Fight for Me

by Corinne Michaels

  “I don’t know yet. I have another MRI tomorrow, but so far, they haven’t seen anything in the first scans, so that’s hopeful.”

  “I’m sorry, man.”

  Baseball is Sean’s life. It’s what keeps him from going crazy. He lives for game days, and I know it’ll kill him to have to sit out.

  “Whatever. If I have to have surgery or something else, at least it’ll work out timing wise to be back ... there.”

  He already got it worked out to be here during the off-season anyway, so I guess it works out in a fucked-up way.

  “It’s not as bad as I thought it would be,” I admit.

  “Well, Syd is there.”

  “Yes, but that’s not why.”

  Sean laughs. “I love you, Dec, but you’re a fucking idiot. I would give anything for a woman like her.”

  He could have a woman like her. Devney has been his best friend since some asshole pushed him, and she punched the guy. They were in second grade. That was all it took for him to fall in love with her, only he never had the balls to tell her. Instead, they pretend as though there isn’t a damn thing between them, and it’s fucking insane.

  “Sure you wouldn’t.”

  “Don’t start with this shit about Devney again. She and I aren’t anything more than friends. If I did care about her, I wouldn’t be able to give her advice on love and other shit.”

  He’s so delusional. Neither of them has ever had anything serious enough to scare the other. They date, sometimes even for longer than I ever could handle it, but in the end, there’s always something wrong with the other person.

  It allows them to keep up their bullshit and remain unattached in case the other finds the courage.

  “I could give Syd love advice if I knew it would never matter.”

  “All right, asshole, do this for me.” Sean’s voice is hard, and I know I’m pissing him off. “Think about Sydney with a guy—any guy—and tell me that you could give her pointers on how to make him happy.”

  Rage at another man that doesn’t exist claws at me. My hands start to sweat and bile begins to rise in my throat. This reaction is exactly why I never think about this shit. She’s mine, and I would do anything for her, including spend millions to buy her farm without her knowing. The tightness in my throat makes it hard to breathe, and I hate my brother for making me even entertain the thought.

  “Fair enough.”

  “That’s what I thought.” He laughs once. “Imagine loving her the way you do and trying to help her work on shit with some idiot. It wouldn’t happen. No matter how strong you try to tell yourself that you are.”

  “I also haven’t ever denied loving her. I know what it feels like to have her, to see her eyes on mine and know she loves me. It’s a different thing, Sean. I’m not saying you can’t put your feelings aside. We all know you’re a master at it.”

  “I’m not a master at it. I just don’t want to fight all the time. We had enough of that in our childhood, I’d like to have some damn peace.”

  “There is no peace here,” I say and then pinch the bridge of my nose.

  Sean goes quiet for a second. “You could have peace, Dec. The war inside you has nothing to do with Sugarloaf. It has to do with regret. We all thought we’d be like Dad so we purposely did everything opposite. We didn’t get married, didn’t have kids, didn’t allow ourselves to put down roots or start a family. And in the end, for all we know, he died happy. And look at us.”

  Yeah, look at us. I’m in fucking agony each time I see Sydney.

  “Are you unhappy?” I ask.

  “I don’t know. I love baseball and I have a great life, but … sure, there’s room for more. We’re moving off this topic.” Sean leaves no room for debate. “I’ll be back next week for the wedding, and hopefully, I’ll have some answers about my knee. So far though, it looks like it’s nothing and I’ll be back out there for the next series.”

  “Good, I guess it looked worse than it was.”

  “Yeah, thank God.”

  My head is a mess, but the last thing I want is my brother to be unhappy. “Look, I just want to say one more thing. It may be too late for me, but it’s not for you to find someone. You’re a good guy, and I know that kids and a wife are something you’ve always wanted.”

  Sean is quiet for a minute. “And why is it too late for you?”

  I glance out toward the field that divides me from what I want most in this world and grip the windowsill. “Because I lost the only person who could ever be worth it, but I’m not good enough for her. She’s leaving and I have to let her go.”

  “And that’s where you’re a fool. That woman thinks you’re more than enough. Maybe it’s time you start believing it yourself.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Sydney

  “That’s ... that’s a great offer, right?” I look at Devney, who’s reading the email from Milo over my shoulder.

  “It’s what you wanted.”

  This one is the full asking price, which is less than the one I got from the developer, but Milo knows the buyer personally. He sent over the offer, and I’m in shock. The buyer wishes to remain anonymous because the person is influential, but whoever it is, is looking for a quaint home in the country with land for days. Apparently, they want a respite from the city life where their cows can roam and they can work.

  “Do you think it’s someone famous?” Devney asks.

  “I mean, it makes sense.”

  She beams. “What if it’s Emily Young and her husband? She was just here, right? She could’ve fallen in love with our little town and wants to make her next big hit in Sugarloaf.”

  It could be. I don’t know if Milo knows her personally, but it makes sense. “I don’t know, should I care? It’s exactly what I wanted. You know? Like, this is the kind of thing I hoped for. Not a builder who would come in and tear up the land and build strip malls or condos.”

  Devney scratches the side of her head and then moves her lips side to side.

  I groan, knowing this won’t end until she says her piece. “Spit it out.”

  “Fine. You could stay. You don’t need to sell the farm. I said it before, and I mean it, Declan will be gone in a few months. Why do you need to move?”

  “Because it’s too hard!”

  “What is? He’s been fine. You guys aren’t fighting and you haven’t been holed up inside your house just to avoid him. Hell, if you didn’t want to see him, all you would have to do is just ... tell him to go away when you’re coming around. I feel like there’s something more you don’t want to tell me, which is not like you.”

  There is so much more. Sierra didn’t help, and now, Devney isn’t either. It’s all so much weighing on me, and I can’t take it. I feel as though I’m breaking apart and no one understands.

  “It’s too much! I love him, Dev. I love him, and I can’t keep walking around where we should be, you know? Like, I see the barn and think about how we made love there. I can’t even go to the fucking pond. Everything at that place reminds me of him.”

  “Why is it so much worse now?” Her voice is tender, and there’s a bit of understanding there.

  “He’s always been everywhere, but now that I’ve been around him again, I know that when he leaves, I’ll have to feel that loss again. All that we could’ve been will be back in full force, and I won’t be able to pretend anymore. I’ve done it for so long, but I won’t be able to go back to that.”

  She touches her hand to her chest and nods. “I understand. I hate to see you go. I wish I could do something—anything—to make it easier for you. I wish I could go with you, Syd, but … I can’t.”

  I bounce at the idea. “Why can’t you? We could start over.”

  Her lips part and she exhales. “There are things that I can’t leave.”

  “Like what?”

  Devney smiles softly. “My family is here.”

  I shake my head. It’s no big secret that Devney can’t stand her family. She and her mothe
r are constantly fighting. She went away to college and I was shocked when she came back. I thought for sure she’d stay out there. “Dev …”

  “Look, I can’t go. I have things that are important to me here. And so do you, Sydney. I don’t want you to have regrets.”

  That’s what I fear most. I don’t think it’ll happen right away. I’ll be close to my sister and family, and they’ll help me through it. I know I won’t be alone. It’s down the road when the baby is older and wants to know about the farm or Declan that I worry about.

  Although, who knows what’ll happen when I tell Declan. He may be glad to have me farther away since he’s made it clear that children and a life with me isn’t what he wants. He can go back to New York and live his life, and I’ll take care of everything else.

  Then there’s the possibility that he’ll want to be a part of it. I just don’t know what to do, but I have to make choices and then deal with it. If Declan wants to be a part of the baby’s life, of course, I’d encourage it. It just doesn’t mean I have to stay here. At least in a new place, it won’t be the past haunting me.

  “Sydney?” Devney breaks through my thoughts.

  “Sorry, yeah, I don’t either, but I worry I’ll regret not doing what I can to preserve the rest of my heart.”

  Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “Well, you have a big decision to make, I hope you’re happy no matter what you choose. I know all too well how hard it is to live with your choices.”

  She leaves the room, and I lean back, pushing away from the desk. My hand rests on my belly, and I wonder about the life inside me.

  There are so many unknowns. All of then hang on what will happen when I finally tell Declan, which I still have to do. My ultrasound is in less than a week, and it’s time for us to face our future, whatever it may be.

  All of this is weighing me down, and I’m tired.

  I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to conceal my pregnancy either. I’m out of the first trimester, which is what all the books say is the dangerous period of a pregnancy. There’re no more reasons to avoid telling him.

  “I think we should sell the farm and go where we’re wanted,” I say down at my stomach. “It’ll be hard, but we’ll have your aunt and grandma close. I can’t stay here, as much as I want to.” A tear slips down my cheek. “I love your daddy so much, little one. I would give anything for him to choose us, but I don’t think he will.”

  With that thought in mind, I send an email back to Milo, telling him I’m going to accept the offer.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Sydney

  “You look absolutely gorgeous,” I tell Ellie as I stand back to look at her. She’s truly glowing. The sun is just starting to fall behind the tree line, and Connor is out there waiting for her.

  “I can’t believe I’m getting married already. It feels like I’ve been with him forever, and now we’re really going to be husband and wife.”

  I smile at her and hold back the tears. “I’m so happy for you, Els.”

  “I couldn’t have gotten to this point without you. Your friendship is everything to me.”

  The tear falls, and I pull her into a careful hug. “I love you guys. You both deserve to be happy.”

  She laughs and then fans at her eyes. “I don’t want to cry.”

  There isn’t a doubt in my mind she won’t be able to hold back once she sees Connor and the barn.

  All the Arrowood brothers are in town and have worked extra hard to pull off a few surprises for Ellie.

  “Are you ready?” I ask her.

  She nods. “I am.”

  We head outside to find the sky painted in reds and oranges. Everything is so pretty, and joy fills my heart for my friend. She deserves to marry the perfect man on this perfect day.

  Hadley comes running over. “I put the petals down, like you said, and now I’m here because you told me to come back.”

  She crouches and then cups her daughter’s face between her palms. “I love you, Hadley.”

  “I love you too, Mommy.”

  “Are you happy?”

  Hadley nods. “You look pretty. Are you happy?”

  The smile on Ellie’s face is wide and full of love and hope for her future. “I am so happy. I love your daddy very much.”

  “Me too. He’s the best. I have the best mommy, daddy, best friend, and now I’m going to have a sister or a brother. Can we go now?”

  My hand is over my mouth as more tears fall. Weddings are always emotional for me, but add the fact that it’s Ellie’s wedding in a barn, there wasn’t a chance I wouldn’t lose it.

  Ellie looks back to me and nods. It’s time.

  “All right, Hadley. You’re going to walk your mommy down the aisle after I go. Okay?”

  Hadley stands a little taller and squares her shoulders. “I’m ready.”

  Yes, they are. They’re ready to go on to the next chapter of their lives, as am I.

  The music cues, and I make my way into the barn.

  The back door is open, offering a picturesque background for the ceremony, and there are lights going from beam to beam all the way across the inside. Flowers are everywhere, white with hints of yellow and Ellie’s favorite color: pink. The guys hung paper lanterns all throughout it and it’s truly breathtaking. As I walk down the path lined with petals, I smile at guests. Some of Connor’s friends from the military, teachers from Ellie’s school, Devney and her boyfriend, and then my eyes find the Arrowood brothers.

  Connor stands there, hands clasped in front of him, brimming with a nervousness I can’t remember ever seeing in him before. When my gaze latches on to the man behind him, the rest just fades away.

  There is Declan. In a black suit with his dark brown hair trimmed just a bit shorter than it was the last time I saw him. He watches me make my way toward him, and I wonder if he’s thinking the same.

  This could’ve been us.

  It should’ve been us.

  My stomach is in knots as I keep my feet going, wishing I was in the white dress and Declan was standing in front of Connor. I would’ve loved him with everything I am. I do now, but it isn’t enough. Declan and I are the tragic love story.

  The tears that had ceased when I started walking fill my vision again, but I push them down. I won’t cry, not tears of sadness today.

  Today is for joy. Today is for Ellie. Today is for goodbyes.

  “Dance with me?” Jacob asks me.

  “What?”

  “Dance with me, Syd.” He gets up and walks over, hand extended.

  Connor and Ellie just finished their first dance, and now Declan is dancing with her. Jacob stands there, waiting with a sly grin.

  “All right,” I say and allow him to lead me to the dance floor.

  Last time I saw Jacob, his head was shaved for a role he was playing in a movie, and thank God, it’s grown back. “You look good.”

  “So do you.”

  “Thank you for the compliment.”

  Jacob leans in and rests his head to the side of mine. “You know, I was always so jealous of Declan.”

  “Yeah? Why is that?”

  “Because he had you.” Jacob turns me slightly so we’re even farther away from his brother.

  “Uh,” I stammer. I don’t know what the hell that means.

  He laughs and then spins me. “Relax, I’m not saying I’ve been secretly in love with you. I’m saying that he had you. He had ... someone. Connor and I were the lone sheep in the pack. Sean had Devney, and Declan had you. It was good for him.”

  “Until it wasn’t.”

  He looks toward his family and then back to me. “Maybe. It wasn’t easy for him to lose you, Syd. It wasn’t easy for any of us, to be honest.”

  “You didn’t have to, Jake. You could’ve come back at any time, and I would’ve wept in your arms.”

  There wasn’t a moment I didn’t wish at least one of them would stroll back into my life. They chose to stay away, and it broke me a little each
day.

  “I wish it were that simple,” he says, effortlessly turning me around the dance floor.

  “Why did you guys leave?”

  Jacob swallows hard and then shakes his head. “It’s not my place to talk about it, Syd. I wish it were, but that’s up to Declan.”

  I didn’t think he’d tell me. The best I hoped for was for him to confirm there was something for him not to tell me, which he just did.

  “Can I cut in?” Declan’s deep voice asks from behind.

  Jacob looks at me with an understanding smile and then nods. “Of course. She was always yours anyway.”

  I go to open my mouth, but before I can, Declan is leading me out of the barn and into the night air.

  The music is still going on behind us, people dancing, laughing, and enjoying the celebration, but out here, it’s just us.

  “Declan?”

  Instead of answering, he pulls me into his arms, and I can’t speak.

  He looks so handsome. So very freaking handsome.

  His suit forms perfectly to him, giving him an air of authority that makes me weak in the knees. There’s a dusting of whiskers along his strong jawline, which adds to the appeal. His eyes are soft and a little somber. Yet, I know he’s happy for his brother. Connor has pushed past his fears and loves Ellie with a ferocity that rivals any love story.

  Declan’s one hand is splayed against my back, holding me tightly to him, while his other hand clasps mine and tucks it between our chests. He moves just enough so we aren’t standing still, but I can feel a strong pulse between us.

  It feels as though the dance we shared at the concert was just the beginning of the song we’re creating the harmony to in this moment. Right now, we’re building to something. I can feel it in my bones, and it terrifies me.

  Our eyes are on each other’s, both asking questions and searching for the answers.

  “It’s like prom again,” I say, needing to break the silence.

  He smiles and shakes his head. “I’d like to think we’ve grown up some.”