by Liz Lovelock
“I can’t do this with you. This back and forth. I thought we’d agreed to be friends, yet you’re still cold toward me. You can hardly make eye contact with me for longer than five seconds. What the hell did I ever do to cause you to hate me?” His arms tense as he speaks.
Swallowing the fear clawing in my throat, I say, “You forgot me, ignored me, and now you expect all to be forgiven. You don’t know what my life has been like for the past ten years. You stand in front of me with everything you want at your fingertips. Screw you, Jase. Just pretend I don’t exist. You’re good at that.” Before he can say anything else, I turn and storm off without the drink I was hoping to get.
Without watching where I am going, I numbly make my way outside when gentle hands grab my arm. “Sorry. My fault,” I say as an automatic response.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
Relief washes through me. Paislee stands there. She takes one look at my face and drags me outside where it’s a lot quieter. We pass Jase leaning against a wall, a drink in hand. His eyes follow me as I walk past him, boring right into mine. They’re a little darker than usual, and there’s something unreadable about him. Brooding. Desire throbs through me. Stop betraying me, body.
Paislee stops in a private place in the backyard. “What is going on? Did something happen?”
“No. It’s me. It’s all me. I’m so messed up, Paislee.” Tears fill my eyes, and wetness dampens my cheeks. Quickly, I swipe the tears away.
“It’s not you. Trust me.”
“No, it is. I’m messed up.”
Paislee pulls me into her arms, and the tears that leave me are like a flow of all that I’ve suffered over the past ten years.
Paislee has her arms around a trembling Charity, and it’s all my fault.
Charity’s right. I don’t know what she’s gone through. I want to be a person for her to open up to, but when she keeps shoving the fact that I forgot about her in my face, I have no idea what the hell she means. I never forgot her, and the day she showed up here, my first thought was that I was dreaming. Perhaps I still am.
“What are you hiding in the shadows for?” I whip my head toward the voice. Addison comes and stands beside me. Her gaze follows where mine was. “Oh, I see.”
Rubbing my forehead, I ask, “What?”
“I didn’t say anything.” She sounds shocked.
I give her a stare. “You don’t need to. Your tone said it all.”
She laughs. “Sorry. What’s the deal with you and Charity? I caught your little exchange inside.”
“There’s no deal. We were friends before she left. We lost contact, and now she’s back,” I say, shrugging as though it means nothing to me, when really, it—she—means more to me than anything.
“What did you do to upset her? Hell, even I can see she’s shaking from here.” Her tone is harsh and accusing.
I raise my hands. “Stop right there. I did nothing. She keeps throwing things in my face that I know nothing about, and it’s as though she’s angry at me. For what? I have no idea. I just want to be her friend. That’s it.” I sigh.
Addison looks between me and Charity. “I think you need to go over there and check on her. The look in your eyes tells me you care deeply for her. Go be the bigger man.” She has a point.
I push off the wall and make my way over to Paislee and Charity. Their voices are low.
“Hey, Charity?”
She turns at the sound of my words. When her face shifts into the light, I realize I’m such a dick. Her red-rimmed eyes speak volumes. Her makeup is streaked down her face. I’m an idiot.
“What?” she snaps while wiping her fingers under her red and puffy eyes to clear away her tears that still sit on her cheeks.
I glance toward Paislee. “Can you give us a minute?”
She nods and steps away but still stays close enough, probably to see if I cause her any more upset, and then she’ll step in.
“Sorry about what I said. I’m just confused—that’s all. The other day when I saw you at the park, I meant what I said. I want us to be friends again. If you can forgive my stupidity.” Her eyes don’t move from mine. The way she stares haunts me. If she wasn’t so upset, I probably would kiss her. What would she taste like? Something sweet?
“I can’t.” She pushes past me and runs toward the door. She’s gone in a flash.
“What is up with you?” Paislee has the same tone as Addison did.
“Nothing. She’s the one with the problem. You better go after her; I tend to make things worse when it comes to her.”
Paislee shakes her head and takes off as fast as she can.
What did I do wrong?
A light tap on my bedroom door wakes me. “Yeah?” I call.
“Hey, honey. How was your night?” Mom comes in and takes a seat on the edge of my bed.
“It was fine. What time is it?” I ask, rubbing my eyes.
“It’s lunchtime. I was beginning to get a little worried because, since you’ve been here, you’ve been up early every day.”
“I guess everything has finally caught up with me.” I yawn, and my arms stretch over my head, then my entire body follows suit, followed by a long yawn. Can’t say I’ve had a decent sleep like that in ages.
“Yeah, I thought that might be the case. I was going to see if you wanted to go shopping today and maybe get some paint for the walls and new curtains. Bring this room up to a better standard.” She laughs while looking around. I follow her gaze. The pink is seriously outdated. The white dresser is covered with some hair products and the small amount of makeup I own.
“I’d like that. I have my bed arriving at some stage; I’m just waiting to hear back from the lawyer. It’s a solid wood one that Dad bought for me just last year. Is it okay if we get rid of this one?” I tap the mattress beneath me.
Mom laughs, nodding. “Sure. Whatever makes you comfortable. We’ll get some lunch while we’re out. Paul will watch the little ones. It can be a day for just us.”
Grinning, I say, “I’d like that.”
She nods and then exits my room, closing the door behind her.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been distant. I suppose I’m still trying to find my feet without all of the rules Father pushed on me.
I desperately wanted to let things between Jase and I go. I thought I could get past everything, but for some stupid reason, my heart can’t release the chains that have been tightly wound around it for the past ten years.
After running from the party and Jase last night, I caught an Uber home. Paislee is a great friend, and I’m super glad she’s one person I have on my side at the moment. She’s kinda like a ray of sunshine peeking through the darkness that clouds me sometimes.
My cell vibrates on the bedside table. Rolling over, I grab it and pause at the unfamiliar number and messages from Paislee.
Paislee: Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you are today. Want to hang out later?
Unknown: Hey, Paislee gave me your number. Something about a blind date. She’s persistent, I’ll give her that. Wouldn’t take no for an answer. LOL
I smile at the message. He’s right. She’s very persistent. I’ve been here not even a month, and she’s already trying to set me up with some random. It’s probably good for me to meet some new people, although I’m not sure about the whole blind date thing. What if he’s some crazy? Surely she wouldn’t set me up with someone like that.
I type a quick reply to her and the mystery man.
Charity: Please tell me the guy you’re attempting to set me up with isn’t a crazy madman. He just messaged me, and I’m not sure I’m ready. What if he saw my breakdown last night at the party? I would look like a complete fool. Also, I can’t catch up today; I’m spending some time with my mom.
Charity: Hi, Mystery Man—yep, that’s my nickname for you. To be honest, I’m not sure about blind dates. Don’t they all turn bad at some stage or another? Sorry. I’m an overthinker. Please don’t think I’m crazy
. I’m not—or maybe I am, just a little. LOL
After saving his name in my phone as Mystery Man, I toss the blankets back, pull myself upright, and make my way to my closet. I slide my legs into a pair of black jeans and grab a simple black tee from my drawer. Picking up my foundation, my cell pings. My heart skips a beat; it could possibly be Mystery Man again.
Racing to my phone, my lips curl up into a big grin. It’s him. Perhaps it’s too soon to be excited over a strange guy contacting me… but how can he be strange if Paislee knows and trusts him? I’m putting a lot of blind faith in her.
Mystery Man: Nice name. I have you saved as Mystery Girl—great minds think alike. Maybe we can be a little crazy together. I’m happy to tell you who I am if it makes you feel a bit better.
Charity: No, I’d rather keep the mystery for now. It’s fun. Is there a timeframe on when the actual date actually has to happen by?
Mystery Man: There doesn’t have to be. Unless you’d rather meet sooner rather than later? I’m okay with whatever you’d like to do.
I stare at his text. What do I want?
Charity: I’m honestly not sure what I want to do. I like the mystery. How about we chat and get to know each other over the week, and then we’ll make a decision after that?
Look at me being in charge and making decisions. It’s all new to me.
Mystery Man: So long as you’re happy, then I am as well. ;)
I can’t help the cheesy grin spreading across my face.
Charity: Yep. How about we play a game of 20 Questions? You ask something, and then I will. You’re allowed to pass on questions, though.
I head out the door with my heart feeling a little lighter and grab my bag on the way out.
“Are you ready to go?” Mom asks as I hit the bottom step.
“Yeah.” I smile excitedly about what my future holds.
Mom and I hit the hardware store for some paint and supplies. It’s great spending time with her and getting to know her. The nervousness that we both had at the start seems to have slowly started disappearing.
While driving home, my eyes remain on the outside scenery. It’s a silent drive, but I sense Mom’s gaze on me. She shifts lanes, and again I feel the weight of her on-and-off stare. “What’s wrong, Mom?”
“Oh sorry, honey. I just got caught up in the moment. I still can’t believe you’re here. We’re so happy to have you here with us.”
Glancing over, I smile. “Thanks. It’s really been great. I’ve already made some great friends and reconnected with some old ones.” Though, I can’t say I’ve been happy about reconnecting with Jase. We seem to clash every time we see each other, and it’s always my fault.
“I’m so glad you reconnected with Paislee. She really missed you when you left, as did Jase.” The end of her sentence catches me off guard.
“What do you mean Jase? I’m sure he just forgot about me.”
“No, he didn’t. He came around daily to check on me and to see if I’d heard from you. He did that for a couple of months.”
My chest constricts. Perhaps he did care. Of course the issue would be me. It always is.
“Hmm, okay. I always thought he’d forgotten about me.” My reply is low.
“Charity, are you okay? I don’t know what happened between you and your father while you were away. I want you to know I’m here for you. If you want to talk to a professional, I’d be happy to arrange that for you as well. I only want the best for you.” Her voice hitches. She clears it away quickly.
“I’m not ready to talk about Dad with anyone.” Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, I bite down—hard. Talking about him brings back a rush of emotions I’m not ready to deal with. How do you tell your mother, or even a stranger, that your father abused you? Not only physically, but emotionally. The last ten years have been some of the hardest I’ve endured.
“Did he hurt you?” Reaching over, she takes my hand, and I let her. The warmth that spreads through me from her touch is something I’ve missed.
Pulling my hand from hers, I rub my face with both hands. My eyes burn as tears well in them. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” I choke.
She’s silent a moment then finally says, “It’s okay. I’m here when you’re ready.”
I nod.
Will I ever be ready to talk about life with my father? No, I’d rather burn those memories from my brain, but I can’t. There were days I wished someone would come and take me away from that house. Now I’m free. But how will I ever fit in when I still feel so tied to my past?
After dinner, I have a hug with Mom then make a quick exit. I think she got all she needed from our short conversation about Dad today. I collapse onto my bed when I hear my phone vibrate. I’d put it on silent when I went out with Mom and didn’t really check it. I thought I’d get into trouble if I did. Dad’s rules.
Dragging my emotionally exhausted body from the comfy mattress, I dig my phone from the bag I took shopping today. Five unread messages stare back. Smiling, I go head to my bed. I’ve never had a number of messages from friends. I shake my head to quickly erase the thoughts that were about to invade and stomp all over my happiness.
Paislee: He’s a good guy. So, when is the date happening? I’m so excited for you.
Charity: No date set. I told him I wanted to get to know him before we did the whole date thing. Is that stupid?
This situation is a new one for me. I’m sure my question must have sounded stupid. While I wait for her reply, I read the other four messages from Mystery Man.
Mystery Man: Okay, I can do that. So who goes first?
Mystery Man: Since you’ve gone radio silent, I’ll go first. What’s your name? LOL
Mystery Man: Don’t answer that. I was being a wiseass.
Mystery Man: Okay, serious question. What’s something you enjoy doing?
My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I type a quick reply.
Charity: Gee, I disappear for a couple of hours, and you bombard me with messages. I’ll admit, I kinda liked it. I felt important to someone. LOL. Now, as for something I enjoy doing… Hmm. If I’m being honest, I don’t really know. I’ve been kept on a short leash for most of my life. Books have been my lifesaver. How about you? What do you enjoy doing?
My finger hovers over the send button. It’s possible he’ll read into the whole “short leash” thing. Maybe talking to this faceless stranger could be what I need. I never have to meet him if I don’t want to—that’s unless Paislee steps in.
Lying here, I can’t help but think about the places my dad would take me to at the beginning. When we first moved, he took me to the local library, the park down the road, and shopping to get new clothes. Once we were alone in the big house, I suddenly became everything I never should have been at such a small age.
My cell pings, and I can’t help the stupid grin that instantly pulls at my lips.
Mystery Man: Should I be concerned? When you say kept on a short leash, how do you mean? As for me, I enjoy sports. In fact, it’s my life. My father is a man who pushes what he wants onto his children, and so we’re left picking up and doing the things he couldn’t achieve himself. Sorry for my overload.
Charity: Seems like fathers are a sore spot for both of us. I’m glad you have your sport, though. We all need something to make us happy. So tell me, what makes you happy, apart from sports?
Gee, I’m a little concerned at how fast he escalated and told me things about his dad. Perhaps his dad and mine were of the same mindset. I was never really given the chance to learn and grow and become me either.
Mystery Man seems to be taking forever to reply. My eyes become heavy, and I drift off into one of the most peaceful sleeps I’ve had in a long time. My thoughts turn to Mom and what she said about Jase. Perhaps I should give him another chance.
My alarm startles me awake. The vibrating right under my ear is not something I want to wake up to every morning. The weekend is nearly over, and today, Mom and I are starting work o
n my room. Opening my email, my eyes catch one from my father’s lawyer. I release a sigh and then open it.
Good morning Charity,
I’m contacting you today to inform you that everything will be happening with your father’s house this week. The movers are there to pack everything up. I’ve been informed that, unfortunately, I can’t sell all the contents of the home as you had asked. So, we will be shipping everything to the address you provided. I’m sorry we couldn’t do more. I’ve contacted a real estate agent on your behalf, and she will be in contact with you over the coming week.
If you have any questions, please feel free to give me a call, and I’ll help any way I can.
Kind regards,
Marcus
Jacob & Son Law Firm
“Perfect. Now what am I supposed to do with all his junk?” I groan. How am I going to tell Mom that I have everything being shipped here? I doubt she and Paul will be happy about it.
Needing to clear my head, I pull on my tights, tee, and runners. Outside my window, it’s still somewhat dark, the kiss of the sun only just starting to hit the tops of the high trees. The house even sounds quiet. After grabbing my phone and sticking it in the pocket of my tights, I quietly head downstairs and out the door.
As soon as I step out of the front gate, my feet hit the pavement with such a pace I’m not sure my lungs will be able to keep up. My world felt like it was slowly climbing on top of me and that soon I wouldn’t be able to hold myself upright. Maybe Mom is right and I do need to talk to someone.
I stop at the same park I took Beau to the other day and collapse on the same bench, my chest tight and struggling to fill with air. I’m so not a runner. Pulling my cell from my pocket, I shoot a message to Mystery Man, ignoring the message he’d sent last night. He’s the only person who doesn’t know the true me.
Charity: Why is life so hard? Why does it feel like everything is about to collapse all over me and I have no way of climbing out? I’ve been on my own for so long, and now I have to figure out life when it was previously run for me. What am I going to do?
