Discovery

by Quinn Ward

  “I want to help John with his site,” he began, running his hand along the length of Jinx’s spine, giving her his undivided attention rather than looking at me. “He’s right about there not being a lot of information out there for people like me.”

  “People like you?” I didn’t want to make any assumptions at this stage. He’d warmed up to me more than I’d imagined he ever would, and I didn’t want to risk losing that openness.

  “There are message boards and stuff, but some people aren’t ready to jump in and talk to other people. What they need is a reputable site where they can read about what they’re into without obsessing over who’s going to judge them. And it’s not just kink. I can’t be the only person who’s wired weird, but I honestly thought there was something wrong with me until I met you.” That might’ve been the most I’d heard Matteo say in one coherent stream. Most of the time, if he said more than a sentence or two, he was rambling, trying to untangle his mind as he spoke.

  “Tell me, Angel, have you spent time looking into what it means to be little?” I asked. He was too far away; I wanted him in my arms. Matteo tried pulling his knees up to his chest, sending Jinx running. The blush I’d come to love crept up his neck all the way to the tips of his ears. “You have, haven’t you?”

  Giving into my own needs, I leaned forward and dragged Teo across the couch and onto my lap. He didn’t resist, instead burrowing into my chest, placing a hand on my shoulder. I combed my fingers through his hair. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

  “A little.” His response was muffled as he pressed his face harder against my chest.

  “You want to tell me what it is you found?” I ran my hand in circles around Matteo’s back, giving him time to answer.

  “It’s hard for me to put into words,” he admitted. “But it was nice to find other people with stories like mine. That’s why I think I want to help John. I want to let someone else like me know they’re not alone.”

  That was an admirable goal, but if Teo was going to do this, I wanted to make sure he was doing it for the right reasons. “I think that’s a great idea.”

  “You do?” Matteo lifted his head to look at me and he seemed shocked that I wasn’t arguing with him, given my reluctance at the restaurant.

  “I do,” I confirmed. “One of the hardest things for me since the other day has been seeing how confused you are by everything you’re thinking and feeling. Now, the question is, is this something you want to do on your own or is this something you want us to do together?”

  His brow furrowed as he frowned. “I don’t think I can do this without you. Even if you just help me figure out what I like and I do all the work, you’d still be a part of it. Maybe it was a bit presumptuous to think that you’d want to help John too.”

  “Not at all, Angel.” I pressed my lips against his forehead, smiling when Matteo hummed gently. In that moment, I hated everyone who’d ever made Teo feel like he was broken. His sexuality may not have been black or white, but this was a man who craved a connection to others. If we were going to do this, I needed to admit my own reservations. “The only reason I was upset with John earlier was because I was afraid of him pushing you to do something you didn’t want to do. I know you’re trying to work through everything you learn about yourself, and you have my word that I’ll never pressure you to do anything you’re not ready for.”

  “That’s part of why I want to do this with you,” Matteo admitted. “If it was anyone else, I’d worry about being expected to do too much too fast, but you’ve been nothing but a gentleman since the moment we met.”

  I had to laugh at that. This may have been one of the few times in my life when anyone had accused me of being a gentleman. Normally, I was the one who went for what he wanted, often without considering the consequences first. I didn’t have a good track record of listening to and respecting my partner’s needs, which was half the reason I hadn’t entertained the idea of getting into another relationship like the one I’d had with Bradley. Until now.

  “You have no clue how much it means to hear you say that. Whatever you want to do, I would be grateful to be allowed on this journey with you.”

  “Would it be okay for me to say I really want to kiss you right now?” The longer Matteo and I were together, the more I worried he was going to wind up with a permanent blush in his cheeks. The man was almost shy about what he wanted. If I had anything to say about it, that was one thing we would be working on because Matteo reaching for something that obviously interested him was beautiful.

  “That would absolutely be okay,” I assured him, sliding a hand around the back of his neck, pulling his face down to mine. I wasn’t sure I had ever taken such cautious care for a simple kiss, but I knew Matteo would be worth the wait. I paused with my mouth so close to his I could feel every huff of breath across my cheek. As badly as I wanted to taste him, Matteo needed to take this for himself. I was the one who needed this bit of reassurance that when Matteo’s lips pressed to mine it was because it was what he wanted, not because he thought it was what I expected.

  My eyes fluttered shut as I felt the stark contrast of firm yet soft lips press against mine. Neither of us moved to deepen the kiss, both content with languid pecks that lasted until I was so hard I thought I was going to come in my jeans.

  “Wow,” Matteo sighed as he pulled away.

  “Was that a good wow or a bad wow?” I asked. I knew what I thought of the kiss, and I hoped like hell Matteo enjoyed it as much as I did.

  “That was absolutely a good wow,” he reassured me. “I kind of want to do it again.”

  This man was going to be the death of me. It would be so easy for me to drag him up to the bedroom and push every limit he thought he had, but I’d given my word. I would never be able to put into words what a blessing it was to escort Matteo on this journey of self-discovery, and I would gladly hold myself back to make sure he was comfortable at every turn. For now, it was getting late and both of us had had a long day.

  “We can talk more about this tomorrow,” I told him, ignoring the petulant pout on his kiss-swollen lips. “Do you want me to run you home or would you like to sleep here?”

  “If I sleep here, where would I sleep?” Matteo’s words were stilted and uncertain.

  “As much as I would love waking up to you in my arms, I’m not sure you’re ready for that. There is a pullout bed in my home office if you’d prefer that,” I told him. Just saying the words made my gut sour.

  “And no matter what, there’s no sex tonight?”

  “Not even if you beg me, Angel.” My dick protested. I was going to turn into a walking case of blue balls, but with Matteo opening up to me, I wanted to prove to him that I would always be a voice of reason in whatever this was we were doing. “You’re tired and you’ve had a long day. All I’m offering tonight is a comfortable place to sleep.”

  “In that case, I think I’d like to wake up in your arms too.” Before Matteo could change his mind, I led him down the hall to my bedroom. Without hesitation, Matteo stripped out of the clothes I’d loaned him earlier and crawled into my bed wearing nothing but the sexy little race car underwear he’d decided to keep on under his grown-up clothes.

  7

  Matteo

  The first thing I noticed as I woke up was cold air on my legs. I never slept without at least a pair of shorts. I lifted the sheet that was covering part of my midsection to make sure I wasn’t naked. Memories started trickling to the forefront of my mind from the night before and I jolted upright in a panic. I struggled to draw breath as I tried to recall what the hell had happened after Levi brought me to his bedroom. I knew he’d told me we weren’t going to have sex, but in my entire life I’d never felt this out of sorts, which was impressive, since my whole life was one jumbled mess of scattered thoughts.

  A strong hand squeezed my shoulder and pulled me back down to the mattress. “It’s early, Angel. Go back to sleep.”

  A pit formed in my stomach, a
combination of guilt and relief. I may not have known Levi very long, but he’d given me his word that we wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t ready for. I was the one who’d made the decision to ask to sleep in his bed because I wanted to know what it was like to wake up with someone else’s body pressed against mine. For one night, I wanted to be normal. And I had, right until my brain kicked into overdrive and I instantly assumed the worst about him.

  “I’m sorry for waking you.” If Levi was upset, he didn’t show it. Instead, he draped an arm over my torso and yanked me back until our bodies were pressed together from shoulder to toe. I felt his morning wood nestling into the crease of my butt. Given everything I’d convinced myself about my lack of sexual attraction, I expected to be repulsed, but I wasn’t; I was intrigued. It was tempting to rock my hips backward just to see what he’d do. I wasn’t ready to jump straight to sex, but after everything Levi had done for me, I wanted to do something in return for him.

  “Angel, if you keep that up, I can’t be held responsible for what I do,” he growled before pressing his lips to my shoulder. “You have no clue how hard it is for me to be in bed with someone as sexy as you and stand by my promise to take things at your pace.”

  “Thank you.” Something had changed last night, and I found myself wishing I had the freedom to call him Daddy, but we hadn’t talked in depth about our expectations for whatever the heck it was we were doing, and it felt a bit presumptuous to thrust him into that role without him telling me that’s what he wanted. I knew we’d fallen into those roles during the shoot, but that was different. That was work; this was real life.

  “Angel, if you don’t stop thinking so hard you’re going to get yourself all worked up and it will be impossible for you to focus today.” How did he know what I was thinking or how single-track my mind could be? “If you have questions, ask them. That’s the only way you’ll find the answers you need.”

  “I just… It’s stupid… I was wondering…” Apparently, this sliver of sexual awakening had rendered me completely dumb and I was incapable of forming a coherent sentence.

  “Take your time.” Levi’s tone was soft and gentle. Just like he had from the moment we’d met, he had a way of calming me without making me feel like I was a freak when I got this way. “There’s no question you can ask that I won’t answer.”

  “Okay, so it’s like this,” I started, taking a deep breath before continuing, trying to find the confidence I’d felt yesterday during the photo shoot when Levi helped me slip into what he called little space. “Yesterday was amazing. I don’t know why, but it was. When we were playing at the loft and it was just the two of us, it felt right for me to call you Daddy.”

  Levi dragged a finger down my sternum, stopping right above my navel. He peppered kisses across both my shoulders and up my neck as his hand continued mapping my chest. “Is there a question in there somewhere?”

  “Only about a million.” I let out a self-deprecating chuckle. “And as much as I want to ask, I’m still worried that you’re going to get sick of trying to help me work through everything.”

  “Angel, if we’re going to do this, you’re going to have to trust me.” My heart did a little flip every time Levi called me Angel. “If I had a problem with you asking me questions, I wouldn’t push you so hard to ask them.”

  I let out a slow breath and relaxed, wondering how this was my life. A week ago, I was resigned to being the perpetually single brother in the family. I was jealous of both Frankie and Freddie for finding partners who loved and accepted them for who they were, but I truly believed that wasn’t in the cards for me. Everything had changed the moment I met Levi. At first, I was so caught up in some of the things John expected me to do for the photo shoot that I hadn’t allowed myself to acknowledge the way Levi took care of me, but he never gave up. And now, he was offering something I hadn’t even known I’d wanted.

  “Instead of asking all the questions at once, why don’t you start with one?” Levi suggested. He squeezed me tighter. Even though I hadn’t moved to get away from him, it felt as if he knew how close I was to running and this was his way of telling me he wasn’t going to allow that. When I didn’t say anything in response, he did that thing again where he talked about his assumptions of what was running through my mind, guiding me to open to him. “This is a lot for you to take in at once. Not only are you realizing you’re not broken, as you put it, but your eyes are opening to a world you didn’t know existed. To make things even worse, you’re starting to admit, both to yourself and to me, that you’re intrigued by something a lot of society views as weird.”

  “Exactly!” I smacked my hand against the mattress. “On the one hand, it’s exciting to finally feel… something, anything. I never tried getting to know people as more than friends because I always assumed it’d never lead anywhere. And then, the first time I do start feeling all the things other people talk about when it comes to relationships, it’s in a way that’s hard for me to digest. I mean, who in their right mind gets turned on by dressing up like a little boy and being told to sit down and color or pulled into someone’s lap to cuddle? And why does it make my insides flutter to think of you as Daddy? That must be wrong, right?”

  “Wrong.” This was the first time I’d heard Levi’s voice booming with frustration. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you like. Even I don’t know all the hows and whys of it. I can’t begin to explain what it is that you feel when you’re little, but if it’d help, I can tell you why I’m into this lifestyle.”

  I rolled over because this felt like a conversation where I wanted to see all of Levi’s expressions. “Yes, please.”

  “To me, it’s all about taking care of someone.” Levi lifted his hand and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I leaned my head into his palm and he held it there as he continued.

  “I’ll admit I get off on knowing that my little boy trusts me to take care of his every need. He doesn’t have to think about anything because that’s my job. And yes, sometimes that includes the sexual aspects of our relationship, but the truth is that’s a sliver of it for me. And as for what turns my crank when you slip into a little space, that’s all about seeing you let go. Yesterday, you were a frazzled mess when you came into the loft. Even after your shower, you were busy thinking of all the ways you were letting everyone down and everything you should’ve been doing instead of being there, even though you gave John your word that you’d help them out. “It wasn’t until we cuddled up in the chair and I told you to sit down and color that you truly relaxed.”

  I thought back, trying to decide if that was a fair assessment or not. Levi’s hand slid down my side, stopping just above the waistband of my underwear. “And honestly, there are some things like these adorable undies that don’t need to make sense. I know they make you happy, so they make me happy.”

  For the first time, I felt a driving need to be closer to Levi. I scooted toward him on the bed, realizing a split second too late that our dicks were lined up together. Levi groaned and rolled his eyes. “You are seriously going to be the death of me.”

  I slid my hand around Levi’s back, calling up every ounce of courage I could muster before cupping his ass to hold him in place. “I want this, Levi. Want to do this with you.”

  “Oh Angel,” he sighed while running his fingers through my hair, twisting at the nape of my neck. “It’s impossible for me to resist you. I know I should, because I don’t want you to have any regrets later, but you feel so damn good.”

  “I won’t have any regrets,” I promised him. “Unless, of course, you push me away. I’m not sure I could handle that.”

  “That’ll never happen.” Levi sealed his mouth over mine. My lips parted on a sigh, and he nipped at my lower lip before allowing his tongue to drag over my flesh. I tried to push back my insecurity, trusting Levi to make this good for both of us.

  “You tell me what you want. We won’t do anything you’re not ready for.”

  “Right now, I ju
st want to feel good. I want you to show me what I’ve been missing. I want to make you feel good.” Long after I left Levi’s bed, this moment would be the one I recalled when jerking off in the privacy of my own room. I knew without a doubt that my days of seeing masturbation as a means to an end and not necessarily something for pleasure would be obliterated by this man.

  I slid my hand under the fabric of Levi’s boxers, taking a minute to get used to the feeling of his bare skin against my hand. His muscles tensed when I squeezed, and he let out another moan. “Is this okay?”

  Levi rolled onto his back and I worried I’d pushed too far, even though he worried about doing the same to me. Then, the corner of Levi’s mouth turned up in a wicked smirk. He took my face in both of his hands, pulling me down for another kiss. “My body’s yours. Do whatever you want.”

  I licked my lips, wondering if I could push myself to do what I really wanted. Late at night after the day Levi and I met, I’d wondered for the first time what it would be like to hold another man’s dick in my hands. How it’d feel to wrap my lips around his shaft and taste him.

  I lowered my head, kissing my way along his chest, trying to pay attention to how he reacted to every touch, but I was overwhelmed by the little sounds he made, the scent of his arousal, different from my own yet familiar at the same time. My fingers teased the elastic waistband of his boxers, not yet ready to delve deeper. Once I felt his dick in my hand, there was no turning back. This might’ve just been foreplay to him, but to me it was a crossroads in life.