by Liz Lovelock
“What do you want, Alex?” Jase practically growls.
Elsie chimes in before anyone else can speak. “Oh, Charity was telling him that perhaps next time we don’t have plans, we’ll go to their place for a party.” I turn to face Jase. His face turns a shade of red. The girl he was with is nowhere in sight. Thank goodness for that. “Don’t worry. She also put him in his place,” Elsie adds a moment later.
“I think you should leave,” he says to Alex. His hands clench at his sides as he takes a step and stands beside me, throwing his arm over my shoulders like he was doing not that long ago with a different girl.
“Yeah, okay. Catch ya, girls.” Alex turns his back and walks away.
I pull myself out from under Jase’s arm. “What is your problem?”
He opens his mouth to respond, then closes it, and then finally says, “What? I was helping.”
“Pfft. I didn’t need your help. You want to act all big and macho? You may as well piss on me and mark your territory. You’re worse than a damn dog.”
“Gee, where has this sass come from, girl?” Paislee asks with a nervous laugh.
“I’m just sick of feeling like a piece of meat being tossed to the dogs. Who kisses someone then never reaches out to them again?” I jab him in the chest. “You. You’re not better than him.” I nod my head in the direction Alex went. “Sorry, girls. I’m not going to dinner tonight. Suddenly, I’m not too hungry.” I pivot on my heel to leave, but Paislee grabs my arm.
“Whoa, wait. He kissed you?” Her eyes widen as she turns her head between us.
“Yep. And then didn’t say another word about it.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re better than that.” She pokes him in the chest as I did seconds ago.
“Ow… come on. I didn’t know how to approach you without you hating me more. I didn’t know what was the right thing to do.”
“Whatever,” I say and storm off, not caring if the girls follow or not. I’m done with his macho man act. I don’t need that drama in my life; mine is already like an episode of a drama-filled series.
“What the hell just happened?” I say to no one in particular. Elsie and Addison run off after Charity. Paislee glowers, her eyes like daggers.
“You were an idiot—that’s what just happened,” Paislee snaps. “You’re so much better than this. How about you try being the guy that I dated instead of this insensitive jerk?”
“Pais, I’m sorry. When it comes to Charity, something else takes over, and I become this overprotective idiot. It’s not who I am.”
“It’s because you care, you fool.” She shoves me in the arm then continues. “And you kissed her? Like, what the hell?”
She’s right. I care more than I realized I did. “How am I going to fix this?”
Paislee’s eyebrows pull down, and her stare is harsh. “Um, excuse me? How do you think you’re going to fix this? You’re not stupid. Well, you act stupid sometimes.”
“I know what I did was the wrong thing. I shouldn’t have been as protective as I was. But, Paislee, things for Charity weren’t great with her dad. I caught her crying on the bench in the park the other morning. I comforted her and then kissed her. Wrong timing, I guess.” I shrug.
She sighs. “Yeah, wrong timing. I know things weren’t great for her. I’ve been trying to get her to open up to me, but she’s locked up tight, and whenever anything about him is mentioned, she shuts down.”
“She has been opening up in messages a little. I’ve been trying to talk to her more on a friend level and getting her to trust me as a person.”
“Wait. You know it’s her I was trying to set you up with?”
“Yeah.” I explain to her how I saw my text on her phone after we’d kissed.
“Well, isn’t this whole situation funny? You’re messaging her, and yet, in person, you’re not her favorite person. This is going to be interesting when everything comes out, and let me just say from past experience, it’s better to be open and honest from the beginning. Secrets can get messy.”
“I know. I’m not sure how to tell her, though. She’s probably going to hate me no matter what happens. I can’t do or say anything right by her at the moment.”
“How about you stop acting like an overprotective boyfriend and just be her friend like you are in your text messages?”
“Yeah, I’ll try to do better.”
“No trying about it. Just pull your head out of your ass, and be the person I know you can be.” She sighs then says, “I better go and catch up with the rest of them. Sorry about dinner.”
I wave my hand. “Nah, it’s me who should be saying sorry. I’ll talk to you later.”
Paislee turns and walks away, and I’m left standing here feeling very much like an idiot.
When it comes to Charity, it’s like I become a different person to the one I normally am. Does that mean we aren’t good together? What if we’re not meant to be anything other than friends?
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I dig it out. When I see it’s Charity, a wicked grin pulls across my face.
Charity/Mystery Girl: Can you explain something to me? Why are guys such dicks when you’re not even with them and they have no right to act the way they are?
Here we go. At least I have a chance to explain myself. Paislee is right, though. I need to tell Charity it’s me she’s talking to. I type a quick reply.
Jase: Wow, what a question. I think I need more information. How is said person acting? Are they being overprotective or just a dick in general?
Charity/Mystery Girl: He’s being overprotective. I appreciate that he’s being like that, but I don’t want to come across as someone who can’t stand up for herself. Plus, me and this person have history, and I kind of need to let the past go. Maybe it’s me that’s the problem; that’s usually the way it goes.
Her words cause my chest to constrict. It’s not her, and I hate how she thinks it is.
Jase: Whatever you do, don’t ever think it’s you, because most times it’s never the case. Plus, I’m sure he cares about you. Guys have a funny way of showing they care. We’re weird like that sometimes.
Gee, I sound like a philosopher. Heading to my car, I wait for her reply, which doesn’t come. How can I show her that I do care about her?
The answer is clear.
I have to tell her the truth.
Staring down at Mystery Guy’s reply, I think he’s probably right. Jase does care, otherwise he wouldn’t have stuck around when I had my breakdown.
“So, what are we drinking to tonight?” Elsie squeals as she places a range of drinks on the table in the dorm living area where a pile of Chinese takeaway sits. I’m amazed it got here so fast. These girls sure know the places and people to get the things they want fast. I could learn a lot from them.
My hand wraps around a fruity-looking drink.
“How about to girl power?” Paislee says as she tips back a similar drink to mine.
“Sounds good to me. To girl power,” I say, raising my bottle. The girls follow suit, and then we all take a mouthful. The drink causes my tongue to tingle, and the taste is refreshing. I tip the bottle up and down another two large mouthfuls.
“Charity, you better eat something before you get too carried away.” Paislee laughs and hands me one of the takeaway containers, which I accept and happily dig into.
A girls’ night is something I’ve needed. Having all these new experiences has been great. I’m becoming the person I should be. No more being told what to do. No more rules. No more dresses. No more hurting. No more feeling worthless. I am so much more than what my father made me out to be. I wish he had left me with Mom, but then who would have been his regular slave around the house?
My stomach tightens at the memories of his fists connecting with my face and the time he broke my arm after twisting it too tightly. He’s dead. I don’t need to deal with him anymore. The thought of him has me taking more gulps of my drink, wishing to forget everything. He ruined me
in ways I’m not sure I can overcome on my own.
“Yo, Charity, where did you go, girl? Did you hear what we were discussing?” Addison asks. She places some food in her mouth. All eyes are on me.
“Sorry, got caught up in my own thoughts. What were you talking about?”
Elsie says, “Paislee just told us it’s your birthday next weekend.”
Is it? I try my best to mask my face.
Elsie continues, “She suggested we have a joint party for the two of you at the guys’ place.”
“Yeah, I’m sure they won’t mind at all. Between all of us, we can sweet-talk them.” Paislee gives me a sly wink.
“Oh, it completely slipped my mind. I’m surprised you remember,” I say.
“How could I forget? Our birthdays are a day apart. Did you forget?”
“It just slipped my mind, that’s all. Sure, if you want to do something, we can. I’ll have to check with Mom and see if she has anything planned.” I can’t believe I’d forgotten my own birthday. Yes, I write it on forms, but for me, over the past ten years, it’s just been another day—nothing special. No presents, no party, and no love given from my father.
“That’s okay. We’ll have the party on Saturday night, which is my birthday, and because yours is Friday, you can have family time, given it’s your first one being back with your mom, and I think she’ll want to celebrate with you.”
I suppose she would want to. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow. We’re decorating my old pink room at the moment. I can’t believe she kept it the exact same as when I left.”
Paislee takes a seat beside me. “Mom told me that your mom couldn’t bring herself to clear your things out. She always had hope that you would want to see her again,” she says. Her words are gentle, and I sense all eyes are on me. Keeping my head down, I aimlessly dig in the takeaway container, not wanting to meet anyone’s gaze.
“Hey, you’re okay. Don’t go to a bad place.” Paislee places a hand on my leg and squeezes. “Let’s organize a party and have fun doing it.”
“Yeah, okay.” My words are soft.
“There totally needs to be lots of cake and plenty of drinks,” Elsie chimes in, and they all talk amongst themselves, organizing the party.
Picking my phone up, I reply to Mystery Guy.
Charity: You might be right. Maybe how I feel about him has something to do with how I’m treating him. I have a lot of baggage that I don’t discuss with anyone.
It’s as though he’s sitting on his phone, because his reply is quick.
Mystery Guy: Tell me three things about you that no one knows.
Damn. What kind of question is that?
Charity: That’s a hard question. How about you go first?
Mystery Guy: 1. I’m jealous of my brother because he got away from the pushiness of our father. 2. I’m still harboring feelings for someone 3. I think she hates me. 4. My father rules my life, and everyone thinks it’s great he shows an interest.
Charity: Wow. How do I top that? Okay, here goes nothing. 1. My father emotionally abused me. 2. I didn’t even realize it was my birthday next Friday because my father never let me celebrate or acknowledge it. 3. I’m currently drinking alcohol for the second time in my life. And because you did four, so will I. 4. I understand the whole harboring feelings thing. I have a similar thing going on.
After hitting send, my heart doubles in beats per second. I literally told a stranger about my father. My mother doesn’t even know; she has her suspicions, I’m sure, but nothing confirmed. My phone remains silent.
“Who are you talking with?” Elsie asks.
“Some guy Paislee is trying to set me up on a date with,” I reply.
Elsie’s head whips to Paislee. “Who is it? Do I know him?”
She shakes her head. “Nope, my lips are sealed. They’ll find out when they go on their first date.” She waggles her eyebrows before taking another sip of her drink.
“Personally, I don’t want to know. I like not knowing,” I say.
Paislee gives me a skeptical eye. “You really don’t want to know who he is?”
I shake my head. “Nope. Not right now. When the time is right, all will be revealed.” I laugh.
“Okay, so long as you’re sure,” she says.
“I am.” I grab a different container of food and take a mouthful, followed by the rest of my drink.
“You should message your mom and let her know you’ll stay here tonight,” Paislee suggests.
“Oh yeah, I completely forgot. But I can walk home. It’s not far away.”
“You’re not walking on your own,” Addison snaps. “We can get someone to walk you back if you want to go home.”
“Okay, I’ll crash here. I’ll send a quick message to Mom and let her know where I am.”
Charity: Hey Mom, I’m going to stay with some friends tonight. Also, I realized it’s my birthday this coming weekend, and Paislee and I are going to have a party on Saturday night. Is that okay with you? We can still do something on Friday night if you want. If you don’t want to, that’s fine as well.
Nerves wrack my body. I kinda feel like I shouldn’t expect anything. As if I’m not worth it.
Mom’s reply seems to settle some of the unease knotting in my stomach.
Mom: Thanks for letting me know. As for your birthday, we can do something on Friday. Hopefully we can get your bedroom finished tomorrow so we can have everything set up and ready for when your bed and stuff arrives.
Charity: Thanks, Mom. I’ll be home in the morning so we can work on my room. Thanks for everything.
Mom: Not a problem, sweetie. Have a good night.
The silence from Mystery Man is taking its toll. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.
Charity: Sorry if I said something wrong. This is why I keep things to myself. I don’t want to scare people away from me.
Three sharp knocks at the door pull my attention from the message I just sent.
“It must be the boys. We should have told them to not bother,” Addison says as she stands from the couch and opens it. There stand all their boyfriends and an extra. Jase.
He’s always got to show up. No matter where I go, he’s there. I don’t see this ending well. We’ve already had one argument tonight; perhaps we’ll go for round two. We’re like fire and ice at the moment. We aren’t two peas in a pod—hell no. Yet, here he is, all swoonworthy-like and looking as hot as sin. Why does he have to look so tempting?
“Where’s the party at, ladies?” Aiden’s thick Australian accent carries through the door. “Look who we found downstairs. He looked like a lost puppy, so we put a leash on him and led him this way.” Aiden chuckles as he claps Jase on the back then strides up to Elsie, planting a kiss on her lips. Her cheeks flush as he drops down beside her and takes the food from her and helps himself. They’re super cute together.
“How did it go tonight?” Addison asks as Parker slips in beside her on the couch. I suddenly feel out of place. I’m beside Addison on the couch. Paislee and Dane are on the floor near the table, as are Elsie and Aiden. Jase kind of stands there, looking a little lost and unsure.
“Well, are you going to sit down, or are we going to turn you into the coat rack?” I ask teasingly. The room fills with laughter.
Jase smirks and shakes his head. Slowly, his large, familiar frame comes around and takes a seat on the ground near my leg. He leans against the couch, brushing his arm against my covered leg. Warmth spreads through me, and my mind buzzes.
“How was the game, Jase?” Parker asks as he picks up a box of food then settles back in beside Addison.
“Yeah, it was hard but good. We beat them.”
“Nice. How was Alex on the field tonight?” Parker asks.
Jase’s body tenses against my leg. Clearing his throat, he answers, “He’s always full-on on the field. But it was an amicable game, and the refs were great as usual.” He crosses his arms over his chest. His biceps bulge, and my fingers have a sudden itch to re
ach out and touch them just to know what they feel like. Having his arms wrapped around me like a security blanket is something I’ll not forget in a hurry. If anything, I want them around me more. I give my head a little shake. Stop thinking of Jase like that, I grill myself.
“Weren’t you girls supposed to go out to dinner with Jase tonight after the game? How did you end up back here and Jase downstairs?” Aiden asks, glancing between each of us.
I choke on the mouthful of soda I’d just taken a sip of. My chest heaves with coughs, and my eyes start to water. Only I’d make a fool of myself in front of everyone.
After a minute, I clear my throat. “Sorry, it went down the wrong way.”
I look up as a glass of water is held in front of me. Jase hands it to me. Our fingers brush as I take it.
“Thanks,” I say breathlessly.
“You good?” he asks, concern filling his eyes.
Nodding, I say, “Yeah thank you.” I take a sip of the water to settle the urge to cough again.
Paislee offers the excuse to the boys. “Well, there was a little disturbance with Alex, and we got angry with Jase for the way he acted.” She shrugs unapologetically, giving Jase a knowing glance.
“I lost my cool. That’s all,” he responds as he takes his seat again on the ground beside me. I place my hand on his shoulder and give it a light squeeze. He needs to know that I’m okay with it. More okay than I was in the heat of the moment. I need to stop acting like a brat. That’s not me. I’m better than that.
His hand reaches up and rests over mine. Something unspoken between us is happening. My stomach twists as he squeezes my hand and then pulls away. The loss is an instant insecurity that floods inside me.
When my head comes up, I catch Paislee’s eyes zeroed in on us. A brilliant white-teethed grin is on her face. She caught the exchange, and I still haven’t moved my hand. I don’t want to. Holding onto him is like gripping a pillar of strength. The past needs to be forgotten, and in this moment, it has been. He may have never reached out to me, but we were nine, and what nine-year-old keeps in contact? Probably none these days. They’re all caught on technology.
