The Double Cross

by Anna J.

  While they were finishing up, I excused myself from the table and went to grab a quick shower. I put all the clothes I had dirtied in my bins for washing, and I began going through my closet to see what I had for the next day. I tried to rock out, but I was truly bothered by my sister’s behavior. Was I overreacting?

  I hopped in the shower right quick, and by the time I got out, I heard her moving around in her room. I took that moment to go in there and see how we could make amends for whatever was coming between us.

  When I reached for her door handle to turn it, it didn’t budge. She locked me out! This was more serious than I thought. Tears shot to my eyes immediately, and I had to blink them back before knocking. It had been years since we’d been in this space. Why wouldn’t she talk to me about whatever issue she was having? This behavior was so unlike her.

  “Who is it?” she answered from the other side.

  “Selah.”

  It got quiet for a while. She actually made me stand at the door for damn near a minute before opening it. At this point, I was just getting irked. There was no way my having a boyfriend was causing this much anxiety in her life. Chase was not my first man.

  “Yes?” she asked, sticking her head out of a crack in the door.

  I was steaming. “Hey, love, can we talk?”

  She looked hesitant at first, but I guess once she got done spinning it around in her head, she decided to let me in. I came in and took a seat on her bed and looked around. She was so anal about everything. There wasn’t a thing out of place in the entire room. Shoes lined up perfectly, clothing color coded in her closet, accessories stacked nice and neat—her room looked the complete opposite of mine, even on my best day.

  “So, I got your message,” she said with a look of disgust on her face. I was immediately embarrassed. “As soon as I realized what I was hearing, I deleted the message.”

  “Sajdah, I didn’t know. I thought I had hung up . . .”

  “Listen, adults have sex. It’s no big deal. Is that all you wanted to discuss?” she asked before turning back to her closet to rummage through her clothing.

  Wow! She straight dismissed the fuck out of me. It took everything in me not to get a running start from the end of the hall and drop kick her simple ass. This was just too much to deal with.

  “Well, actually, I wanted to know why your attitude has been so fucked up lately. Why are you avoiding me?” I didn’t hold any of the punches I had planned to. I was thinking of a subtle approach, but she was succeeding at bringing the bitch out of me. I didn’t deserve the way she was treating me, and we both knew it.

  “Right now we are in two different places,” she began with a sigh. “You have love right now, and that’s great. I’m happy for you. Right now, I’m loving the direction my career is taking me in, so I’m focused. We won’t be joined at the hip forever, Selah. We’re not growing apart; we’re growing up.”

  I was crushed. We were definitely growing apart, and I wasn’t ready. Before I lost control of my emotions, I just stayed quiet. Shit, I really didn’t know what to say because I wasn’t expecting that response. Normally, we talked out our differences, then kissed and made up. This time around, it wasn’t working out like that.

  “So, did you need anything else?” she asked, finally facing me. She still wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Was this shit really that deep?

  “I guess not,” I replied as I got up and moved toward the door.

  She turned back around, now searching through her shoe collection. I closed her door quietly as I left, and by the time I got to my room, I was a mess. I buried my face in my pillow so that no one would hear me cry. This was horrible.

  Gathering myself enough to grab my phone, I texted my girls to let them know we had to talk. My heart was broken, and I wasn’t sure it could be easily fixed.

  Calling Chase, I spoke to him for a little while before taking it down for the night after promising him that I would come and stay with him a few nights that week. I was sad, but I was sure by the time I saw him, I would be ready for what he had to bring.

  Saying a quick prayer before sleep, I asked God to show me what I needed to see to get my relationship back on track with my sister. I wasn’t used to us being in such a negative space, and I wasn’t about to allow it to drag out.

  Chase

  It’s What You Asked For

  Basically, I had to start ignoring her calls and texts. What you was not gonna do was tell me I couldn’t fuck no other bitch but your identical twin sister because you didn’t want me like that, and then turn around and get mad because I started to feel some type of way about her. What did she think was going to happen? Clearly, she didn’t think that shit through, and I didn’t want to switch shit up now on her terms.

  I didn’t get into this to like Selah. Hell, I was really just in it for the pussy. I was well prepared to hit that shit until I couldn’t, but she had your boy in his bag. I genuinely started to like her. I’d even put it on the record that I loved her. She was really cool people, come to find out. We laughed a lot, we talked about some deep shit, and in all honesty, I was ready to wife her up. She literally had me out there thinking that I could pass this drug game on to one of my strongest soldiers, maybe open a storefront or something. I don’t know, but I did know that I was really digging old girl, and Sajdah just had to get over it. Contrary to popular belief, she really had no choice in the matter.

  I tried to play it cool at first, but shorty was getting too demanding. It was easier to let her think she was running shit, but what I didn’t tolerate was disrespect. She’d fuck around and find herself at the bottom of the Schuylkill fucking with me. She had the chance for me to care about her, but she passed it on to her sister. It wasn’t fair to Selah, and it was time for me to let her know how we were moving forward. I was trying to let it just play itself out, hoping maybe she would just get tired of me avoiding her, but this one was persistent, and it was working my last nerve.

  We need to talk.

  I read the text and started not to respond. I used to think her being demanding was cute. Now, not so much. Maybe it was time that we did talk so that the boundaries could be understood. I didn’t argue with women, and I wasn’t about to start with her.

  We sure do.

  I texted back right as this little honey dip I had walked into the room. I had to stop this shit, and I knew it, especially if I was going to take shit with Selah to the next level. I kept these hoes around to keep from catching feelings, but that wasn’t working anymore, and lately, all I’d been feeling was guilt. I didn’t see it coming, but when those feelings got there, it hit me like a ton of bricks. In my Kevin Hart voice, I wasn’t ready.

  Shorty was bad, too. Honey-colored complexion, wide hips with a fat ass, a slight trace of stretch marks from a previous pregnancy that only added to the sexiness of her body, nice breasts that could go braless, and cute honey-colored curls cut close to her head. She was amazing to look at, and a part of me couldn’t wait to see what her mouth felt like. She had nice full lips that I wanted to kiss, but I deemed it too personal. The only person I kissed was Selah. Those were my rules. She smelled like cocoa butter, and her skin was so soft. I wanted to bust her guts open so bad, but for some reason, I couldn’t do it. I mean, I wanted to do it, but my dick wouldn’t cooperate. This entire situation was frustrating.

  “When did you start getting so nervous around me?” she asked, a slight smile on her face as she crawled up my body on the bed and lay on top of me. She was tall for a girl, standing almost 5 feet 11 inches flat, in heels over six feet. She was thick, Lord knows, and the warmth of her body on mine had my senses in overdrive. This wasn’t our first time at this rodeo, and she was damn good from what I remembered. I just couldn’t do it and quickly came to the conclusion that it was best for her to leave.

  “I’m not nervous, love,” I assured her, gently lifting her body and placing her next to me. The pout on her face was adorable, but I had to get her out of there. “No
w is just not a good time. Can I get a raincheck?”

  Reluctantly, she got up and began to get dressed. She was never one to argue. That’s what I liked about her. She knew how to keep this adult, no matter how much she wanted me. I slid her a stack on the way out to compensate for her time, and I stood in the door until she was out of the lot. This shit was crazy. I’d never had a female put me in my feelings like this. Maybe it was time I settled down. I wasn’t even sure that settling was what Selah wanted to do. We never really talked about it, and we talked about a lot of stuff. Current events, work shit for her, street shit for me, but never any past stuff. That alone scared the hell out of me because I wasn’t completely sure she could handle all of these bodies I had on me. The luggage I carried wasn’t for the weak. I wanted to tell her, but I had to wait on it. What I had to say wasn’t casual conversation. All of this would be a life changer, and once she knew my secrets, she was in for life, or I had to kill her. No pun intended at all.

  Deciding to get in the shower and get my life together, I went and turned the water on so that the bathroom could get steamy. I turned the radio to Pandora and queued up Carl Thomas because ya boy was definitely emotional right now. I wanted Selah to come over then, but I knew she had to spend time with her family. They were very important to her, and I liked that about her. I couldn’t wait to introduce her to my people, the same as she did with me. As far as she knew, I hadn’t met her sister yet, although I’d seen them out plenty of times, and all I knew was that she was a twin. If only she knew how far from the truth that was.

  When I stepped into the shower, I stood directly under the force, allowing the extra hot water to relax my tense muscles. Immediately, I began to fantasize about the last time I had Selah in there with me. At first, I had her pinned to the wall with a firm grip on her hair right at the scalp, just how she liked it. She had a deep arch in her back as she took that shit like a true champ, all with water spraying in her face. It wasn’t long before I had my dick in my hand, using the soap as a lubricant as I stroked myself into an erection so hard it was almost painful. Visualizing her now hanging on by the curtain rod as I pounded up into her was getting me right where I needed to be. I had a firm grip on her soft ass as I bounced her up and down, and she started screaming out that she was about to explode. I stepped out of the shower as carefully as I could so that we wouldn’t both end up on the floor, and planted her on the sink, never missing a beat until we both were satisfied. That last playback took me over the edge, and I splattered all over the wall in front of me. I was literally shaking afterward and knew I would have to convince her to get there before midweek. She needed to be there every night.

  It took me a minute or two, but I finally gathered enough strength to get washed and out of the shower. When I got back to my room and looked at my phone, I had seventeen messages from Sajdah. She was really working my nerves, and I didn’t have the energy to give her at the moment. I wanted to just chill that day, but old girl was making it impossible. I decided to get some clothes on my body before dealing with her. I barely got my boxers on good before I heard someone outside, acting like a damn maniac and banging on my door. This was a peaceful neighborhood.

  I didn’t need my neighbors hearing or seeing her out there acting a ratchet mess. Sprinting to the door, I opened in just enough time to catch her preparing to throw stones at my window. Needless to say, I was turned off by her actions.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked as I snatched her simple ass in the house and then looked to be sure no one saw this bullshit before closing the door. I had drugs in the crib. I didn’t need the damn cops to come and be on some extra shit because I was black in this type of environment. She was doing way too much at this time of day. Why wasn’t she at work? That’s what was more important, right?

  “I’ve been calling and texting your phone for over an hour.” She had the nerve to really be upset.

  I just looked at her like she was a strange piece of fruit. When I saw her, I saw Selah, and I had to keep in mind who I was talking to.

  “I was in the shower, Sajdah. I do that sometimes.”

  I turned and walked away from her, heading up to my bedroom to finish getting dressed. My plan was to hit the block that day and make sure everything was kosher, then later hit the mall to see what Zales had in the case. Yeah, it was a little early on, and I wasn’t necessarily buying the ring today. I just wanted to be prepared to move forward when it was time. Selah deserved all of me. I was ready to give it to her.

  “I don’t want you seeing my sister anymore.”

  “What?” Pause. Was she psycho? There was no way I was walking away from possibly the best thing I’d had ever. Bye, girl.

  “I don’t want you with Selah anymore.”

  “So, you plan on putting the time in? I thought work was more important.”

  Her entire demeanor changed, and so did mine. Smug look on full blast, I turned and continued my journey up the stairs and to my room. She was out of her damn mind, and the right thing to do would be to let her ass go. That way, she could move on, and Selah and I could just move forward. I could hear her finally coming up the steps behind me, and I began to get dressed as quickly as possible so that we could both get out the house. She had me weak in that atmosphere.

  When she got to the room, she was only wearing heels. How in hell she got naked that fast was beyond me. I stood at attention immediately, and it was starting to be more of a struggle to maintain my composure. Why was she doing this to me?

  “I know what I said,” she said, walking toward me. She looked damn good, and I responded to her unwillingly. These two just had me like that. “And you’re right. I don’t have the time, but hearing y’all on the phone the other morning made me so jealous.”

  What in the hell was she talking about? My face said everything as she went on to give me the explanation. By this time, she was right in my face, completely waxed pussy in kissing distance, clitoral hood piercing begging for my attention. The temptation was just too much, and I broke out in a sweat. She could see that she had control at this point, and it made me nervous.

  “She dialed me by accident on Saturday morning, and I heard everything. You were really putting in work. I couldn’t get my dildo out fast enough.” She smiled as she bent down in front of me and pushed me back so that she could pull down my sweats. She stopped briefly to take off the one shoe I had on, and when she pulled my pants down, my dick jumped out like a damn jack-in-the-box and swayed back and forth like the king cobra he was, begging her to taste him. I didn’t want this to happen again, but she had me, and she knew it.

  “I can wait for you, though, and I guess we can just move forward as planned. Just keep in mind who set this all up for you.”

  Before I could respond, the head of my dick was touching her tonsils, and my toes were gripping the carpet for dear life. This shit wasn’t right, but at this moment in time, there was nothing I could do. By the time she started her slow ride, that sealed the deal, and I was at least able to get her to agree to fall back just a little. Her sister didn’t need to know all of this, and I needed more time to plan on getting away from her indefinitely. She was playing this game like a boss, and it was time for me to level up.

  Selah

  Getting Fed Up

  By the morning, I was more so irritated than hurt. I tossed and turned all night, trying to figure this shit out. When I saw her in the hall as she was coming out of the bathroom, she avoided eye contact as she practically sprinted to her room, no good morning or anything. I wanted to dog-walk her ass, but I had to remember she was my sister. Maybe what she was going through had nothing to do with me, and I was out there feeling all guilty and shit for no damn reason. I knew my girls would make better sense of it, so I just held my thoughts in. They would know what to do.

  By the time I got to work, of course, my coffee and muffin were already paid for. That definitely put a smile on my face. Chase had me covered whether he was there or not. I fe
lt secure with him, and that was a great feeling. By the time I got to my desk, I had a text from him that made me smile even harder.

  Good morning, beautiful. Enjoy breakfast. Missing you over here.

  This man really knew how to wrap me around his damn finger. At first, I was blushing from reading his message, then I was blushing because Cici caught me blushing. I had to laugh at myself.

  “Somebody is glowing,” she instigated as her fingers flew across her keyboard at a mile a minute. “You must have had a spectacular weekend.”

  “It’s always good with that man of mine,” I responded with this crazy-wide smile on my face. Chase really made me happy, and it momentarily made me forget my issues with my sister.

  Sitting down and booting up my computer, I texted with Chase a little more before officially starting to work. In the midst of that, I also confirmed my meetup with Skye and Vice for lunch. I needed them to talk some sense into me before I straight snapped on Sajdah. We’d had beef before, and shit got bad, but not like this. Hell, we were all entitled to our emotions, but when it was directly affecting the flow, something had to give. There was nothing I could think of that was so deep that it would have her gunning for my jugular like this.

  Thankfully, lunchtime came around quickly. I grabbed a salad from the cafeteria and met Skye and Vice in the garden behind the building. We embraced like we hadn’t seen each other in years. I was so happy to see them I almost cried. You ever have someone that no matter how embarrassing a situation, you could just tell them and not feel judged? I had that with both Skye and Vice. We’d always kept it a bean with each other, and if I were wrong about something, they would surely tell me.

  “So, I don’t know what the hell is going on with Sajdah,” I tossed out as I looked down and began to slice up my salad. Had I been looking up, I would’ve seen the knowing glance that these two shared, but they knew me enough to know that some shit, I had to find out on my own. It wasn’t until they felt it absolutely necessary that they would step in.