Bedlam & Breakfast at a Devon Seaside Guesthouse

by Sharley Scott

  Shona came back grinning and rubbing her hands together.

  “He-he! Have I been given an idea or what?”

  I waited for her to say something, but she stood expectantly until I said, “Okay, what?”

  “I asked that policeman about the car on my drive and he said there was nothing they could do. But…” She clapped her hands together and all but fizzed in delight. “He told me that the white line in front of our driveway is advisory. You can’t park outside yours because of the double yellows but, apparently, the old owners would have put the white line down to stop people parking in front of our drive. But we can! I don’t think he realised what he was telling me, but it’s flipping brilliant!”

  “So?” I shrugged, but then it dawned on me. “You’re going to block that car in?”

  She nodded. “They’ll have to beg to move it. Then I’m going to pretend I’ve broken down.” Her face darkened. “But I hope they don’t wait too long to beg. Just a day or so if we can keep your parking permit until then.”

  “It’s fine for a few days. What about your other guest’s car though?”

  “They don’t use it while they’re here. They’ve got bus passes and Marg hires a mobility scooter.”

  As she turned to go I remembered why Shona had gone over to speak to the policeman. “Did you find out about that man.”

  For a moment she gave me a blank look. “Oh him! Homeless, poor bloke. Broke in through the back window but fell, bust his legs and hurt his back. No phone, locked back door and too injured to climb out. Gotta go. Have a car to move.”

  ♦

  After tersely giving me their breakfast orders, Ava and Louis ate in silence. The atmosphere seeped throughout the subdued breakfast room and many of the guests left within minutes of clearing their plates. There was no respite in the kitchen with Jason in full-on grump mode after the yokes on a batch of eggs kept breaking. When the last couple left, I sighed with relief. Another breakfast over.

  Moments after I shut the breakfast room door, it creaked open and Louis strolled in. Gone was yesterday’s haughty demeanour, replaced by a sheepish look he carried well.

  “I forgot to ask, please don’t clean our room. We’ve got some things in there we don’t want to get damaged.”

  “Will you need us to change anything in your room? More tea, the bin?”

  “Nothing. There’s no need for you to go in. We might even go back to bed before the church service, so please don’t disturb us.”

  A red flag to a B&Ber is a guest who is desperate for you not to go in their room. On one occasion we’d found bedding covered in red wine, while on another, remnants of sick on the carpet. I’d pop in there later to check, no matter what.

  Clearing his throat, he pointed to Shona’s old Passat, currently utilised as a bollard to block her driveway but, noting the traffic queued behind it, an excellent chicane too. At least no one could moan about cars speeding past.

  “I don’t suppose you know whose vehicle that is?”

  As soon as he spoke, the pieces I hadn’t even been considering fell into place. He and Ava must have parked at Jetsam Cottage. But why hadn’t they asked us for parking? Maybe they thought the train story and medicines would get them an earlier check-in or possibly – but unlikely – they had accidentally parked next door. But why say they’d come by train? Either way, I wasn’t getting involved. He could face a furious Shona.

  “I think it’s something to do with the guesthouse next door. They’ll be dealing with breakfast now but they’re around all day.” I placed the last of the cups onto the tray and moved away. As I neared the kitchen door, I found him staring out of the window, rubbing his chin.

  The devil inside made me say, “I don’t think it’s for sale but you could ask.”

  With that I shot in to the kitchen to find Jason still washing up. He slammed a saucepan onto the draining board and upended the bowl of dishwater, refilling it in preparation for the cafetières. He’d been grumpy all week, making me feel as if I had to tiptoe around him. Maybe he should have married a ballerina. I stuffed the plates and cutlery into the dishwasher and shot off to make a start on the guestrooms.

  Through the open front door, I heard a commotion outside. Shona’s voice! From where I stood in the hallway, I could hear every word.

  “Reasonable? You want me to be reasonable? You made our guests park over there because you accidentally parked here.”

  Low murmurs. Probably Louis trying to pacify her. Wrong move. Anyone who knew Shona would understand the futility of doing so. Like a volcano she needed to blow her top and only then could she calm down.

  “Katie didn’t tell you to park here. You’re not only a liar but stupid too!”

  Louis or Ava must have told Shona I’d given them permission to park there. What sort of people were they? It felt like I could hear just one side of a telephone conversation, so I went through to the day room to see more. Hands on hips, Shona glared at Louis, while he held out his palms in a conciliatory gesture.

  “I don’t fricking care!” Shona bellowed. “If you tell me one more time Katie had anything to do with this, I’ll wait until next weekend to organise the mechanic.”

  At that moment, I loved Shona.

  Jason came into the room. “What’s going on?”

  “Our guests are trying to tell Shona that I said they could park there.”

  Shona’s voice cut through again. “Wedding? Do you want to make anything else up?”

  “Their guests must love this.” He peered out through the window. Then he groaned. “I hope ours have gone out.”

  Arms-folded, a smiling Kim leaned against the 4x4, still in the pink apron she wore each breakfast, her hair pulled back in a matching ribbon which sashayed in the breeze. Beside her Shona danced forward and backwards like a boxer. When Louis walked away, throwing his arms in the air in disgust, Ava took over. Her frizzy hair seemed wilder than ever, giving her the look of a cavewoman. Now I could hear both sides of the conversation.

  “Move it!”

  “No!”

  Kim glanced in our direction. When she grinned and gave us a little wave, Jason and I shot back into the shadows. No doubt we’d be dragged into this, but I hoped it would be much later rather than sooner. If we went out there now, our guests would expect us to intercede on their behalf and I wasn’t minded to help them.

  “Monday!” Shona shouted. “That’s the earliest I can do. And if you touch it, I’ll give you this.”

  I could imagine what ‘this’ would involve.

  “I’m going to get on,” I said to Jason. “If Louis or Ava come in, I’m indisposed.”

  “You’re not leaving me to deal with it. I’ll just tell them to wait to speak to you.”

  “Good luck with that one. I’ll be busy.”

  From the look on Jason’s face, I had a feeling both of us would be finding urgent jobs outside the guesthouse later.

  Chapter 28

  The bell rang for the fourth time. I’d hoped Jason would get it but no such luck. Sighing, I stepped from my hiding place in room three’s shower and headed downstairs. As expected, a flustered Ava and Louis waited in the hallway.

  “Your neighbour…” Louis started but Ava butted in.

  “That idiotic woman next door is blocking our car in.”

  It took a lot of effort not to smile. “Car? But you came by train.”

  “No,” she spoke slowly, as if speaking to an infant. “We came by car.”

  I glanced at Louis but he wouldn’t meet my eye, so I turned back to Ava. Pinched blotches stained her cheeks and her watery eyes had become a startling blue. I stayed silent. She could try all the games she liked, but I wouldn’t play ball.

  “So, are you going to help?”

  “With what?”

  Now she gave me the hands in the air treatment. “Getting her to move, stupid.”

  I’d had enough. We’d been at Flotsam Guesthouse nearly six months and in that time we’d had hundreds of won
derful, friendly, fun guests and less than a handful of difficult people but she got a gold star for being the rudest. (Except for James, who’d tried barging in, but he hadn’t been a guest. And those lads who’d not paid for their taxi fare, but lovely Ozzie’s fearsome snarl had been a great help there). But Ava and Louis were liars to boot.

  “Okay. Give me your keys.”

  She rifled through her handbag, dragging out a wad of keys crammed onto several looped keyrings, which included the Flotsam Guesthouse keys I’d seen her clipping on the day before. After asking them to give me a moment, I wandered off to find Jason, while detaching our keys from the set. I found him in the laundry room, which meant he had good reason not to have heard the bell, unless he’d escaped there after they’d started dinging it.

  “I’m going to ask them to leave. Can you come and back me up?”

  I didn’t need to explain more. He nodded, stuffed the last of the towels into the dryer, and followed me out. With a tummy buzzing with butterflies, I clenched my fists to stop my hands shaking. Shona might love it but I hated confrontation. As I reached them, I took a deep breath.

  “We’re refunding your money for tonight. And Jason will bring your belongings down.”

  “What?” Ava screeched.

  “This is our guesthouse. We don’t want guests who lie about us, call us ‘stupid’ or create scenes with our neighbours.”

  Ava’s lip curled. “Don’t be so melodramatic. We’re asking a reasonable request.”

  Jason stepped in. “Why did you park next door?”

  While Louis examined a print of Torringham harbour, Ava carried on digging, “We thought it was your drive.”

  I found myself butting in. “But you needed an early check-in because you came by train and your medicine had to be kept chilled.” From the corner of my eye, I spotted Louis sidling towards the day room. “Isn’t that correct, Louis?”

  “Excuse me? Oh yes. I mean, no.” As he pulled a handkerchief from his trouser pocket to dab his forehead, one of the guestroom coffee sachets fell to the floor. “We had a change of plan.”

  “Can’t we just stay? It’s my cousin’s wedding,” Ava pleaded. “We need our car to get there.”

  For some reason, she started crying. I mouthed ‘Help!’ to Jason but he shrugged. He had no idea either. If she thought tears would change our minds, she’d got it wrong. Six months ago, I might have crumbled at her crocodile tears but, to use Shona’s words, no longer was I so green I believed everything. Jason and I turned to Louis who hovered just inside the day room. His fingers nipped his jacket sleeve as he glanced from Ava to us.

  When her sobs became howls, an exasperated Jason said, “For goodness’ sake! Give her your hanky.”

  As Louis stepped forward, the coffee sachet crunched beneath his feet. Something disturbed me about it. I mean, taking a coffee sachet wasn’t that big a deal but… I couldn’t connect the dots from the coffee sachet to Louis, to the lies about bringing a car and then to Ava wailing about not being allowed to stay. But I knew beyond doubt I needed to see their room.

  Clutching my stomach, I turned to Jason. “Won’t be a moment. I’ve got to use the loo. We’ll sort this when I get back.”

  He gave me the ‘you are not leaving me with them’ look but I shot off. At the top of the stairs I glanced down to check no one was following me and headed to their room, where I slid the key carefully into the lock. The door brushed over the carpet. Louis hadn’t been wrong when he’d said they had a lot of things. A stack of boxes sat on top of the bedside table. Mobile phones! The hotchpotch of stuff on the bed included half a dozen boxes of perfume and aftershave, all with labels, as did the clothing which came from one of the posh shops by the marina. When I left, I turned the key so the door didn’t click shut and alert them downstairs.

  It must be stolen. That would explain why they did an about-turn yesterday when they saw the police cars outside the cottages. If I called the police from the lounge, our thieving guests might overhear.

  Back downstairs, I kept my voice breezy. “Sorry about that. Needs must. I’ve been thinking. If you can give me a minute, I’ll speak to Shona and see if she’ll move her car.”

  Stunned by my apparent about-face, Jason threw me a furious look, but I rushed out hoping the Opelts wouldn’t guess I’d been in their room. At Jetsam Cottage, I rang the bell and hammered on the door until it was thrown open by a furious Shona, who must have assumed Ava was back again. Spotting me, her anger changed to confusion.

  “Katie?”

  I put my finger over my mouth. Shush. Then I spoke loud enough for Ava and Louis to hear me, “Please can you move your car?”

  “What?” Shona’s chin jutted like a bulldog.

  “Shush!” I hissed. “Look, can you call the police for me?”

  “Wha…” Without explanation, she grabbed my arm to drag me inside.

  Before she did, I needed to reassure Ava and Louis that I was dealing with the car, so I shouted, “We’ll help you push your car if you give me the keys. Our guests need to get out.”

  Assuming I was hurt or upset in some way, Shona tried to make me sit down in her breakfast room, but I refused. “I’m fine, honest.”

  When Kim appeared wiping her soapy hands on a tea towel, I told them about the mobile phones, perfume and clothing I’d found in the guest room. When they remarked that all the items could have been bought, I could see their point.

  “Plus,” Kim said. “Louis may not have wanted you to go into their room as he thought you had cleaners who might steal something.”

  Plausible. But I had a strong feeling there was more to it.

  “Please call the police and explain that Ava and Louis will be leaving shortly. They’ll be taking all their stuff with them. If they think it’s worth pursuing, they’ll come.”

  “I’m not moving my car though,” was Shona’s parting shot.

  ♦

  With the appearance of several police cars, the previous day’s onlookers had moved to the front of Flotsam Guesthouse, where they milled aimlessly until something interesting happened, such as a third police car turning up. Yesterday’s loud woman also appeared, asking everyone what was going on, until through them all trundled Mrs Hollacombe tooting madly and refusing to pull onto the road.

  Shona and Kim had taken up residence in our day room, even though they – like us – had guestrooms to clean.

  “It’s not every day we get front row seats,” Shona laughed, while Jason stood morose in the corner after hearing that we might lose money on the room which had almost certainly been paid for with a stolen credit card, as had most of the goods in their room.

  “They shafted us for breakfast too.” I heard him mutter to Kim who patted his arm.

  “It could be worse,” she said. “It was just a full English, not fillet steak.”

  “Have you seen the size of our bacon? Costs a fortune.”

  Two of our guests broke through the swarm of people. As they pottered up the drive, I rushed out to greet them and explain that they wouldn’t be able to get into their room just yet. Not with several burly police blocking the landing while they catalogued the haul in the room or, at least, that’s what I assumed they were doing upstairs. After they’d taken Ava and Louis away, I hadn’t been given an update.

  Margaret and Reg smiled as I told them about the couple. Margaret tapped her husband’s arm. “I said there was something odd about them, didn’t I!”

  She waited until he nodded, then turned to me. “Now, don’t you worry dearie. We won’t be needing our room cleaned today, you’ve got enough on your plate.” She winked. “Just make sure you tell us all the gossip tomorrow.”

  When I explained that it meant they couldn’t get into their room yet, Reg whispered to Margaret. “But the toilet.”

  At times like this, we could have done with a ground-floor loo, but that was one of the many things on our wish list. I could ask the police if our guests could access their room for a few minutes, but I
didn’t like the idea of this frail couple trying to squeeze past the people upstairs or stepping over the boxes on the landing. Instead, I went inside to beg a favour from Shona and Kim. Without much prompting, Shona volunteered to take Reg and Margaret to use the loo at hers.

  “You might as well send all your guests over. It’s got a bit boring here anyhow.” She paused by the door. “Just make sure the police get that dump of a car off our drive.”

  Chapter 29

  Uncle Bert sat on our settee, one leg strung over the other, nursing his cup of tea. He’d lost more weight, so his jowls – sadly a family trait I’d inherited – hung like lobes from his jawline, his cheeks sagged and it seemed as if I could see the skeletal orbs beneath his hollow eyes. How was it possible that he looked worse than the last time I’d seen him? Worry gnawed at me, but I deflected it. When I’d called and spoken with Doreen a week ago, she’d sounded chirpy and had been talking about going on a holiday. Not the voice of someone who worried about their husband’s health.

  He listened and nodded as I talked about what had been going on since his last visit, giving the odd chuckle but mostly he frowned and muttered under his breath.

  “I can’t believe it. Why did they park next door? Surely it brought more attention to them.”

  “We think they knew we’d have to take their registration details if they parked with us. It goes on our forms. And the car park requires reg numbers too. I reckon they told us they came by train, so if the police approached us when they noticed about the stolen card being used, we wouldn’t know their car’s details.”

  “But why next door?”

  I shrugged. “Either they thought it was a guesthouse and their car wouldn’t be noticed or maybe they only meant to park for a while, perhaps to get their things out until they took the car to a side street or something. When they came out after checking in, they looked as though they were heading over to their car but then they saw me and went off towards town. And then, like I said, when they came back with those bags, Shona and I were outside with the police because of that homeless man being hurt.”