Sabrina studied the grain of her desk, picking at a chip in the wood. “When I was pregnant, okay?” She tilted her head up and stared defiantly at me. “That’s what I was going to say. Hope was on my maybe list when I was pregnant.”
It felt like a tractor trailer had run me over. Sabrina had been pregnant? What? When? How did I not know? I collapsed in a nearby chair and held my head in my hands. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Sabrina had been pregnant. My tiny, innocent best friend/cousin/sister had been pregnant?
“What? When? Why didn’t you tell me?”
It was the last question that hurt the most. How could she not tell me about this?
“It was almost a year ago. I uh, never told you I was seeing someone. You know how you all get about guys I date.” Sabrina made a face then looked away. “Anyway, we broke up, and then a month later I found out I was pregnant. And a month after that I lost the baby. I didn’t even have a chance to tell the father.”
Tears sheened her eyes as she looked away. I got up and came around behind the desk to gather her in my arms. Crouching in front of her chair, I held her as she sobbed against my shoulder. “I’m so sorry. That’s so shitty, Sabrina. I wish I would’ve known. I would’ve been there for you.”
“It wouldn’t have changed anything. I’d still not be pregnant. It’s fine. I just…don’t talk about it much. But it’s fine.” She pulled away from me to wipe at her eyes. “It’s for the best, right? There was probably something wrong with it. That’s what my doctor said anyway. It’s not my fault. I didn’t lose the baby because of anything that I did. Blah, blah, blah. But anyways, that’s why you shouldn’t tell anyone for a few months. There’s a chance nothing will come of it, and you’ll have imploded your life, her life, everyone’s life for nothing.”
Looking into Sabrina’s wet eyes, it didn’t feel like nothing. The loss had clearly decimated her. I wanted to kick myself for not noticing what she’d gone through this last year. Sure, she’d hung back and didn’t go out with us like she’d used to, but I’d chalked that up to her not wanting to hang out with four overbearing older brothers. We might have made it a game to make any guy interested in her jump through ridiculous hoops to spend time with her. Meanwhile she’d gotten pregnant, lost the baby and hadn’t told me—or I imagined any of my brothers—anything about it. It hurt to know she’d gone through such a painful experience all on her own.
“I’m so sorry, Sabrina. I wish I could’ve been there for you.”
She shrugged and looked away.
But I wasn’t going to let her or the situation go that easily. “To be honest, I’m kinda hurt you didn’t come to me. I thought we were closer than that.”
“I’m not gonna apologize for anything I had to do to get through my miscarriage. I’m sorry your feelings are hurt, but I had to do what I had to do. I can’t—” Her voice broke as tears sheened her eyes again and I felt like shit for even bringing it up. “I can’t talk about it. Still. It hurts too much.”
“I get it. Just promise me that if you’re ever in a situation like that again, you tell me. I want to be there for you. I love you, Sabby.”
She smiled sadly at me. “I love you too, Ry. You know I’d do anything for you.”
“Ditto.”
“I promise to visit you in Mexico. Maybe I’ll even move with you. Lord knows you’d need an interpreter.”
“Ha ha. Very funny,” I muttered as I stood up.
“I try. But uh, really, please, learn from my train wreck. Don’t tell anyone just yet. Be there for Hope if she’ll let you. I’ll be here for you if you need me, but maybe don’t tell either of your families yet. Be sure first.”
“Thanks, Sabrina.”
“No problem. Now get outta my office. I gotta work on payroll.”
I rolled my eyes as I turned to the door. “Yes, ma’am.”
Chapter 11
Hope
I twitched nervously as I sat in my car waiting for Ryan to show up. I’d spent the last few days alternating between tears and denial. But something about sitting in the parking lot of an OB-GYN had a way of being a wakeup call. I stared at those letters in front of me. I’d seen them before—this wasn’t exactly my first time coming to this office—but this was the first time I’d ever come to a doctor’s office for this.
The rip of a motorcycle’s engine made me jump as he roared up next to my car.
Ryan.
My breath caught as I watched him idle for a second before slowly walking his motorcycle back into the parking spot next to me. The rumble of his engine stopped and he pulled the helmet off his head. Flashing me a wicked smile, he swung off his bike and stowed the helmet on the seat. Every motion he made was methodical, purposeful, confident. He clearly had his shit nailed down.
Meanwhile, I was a basket-case.
Something about sitting here made the pregnancy feel more real than anything else. I knew I’d be walking out of that office with an official pregnant diagnosis.
And that scared the crap out of me.
I jumped as Ryan knocked on my window next to my head. After taking a deep breath, I grabbed my purse and opened my door. Ryan jumped out of the way and gave me a shaky smile.
“Hey, how are you feeling? I can get that for you.” He grabbed my purse out of my hands then held it away from his body like he didn’t know how to hold one.
Maybe I was wrong. The waves of anxiety coming off Ryan were intense. And oddly comforted me. I kinda liked that he was just as nervous as me.
I closed my door and smiled at him. “Thanks for coming.”
“I told you, I’m in. Completely, one hundred percent in.” He smiled again, flashing a dimple in his left cheek.
Which caused my knees to tingle.
Ack. I had to get myself under control. There was no way I was walking into my gyno’s office all twitterpated and wet between my thighs. What if she wanted me to get in the stirrups?
“Come on, the office is this way.”
Ryan trailed behind me, silent as we walked through the medical complex to my doctor’s door. He hovered behind me as I checked in at the front desk then crowded close to me as we sat in the waiting area, me with a huge clipboard full of paperwork.
When his shoulder brushed against mine for the twentieth time, I turned to snap at him but stopped when I saw the look on his face. He was bone white; his face held no color whatsoever. I followed his eyeline to the woman across from us, who had to be fifteen months pregnant if she was a day. She didn’t appear comfortable as she shifted her weight every five seconds and grimaced.
“It’s okay,” I murmured out of the side of my mouth. “I don’t think they’re gonna call on you to deliver the baby if she goes into labor here.”
“What?” Ryan looked over at me, startled.
“Nothing. Are you okay? You know you don’t have to be here for this appointment. Like I said, I probably won’t even see the doctor.”
“No, I told you, I’m here for every part of this. That’s my baby. I want to be here.”
“Awww!” The woman across from us exclaimed. “Sorry for eavesdropping, but he is just too cute. You need to hold onto that one, sweetie. He’s a keeper.”
“Thanks.” I muttered as I hunched over my paperwork. There was no point in explaining the situation to the woman.
“Melissa?” A nurse in pink scrubs called from the doorway.
“That’s me. Fingers crossed I’m dilated. I want this baby out of me yesterday. But again congrats. He’s a real keeper.” Melissa pushed herself to her feet, gave us a wide smile then shuffled toward the waiting nurse.
I waited until the door closed behind her then muttered, “Overshare much?”
“I don’t know. I kinda liked her.”
I snorted. “You would. I think she was half in love with you.” Then under my breath, “Like the rest of the female population.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” But I meant it. I’d seen the way the receptioni
st had smiled at him. How all the women at the clubhouse had swayed toward him and batted their eyelashes. The man was a chick magnet.
Not that I had any claim on him.
He wasn’t even here for me. He was here because of the baby inside me, and I’d be silly to think otherwise.
“Your birthday is June twelfth? I’ll have to remember that.” Ryan whipped out his cell phone and tapped away at the screen.
I scowled at him and tilted the clipboard so he couldn’t read it. “This is confidential information, buck-o. Keep out.”
He grinned, still tapping away at his screen.
I refused to be charmed.
Mostly.
We sat in silence for the next couple of minutes, semi- relaxed—him typing away on his phone and me trying to read the legal jargon of their patient privacy statement.
“Hope?”
I jumped as the same nurse reappeared in the doorway.
I wasn’t ready for this. I couldn’t be pregnant. I wasn’t ready to be a mom. Oh God. Someone was going to be calling me mom. Me. Hysterical laughter boiled in my chest, but I bit it back. I didn’t want Ryan to know just how freaked out I was.
Although the fact that I hadn’t stood probably told him that.
“Hope?” The nurse called again. “Hope Stephens?”
“Here!” Ryan replied, taking the clipboard from me. He put a hand on my back, silently urging me to stand, but I didn’t budge. “Hope? You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. I’m good right here.” My fingers wrapped around the arms of my chair. They couldn’t make me go. I was good right where I was—at the crossroads of insanity and denial.
“Hey. Look at me.”
Something about the husky, intense note in his voice drew my eyes to him.
“It’s going to be okay. No matter the outcome, you’re going to be fine. You can do this.”
That hysterical laughter burned at my chest again. He was right. I could do this. I’d peed in a cup before. My hysteria hovered near the surface and a tiny bit escaped. I giggled. “Sorry. It’s just… Yeah. Okay. I’ll go pee in the cup.”
“That’s my girl.” Ryan grinned at me, that dimple flashing, and had me dazed right up until he stood up.
“Whoa. Hey, I know you said you’d be here for me but there is no way in hell you are coming in while I’m peeing. Let’s leave some mystery in our relationship.”
I flinched as the R-word fell from my lips. I really didn’t mean to say that.
The nurse laughed. “He can wait out here with me.”
Of course he could. I shook my head as I handed over my paperwork and accepted the sample cup from her. Seconds later she was laughing at something Ryan said while I shut the door behind me in the tiny restroom she’d pointed out.
Not that she’d made direct eye contact with me. She’d been too busy flirting with Ryan.
Apparently, this was going to be my life from now on—constantly watching from afar as Ryan charmed everyone in his sphere.
Later while I screwed the top onto the sample cup then washed my hands, I avoided looking at myself in the mirror. I didn’t want to see if I looked as crazy as I felt. My heart pounded. Oh God. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down as I repeated Ryan’s words. “It was going to be okay. I can do this.”
I exited the bathroom nervously holding the specimen cup. It felt like one of those momentous moments. In a few minutes everything in my life was officially going to change.
Not that anyone around me noticed.
Ryan and Nurse Horny-Pants were still talking and laughing like they didn’t have a care in the world. I hovered awkwardly for a few seconds. When no one looked my way, I cleared my throat. “Uh, here you go.”
The nurse smiled warmly at me as she took the cup in her gloved hands. “Thank you. I’ll have results for you in a jiffy.”
Okay, I felt a little bad for mentally calling her Nurse Horny-Pants. She was clearly just a nice, friendly woman. And I was a jealous, crazy nutball.
She walked a few feet away to a paper-lined table and unscrewed the cup.
I tossed a nervous smile Ryan’s way but his eyes were glued to my cup of pee and the thin strips she’d dunked in the cup.
“Oh yeah. Definitely pregnant.” The nurse held up a white paper with the tiniest hint of pink darkening it.
Somehow I thought this would be more…scientific? Or at least involve more than the same kind of kit that I’d used at Ryan’s place. “Are you sure? That’s barely pink.”
“Yup. It doesn’t matter the shade. That line right there.” She pointed to the faintest slash of pink darkening the strip. “That means you’re pregnant.”
My scalp tingled, and I felt a little woozy. I was pregnant. I was having a baby. Right now there was a cluster of cells inside me that would turn into a baby.
A baby.
“Whoa.” Ryan caught me as I swayed. “Let’s have a seat, beautiful.”
He carefully led me to a chair in front of the table the nurse had used.
“I am so sorry.” The nurse murmured as she stood at my side, her hand under my other elbow. “I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that. Would you like something to drink? Some water or orange juice maybe?”
“No, I’m okay. I knew I was pregnant. I took a home test and everything, but I just…”
“Didn’t think it was actually true?” The nurse laughed. “Me neither. At least for my first. And my fourth. Just take a few breaths. It’s gonna be okay.”
“Everyone keeps saying that, but they’re not the ones with a baby inside them.” I buried my face in my knees.
Ryan laughed above me. “Very true.”
“After you take a minute, I’ll need to know when your last period was, and then we can figure out how far along you are. But judging by the faint line I’d say only a few weeks.”
I laughed to myself. I could’ve told her the exact hour of conception but something about that felt wrong. Like I was letting a total stranger know more about my sex life than even my best friend knew. Not that I’d talked to her lately.
I sat up slowly and crossed my arms across my chest, careful not to touch Ryan. “And when can we do a paternity test?”
The nurse’s eyes widened as her gaze swung between me and Ryan, but her face otherwise remained carefully blank. “We could schedule one as early as fourteen weeks.”
“Hold up.” Ryan interjected. “Don’t those come with a risk of miscarriage?”
“Yes,” the nurse nodded. “There is a slight risk of miscarriage with an amniocentesis.”
Ryan crossed his arms over his chest. “Then we’re not doing one.”
“Ryan, I don’t think that’s your call to make.” I sighed.
He did that thing where he raised only one eyebrow—so sexy and infuriating at the same time. “Is the only reason you’re having it to prove that this is my baby?”
“Yeah. Mostly.” I shrugged. I thought he’d want to know. Wouldn’t most men?
“Then I don’t want you to have one. I trust you. If you say you haven’t been with anyone else and this baby is mine, then I believe you.”
I blinked. I hadn’t really expected him to have such a strong opinion on this. Heck, I’d expected him to demand one given his rising fame with his TV show and successful shop. A warm glow spread through me. I bit down on my bottom lip to stop myself from saying anything crazy.
Ryan hitched a shoulder. “And we can always have one after the baby is born—with no crazy miscarriage side effects.”
My glow immediately dissipated. “Right.”
The nurse cleared her throat and sent me a sympathetic smile. “If I could just get the date of your last period…”
I robotically pulled out my phone and opened my period tracking app. Numbly, I gave her the date and watched as she pulled out a spinning wheel gadget, like something you would’ve picked up for free at a convention—cheap, plastic, and emblazoned with the name of a drug company.
“You’re due February 28. We’ll want to see you back in eight weeks for your first sonogram. Be sure to start taking some prenatal vitamins. Really, any you can get over the counter at your local pharmacy are good. Do you have any questions?”
I shook my head dully, thanked her, and then crossed to the side desk of the receptionist to make the appointment. She was busy with someone in the waiting room, so I stood there examining the grain of the desk, really looking at anything other than the man hovering at my side.
Ryan was oddly silent as well, but when I finally made the follow up appointment, I saw out of the corner of my eye that he put the info into his phone’s calendar as well.
When the receptionist asked for the copay, Ryan slid a card across the desk before I could fish my wallet out of my purse.
“Ryan.” I sighed.
He shook his head and signed the credit card receipt. The steely resolve in his eyes had me biting back my words. We could hash it out later.
I waited until we got to the parking lot. Stopping next to my car, I turned and looked up at Ryan. “I don’t have a problem with you coming to the appointments, but I don’t expect you to pay for anything. This isn’t a date. We’re not going Dutch. It was my decision to have the baby, so any costs up through delivery are mine and mine alone.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to work for me. I want you to have this baby. I want to have input on anything that happens at the appointments, and I have too much money to even have this argument. We just got a signing bonus for our new series—what else am I going to spend the money on?”
“Booze? More motorcycles?” Boobalicious bimbos, I finished in my head. “I don’t know, but I don’t expect or want you to take care of me.”
I had to get used to it, right? It wasn’t like we were together. We weren’t a happy couple eagerly anticipating the birth of our first child. I couldn’t let myself fall into the dream of this being something more than it was.
Ryan wiped a hand over his face and muttered, “Shit, this next request is going to go over like a ton of bricks.”
“What request?”
Ryan sighed and dropped his hand. “I was going to ask you over for dinner tonight. Just me and you. I think we need to get to know each other, spend some time together, see if this thing between us can be anything more.”
Fast Page 9
