by Quinn Ward
I laid my head against Levi’s stomach, closing my eyes while I struggled to quiet the voices in my mind telling me this was too much, too fast. The doubts crept in, telling me I’d never be what he wanted or needed and that I’d fail him in some unrecoverable way.
“Take your time, Angel,” he whispered. “You’re beautiful. Even if this is all we do today, you’ve given me a gift.”
I turned my head so I was looking toward him, and he smiled at me as he brushed the backs of his fingers down my cheek. I told him, “I want to please you.”
I wasn’t sure where that thought had come from, but once it was out, I realized how true it was. I could spend eternity with this man and I’d always crave the tiniest gestures of his approval.
“You do, Angel, without even realizing it.”
Maybe, but I could do more. Wanted to drive him crazy. Before I could talk myself out of it again, I slid my hand past the elastic of his boxers. I’m not sure why I expected it to be that much different from taking myself in hand, but I couldn’t help my surprise that wrapping my hand around another man’s dick was similar to my own. He was a bit thicker than me, possibly longer, and it only took me a second to realize he loved it when I dragged my thumb around the head.
“Fuck, Angel, I’m not going to last very long today,” he warned me. His voice was ragged, his breathing shallow and erratic. Knowing I was the one who’d done that to him fueled my eagerness to go further, to break out of the box I’d sealed myself in for a lifetime.
I stroked him slowly as I kissed my way back down his torso. My mouth watered, desperate to taste his cum to see if it tasted like mine. Because yeah, I’d tried that once, curious after I’d heard a girl in high school complaining about it. At the time, I thought it was the only way I’d ever sate that curiosity.
I paused with my mouth inches from Levi’s dick, trying to figure out how to do this. I’d watched plenty of porn when I was trying to find anything that’d turn me on, but I didn’t think porn blowjobs had much in common with real life. They always felt so rushed, almost like it was a contest to see how fast they could suck the guy off. I didn’t want that; I wanted to take my time with Levi, just in case I didn’t get the opportunity again.
Levi’s entire body tensed when I lapped the pre-cum from his slit, flicking my tongue around the head. I hadn’t taken very much of him into my mouth when I felt a calm wash over me. Levi carded his fingers through my hair, never forcing me to take more of him than I was ready for, muttering praises the entire time.
At his urging, I continued exploring his lower body as I sucked his dick, the whole time freaking out a little on the inside that I was actually doing this. My concentration broke completely when I started debating which of my brothers and their partners would be willing to give me tips without an added dose of teasing and humiliation. That had me laughing while my lips were still wrapped around Levi’s shaft.
“Angel, laughter while you’re sucking a man’s cock isn’t good for his fragile ego,” Levi mused, but I could tell by the playful lilt in his voice that he wasn’t upset with me. He pushed on my shoulders until his dick popped free of my mouth, then hitched a hand under my arm and dragged me up to him. “Care to tell me what you found amusing?”
“Not really.” I buried my face in his armpit and inhaled deeply. How in the world that made my dick harder was beyond me, but I loved the way he smelled.
“Too bad.” His clipped words had me worried I’d read him wrong and he was frustrated with me. “Rule one: if I ask you a question, you will answer it without taking time to come up with an answer you think I want to hear. Now, let’s try that again. What had you laughing at my cock?”
“Oh my god, it wasn’t like that!” I shrieked. “I swear, I wasn’t laughing at you at all.” This was mortifying. Oh well, might as well let him see me in all my awkward virginal glory. “I was proud of myself for actually sucking you and then I started trying to figure out what you’d like me to do.”
“Whatever you like being done to you,” he responded, probably thinking it’d help, but it so didn’t. My shoulders and knees drew in, as if I could turn myself into a little ball and roll away. “Oh honey, I didn’t realize… I thought you’d fooled around with people in the past and that’s why you felt like you were broken. Which, I’ll remind you again, you aren’t. What have you done before?”
“Including last night and this morning?”
“Sure, if that’s what you need.” He massaged my arm as he held me, not pushing me to say anything before I was ready.
“A few kisses and a blowjob I totally messed up,” I admitted, wishing the floor would open and swallow me whole, which wound up being bad, because that had me thinking about Levi opening up and swallowing me whole the way I’d seen in those videos I’d watched.
“And if we take anything between the two of us out of the equation?”
“A few kisses and just enough fumbling to realize I felt nothing. Beyond that, it was me and my laptop, which turned out to be a wholly unsatisfying relationship.” Levi laughed, curling forward to kiss the top of my head. “It’s not funny. Some of my friends before I dropped out of college talked about their one-night stands, but that didn’t appeal to me. If I couldn’t get it up when I was dancing with someone I thought was good-looking, how would taking them home help? Do you know how hard it is hanging out with guys who are all bragging about their conquests, trying to keep them from looking at you because you couldn’t tell a believable lie if your life depended on it?”
“Oh Angel, that’s not why I was laughing. Not at all,” he assured me. “You see your mind as a weakness because you get overwhelmed and your thoughts run off on all these tangents, but it’s part of what makes you amazing.”
I hated that I’d effectively aborted what would’ve been my first real sexual experience, but it didn’t seem to faze Levi. He pulled my body on top of his, rubbing my back as we kissed. Every touch was less frantic than before and I noticed that his dick had softened considerably. Was it a turn-off to him that I was so inexperienced?
“Stop it,” he scolded, swatting my backside. I moaned, loving the dull sting, wishing for more. “Mmmm, may not be an effective punishment for you, but I have an idea. Do you trust me?”
“Absolutely.” Even though I wasn’t sure why I answered so confidently, my trust in Levi to keep me safe was one of the few things I was certain of at this point in my life.
Levi pushed me off his body and slid out of the bed. I did the same on the other side, trying to remember where I’d tossed my–his–sweatpants last night. If I had to make a hasty exit, I didn’t want to burst onto the streets in nothing but little boy briefs. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“You got up, so I was doing the same,” I explained, not bothering to look up. I rested my elbows on my knees, trying to figure out where everything had gone so wrong.
“Did I tell you to get up?” His voice rumbled through the room, causing me to panic momentarily. He smirked and I relaxed, realizing he wasn’t upset with me.
“No.”
“No, what, Angel?” I sat up straighter, grateful for his subtle guidance.
“No, Daddy.” My entire body relaxed as I said the words. This. This was what I needed, and he’d somehow known that.
“Then lie back down and don’t get out of the bed until I tell you,” he demanded. I scooted back in the bed, feeling silly as I pulled the sheet over my legs.
Levi bent down and grabbed his sweatpants–the ones I’d worn yesterday–and stood, pulling them over his hips. I pouted, hoping he’d cave and crawl back into the bed next to me. Somehow, I’d gone from assuming I’d never share a bed with someone to petulant because he was leaving me alone.
“Where are you going?”
“I need coffee and you need something to eat before I drive you to work,” he told me. Oh yeah, I had to work today. It was a good thing I’d told him that because I’d totally spaced it. Tony would kill me if I no-showed on
him. “And when I get back, we’re going to talk about the rules.”
“Rules?” It wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned them, but I wasn’t sure how that fit into the context of a healthy adult relationship, and it wasn’t the type of thing I could easily ask any of my brothers. I liked Levi; I didn’t need them deciding he was a controlling jerk.
“Yes, Angel, rules. As I said before, I have some ideas of how to help you and part of that is giving you a bit of structure.” My stomach soured a bit. I didn’t want Levi to see me as a project for him to complete and turn loose. It wasn’t that I already imagined us being together forever, but I didn’t want him to be my Prince Charming, sent to rescue me from myself. I must’ve done a poor job hiding my trepidation, because Levi climbed back into bed with me, drawing me onto his lap. “You will have veto power over anything. I’m not trying to take over your life.”
“No, you just want to fix me,” I snapped, shrinking in on myself as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Part of me was proud that I’d stood up for myself, but the other part, what Levi called my little side, regretted talking back to Daddy that way. So far, everything he’d done had been respectful. I had no legitimate reason to think that’d change now.
“Is that how you think I view us?” he asked. If my sniping hurt or angered him, he didn’t show it. I nodded, still unable to look at him. “Oh Angel, of all the ways I see you, broken is nowhere on the list. I was drawn to you exactly as you are because you’re an amazing man. All I want to do is help you discover things about yourself you’ve never realized. I want to give you a bit of structure because I have a hunch you will thrive with that, that you crave it but can’t wrap your head around what you need to do on your own.”
“Because I’m broken.” My words, not his. I knew there was something messed up in my head; crossed wires or something. And he was right; I’d give anything to get through one day without spazzing out.
Levi held my chin firmly between his fingers, forcing me to look at him. “Rule two: you don’t talk down about yourself. You’re not broken, you’re beautiful. Every time I hear you degrade yourself in any way, there will be consequences.”
“A spanking?” The playful lilt at the end of the question surprised me. I hadn’t considered whether I’d enjoy getting punished, but I’d enjoyed feeling Levi’s hand crack against my butt.
Levi chuckled and kissed the side of my head. “Don’t worry, Angel, you will be spanked, but I don’t think it’ll be an effective punishment. I’ll find other ways. Perhaps I’ll make you sit in the naughty chair with your nose to the corner.”
I shuddered at the mention of his idea of punishment. If I closed my eyes and thought about it, I was pretty sure I could still smell the paint Papa used on the walls of our family room. He hadn’t been one for physical punishment, but he had no problem standing each of us boys with our noses pressed into the corner until we learned our lesson. I didn’t want that.
I quickly changed the subject, hoping Levi hadn’t realized the lengths I’d go to avoid that punishment. “What’s the next rule?”
Levi swung his feet over the bed. “Patience.”
I watched him walk out of the room, wondering if patience was the next rule or if he meant I needed to be patient before learning the next rule.
8
Matteo
I surveyed the table layout for at least the tenth time since we’d set it up this morning. This was the first time Tony was putting me in charge of a party and I was terrified I was going to let him down. I noticed some flatware was out of place so I walked around to the other side of the table, meticulously straightening each piece. I checked my watch again to see how much time I had before the group arrived. Seventeen minutes. I wiped my clammy palms against my pants and rounded the table yet again, looking for anything I could straighten.
“Teo, you’re going to be fine,” Frankie reassured me. “You’ve been a lot more focused over the past few weeks and this is Tony’s way of telling you he’s noticed and appreciates the effort you put in. I’m sorry I didn’t have more faith in you when you first started.”
“It’s… It’s fine.” Yes, it stung when Frankie snapped at me for screwing up, but I’d always had it coming. It wasn’t until my brothers realized putting me on dayshift would minimize the damage that I’d started to believe I could do this job.
“No, it’s not. You’re doing the best you can, and I should’ve been more supportive of you.” Frankie placed a hand on my shoulder, turning me away from the private dining area. “I’ve been meaning to ask, is everything okay? Mama said you haven’t been staying at the house most nights.”
I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment. I ducked my head away from Frankie, not wanting him to realize I’d been keeping secrets from them. I was still trying to figure out how I felt about Levi and what we were doing, and what it said about me that the only reason I was as functional as I was had a lot to do with the routines Levi had introduced.
Thinking about what we’d done this morning, I resisted the urge to reach around and rub my tender backside. Rule number three had been that I needed to be patient and trust Levi would give me what I need when I needed it, but rule four turned out to be one of my favorites: start every day with a spanking. At first, I’d thought he’d lost his mind because spanking was something I’d always associated with punishment, but after he’d explained it could also be used to focus and center me, I’d agreed to give it a try. Now, it was one of my favorite parts of every morning.
I loved getting dressed for work and feeling the minor discomfort as I pulled my underwear over my reddened bottom. All day, I walked around with a reminder that Levi was proud of me as long as I did my best. And it helped to know he was picking up a special order of undies and a few surprises from John while I was at work today. It was only a little weird that one of my closest friends not only knew what we were doing but was essentially supplying my daddy with whatever he needed to make me happy.
“Hey man, focus.” Frankie snapped his fingers in front of my face. “Sorry if that’s a touchy subject.”
“No, it’s not anything like that. I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.” That was only a half-truth; I wanted more than anything to talk about it, but I didn’t think I could yet. And I knew Frankie wouldn’t push me to say anything before I was ready because it wasn’t long ago he’d kept things from the rest of us. Out of all my brothers, he was the one who understood sometimes it was better to wait until the other person was ready rather than force them to sit down for a heart-to-heart.
“Well, when you decide you’re ready, I’m here for you. But for now, why don’t you see if you can keep your head in the game?” I followed Frankie back to his office, the entire time trying to imagine how he’d react when I eventually did talk to him. It wasn’t going to be much longer before I had no choice.
Being with Levi had awakened feelings I’d never expected to have, and I didn’t like worrying I’d fail him because I was twenty-one years old and my sexual experience was limited to what I’d done with him. There was no way I could ask Freddie for advice; as much as I loved him, he was the brother who’d always intimidated me the most. Everything came easy to him, including embracing his sexuality.
Frankie sat down and leaned back, kicking his feet up on the edge of the desk. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, wondering what the heck I was doing here.
“Did you need something?”
I shook my head and let out a sigh. “Sorry, guess I just spaced out for a little bit. I should get out there and fill the water glasses before my party arrives.”
Frankie just shook his head. “You sure you’re okay? You’ve been doing well lately, but today you seem scattered.”
He wasn’t wrong. This morning, Levi had told me he and Denny might have to go out of town for an assignment soon, and I wasn’t taking the news well. Logically, I knew everything would be okay, but part of me worried a few days apart would make Levi realize I was
n’t worth the effort. For all I knew, he and Denny would hit the clubs after they got done shooting and he’d find somebody else who didn’t have all the hang-ups I did. Without me holding him back, Levi would have no problem finding someone for a quick night of fun. I shook my head, stuffing those thoughts into the box at the back of my mind labeled “things we don’t talk about.”
“I’m fine, Frankie,” I assured him. “Just nervous about the party today. I’m going to check on things one last time and make a list of everything I need to do.”
That had been one of Levi’s suggestions. He’d bought me a small notebook I could keep in my back pocket and write down things I was worried I’d forget. It was such a simple solution; I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. I left Frankie to his work and made my way back to the private dining room. I stood at the edge of the room scolding myself for obsessing over making sure everything was perfect. It was. I knew it was, but my stupid brain hadn’t gotten the memo. I slid down the wall and pulled the notebook out of my pocket and started scribbling notes. A few minutes later I felt my cell phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out, smiling when I saw it was a message from Daddy.
I’m proud of you, Angel, you’re going to do great today.
Thank you, Daddy.
As I tucked the phone back in my pocket, I looked around to make sure no one had walked into the room. I didn’t want to be embarrassed about how happy it made me to call Levi Daddy, but it was one of those things I couldn’t explain to anyone, especially not my brothers. They’d always worried about me after Papa died, each of them trying to step into the role of father figure for me. They wouldn’t understand what Levi and I were doing had nothing to do with missing Papa.
I heard the chatter of little old ladies and jumped to my feet, taking a few steadying breaths as I realized it was showtime. Tabitha led them into the private dining room, her eyes narrowing slightly when she noticed me fidgeting. “You okay?” she mouthed. I nodded. Saying I was okay might’ve been an understatement, but after reading Daddy’s message to me, I felt more confident I could get through this.
