One Night On The Virgin's Terms (Mills & Boon Modern) (Wanted: A Billionaire, Book 1)

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  She took a prickly breath, her heart thumping, her stomach bottoming out. ‘My point is I want more than you’re offering.’

  Not a single muscle moved on his face, but something shifted at the back of his eyes like a furtive shadow at the back of a stage. ‘What? Diamonds aren’t enough?’ His tone had a sarcastic edge.

  She sent him a reproving look. ‘Louis, I think deep down you want more too, but you’re not ready to admit it. You wouldn’t have bought me such a beautiful gift if you didn’t feel something for me.’

  He signalled for the waiter to settle the bill. ‘Now is not the time or place to have this conversation.’

  ‘I think it’s a perfectly good time,’ Ivy said. ‘What’s the point of us being here together in Paris if we go our separate ways in four days? We have only four days now, Louis. Do you realise how clinical that sounds? You can’t put a time limit on your feelings, or at least I can’t.’ She swallowed and continued, ‘I have feelings for you that can’t be turned off by a date on the calendar.’

  His mouth was so tight, white tips appeared at the corners. ‘Look, you’re getting confused by the sex. You’re new to physical intimacy. People can fancy themselves madly in love with a lover but what they’re in love with is the endorphins that good sex sets off. You’ll see that I’m right in a few days. Once we stop having sex, you’ll—’

  ‘What? Forget how you make me feel? Pretend none of it happened? Come on, Louis, don’t you see how much I care about you? It’s in every kiss and touch. Every time we make love I give all of myself to you, not just my body, but all of me. I love you.’

  He grimaced, as if suffering a deep pain. ‘You don’t know what you’re saying, Ivy. You’ll be embarrassed by this in the weeks ahead. I can guarantee it. You’re seeing me through oxytocin-tinted glasses—it’s the sex hormone that makes people feel bonded to a lover. We have no bond other than friendship. This fling we’re having—’

  ‘It’s not a fling to me!’ Ivy interjected, her heart contracting with anguish at his constant use of that horrible word. ‘It’s never been a fling or an arrangement. I think on some level I always knew that it could never be that. I think I asked you to help me with my intimacy issues because I loved you. I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t. I see that now. It had to be you because it’s always been you I loved.’

  ‘Look—one of the reasons I only have flings is because of this sort of thing happening,’ he said. ‘I let people down without even trying. I told you from the start what I was prepared to give. It upsets me to see you hurt, knowing I have caused it.’ He rubbed a hand over his face and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe how he had got himself into this situation. ‘I’m sorry, Ivy, but this is all I can give you right now.’

  Diamonds. Memories. A clock ticking on their fling. ‘It’s not enough. And I don’t think it’s enough for you either. You feel bad about this situation because it clashes with how you think of yourself and the way you really want to be. That’s the source of your pain, not the fact you’ve let me down or any number of other people down. You’ve let you down. The true you.’

  The waiter approached with the bill and Ivy was forced to contain her emotions until the transaction was processed. Louis silently led her out of the restaurant, his expression going into lockdown. It wasn’t the way she wanted their evening to end but, now she had come to her senses, she had no choice but to see this through. She could not keep driving down a dead end until she crashed into Louis’ emotional stop sign.

  They walked back to his apartment in silence. His expression might have been closed but Ivy could feel Louis’ frustration coming off him in waves. Even the sound of his key stabbing into the lock and the way he opened the door hinted at his brooding tension. He closed the door with a snap and tossed his key onto the hall table with a careless flick of his hand. The key landed into a ceramic bowl with a noisy clatter.

  ‘I told you from the start how uncomfortable I was about this whole plan of yours,’ Louis said. ‘You have only yourself to blame for how it’s turned out now.’

  Ivy pressed her lips together, trying to gather her composure. She didn’t want to end their fling in a slanging match. But their fling had to end. Tonight. Now. Not another day could go past with her continuing to fool herself their relationship would turn into something else. He had made it abundantly, blatantly, brutally clear it wouldn’t. ‘Louis, this is not easy for me to say, but I want to finish our fling now. It wouldn’t be right for me to sleep with you again, not under these terms. I don’t want to cheapen what we’ve shared.’

  ‘I could hardly call what we’ve shared cheap.’ His tone was cruelly sardonic, his glittering gaze cutting as he glanced at the diamonds in her ears and around her neck.

  Ivy stiffened as anger spread through her. So, that was the way he wanted to play it, was it? She purposefully removed each earring and placed them in the ceramic bowl with his keys. She placed her hands behind her neck to undo the fastening of the pendant, glaring at him with icy disdain. ‘I’ve decided I prefer book and cinema vouchers after all. Maybe you can find some other fling partner to give these to. I don’t want them.’

  His top lip curled, and his eyes flashed. ‘What? You don’t want to take home a souvenir of your first love affair?’

  She ground her teeth so hard, she thought she would crack a molar. ‘Love affair? On my part, maybe, but not yours. You’ve hardened your heart out of fear, the same way I avoided intimacy out of fear for all those years. You won’t allow yourself to get close to anyone in case they hurt you or make you feel vulnerable. You’ve got intimacy issues, Louis. You won’t ever be happy unless you address them. You’re not at heart a playboy. You remind me of Ronan, pretending all those years to be something he’s not and could never be. You are a man who wants to love and be loved but you’re too frightened to give anyone the power to hurt you.’

  Louis threw his head back and gave a cynical laugh that grated on her already shredded nerves. ‘Stick with antiques, ma petite. You’d make a lousy therapist.’ His laughter lines faded and his expression tightened. ‘I’m perfectly happy with my playboy lifestyle.’

  She raised her chin, giving him a level stare. ‘Then you won’t mind going back to it sooner rather than later. I’m going home tomorrow morning. There’s no point me staying here in Paris with you any longer. Our relationship was always coming to a dead end and I should have seen your emotional stop sign at the end of the road a whole lot earlier. I’ll sleep in the spare room tonight.’

  ‘Fine. You do that.’ His voice was clipped, his expression tightly drawn. He reached for his keys in the ceramic bowl and added, ‘I’m going out. I’ll see you in the morning.’

  No, you won’t, Ivy decided on the spot. I’ll be long gone by then.

  Louis walked several blocks, trying to get his emotions in some sort of working order. His emotions. What a joke. He didn’t possess the emotions Ivy wanted him to feel. Of course he cared about her—why else had he bought her such an expensive gift for her birthday? Why had he been so reluctant to enter into their fling in the first place?

  Hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do. He should have known it would end this way—with her upset with his lack of commitment. But he couldn’t change what was an essential part of his character. He wasn’t the marriage and babies type. He could think of nothing more claustrophobic than ending up in a marriage like that of his parents.

  His father had promised ‘in sickness and health’ and got more sickness than health. His mother had promised ‘to love and to cherish’ and ended up loathing and criticising. Ivy’s own parents had done the same, along with numerous others. Love, when and if it even existed in the first place, never lasted. It had never lasted for him. He had occasionally felt flickers of something for the odd partner, and he had definitely felt more than a flicker for Ivy, but it didn’t mean it would last the distance.

 
It would pass. It always did.

  And it would again.

  CHAPTER TEN

  IVY QUICKLY PACKED her things and then called a cab to take her to a hotel closer to the airport. Within the space of minutes, she was out of his apartment and on her way back to her old life. But her life would not be the same as before. She had changed, and those changes had come about through her relationship with Louis. She had seen sex as something to get out of the way, a box to be ticked. But he had shown her how pleasurable sex could be with a partner you trusted. Sex for her was never going to be a simple scratching of an itch, a purely physical response to stimuli. She needed more, she wanted more, she ached for more.

  She deserved more.

  She was not just a body that had needs and desires. She was an adult woman who craved intimacy that went beyond the physical expression of lust. An emotional intimacy. A deep and lasting bond that would only be enhanced by physical passion. She had hoped Louis felt the same way about her. Hoped and dreamed he would open his heart to her, but where had those hopes taken her?

  To a dead end.

  It was time to do a U-turn and get on with the rest of her life. Without Louis. Without the love she so desperately craved. Without her happy-ever-after fairy tale.

  Louis came back to his apartment an hour or so later and immediately sensed Ivy was gone. The atmosphere was dull, listless, as if the energy had been taken out of the air, leaving it stale and empty. His bedroom door was open, the bed where they had made passionate love only hours ago neatly made, the sheets and covers drawn up, as if to remove any imprint of her having been there. He ruthlessly pulled the covers back off the pillows and picked one up and buried his face in it, breathing in the scent of her fragrance.

  Go after her. Bring her back. Don’t let her leave like this.

  His conscience prodded him from a place deep inside where he never visited. A place where he hid away all the feelings he forbade himself ever to feel. A place that contained a sliver of hope that he could have a different life other than punishing hours of work and transient relationships that left no impression on him other than a vague sense of dissatisfaction. He thought of a life with Ivy—a life where he could be the knight in shining armour she longed for. But how could he guarantee his armour wouldn’t lose its shine some day, as his father’s had done for his mother? How could he guarantee he wouldn’t hurt her or disappoint her the way he’d hurt and disappointed his family?

  The only thing he lived for was his work. It was the only thing that satisfied him. It gave him money, loads of money, and numerous accolades that proved his decision to become an architect had been the right decision.

  Letting Ivy go was another difficult decision that he knew would prove to be the right one. Four more days in Paris with her might have been the biggest mistake of his life to date.

  Yes, it was better that she was gone, even if it felt like hell. It wouldn’t feel like this forever.

  But, hey, he didn’t feel anything forever, right?

  This too would pass.

  ‘Hey, why are you back so early?’ Millie asked when Ivy came into the flat the following day. ‘I thought you were going to be away until—’

  ‘Don’t ask.’ Ivy slipped her tote bag off her shoulder with a despondent sigh.

  ‘Okay, but judging by the redness of your eyes I’d say you’ve recently spent a considerable amount of time in tears. Am I right?’

  Ivy nodded. ‘Yep. I ended things with Louis. I told him I loved him and wanted more than a fling, but of course, he didn’t say it back.’

  ‘Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.’ Millie enveloped Ivy in a bone-crushing hug. After a moment, she eased back to look at her. ‘I was worried from the outset this was going to happen. But are you absolutely sure he doesn’t feel the same way about you?’

  Ivy slipped out of her friend’s embrace. ‘I know you did, and I stupidly didn’t recognise it until it was already too late. I think I’ve always been a bit in love with him. And when he bought me the pink diamonds...’

  ‘He bought you pink diamonds?’ Millie’s eyes were as big as saucers. Satellite-sized saucers.

  Ivy shrugged one shoulder. ‘He bought them for my birthday, but I mistakenly thought they somehow signified he was falling in love with me. I was wrong. Big time.’ Heartbreakingly wrong.

  Millie nibbled at one side of her mouth. ‘I guess that means he won’t be coming to your party, then.’ She suddenly clamped her hand over her lips. ‘Oops, forget I said that.’

  Ivy frowned in puzzlement. ‘What party?’

  Millie’s cheeks were pink, her grey-blue eyes troubled. ‘I’m sorry. It was supposed to be a surprise. I’m rubbish at keeping a secret. Zoey and I planned to have a party on your birthday, and we sent Louis an invitation last night via email. We told him it was a secret. We thought you’d like him to come.’

  ‘How did you get his email address?’

  ‘Off his website.’

  Ivy couldn’t think of anything worse than Louis turning up at her birthday party, especially when she had nothing to celebrate other than getting a year older and having her heart broken in the process. ‘Cancel it. I don’t want a party. I’ve never felt less like celebrating.’

  Millie looked horrified. ‘Oh, Ivy, you can’t let a milestone like this pass by without some sort of celebration. We’ve gone to a lot of trouble, and a lot of people will be disappointed if you don’t show up. You can still pretend to be surprised. Please don’t tell Zoey I let it slip. She’ll roast me alive. She’s done a lot of the planning and would be so upset if she thought—’

  Ivy sighed. ‘Okay, let’s go ahead with the party.’ She just hoped that Louis wouldn’t spoil it even further by showing up.

  Louis was so distracted by what had happened in Paris that he didn’t check his emails until he was on the flight back to London the following afternoon. Which was frankly weird and totally out of character for him. He could normally set a world record for the amount of daily screen time he used. But, no, he had pushed work aside to ruminate over the disaster of the end of his fling with Ivy. An end he’d known was coming from the start but had allowed himself to think wouldn’t hurt him. How misguided had he been? But he was only feeling this searing pain in his gut because he had disappointed her. It had nothing to do with anything else. What else could it be?

  He scrolled through the dozens of emails and saw the invitation to a surprise party for Ivy’s thirtieth birthday. He mentally groaned. No way could he show up and cause any more hurt to her. He would ruin the party for her. He would have to stay away and send a present, hoping she wouldn’t throw it back in his face.

  But not pink diamonds.

  Definitely not pink diamonds.

  A couple of days later, Louis was on his way to work when he got a call from his mother, informing him his father had been rushed to hospital during the night with a heart scare. Louis dropped everything to meet her on the cardiac ward. When he arrived, his father was lying asleep on a bed, hooked up to various monitors, and his mother was sitting white-faced and pinched-looking beside him.

  ‘Oh, Louis, I was so frightened I was going to lose him,’ she choked.

  Louis went over to her and enveloped her in a hug. He suddenly realised it had been years since he had last hugged his mother. Their usual greetings and farewells were little more than impersonal air-kisses. Not full-on hugs where you could feel the other’s heart beating against your own. How had their relationship got so distant? ‘I’m here now.’ He slowly put her from him but kept hold of her hands. ‘How is he?’

  She blinked back tears. ‘The specialist said it was a mild heart attack. He’s booked in for some scans with the possibility of surgery, but we have to wait and see. He’s sleeping now. He was awake most of the night complaining of chest pain but he wouldn’t let me call an ambulance. He kept saying it was indigestion, but in the end,
I rang anyway.’

  ‘Good decision. At least he’s safe here now,’ Louis said, and released her hand to glance at his sleeping father. That was another sudden realisation—his father was his mother’s world. She would be shattered if she lost him. And, when he thought back to the time when she had been in the clinic, his father had been equally distraught at the prospect of losing her. Who could figure out love in all its guises?

  ‘Yes, he’s safe.’ She gave a little shudder and tried to smile but it didn’t quite work. ‘I’m sorry for calling you in such a state. I know you’re frightfully busy.’

  ‘Not too busy to be here for you when I’m needed.’

  Her eyes watered up again. ‘Louis, I know your father can be difficult at times, but he’s not had it easy. I’m wondering now if the stress of his work has contributed to his heart condition. He never wanted to be an accountant, but he felt pressured by your grandfather. Deep down, I think he’s a bit jealous of you—that you had the courage and grit to find your own pathway in life. He’s proud of you, in his way. As indeed I am. Your dad is a good man. Oh, I know he finds fault far more than favour, but he’s never been unfaithful, in spite of all my mental health struggles. I haven’t been the easiest wife to live with, but I love him. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved—apart from you, of course.’

  Louis enveloped her in another tight hug. ‘Thank you. I love you too.’

  A couple of days later, after his conversation with his mother, Louis was working on a new design for a hotel in New York and trying not to think about Ivy. Every hour of the day he tried not to think of how unhappy he had made her, not to mention himself.

  But at least he had other things that had gone better for him just lately. His father was back home after having had a stent inserted and was recovering well, even talking of retirement. Louis had seen a remarkable change in how his parents spoke to each other. The health scare had helped each of them realise the deep care and affection they still had for each other. And he liked to think he saw a change in how they spoke to him. Each time he visited, he enveloped both of them in a hug, enjoying their new-found closeness. He had come to understand his father’s sacrifice of his own dreams and aspirations, and it humbled Louis to think of how difficult and painful that must have been for him, and why it had impacted his relationship with his only son.