top of my head. “That was before I spent three hours making his jealous side a bit testy.” He chuckles and then takes a step back. “Settle down, Declan, I was merely enjoying my time with your lovely woman here.”

  “I am not his woman,” I correct.

  “Yes, well, semantics. I have to go find my wife before she spends all my money in New York. Remember what I said, love, ask for what you want and don’t back down. If a developer comes in, call me, and I’ll do what I do best.”

  “Irritate people?” Declan asks.

  He flips him off and then walks out the door, leaving me a bit stunned.

  “He’s wonderful,” I say with a huge smile.

  “He’s something.”

  “Thank you, Dec. You have no idea how much he helped me. I really appreciate you calling him to walk the property.”

  His anger seems to deflate a little, and he runs his hand through his hair. “Come sit at the table and tell me what he said.”

  I grab some milk and cookies, setting them out in front of us, and then I take a seat. There is nothing that helps me feel calm quite like this does. Each time I would cry, get hurt, or feel like my world was crumbling, my mother set this out for me. It would just magically be here anytime I needed it.

  I dip the cookie into the milk, letting it get soft and soggy, and recount to Declan the areas that Milo was concerned about.

  He writes them down, making notes, and offering suggestions as we go.

  A sleeve of cookies later, I’m exhausted.

  “So, you think any of that is doable?” I ask.

  “I think we should look at fixing the big things, but the smaller stuff won’t matter
to a farmer.”

  I bite the pad of my thumb. “Maybe, but what if it’s a developer that comes in?”

  “You want to see condos built here? What would a developer really want with this type of land? Sugarloaf is a farming town and really isn’t made for any big industry.” Declan leans back in his seat and then takes a long pull of milk. When the glass lowers, he has a milk-mustache, and I try not to laugh.

  But I fail.

  “No idea.”

  “Why are you laughing?”

  “I’m not.”

  His eyes narrow. “You’re clearly laughing.”

  I take pity on him and hand him a napkin. “Do you like your mustache?”

  Instead of wiping it away, he leans forward. “Do you like a mustache?”

  “I don’t know, I must ache you later.”

  Warmth spreads through me as we slipped into the kids we once were. Laughing at ourselves and each other at every turn. There was nothing that could embarrass us, and we loved cheesy jokes.

  I’m glad to see something hasn’t changed.

  He wipes the milk off his face and shifts closer. “I want you to think about it, though, selling this place to a developer.”

  “Milo thinks I’ll make the most money that way.”

  He scratches the back of his head and shrugs. “Money isn’t always everything. You may not want to have the farm anymore, but this place is where you grew up.”

  It’s ironic to me that he’s worried about heritage now. He’s the one who walked away from his family and would’ve sold that farm off without hesitating.

  “Declan, don’t you think that you giving me that advice is ... hypocritical?”

  “I didn’t love my home.”

  “Okay, but home is where the people you love are. This farm has meant the world to me because of my family, but they’re not here anymore. What do I have left to stay for?”

  Please say you. Please say something to make me stay.

  He looks at me with deep eyes that are searching mine as I mentally give him the answer. I chant it over and over in my head, waiting for him to say it.