Renewed Rider: A Lost Saxons Novel #4

by Ames, Jessica

  I throw aside all my stupid pain, all my stupid anger and I give him a radiant smile. I love the daft idiot.

  God, weddings make you mushy.

  But this… this is what this day is about. Bringing everyone together. Healing rifts—starting with me and Jack.

  “Girl, you look so beautiful, I don’t know that I can promise that.”

  “Dad!” I whine.

  He doesn’t look half bad himself. He’s wearing black jeans with a white dress shirt and a black tie, his kutte over the top. Smart, but Dad to a tee. His hair is brushed neatly, rather than into his signature faux-hawk. He looks proud as punch.

  “Oh my God,” Paige mumbles, “I’m going to cry.”

  “Okay, let’s go and get into the cars,” Mary says, taking charge.

  I know what she’s doing. She’s giving me and Dad a moment to ourselves.

  Once the room is cleared, he walks to me and lets his eyes roam over my face.

  “I’m proud of you, Beth. You’ve grown into a hell of a woman. And I wish I could take credit for that, but I don’t think that was my doing.”

  “What are you talking about? It was totally your doing.”

  He shakes his head, something dark clouding his face. “I could have been here more for you when you were a kid.”

  The regret in his voice chokes me. Hearing him acknowledge this unlocks something in my chest, and I feel the pain there lessen. This life isn’t easy.

  “Dad, you did the best you could under the circumstances.”

  And he did. Gina was a waste of space. If it wasn’t for Dad and the Club, I’d have had no one.

  “Yeah, I should have done more though.” He sighs. “I hope you know how much I love you, Beth. There’s never a day I regret having you in my life. Not one. Gina… Your mum, she was fucked in the head from the moment I met her. I shouldn’t have gone there with her, but I don’t even regret that because it gave me you.”

  I pull my bottom lip between my teeth before I manage to croak out, “Makeup, Dad.”

  “Kid, I’m trying to have a heart-to-heart here.”

  “The time for that was this morning, pre-makeup.”

  He snorts. “You’re a fucking lunatic.”

  “Yeah, but you made me this way.”

  He kisses my hair. “Yeah, I did and I love you for it. Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you to the clubhouse.”

  When I get outside, there’s a car waiting for me. I’m expecting just a car from the garage pool, but Dad surprises me with a wedding vehicle. It’s a Rolls Royce or something. It even has the ribbons from the front to the roof. I well up again.

  Oh my God, don’t cry.

  The usually quiet road is also filled with Harleys, which is not what I was expecting to see. It looks like most of the clubhouse has turned up to take me across town. I can see Lost Saxons kuttes but there are also some Devil’s Dogs among them. I spot Axel straight away. He gives me and Liv a wave.

  “Are they here to take me to the clubhouse?” I ask Dad who grins.

  “Yup.”

  “Oh my God.” I turn to Paige. “You’d best bring more makeup with you because I’m definitely going to need a touch-up before I walk down that aisle.”

  “Don’t worry, B. I’ve got you sorted.”

  She grabs Liv’s hand and leads her over to one of the cars behind the lead one. Dad holds his arm out to me.

  “Are you ready, little girl?”

  Am I ready?

  I take a steadying breath and then I nod. “Let’s do this.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The pipes of the bikes leading and following the cars roar so loudly they draw attention as we drive towards the clubhouse. I don’t care because this right here is who we are, who I am.

  And this is who Alistair would never have accepted.

  When I ran away all those years ago after Logan ended things, I thought normal was what I needed, I thought someone like Alistair was what I wanted.

  I was wrong.

  I lied to everyone including myself. I didn’t need normal. What is normal anyway? Alistair’s lifestyle isn’t any more normal than what I have here. The endless parades of galas and parties were exhausting. I was never allowed to be me. At least with the Club I can be true to myself. Okay, there’s never a dull moment, but at least it’s honest.

  Running away didn’t solve anything. You can’t hide from yourself and you can’t be who you’re not. I may have hated the Saxons at times, just like we all hate our family at times, but I could never turn my back on them, not really.

  These people, they love and accept me for me, just as I do them. And that is what makes us family. That’s what makes all families family. The ability to see past your flaws and love the person beneath.

  My leg jiggles as the car navigates through traffic, the procession moving slowly. We’ve brought Kingsley to a standstill for my wedding, which makes me smile because the last thing I wanted was any fuss, but I should have known there was no chance in hell I was getting through this day with a whimper and not a yell.

  Dad’s hand goes to my knee, and I still.

  “You’re putting me on edge.”

  “Sorry. Nerves, I guess.”

  “He’s not going to jilt you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  I frown. “I’m not worried about that.”

  “Just so you know if he did, I’d chop his dick off.”

  I frown harder. “Can we stop talking about my soon-to-be-husband’s dick?”

  “I’m just saying.”

  “You’re not helping.”

  He smiles and glances out of the window at the bikes.

  “Are you wishing you were riding with them?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “Nah, there’s nowhere I’d rather be than sitting right here with you, love.”

  I have to fan my eyes to stop the tears.

  By the time we pull into the clubhouse compound, I’m barely keeping my shit together. As soon as I see Logan, I’m going to turn into a gibbering wreck, which I refuse to do in front of a load of bikers and their old ladies. As well as the Club, invites also went out to the Manchester chapter of the Devil’s Dogs, who the Club is friendly with as well as a few other clubs Logan knows. I don’t really have a lot of friends outside of the Club, so I didn’t invite anyone.

  The car stops and Dad climbs out as the bikes all move to park up along the back fence. I get out, straightening my dress, and grab my bouquet of pink and white roses off the back seat.

  Although it is November, the weather is surprisingly warm. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not sunbathing weather, but it’s not snowing either. The sky is blue with the odd cloud, although there is a grey patch in the distance that could bring rain if it blows this way. The marquee was a good call on Mary’s part. Trusting the British weather to do anything it’s supposed to, is never a good idea.

  The girls all stop to kiss my cheek and wish me luck before heading towards the outdoor marquee where the ceremony is taking place. I can hear music playing faintly, although I can’t see anything from where we’re standing. Nerves assail me for a moment and I have to take a steadying breath as I watch all the brothers from the Club make their way over to wish me luck, too.

  They all rode for me: Dean, Weed, Ghost, Wade, Slade, Derek, Charlie, Rabbit, King, Lucas.

  The Devil’s Dogs also rode: Dax, Dane, Axel, Foz, Ace and Mouse all took the trip to celebrate with us.

  My bridesmaids, Mackenzie, Sofia and Liv surround me, fussing over my dress and my hair, making sure I don’t look ruffled from the car ride. Paige touches up my makeup quickly. I feel like a doll.

  “Perfect,” Mackenzie signs.

  “I’m nervous,” I respond. “I have no idea why.”

  “You’ll be fine,” Sofia tells me. “Just focus on my idiot big brother.”

  “He’s not an idiot,” I fire back.

  Dean, I notice, is hovering and when I catch his eye, he moves over to us. I think he’s wa
iting for Liv, but he steps over to me and gives me a lopsided smile. He, like Dad, is wearing a dress shirt and black tie with his jeans and kutte.

  “You scrub up well, B.”

  “Thanks, I think.”

  “I know I punched Logan’s lights out when I first found out you pair were shagging, but I am happy for you both.”

  “You punched Logan?” Liv gasps and gawks at him.

  “He deserved it,” Dean says without remorse.

  “It’s fine,” I tell her. “He thought Logan had disrespected me.”

  In Dean’s defence, Logan had. Wade got between them and I took an elbow to the face trying to stop them. Now look at us. I’m getting married to Lo and Dean is with Liv, a baby on the way.

  “I’m still pissed off at him for chasing you away for ten years.”

  “I chose to leave, Dean. He didn’t force me out the door. And I came back. Things kind of did work out all right in the end.”

  Dean grins, his hand scrubbing over his beard. Liv, I notice, has drifted away with the others to give me and Dean this time alone. I love everyone in this Club, but I’ve always looked at Dean as my brother.

  “Yeah, I guess they did.”

  “You guess?” I point down at myself. “I’m standing here in my wedding dress about to become Mrs Bethany Marie Harlow. I’d say they more than worked out, Dean.”

  He dips his head to look at his boots.

  “I still want to punch his lights out for hurting you.”

  “He’s more than made up for that.”

  “He better spend the next fifty fucking years making up for that or I’ll kill him.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “You’re going to have your hands full keeping your own babies protected.”

  I watch as my best friend’s eyes go soft. “Yeah, don’t remind me. I’m sleeping with a gun under my pillow.” His fingers rub against his sternum and his gaze goes over his shoulder, seeking Liv, who is laughing with Mackenzie and Sofia.

  He catches her eye and juts his chin towards her. I’m guessing this is the universal Lawler signal for ‘come here’ because she disentangles herself from the conversation and starts back over to him.

  When he turns back to me, he says, “Logan’s a lucky bastard. You’re too good for him.”

  “I think it’s the other way around.”

  “It’s really not, and he knows it. That’s why he treats you so good.” Dean’s arm goes around Liv’s shoulders when she slips in beside him. He presses a kiss to the side of her head. “That’s why we keep tight hold when we find good ones. Knock ‘em dead, B.” He turns to Liv. “I’m your chaperone, darlin’.”

  “Oh, you are?”

  Chaperone? I don’t have a chance to ask about this, because Dad is back at my side. He says, “Ready?”

  I take a steadying breath and nod. “I’m more than ready.”

  We make our way around the back of the clubhouse, and I get my first glimpse of the marquee set up on the grass. I can hear the din of voices more loudly now and my stomach flip-flops. Shit, I’m nervous. What if I fall on my face in front of everyone?

  Well, they’ll probably laugh, pick me up and continue on.

  At the edge of the marquee we’re met by Weed and Adam. Both men are also dressed as Dean is. Weed is grinning like a looney and blows kisses at me as I approach.

  Adam holds out an arm to Mackenzie.

  “You’re stuck with me, Kenz.”

  She shrugs and kisses his cheek.

  “That means you get me,” Weed says to Sofia, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

  Sofia ignores Weed and turns to her brother.

  “Where’s Jem? Isn’t he supposed to be walking me down?”

  Adam starts to answer, but Weed speaks before he can.

  “The registrar said he needed to be up front with Lo, what with him being the best man and all. I said I’d step in.”

  He offers Sofia his arm. She doesn’t take it, staring at the outstretched limb as if it is a dangerous weapon. He beams widely at this overt rejection.

  “There’s no one else who can do it?” She sounds a little desperate.

  What the hell is going on there?

  The last time I saw them together they were playing pool in the clubhouse and Sofia was all over him like a rash. Now, she’s treating him like a leper.

  “I volunteered,” he admits.

  Sofia stares at him and when she speaks, her voice is low. “You volunteered?”

  “Well, I didn’t want you walking down on your own like some kind of spinster.”

  Her glare is hard as she mutters, “Kind of you.”

  “I thought so.”

  “Just fucking walk with him, Sofia,” Adam snaps out, his tolerance limit clearly done.

  Adam and Mackenzie move over to the entrance of the marquee and I watch as Sofia and Weed move to follow them.

  I hear Weed say, “You know, the bridesmaids usually hook up with the groomsmen at weddings.”

  Sofia rolls her eyes. “Stop talking.”

  Kenzie and Adam start their walk down the aisle. Weed and Sofia follow a moment later, cutting off their argument, with Liv and Dean going after them.

  I turn to Dad.

  “This is it.”

  “This is it,” he repeats.

  I feel a little light-headed, as I let out a breath and link my arm through his. “Come on then.”

  We move to the entrance of the marquee and I see rows of chairs and faces looking back at me, but my gaze goes straight up the aisle to the end, to him.

  All my nerves disappear, everything disappears but him.

  He’s standing with his brother, Jem, and the registrar, his dark hair brushed back from his face in loose waves, his face clean shaved.

  Like the others, he’s wearing a white shirt with a black tie and his kutte. His eyes meet mine and I feel like I’ve been struck with a thousand volts. I want to run to him; in fact, I think I try because Dad’s hold tightens on my arm and he chuckles.

  I don’t pull my eyes away as I walk towards him, feeling unsteady on my heels, and he doesn’t look away either. I can tell he’s breathing heavy as he stares at me and all I can see is the love shining from his eyes as I make my way to him.

  My heart feels heavy, and whole. Complete. It’s calm, yet pounding a frenetic beat at the same time. Emotions assail me, overwhelm me, and yet I feel absolutely at ease with my decision. I have no doubts whatsoever about marrying him. I want this and I want him.

  When I approach him, I’m so needy for him that I can’t stop from reaching out and running my hands up his arms. He must be feeling the same because his hands cup my face and he kisses me.

  Wolf whistles go around the tent and I hear someone yell, “You’re supposed to wait until after the ceremony to kiss her, you daft bastard,” but he doesn’t stop until he’s had his fill of me.

  When he does pull back, he’s as breathless as I am.

  “You look amazing,” he tells me.

  “You look pretty fabulous yourself.” I run my fingers over the leather of his kutte. It’s familiar, and feels like home to me.

  “I know I’m not fancy suits and Italian shoes—”

  I put a finger to his lips silencing him. He’s talking about Alistair, who was both of those things.

  “You look perfect.”

  He kisses me again. “Shall we get married?”

  “We probably should, given we’ve got all these people here.”

  He smiles a full dimpled grin at me that makes me hot and bothered, and I suddenly want the ceremony to be over quickly, so I can take him somewhere. But he seizes my hand, squeezing it, and turns me to face the registrar.

  I barely remember any of the ceremony or the words I say. All my focus is on Logan and his hand in mine, and what I want to do to him the moment we’re alone. When it’s over, the registrar pronounces us man and wife.

  Logan turns to me.

  “This is when you’re supposed to kiss her,” Jem suppli
es helpfully, earning a laugh from the crowd.

  “Yeah, I don’t need your help, thanks,” Logan mutters. He gazes into my eyes, and I see pure love shining back at me. “Hello Mrs Harlow.”

  “Hello Mr Harlow.”

  Then he kisses me for the first time as my husband.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “So, how do you feel?” my husband asks me, readjusting my property kutte as it slips down my shoulders.

  Property of Logan.

  Both in the MC world and the civilian.

  It feels good to finally have him be mine completely.

  I glance up at him, my hand on his chest, my gaze on my ring finger, which is a little weightier now it has a silver wedding band sitting snuggly in front of my engagement ring.

  “Am I supposed to feel different?” I trail my fingers over his chest.

  He squeezes my hip. “Careful, we can technically still get annulled. I think the registrar is still knocking about somewhere.”

  I grab the front of his kutte, stopping him from moving. “Don’t you dare. I’ve waited nearly two decades to make you mine; you’re not backtracking now.”

  He laughs. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  We continue to sway to the music. There are a few others on the makeshift dance floor set up in the marquee, swaying also. Mary and Dorothy are dancing with Jamie; Sammy and Ghost are standing off to one side practically devouring each other’s tonsils, while Clara and Slade are slow dancing. Liv is sitting down with Dean, her head resting on his shoulder, his hand on her belly as he talks to Axel and his old lady, Harper.

  Mackenzie is sitting at a table with Dane, one of the Devil’s Dogs. She seems to be teaching him sign language, but there’s more laughing than anything else going on. He says something to her and his hand goes to her neck, his thumb rubbing back and forth as he smiles warmly at her. Her face lights up as she signs something to him.

  Hmm. I wonder what’s going on there.

  Jem is standing off on his own, his phone glued to his hand, as he rapidly texts something, his face like thunder. His hair partially curtains his face, but not enough to hide the anger. I don’t like seeing it on his usually easy-going face. It’s a look that has been creeping more and more on my brother-in-law’s expression lately.