by Blair Holden
But more on that later.
“What are you thinking about?” Cole asks me that night as he helps me with the zipper on my dress. We’re going on a date for what seems like the first time in forever, and I couldn’t be more excited. We’d forgone the New Year’s festivities currently going on in New York, where the rest of our friends have headed. Instead we’re choosing to spend time with each other, a dinner, maybe some dancing, a quiet night in, but one that’s not going to be uneventful, if you know what I mean.
“Just how much things have changed in the last month.” I haven’t told him the most important reason for the change, but I do plan on doing that tonight. The previous month has been all about him and although work has kept me busier than ever, I’ve done my best to make sure he realizes that he has all the support in the world, in case he needs it. And, needed it he has.
In the past month, we’ve taken the sheriff’s advice and helped Melissa and Lainey move in to a new, more secure place instead of her moving in with friends. The sheriff also suggested that Melissa take her mother’s maiden name and remove Axel’s last name from Lainey’s for their own safety and confidentiality. After she testified in court against Axel, they had moved into a safer, more protected neighborhood and then the real hard work began. After talking to Melissa, we searched for the best therapist money could buy, one that specialized in dealing with survivors of domestic abuse. Next up was finding one just as good for Lainey, and I’m happy to report that so far, so good.
We’d started an anonymous fundraiser for the two as well, just to help them get back on their feet. But in my last email exchange with Melissa, she informed me that she’d been looking for a new job and that Lainey was enjoying her new school. Things were looking up for both of them.
The change had been harder on Cole, just because he’d been so hands-on with them that to suddenly not have to worry all the time proved to be difficult. But I’ve been there for him, hoping that I’ve helped calm some of his demons. Because there were plenty of them.
Much of Cole’s desire to help out the damsel in distress comes from the guilt he feels for how he treated me when we were younger and from the knowledge that he couldn’t be there for me when I’d experienced the worst of my bullying. All these years later and despite numerous reassurances, the memory seems to have stuck with him, and it’s in instances like the one with Melissa that I realize just how much he punishes himself. I’d been assaulted once in high school and the trauma of it had stayed with me for a while. Cole, despite avenging me the best he could at the time, took a long time to stop blaming himself. But now I know that some wounds never really heal. So when he saw Melissa, desperate and being subjected to so much brutality, he stepped in without thinking. But not only that, he went above and beyond what any other person would do.
I love him for it, but he needs to learn when to step back and realize that he’s been blaming himself for far too long. He dived into someone else’s life but forgot to distance himself from it, and I think that being at home, surrounded by all the people that love him, has helped him realize that he doesn’t need to hold himself responsible for anyone’s life but his own.
Cole pulls the zipper all the way up and places a kiss at the nape of my neck. His arms come around me and he nuzzles his face in my neck.
“You’re my hero, Shortcake. I know I haven’t said this enough, but thank you.”
My arms come over his and I lean back into him. “I’d do anything for you, you know that.”
He kisses the side of my neck, deep, wet kisses that almost make me beg him to remove the dress he’s just put on me.
“I love you so much, Tessie. Sometimes it knocks me on my ass, knowing that I could love someone as much as I love you. Thank you for not giving up on me when you had every reason to.”
“You’re the love of my life, Cole Stone, I’m not letting go of you that easy.” My voice chokes up with emotion but I know that the tears can’t come this early. I have to be brave and I have to be strong if I want the night to go as planned. If you haven’t noticed already, I’m really into planning these days. It’s kind of my thing, the one thing that centers me in an otherwise chaotic world. So I pull myself together and leave the sanctuary of Cole’s arms. “Let’s go, shall we? I don’t want us to miss our reservation.”
***
“You’re quiet,” Cole notes as we move on to our second course. The food is wonderful and the ambience incredibly sexy and romantic. Cole did so good with picking this restaurant, and I know it’s one more attempt in his series of apologies over the course of the month. But he really doesn’t need to do any more, and I’ve told him a million times.
But hey, if the man wants to shell out some hard-earned cash to pamper me? Who am I to say no to that? Things are getting out of hand, though. For Christmas, he gave me a diamond necklace, and I spent a good couple of hours berating him for spending that much on me. It doesn’t seem to be working on him, though, and secretly, I’m enjoying it just a little bit.
But I am quiet, thinking of how best to tell him my news. Beth’s text interrupts my thoughts at just the right moment and provides a much-needed reprieve. I laugh as I watch the video of an absolutely beet-red Megan sitting on the shoulders of a bare-chested male stripper as he gyrates to Nelly’s “Hot in Herre.” I text her to send me the place’s name and contact number because we’re definitely going back there for her bachelorette party. The wedding is in April and I couldn’t be more excited. But before that, before I get too far ahead of myself, I realize that I need to tell my friends and family the big news.
“Just thinking.”
“About what?” His eyes hold humor, the flickering candlelight casts shadows across his face, and I’m just so utterly lost in him.
“That we’ve somehow managed to do it, this whole long-distance relationship thing, despite all the bumps in the road.”
“Did you have any doubts?” The corner of his mouth lifts. “You think I’d let you go anywhere?”
“Of course I didn’t. You’ve got the tenacity of a chihuahua.”
He tilts his head. “I don’t get it.”
“That’s a great thing, baby, the best thing.”
He laughs and shakes his head. He knows something’s up, but for the rest of the meal, he doesn’t ask any more questions.
***
Instead of going back to my dad’s house, Cole and I have gotten ourselves a room in a hotel, but not the ill-fated one from Thanksgiving. While this place is just as swanky, it’s not tainted by memories of breakdowns past. And so when he leads me to our floor and into our room, I’m not thinking about our fights or the difficulty of transitioning this past month. Instead I’m unusually optimistic, more excited for the future than I’ve ever been.
Am I scared? Hell yes, but that won’t stop me from taking the best opportunities that life throws my way and holding on for dear life.
“Did you get a call from your landlord?” The first thing I do is take off my heels and collapse on the bed. I’m not even sure how I’d considered surprising my friends tonight by going clubbing with them, but I’m beat. A night in with Cole is just what I need right now.
“Yeah, all taken care of. I can move in when I get back.”
Ideally, I’d wanted him to move out as soon as he could, just after Melissa did, because of all the bad memories there. I’d been concerned for his safety but between school and his lease, Cole could only move out in January. This time, I’d helped him look for an apartment and trust me when I say, the only people who live in his building are the ones who think nine p.m. is way past their bedtime.
He might be bored to death but at least he’ll be safe. Then again, he’s increasingly been talking about being a public prosecutor, and let’s not even talk about the strain that’s putting on my heart. I could very easily die young and it’d be all because my boyfriend has watched A Few Good Men way too many times. But I haven’t brought it up yet because girls, fight your battles one at a
time.
That reminds me…
It’s still a couple of hours till midnight and we might go down for the fireworks arranged by the hotel, but I want to get all the secrets out before midnight. So as Cole changes into something more comfortable, I take a deep breath and call out to him.
“Can you come here a second?”
“Are you ready to talk about it now?”
I look at him a little sheepishly and allow him to slip in behind me so that my back is pressed to his chest. But since I want to see him as I do, I turn sideways on his lap and run my fingers through his hair.
“I was a little obvious, wasn’t I?”
He grins. “I know you’ve been keeping something from me for a while now, but I thought you’d tell me when you were ready.”
“The wait must have been killing you.” I bite myself to keep from laughing, thinking about how impatient he must have been, but Cole tugs my lip free with his thumb and then traces my lower lip.
“I can’t say it was easy watching you be all jumpy and secretive, but if I’d pushed you, that would have been me being a hypocrite. That doesn’t mean I didn’t try extra hard to listen in on those phone calls you’ve been sneaking off to make.”
I duck my head and hide it in his chest. “I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you earlier but so much was going on.”
His hands caress my back, much of which is exposed due to the nature of the dress I’ve got on. All my senses are heightened and I want nothing more than to have these hands all over my body. But first, let’s just get right to it.
“In the beginning of December, back when I’d come down to visit you, I got a very scary but exciting email.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“It was from Amy, my boss.” He nods, letting me know that he’s here and on board.
“She brought up an opportunity that was extended to both me and Leila. The first time I read it, I couldn’t believe that it was actually happening, you know? It’s crazy what she’s offering and I, I guess at the time I was too upset and my emotions all over the place to realize what it was that was in front of me. I didn’t make a decision then, didn’t want to rush into anything, but I’ve thought about it so much and I know that I really want to do this.”
“If it makes you this happy, why did you ever think you needed to hide it from me?” He looks a little hurt and I quickly try to reassure him.
“I wasn’t hiding it from you or anyone. It’s just, I think I wanted to be sure that it’s what I truly wanted and that when I sent Amy the confirmation, I was doing it for the right reasons. After everything that’s happened over the last month, I guess I was worried that I might be doing it because I wanted to get away, but that’s not it. It’s an incredible opportunity and that’s the only reason I’m making the decision.”
“Come on, Shortcake, tell me already. I’m dying here.”
I take a deep breath because apart from Amy and Leila and some people from Venus’s HR department, I haven’t really spoken about it to too many people. Now to say the words out loud, cementing the reality, is both terrifying and exciting.
“My boss is taking over the editor-in-chief position at the London office for six months.” Cole’s eyes widen and I think he knows exactly what I’m about to tell him. “She wants her own team there and she’s asked me and Leila to join her while she’s working there.”
There, I said it.
Oh my God!
I’m moving to London for six months!
***
He’s quiet, perhaps a little too quiet for my liking, but understandably so. It’s big news and I wouldn’t expect him to understand immediately. But ever since I’ve received the offer, I’ve always known that his reaction is the one I care most about. So now that it’s all out in the open and he hasn’t said a word, I’m starting to get a little worried.
“When do you have to leave?”
I’m curled into his chest, laying down on the bed. I’ve long since ditched the dress in favor of a silky nighttime number that Cami shoved into my overnight case. Cole, although a little moody, is still hot in his boxers, and I can feel the heat of him beneath my palm.
“The first week of February.”
“Okay, we’ve still got time.” He takes some deep breaths and then lapses into silence again. I study his profile, wondering what’s going on in his mind. I know he’s happy for me, that much he told me when he kissed me senseless. He’s happy and proud that I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone and saying yes to what life’s got to offer me because he knows that in time, I’d regret being afraid.
But of course, this means that we won’t just be separated by states but by continents. It’ll make things hard, and if I know anything about working for Amy, I know that I won’t have the leisure of taking a flight to see him whenever my heart desires. The homesickness for Cole himself is a huge factor in why I took so long to send my final decision. But I know with all my heart that we’ll make it, know that if anyone can survive the odds, it’ll be us. Time will fly, Cole will be fully submerged in schoolwork and I’ll be working hard, learning to live without constantly relying on my friends and family. I’ve never truly been on my own and as terrifying as the thought of that is, and even more horrifying, the idea that I’ll be rooming with Leila while I’m there, I have to admit that I’ve never been this excited.
“You want to tell me what you’re thinking?” I repeat his question to him and he gives me a melancholic smile.
“I wish we hadn’t spent most of the last month sorting out my mess. I can’t believe that instead of spending all my time with you, I’ve been stuck inside my own head.”
“Don’t say that.” I rub soothing circles on his chest. “I’m so proud of you for what you’ve done for Melissa and Lainey, how you went above and beyond what any other person would’ve done. You saved their lives, Cole, and I could never begrudge you that. But it was time to let them go, and I’m happy that I could help you with that.” I place a kiss at the center of his chest.
He’s quiet again then asks, “Are you scared?”
He knows me so well, knows my fears and just how much loneliness can haunt me.
“A little bit. I’ve never been on my own and for that long. It’s scary and I know it’ll be hard and I’ll cry a little,” I look at his face, “okay, maybe I’ll cry a lot, but I know that in the end the experience will be worth it. And when those six months are over, I’ll come back knowing that I can do whatever I put my mind to.”
His eyes blaze with emotion and he pulls my face to him, kissing me with everything he’s got.
“I know you can and I believe in you. You’re capable of this and so much more, Shortcake, and I couldn’t be prouder of you. If this is what you truly want, then I’ll support you no matter what. It’ll suck and I’ll miss you more than you can imagine, but I’ll support you.”
There’s not much that I can do to stop myself from breaking into full-on ugly crying sobs. And that’s how we ring in the new year, with champagne and Cole holding me as I bawl my eyes out. Because he’s right.
It’ll be difficult and I’ll miss him. There will be so many lonely nights that I’ll curse myself for leaving him behind, for leaving everything I know and all that’s familiar. I’ll worry about Cole and overthink every phone call, every text, but we’ll be okay.
You know why?
It’s what Cole reminds me as he slips my nightgown off and worships my body. It’s what he whispers as he caresses my skin and makes me come alive. I hear those words echo all through the night.
“We’re forever.”
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