Fight for Me

by Corinne Michaels

  Our son.

  He’s inside her right now while she sleeps. Does he know his mother loves him more than her own life? Does he know how perfect she is and how lucky he is to have her? Will he be what keeps her fighting?

  My thumb rubs against the top of her hand, and I wait for anything. “I bought your farm. I would buy a hundred of them if it meant you’d be happy. So many things I did wrong, Syd. Please, Bean, open your eyes and let me make them up to you.”

  There’s a knock on the glass door before it opens, and the doctor steps back in. “Her sister is asking to come in, but you both can’t be in here while we wait for the results from the tests.”

  My hand tightens around hers, and I push back the urge to rage against the injustice of it all.

  “Okay.”

  “I’ll come back to the waiting room and get you both once we have her settled.”

  I stand, unable to release her hand. Two nurses enter and start to adjust wires and tubes. I still don’t move. I can’t let her go.

  I can’t make my hands move.

  I watch her, willing her to open her eyes and stop this. “Please,” my voice is barely a whisper but sounds like a scream in the room.

  Everyone stops moving and then the nurse rests her hand on top of mine. I look up at her face, which is warm and kind. The nurse is maybe in her late fifties and reminds me of my mother in some way. She doesn’t offer me anything other than comfort and something to ground myself to.

  “I can’t let her go,” I admit.

  She squeezes just a bit. “We will be with her and watching.”

  “She’s my world.” Only she doesn’t know it.

  The nurse smiles softly and nods. “I understand. Let us take care of her.”

  She pulls my hand off Sydney’s, and I feel her loss in my soul. I have to let her go, and pray it isn’t forever.

  “Declan.” Connor’s voice causes my eyes to fly open, and I get to my feet.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He shakes his head like I’m an idiot for asking. “We came as soon as Sierra called.”

  It’s been six hours. Six hours and just as many tests to try to figure out why Sydney is nonresponsive. They have no answers that tell what is going on, just that she’s not waking up.

  She has brain activity, her blood sugar is normal, and there’s no indication of a stroke, but still, she sleeps.

  “Right. Sorry. Of course. It’s just …”

  “No change.”

  “None.” I take a few breaths through my nose, trying to calm myself. I can’t fall apart now. I have to be strong, sure, and believe that Sydney will be fine. Whatever is happening can be fixed.

  “Syd will wake up.”

  I nod because it’s true. “People don’t just slip into comas, right? Not when there’s nothing pointing to why it could be happening. They wake up when they’re ready. For all I know, this is her way of punishing me.” I laugh humorlessly. “It’s working too, so she can feel good about this.”

  “She’s not that cruel.”

  “Isn’t she, though? She didn’t tell me about the baby until two days ago. Then she finds out there’s something wrong and she has a fucking tumor, but she doesn’t tell me.” Anger and frustration start to build. “I find out while she’s in surgery, and she didn’t even know why I didn’t make it to the appointment.”

  “Which was?” Connor asks.

  “I was busy buying her damn farm, which she pushed the sale up for. It was either it sold that day or she was pulling it and going to another buyer.”

  Connor smirks. “So you’re pissed at her?”

  “I’m pissed—no, I’m fucking livid. I can’t lose her! I need her to wake up. I need her to live. She wrote this fucking direction sheet that says if it’s her or the baby, we have to save him. I can’t …”

  Connor steps forward, pulling me into his arms. My youngest brother, who I’ve been more like a father to than anything, comforts me. I slam my hand on his back, and he does the same. He grips my shoulders, pulling me back, and then sets his jaw. “It won’t come to that.”

  “I wasted so much time.” I step back and walk to the window. “All these years, I’ve been so sure that staying away was the right thing. I thought I was giving her a chance at a life I couldn’t provide. Now, I want to erase it all. I would give up everything to have time with her. I just want a second chance to make it all right.”

  He sits in the chair beside me. “A true second shot will split the first arrow and create a solid path.”

  “A lot of good that advice is now. I know the path I want, it’s clear and solid, but it might have an ending.”

  Connor laughs without humor. “I feel like Mom was telling us things we needed to hear, but we weren’t smart enough to actually listen.”

  “I’m terrified I’m going to lose her.” I confess my deepest fear.

  His hand squeezes my shoulder. “Don’t give up hope, Declan. Sydney needs to believe she has something to fight for. Be that for her.”

  I’ll be everything she needs.

  Chapter Thirty

  Declan

  “It’s been twenty-four hours. I need you to hear me, Bean. Wake up. Open your blue eyes and let me see you.” I try to urge her to wake again. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. All I do is alternate with Sierra or Ellie by her bedside. Mostly, they can’t get me out of here though.

  “Declan,” Ellie says softly as she stands at the glass door. “Please take a break.”

  “I’ll rest when she’s awake.”

  She comes in the room farther and watches me. “Connor and I have to head home. I’m going to get you some clean clothes and bring them back tomorrow.”

  “That’s fine.”

  She sighs heavily, looking at me and then to Syd. “You’re making him crazy,” Ellie whispers, but it’s loud enough I can hear. “He hasn’t shaved, showered, or done much of anything but pester you. Let him out of his misery, Syd. He loves you, and I promise that you can kill him if he hurts you again. We have enough land between the two of us to hide a body.”

  I huff with a smile, thinking of how much she’d love that.

  Ellie turns to me. “Call me if anything changes?”

  “I will.”

  She comes to my side and kisses my cheek. “At the least try to eat something. You’re no good to her if you’re worn down.”

  I don’t say anything because food is the last thing I care about.

  More hours pass, but nothing changes. All I can do is sit, waiting for any movement that doesn’t come. I watch, thinking maybe her eyelids will flutter. Maybe her fingers will twitch, but they don’t. I beg, plead, and bargain with her, but she doesn’t move.

  I lean back in the chair, defeat filling my body and leaving my limbs heavy. The doctor explained to Sierra and me this morning that they’re going to run another battery of tests because this is definitely abnormal.

  Something is wrong, and they have no idea where to start.

  Everything about this situation, from the time I got to New York all the way until this moment, has been surreal and abnormal. I need the universe to get its act together and straighten up before I lose my mind because I don’t know if I can take much more.

  My brothers call, but I don’t answer, there’s nothing to say, and I can’t explain the situation again.

  I close my eyes for just a second as the heaviness weighs me down. I’m exhausted, but I can’t give up.

  * * *

  “Will you love me forever?”

  “Forever and always,” I reply as Sydney gives me a sly smile and dips her toes into the pond.

  “Good answer.”

  In just a few weeks, we’ll both head off to college. It’s been a summer that neither of us will forget. After as much bad shit as I’ve endured, each moment with her is heaven. Sydney is the best thing in the world.

  “What about you?” I ask her back.

  Syd shrugs with a gleam in her eyes. “Depends on
if you deserve it.”

  I clutch my chest, falling back to the ground. “You wound me.”

  She rushes over, her hands covering my mock wound as she kisses me. “Never. I would save you.”

  “You already have saved me.”

  “Yeah?”

  More than she can ever know. Just her smile makes it easier to breathe. Her touch soothes the bruises and pain inflicted by my father’s hands, and her love reminds me that there is good in the world.

  “Everyday.”

  Syd lies beside me, both of us now facing the summer sky. Her fingers entwine with mine. It’s a simple touch, but it feels like everything.

  “Do you think we’ll get married?”

  I turn to look at her. “I know we will.”

  “Have kids?”

  “If that’s what you want …”

  Syd’s blue eyes meet mine. “I want to have kids with you. Two boys and a girl.”

  “Are you placing an order?” I laugh.

  “No, just letting you know what to expect. I want our oldest to be Deacon.”

  I roll my eyes at the name. “Why not just name him Declan then?”

  “Because you’re the only Declan my heart can ever love. I want his name to be close to yours because he’ll be strong and handsome like his father. Our second son can be named anything you want.”

  “Gee.” I laugh. “Thanks for that. And what if we have a girl?”

  Syd moves her head so that it’s resting on my shoulder. “Bean.”

  Now I wonder if she’s had too much sun. “You want to name our daughter Bean? You hate that I call you that.”

  The name has evolved as we have. When we were kids, she was jumping all the time and always bouncing around, so Jimmy called her a jumping bean. It bugged her, so naturally, I called her it as a way to torture her like eight-year-old boys do. Then, when she was about twelve, she was taller than most of the girls and flat, so Sean was being a dick and told her she looked like a string bean. Eventually, she just became my bean. Always changing, growing into something more beautiful than the last thing, and it stuck.

  Still, she hates it.

  “But you love it.”

  “Well, I love you.”

  She lifts her chin just a bit, a devilish smirk playing on her lips. “And you’ll love our bean.”

  * * *

  A noise causes me to jerk awake, and the dream fades away when I see that she isn’t smiling at me. A nurse walks in, a soft smile on her face when she sees I’m up. It’s the same one from last night. Sophie is her name.

  “How’s our patient doing? Any changes?”

  “No. Was I out for a while?”

  She nods. “I came and checked on her about two hours ago, and you were asleep. You must be exhausted.”

  Shit. What if she moved? What if I missed something? I shift closer to her, touching her face, but she doesn’t stir.

  “I’m tired, but I’m more worried.”

  “I understand that. We’re doing everything we can.”

  Everything except figuring out why the hell she isn’t waking up. I’m doing my best to stay patient, but with each hour that passes, my hope dwindles. If we knew what it was … if we could fix it … then I would feel better. This crushing helplessness is what’s killing me.

  “If she would just wake up …”

  “Well, I’ve been a nurse a long time, and it’s always a mystery to me, these things.” She checks the bags of fluids and then the monitors. “The body sometimes doesn’t respond when the heart and mind do. Keep talking to her,” she urges. “Let her soul hear everything you want to say, and see if she can’t get her body to respond. I’ll be back in an hour.” Sophie pats my shoulder and then leaves us alone.

  I’ve talked for what feels like an eternity, but there’s still so much I have left to say, so I move onto the edge of her bed. She’s so beautiful. Even like this, she takes my breath away. I lift my hand and run my fingers along her jaw, her soft skin reminding me of just how fragile she is. I brush my thumb across her lips and have to fight back the tears that threaten to overwhelm me.

  “It’s been almost twenty years since I’ve cried,” I tell her. “Nothing has meant enough to me to cause them to fall. I haven’t allowed myself to love anything enough, and yet, here I am, wanting to break down and lose my mind. The idea of losing you, Sydney … it’s too much. You and Deacon are all I want to be worthy of.” I recall the dream I had, her smile, her voice, the happiness at the idea of building a family with me. “I dreamed we were kids again, lying on the grass, talking about having a life. We deserve another chance, Syd. Even if you turn me away when you wake up, I’ll keep coming back. I’ll do whatever I have to do to prove that you’re my choice. You’re what I want. You asked me to chase you, and I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth if that’s what it takes.”

  My heart is pounding as I bare myself to her, hoping that somehow, she hears it and fights to come back to me.

  “You need to shower,” Connor shoves a bag of clothes at me and points in the direction of the hotel. “You’re not doing anyone any good refusing to eat, shower, or leave her bedside unless Sierra or Ellie want to visit.”

  We’re standing outside the hospital after he dragged me out to get some fresh air—not that I wanted or needed it.

  “Fuck you,” I snap at him. “You haven’t been watching Ellie lie there for three days not responding, moving, or answering your pleas and praying to God for her to just open her eyes!”

  “No, I haven’t been, but you’re not going to change things by running yourself into the ground. When’s the last time you slept?”

  I glare and huff. “I don’t know.”

  “Ate something?”

  I move away from him, needing to work off my anger. “Let this go, Connor.”

  “That’s what I thought. Sydney is going to wake up, and it would be preferable if she didn’t gag when she smells you. Take a fucking shower, shave, eat a meal, and come back when you look like yourself. This”—he points at my face—“isn’t okay.”

  Anger that was simmering beneath the surface starts to boil. “How easy for you to judge me!”

  “I’m not judging you, I’m helping you!”

  “Helping? How? By ordering me away from her? What if she wakes up? What if she looks for me, and I’m not there like I haven’t been for the past eight years. She’s all that fucking matters!”

  Connor lifts his hands and purses his lips. “And that’s great. I’m glad you finally figured all this out, but the fact remains that you need to get your shit together. Now, go to the hotel and clean yourself up.”

  My breathing is heavy as I ball my fists. “I’m not leaving her.”

  “Well, we’re not letting you back in that room.”

  I move toward him, and Connor straightens his back. “You’re angry? Good. You’ll need that to get through this, Dec. You feel helpless, and it’s not something any of us like to feel, but you won’t hit me, no matter how much I bait you. Do you know why?”

  I step back as my senses return. “Because I’m nothing like him.”

  “Exactly. If you need to get it out, I’m happy to spar with you and let you work off your steam. It’s been a long time since I’ve kicked your ass.”

  He’s never kicked my ass, but I don’t correct him. Truth is, I’m too fucking tired to. The last few days have been the longest of my life.

  No change in Sydney. The baby is still okay, but they are putting her on another form of medication and running another scan. Her brain activity is reading as normal, which has the doctors baffled, and I’m losing my grip.

  “I can’t do this, Connor.”

  He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “Let’s walk.”

  We head toward the hotel, which is right across the street from the hospital. We got two rooms there so people could stay overnight if they wanted. Sierra is heading back home tonight, and Ellie is staying. The two of them are alternating, and Connor is driv
ing them each day. I’m the only one who won’t leave.

  I can’t.

  I have to be here.

  As we walk slowly, Connor stays quiet as I form what to say in my head. “I’ve always taken care of everything.”

  “Yeah, you have.”

  “I can’t fix this.”

  He bobs his head as we keep going. “I know the feeling well. You want to make her happy and do what you can to give her security, but this is out of your hands. I’ve been there, brother, I know what you’re feeling. You’d do anything, wouldn’t you?”

  I would steal the breath from my body and give it to her. “Anything.”

  “Then be the man she has always believed you are. The one we all know you are. Put the past behind you.”

  I already have in some ways. However, I have some mistakes I need to atone for, leaving Syd being the biggest. I will never run the risk of losing her again. When she wakes up—which will happen—I will prove it to her.

  “Connor,” I say carefully, needing to say this. “If this goes badly.”

  “It won’t.”

  “If it does ...”

  Connor grips the back of his neck and releases a heavy breath. “Then you have three brothers who will hold you together.”

  I hope that’s enough because I know I will fucking shatter.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Declan

  “We’re starting to worry about how shallow her breathing has gotten,” Dr. Voigt explains.

  Sydney has been in a coma for six days.

  Days that I don’t even remember passing. I sit here, holding her hand, telling her stories, and pretending I’m holding it together.

  Today, her mother is here. “And what does that mean?” she asks, unable to stop her tears from falling.