He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

by Iris Morland

  “Well, what about you? You’ll need to say the same thing happened for you.”

  His lips had twisted into a strange smile, and he hadn’t actually answered my question.

  My family stared at me in silence after I’d told them the half-true, half-false story. I began to cut into my meatloaf, taking a bite of it, only to realize it had gone cold in the time I’d been in the bathroom. Cold meatloaf was one the least appetizing things on the planet.

  “What do you know about this man? Because you knew David well, and look how that turned out,” said my dad, crossing his arms.

  “George. This was Mari’s decision, and we should support her. Besides, what’s more romantic than eloping in Vegas?” said my mom.

  “Marrying a man you actually know,” countered my dad.

  “It’s like straight out of a romance novel. Did you lock eyes the second you first saw each other?” Kate widened her eyes until she looked almost ghoulish, the weirdo. “You took one look at Liam and you fell in love. Insta-love, basically. You didn’t need to know anything about him because he was your soul mate. I totally ship this, you guys.”

  “Since when do you read romance novels?” said Dani.

  “A girl has to find something to do on the weekends when she’s single. Believe me, I’m not reading them for the plot.”

  “Young lady, behave yourself when we have company,” said my dad.

  Kate’s lips lifted at the corners. “Jacob isn’t company. He’s family. So he should get used to the fact that I like to talk about how hung romance heroes are at dinner.” She batted her eyelashes. “You don’t mind, do you, Jacob?”

  My dad sighed, covering his face with his hands in despair. Jacob had to cover his mouth with his napkin to hold back his laughter. Dani patted his arm as his shoulders shook. For me, I was just glad that Kate was taking the attention away from me.

  “Thank you for sharing, Kate,” said my mom. To me, she said, “When can we meet your husband? I don’t know why you didn’t bring him tonight.”

  Why hadn’t I brought him? I realized how weird it seemed that I hadn’t wanted to introduce my husband to my family yet. I tried to stall my answer by taking a bite of my now cold mashed potatoes, but they tasted like sand in my mouth. So much for eating at this family dinner. Tonight was a great night for late-night Taco Bell.

  “I’ll talk to him,” I said finally, all the while knowing that if I had my way, I’d never talk to my husband again. Mostly so I didn’t throw my panties at his head for a third time.

  “Yes, we want to meet this man. Funny he didn’t feel like coming tonight. Why is it my daughters keep dating men who I don’t actually like?” said my dad, referring to his dislike of Jacob and his family. Although our parents had come around to the idea of Dani dating the son of our family’s former rivals in the flower shop business, the truce between Jacob and our dad was still somewhat uneasy.

  Jacob, at the reference to himself, shifted in his chair, looking irritated. Dani caught his gaze and mouthed something that soon smoothed the creases from his brow.

  “I didn’t tell Liam where I was going,” I said, replying to my dad’s question.

  That earned me strange looks from everyone at the table. I wanted to poke my eyeballs out with my fork. It’d be better than the mixture of concern and confusion on my family’s faces.

  “You didn’t tell your husband you were going to dinner,” said my dad slowly. He turned to my mom. “How is this normal?”

  “It’s not like that,” I said.

  “He’s not her keeper.” This was from Dani. “I mean, I don’t tell Jacob everything.”

  “You don’t?” Jacob cocked an eyebrow. “Do elaborate.”

  “Why would I tell you when the whole point was that I didn’t tell you?”

  “I thought you were talking hypotheticals,” said Jacob, who looked confused now.

  Kate leaned forward. “You can tell me. You can tell me everything.”

  “There’s nothing to tell!” said Dani.

  I slumped in my chair, inwardly groaning.

  This was also why I hadn’t brought Liam. Because my family was nuts.

  “Dani, do you have a secret?” My mom’s eyes lit up. “Is there another reason why you got engaged so quickly?”

  Apparently, my mom had grandchildren on the brain tonight. Since my uterus currently had an unoccupied sign, she hoped that Dani’s didn’t.

  “Oh my God, there’s no secret,” said Dani. She was blushing. “And if you’re implying that I’m pregnant—”

  My dad hadn’t been listening up until now, but now he barked, “Pregnant? Who’s pregnant? If one of you is—”

  “I am!” said Kate gleefully.

  My dad started roaring like a bear while Kate laughed maniacally. Dani was trying to explain that Kate was joking, while Jacob kept asking Dani what she was keeping from him because now he was actually concerned.

  My mom tried to intervene and eventually sighed, went into the kitchen, and returned with a bottle of wine.

  “I think we’re going to need this,” she said. She poured me a glass before drinking hers in three gulps.

  Chapter Twelve

  Mari

  By the time I arrived home—no, not home, it was Liam’s place—I stalled going inside. The entire drive home, anxiety churned in my gut. For the first time, this entire situation had truly dawned on me. It was like I’d been floating through a dream until reality had splashed me with a bucket of ice water.

  I pressed my forehead to the steering wheel. That too-familiar panic threatened to take over like it had at Jenna’s wedding reception. I took in a shuddering breath. Then another. Until I was calm enough to go inside and hope Liam wouldn’t ask me about my supposed work party.

  I wasn’t talking to him anyway, so that should be easy enough.

  Liam was lounging on the couch, music filling the living room. He had a spectacular view of Elliott Bay—way better than my view of a general store I’d had at my old place. The most exciting thing I’d see out my window was when raccoons would knock over the trashcans and the owner would come out, yelling at them and threatening to call the cops. I’d never had the heart to tell the owner there was no such thing as the raccoon police.

  “Where were you tonight?” said Liam, stopping me in my tracks.

  “I’m not talking to you right now.”

  “You just spoke words to me, so you seem capable.”

  He still hadn’t even turned to look at me, like I wasn’t worth his full attention.

  In a snippy tone, I said, “I was at work. I told you that.”

  He tipped his head back to look at me finally. His eyes were dark, almost impenetrable. “It’s funny, because I called your work and no one answered.”

  “Why were you calling my work?”

  “I wanted to see if you wanted pizza. I texted you, but you never responded. So being the good husband I am, I called your work.” He tilted his head back so I could no longer see his face. “So I’m curious: where were you?”

  The stress of tonight compounded with Liam’s interrogation was more than enough to snap my patience in two.

  “What does it matter? It’s none of your business. I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but we’re not actually married. I don’t have to tell you where I am at all times.”

  Liam rose from the couch. Soon I found myself being stalked toward the wall by over six feet of angry male.

  “Where were you?” His voice was silky, and I could hear his accent lengthening the words. I knew his accent appeared more often when he was stressed or drunk—or angry.

  “Because you look guilty, little wife. Were you with another man? Because I have to tell you, you don’t get to mess around with somebody else when I’m not allowed to get any, either.”

  I couldn’t breathe. The temperature in the room seemed to increase until I felt sweat bead on my forehead. It took a second for Liam’s words to filter in my brain. It was like he’d spoken t
hem in Gaelic, and I had to translate them.

  Another man. Liam thought I was cheating on him? Even though we weren’t even together? Oh, he had balls of steel that I wanted to kick right now.

  “Seriously? You’re worried that I’m cheating on you? Good lord, where would I find the time, for one thing?”

  He had the grace to look slightly abashed now. “When you didn’t reply, I was…”

  I waited three seconds before saying, “Worried? You were worried about me?”

  “No. I was pissed that you were ignoring me.”

  He looked so perturbed, with not just me but with himself, that I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at him.

  Now he just looked confused. “The fuck are you laughing about?”

  “You! You sounded so jealous and caveman-y, growling about me being with another man, when you couldn’t just say you were concerned about me. Oh my God!”

  Tears were streaming down my face now. “And I was just with my family. I wish I’d been with another man. That would’ve been preferable to getting grilled tonight.”

  At that, Liam’s expression turned even pissier. “Your family?”

  “Yeah, my family. I needed to tell them the story we concocted.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me that instead of lying?”

  I blew out a breath, annoyed at myself and at him. “Because I didn’t want to deal with your questions? Because I was afraid you’d be mad that I didn’t want you to come? Because I’m losing my marbles? I don’t know.”

  He pressed a hand against the wall, inches from my head. “Just tell me the truth and I’ll tell you the same. Pretty easy, wife. Lying won’t help either of us, especially when we have to lie to everyone else.”

  “Well, that sounds just so…logical. And it makes me want to like you.” I sniffed.

  He cocked an eyebrow. “Pretty sure you already like me plenty. I can always remind you, though.”

  Oh, he was smooth. He knew how to use my own words against me, too. I couldn’t underestimate my husband, that was for sure.

  “You also annoy me deeply,” I added. “And I’m tempted to get back at you for accusing me of cheating on you.”

  Various forms of revenge passed through my mind. I thought of every way Kate had tormented me and Dani when we were kids. A frog in our beds, beetles in our shoes.

  One time she’d shaved off Dani’s eyebrow while she was sleeping. Dani had gotten her back by meticulously filling Kate’s toothpaste with hemorrhoid cream. She’d used a tiny funnel and had spent at least two hours on that project.

  As for me, Kate had put food coloring in my body wash, turning my skin blue. The blue tinge had lasted for over a week, and I’d had to wear long sleeves and pants in the middle of July.

  I’d gotten her back when I hid a dead fish in her room. By the time she found it, her room smelled so awful she had to sleep on the living room couch for two weeks as her room aired out. Suffice to say that Kate didn’t try to prank me again for a while after that.

  But I couldn’t put a dead fish in Liam’s room, even though I was very tempted to. I was an adult. I had to revert to passive aggressiveness to get my revenge on annoying people. That was the mature way to do it.

  “Any ideas?” said Liam, breaking through my reverie.

  “I’m tempted never to replace the toilet paper so you’re screwed when you have to poop, but that would be immature.”

  His lips twitched. “I’d just use one of your face cloths.”

  “Oh my God, gross!”

  “You brought up pooping.”

  “I did, and it’s my own fault. I’ll think of something else, though. Just wait.”

  My mind, however, latched onto Liam’s accusation that I’d cheated on him. It was ludicrous, and it also hurt. I might not have my life together, but I at least had my integrity. Well, barring the whole lying to my family thing.

  I said quietly into the silence, “Do you really think I’d cheat—even if this isn’t a real relationship—when I know how much that hurts? How deeply that betrayal cuts?”

  “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking. I was already pissed about last night and then when you didn’t respond…”

  I said gently, “I’m sorry if you felt rejected last night. I just don’t think getting involved is a good idea for either of us.”

  “Little wife,” said Liam with a sigh in his voice, “I think we’re way past that.”

  I groaned, because in this, my husband was right. “Why does sex have to make everything so complicated? With David. With you. It makes no sense.”

  “Because men are basically animals at the end of the day. We want sex; if we don’t get it, we get riled up.”

  “Not every man.”

  “Ninety-nine percent of them, then.”

  “David wasn’t like that.” I didn’t know why it mattered right then, or why I thought it was a good idea to tell my current, sort-of-fake husband about the man who was supposed to have been my real husband.

  “He always told me he wasn’t that into sex. But then he was afraid to initiate because I always turned him down. And he even bought us these buttons—”

  I clapped a hand over my mouth. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m going to bed.”

  Liam stopped me with a hand on my arm before I could slink off.

  “You’re not going anywhere until you explain that one. Buttons. Sex buttons? Was he into kinky shit?”

  “Oh no. Nothing kinky. He didn’t even like oral.”

  Liam looked—horrified. Like I’d told him David murdered old ladies for fun.

  “You’re telling me your ex didn’t like having his cock sucked? You’re fucking with me.”

  “I don’t…I don’t know.” What did it matter at this point that I was talking about things I’d never wanted to discuss with anyone, though? I’d already gotten this far.

  “We never did oral. It just wasn’t anything either of us wanted to do. That’s all.”

  “Sounds like bollocks to me. And you haven’t answered my question, either.”

  “Fine, fine. David bought these buttons where if one person wanted sex, they could press one. The other person would only know if their partner wanted sex if they also pressed it. So nobody got their feelings hurt and felt rejected.”

  “Mari, baby,” said Liam almost gently, “that is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard of.”

  “Is it? You were pretty mad last night when I rejected you.”

  Liam scowled. “I was mad that you were acting like you didn’t want me when you obviously did. Besides, I’m man enough to have a woman tell me no when she truly means no. I’m not a monster. Sounds like this ex of yours was a fucking mess.”

  “Okay, fair point. But I did love David. I did. He was kind and caring until the whole cheating thing. He made me feel safe.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, but Liam wasn’t going to let me hide from him.

  “You’re safe with me.” His voice was soft, almost like a caress. “Never doubt that.”

  I didn’t know this man who was my husband, but I realized I was getting to know him. And something deep inside me believed him—or wanted to believe him, which was almost more dangerous.

  He interrupted my thoughts to say, “But when you say you’ve never done oral…are you saying you’ve never had your pussy eaten? Ever?”

  I flushed so hard I was probably going to burst into flames.

  “Um, my first boyfriend in high school tried, but it was so awkward I made him stop. And with David, we just never did it.”

  To my shock, Liam kneeled on the ground, his head level with my crotch.

  “Then we’re going to fucking do something about that tragedy right now.”

  I didn’t react, even when Liam began to unzip my jeans. I was too shocked—and honestly, too aroused. Seeing a man like him on his knees in front of me?

  Maybe I was into some kinky shit.

  “Your ex was a selfish piece of s
hit,” said Liam, his voice rough. He palmed my mound through the silk of my panties. “A real man eats pussy.”

  I let out a giggle. “That should be your slogan.”

  “I could add it to my business cards. I’m sure I’d get a lot of new business from it.”

  I was about to reply when he kissed my pussy through the panel of my panties, shocked at the lust that shot through me so quickly.

  With David, it had always taken forever to get me aroused. Then again, David had never put much effort into foreplay. I hadn’t thought it was a bad thing because I’d always assumed that was just how sex was.

  Explosive, passionate sex was just in fiction. Or porn. In real life, you had to temper your expectations.

  “What if I don’t like it?” I whispered.

  “Then I’ll stop.” He flicked his gaze up to me. “Do you have a safe word?”

  “No. Why would I?”

  “Then you better choose one quick.”

  I racked my brain. Whatever happened to just saying stop or no? My brain could barely add two and two together with Liam starting to kiss the insides of my thighs, his beard rough against the sensitive skin there.

  “Broccoli,” I blurted.

  “Pardon?”

  “My safe word. Nobody says broccoli during sex. Right?”

  “It’s not my favorite choice of vegetable during sex, no.”

  “You use vegetables for sex—oh my God, what are you doing?”

  Liam’s smile was devious as he pulled my panties down to my knees before making me widen my stance.

  “It’s hard to eat pussy unless you let me get to the pussy in question, babe.”

  But with my shoes still on and my jeans and panties down at my ankles, it was awkward. With a growl, Liam helped me take everything off from the waist down.

  “Put your leg on my shoulder.” Liam wrapped his other arm around my ass to hold me still—or to hold me up, most likely. “Now show me this pussy.”

  I gulped. I could feel myself getting wetter just from his erotic words. I’d never felt so exposed, so lewd. Yet it only heightened my arousal.

  I hesitated, though, and Liam picked up on it. “Want me to do it?” he said, so gently I wanted to cry.