Broken Beats: An Illusion Series Novel

by D. Kelly

  “Not secrecy, just being cautious. She’s nice, and she’s also lost her fiancé. The date is sort of a trial for both of us. If it’s a total bust, there’s nothing to talk about. If it’s not, then I was going to share.”

  Jordan’s brow furrows. “What’s her name?”

  “Haddie.”

  He straightens his stance. “Blonde, curvy, sweet as can be, and sexy as all get out? Did you meet her at my bar?”

  This doesn’t sound good. “Yes, all of that, and yes, at your bar.”

  Jordan massages his temple, and Wyatt’s eyes bounce between us. “Darren, please don’t fuck with Haddie if you don’t really like her. She’s a good woman, and she’s been through a lot.”

  I forgot Haddie mentioned knowing J. “How long have you known her?”

  Jordan sighs. “Remember my friend Richie that died a few weeks before my wedding? Haddie was his girl, so I guess about five years or more? She nearly died in that accident, and her recovery was brutal. Just be sure before you get deep with her. I’d hate for her to fall for someone who … fuck … you know what I mean.”

  Anger burns low in my gut. “Someone who what? Doesn’t know exactly how she feels?”

  Wyatt interjects, “I’m going to let you two hash this out while I go outside and call Anna to check in. Don’t kill each other, there are kids sleeping in the other room.”

  Once Wyatt leaves Jordan sits across from me, but he doesn’t talk until we hear the front door close. “Look, Darren, I’m going to give it to you straight. I know you fucked my sister a few months back.”

  My eyes widen, and my palms begin to sweat. “Jordan, fuck …”

  He laughs. “Man, you and Rory are the least of my concerns. She came to the bar drunk and told me all about how she seduced you in order to figure out her feelings. I’m not going to tell Sawyer, but at some point, you should because if Rory spilled to me, she’s going to spill again. If it’s any consolation, I’m not mad. I know my sister is a force to be reckoned with, especially when she gets an idea in her head.”

  “It’s eating away at me, but wrecking my friendship with Sawyer would kill me. I don’t remember a time he hasn’t been my best fucking friend.”

  He nods. “I get that, and like I said, I’m not telling anyone. I wouldn’t betray Rory like that, and you know, the bartender is really like a poorly paid therapist. I tend to keep all sorts of secrets. Back to Haddie though—”

  “I like her, J. I don’t know her well, but I’m trying to get to know her, and she’s different. We have … something. Chemistry, or whatever. I’ve been miserable since that shit went down with Rory, but Haddie is the first person who has made me happy, legitimately happy, since Belle.”

  Jordan looks me over as if assessing my character. “Okay, you know where I stand. If two people I care about can find happiness with each other after what you’ve both been through fuck, I’m all for it.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  He leans forward. “Has Haddie mentioned anything to you about your fame or anything?”

  My body stills. “She didn’t know who I was.”

  Jordan laughs. “That doesn’t surprise me in the least. Look, I don’t know if this still applies and hell, it’s most definitely not my place to say, but at the beginning with Richie, she was insecure about her size. Just keep that in your head because with your fame, if this is something that still bugs her … you know what, just ignore me.”

  “Man, I’ll never understand women. I’m not sure there is a woman on the planet I wouldn’t be attracted to in some form. I’ll keep it in the back of my mind, but it’s not an issue to me, and I hope it’s not an issue for her anymore. There is so much more important shit to worry about in life than who has a few extra pounds or a few gray hairs, or other superficial shit. But I absolutely respect if she has that concern. Thanks for the heads-up, J.”

  “Daddy, Jake farted on my head.” Sebastian shuffles into the room, rubbing sleep from his eyes and Jordan stifles back a laugh.

  “Like father like son,” I mutter.

  Jordan snorts and scoops Bastian into his arms. “Isn’t that the truth? We need to get back to the bar and pick up Allie. Tell Sawyer I’ll check in later. I don’t want to interrupt them. Keep me posted on Haddie and if you do end up talking to Sawyer about that other thing… let me know, and I’ll do damage control. He might be pissed, but he’ll always love you.”

  “Thanks, J, later Bastian, come back and play with your cousins again soon.”

  He high-fives me over Jordan’s shoulder. “Bye, Uncle Darren. See you next time.”

  Six years ago, I was on a world tour without a care in the world, now most days I feel like I’m running a preschool. I never would’ve imagined how much I love the now and how little I miss those touring days in comparison. I only wish Belle were here to be a part of it.

  A lot has changed in the last few months, and maybe I should be thanking Rory for it. The night I spent with her made me realize how sad and desperate I’d become. Belle would have detested that version of me. Now I have a shot at bettering myself and maybe even dating someone special again. The unease I’ve always felt when thinking about dating isn’t as strong right now, but I wonder if that will change if it actually happens.

  “HEY, I was just thinking about you.”

  The sound of her voice eases my anxiety over calling her. “Good thoughts, I hope.”

  “Okay, more like wondering if I should text you since you hadn’t texted me yet. That’s stupid, right? If you didn’t want to talk, you’d tell me.”

  “You can call or text any time you’d like. I’ve got the kids tonight and was trying to get them down for the count before I bothered trying to have an uninterrupted conversation.”

  “You mention kids in the plural form often. Do you run the neighborhood daycare or something?”

  “Sometimes it feels like it, but no. All of us in the band settled down around the same time. Babies started coming, and now I’ve got lots of nieces and nephews. We’re a huge family, so I’m rarely alone, and I like to keep Cadence around them as much as possible.”

  She hums on the other end of the line. “That makes sense. After losing her mom, I can see family being extra important.”

  “Exactly. The night Belle and Noah died was also Nate’s birthday. Before Mel and Sawyer got married, we all lived together at the beach house. Nate and Cadence have shared a room since they were a little over a year old. They’re best friends. When Mel and Sawyer moved, the kids didn’t handle it well. Neither did I. The house next door went on the market and Sawyer swooped in and bought it for us. We’re working on weaning them apart because they start school soon. They have to get used to sleeping in their own houses.”

  “How sweet. They’re like built-in siblings.”

  I practically choke on my water. “Um … no, we’re not going that route, which is why getting them to sleep separately now is a good thing.”

  “Come again?”

  “Belle fantasized they would grow up and get married one day. We’re trying to let whatever is going to happen unfold naturally. But the way they gravitate toward each other is … well, hard to explain. Cadence is fiercely protective of Nate and always has been. They hold hands and say the sweetest things about each other. Mel has albums full of cute moments she’s captured on film. She says they’re memories, but we know she’s secretly plotting the slide show of their wedding already. None of us will say it, but I’m pretty sure we’ll all be crushed if they don’t end up married.”

  “And if they don’t end up together?” Her cautious tone amuses me. I bet the psychologist in her is analyzing the hell out of this.

  “Then they don’t. They’ll likely be the best of friends, and we’ll have an album documenting their friendship from the start.”

  Her loud exhale makes me smile. If nothing else, she cares. “How many kids are there?”

  “Hm, let’s see. Sawyer and Mel have four, Wyatt and Anna have two, Sawyer�
�s older sister Diane has four, Jordan and Allie have one and one on the way, and I have Cadence.”

  Haddie gasps. “Oh my God. I don’t know why I didn’t put two and two together. You’re Jordan’s brother.”

  “Yup, not by blood, but the Westons are family. Even though our lives have taken a different path than we all originally thought, we’re extremely close. How about you? What’s your family like?”

  “I’m an only child. My parents are great, but it’s just us. I don’t a lot of friends. Richie was the social one, and after he died, it didn’t feel right to try to hang around them and be a reminder. Plus, it’s not like I was in the headspace for friendship. I do work with my best friend. Marina teaches at the school I’m assigned to this year.”

  I don’t like how she’s so isolated, but it would make dating her much easier without having to worry about her friends leaking things to the press for a payday.

  “I’m an only child too.”

  Our conversation pauses, but not uncomfortably.

  “Darren, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, just thinking. When I pick you up on Friday, would you be upset if my security team drove me?”

  She inhales sharply, and I can picture her breasts heaving as she does it. Fuck, I have to adjust myself. Even thinking of Haddie’s tits turns me on.

  “It starts that fast, huh? First date out the gate and there’s already a chaperone?”

  I hate hearing the defeat in her voice. As much as I love everything about being famous, having a normal life sounds extremely appealing these days.

  “It doesn’t have to, but on the off chance someone got a whiff of our date, it’s going to be a thing. I have to face reality. I’m just trying to protect you.”

  It would kill me if something happened to her because of me.

  “Oh,” her voice softens, “thank you for looking out for me. I’m fine with you picking me up however you need to. This is just so … surreal, I guess.”

  “Fuck, Haddie, I’m sorry. If you want to back out, I get it. With Belle, it was part of the protocol. She was an industry reporter, so she knew what to expect. Other than Belle and girls from high school, I’ve never dated. I have no idea what this is like, so—”

  “We’ll figure it out together.”

  And just like that, she eases my fears again.

  “How did you know you were ready to date again?”

  It sounds like she’s pouring a glass of wine.

  “It’s been a slow process. One day I woke up less sad. Progressively I found myself smiling more and being generally happy overall. I think the kicker was the morning I woke up and looked at his picture and I smiled instead of immediately bursting into tears. I started remembering him in good times, instead of images of that night. Even still, it took about nine more months to finally build up the courage to go to the bar and say goodbye. How did you know?”

  Ugh, this is where it gets tricky.

  “Less than a year after Belle died, I had sex with someone. I spiraled downward after. I thought if I got it over with, it would be like closing a chapter of my life and I could move forward.”

  “I take it that didn’t happen?”

  I hold back a groan. “Not even close. Eventually, I was ready for sex, not for anything more. I never thought I’d want to date again, but about a year ago I started spiraling downward. Making bad choices, drinking a lot, fucking more often.”

  She hisses.

  “Sorry, but I don’t want to lie to you.”

  “It’s okay. Keep talking.”

  “Six months ago, I was drunk and did something I can’t take back. I’m grateful for it, though, because it made me realize I needed to change. But if certain people find out, not to mention the press, it could destroy me. The next day, I poured out the gin and decided to get my head right.”

  I lie back on my pillows and look at the ceiling.

  “Did it work?”

  “I think so. I realized I was spiraling because I was lonely. Everyone around me has someone to love and some have families. I finally admitted to myself that Belle isn’t coming back. I have the best of her in Cadence. Her smile, her personality, she’s all Belle. Maybe it’s selfish to want more.”

  “No, don’t say that,” Haddie says firmly. “People like you and me … we have the right to be cautious. If I find love again, I’ll appreciate it more this time around. I regret some of the stupid arguments Richie and I had. I can’t pretend they didn’t happen, but it was time wasted.”

  “I understand completely. I only had a year with Belle, and we spent most of that time via Skype. We cherished every second, but we didn’t have very long. Sometimes I wonder how it’s possible to miss someone so much that I only had for such a short amount of time.”

  “Ah but that’s the thing about connecting with someone. Once your person has imprinted on your soul, it doesn’t matter if have them for a fleeting moment, or a lifetime, your heart has already recognized your mate.”

  I grin from ear to ear. “Sounds like you might be a bit romantic, Haddie.”

  “Maybe, I am.”

  “Did you write the songs for your band too? You’re pretty good with your words.”

  “You obviously don’t listen to our music, or you wouldn’t ask that. We weren’t a swoony kind of band. Except for the last album – it was acoustical, and Sawyer was falling in love and wrote a pretty swoony ballad as the title track. What’s funny is he didn’t even realize he was falling before it was too late.”

  “What happened?”

  “Get comfortable if you want to know; this could take a while.”

  I spend the next few hours talking to Haddie all about the band and our past and Sawyer’s love life. By the time we hang up, I’m exhausted and exhilarated. Only one more day until our date.

  8

  HADDIE

  “What are you wearing? Send me a picture,” Marina huffs through the phone.

  “Dark jeans, flowy royal-blue blouse, black canvas sneakers in case he wants to walk on the beach, and random jewelry.” I pause doing my makeup long enough to take a selfie and send it to her.

  “You look super cute. Casual but not sloppy, cute but not trying too hard. Totally hot enough to see all his tattoos up close and personal if you choose to.”

  I’ve seen the tats on his neck and arms, but Marina made sure to send me a shirtless photo from one of his shows. I’ve never been a fan of so much ink, but it looks good on Darren.

  “I should cancel. This is stupid, Marina. I’m out of my depth. He wants to travel, which is cool, but he’s seen so much already. Why would he want to be a tourist with me when he’s got to be a seasoned pro by now?”

  “Girl, you’re overthinking everything. I read an article once where he talked about his desire to travel the world. He said as cool as it was to travel to so many places with the band, it was all work and no play. They never got more than a few hours to sightsee. How messed up is that?”

  Shit, I’d never even considered that. Celebrities give up so much for their art.

  “That sucks, and I’m over here stressing about one date.”

  “Stop overthinking this. What if he’s the one? Do you think it was a coincidence you decided to say goodbye at the exact time and place where he happened to be? You’ve both lost someone, and maybe you’re meant to find love again together.”

  “Stop it. You sound like a Hallmark movie.”

  “No, I sound like I believe in destiny.”

  “I need to take this one date at a time. Anything more is overwhelming and terrifying. Everything about his life scares me. He’s rich, famous, has freaking bodyguards and a paparazzi patrol, and he’s a single dad.”

  “Do you hear that?”

  “Hear what?”

  “Let me turn it up,” Marina offers. “Cry me a River” by Justin Timberlake blasts through the line, and I grin.

  “Haddie, this man has his shit straight. He doesn’t live on his mama’s couch. He has priorities and
responsibilities, and he likes you. Yeah, you’ll have to deal with the press, but he’s pre-emptively protecting you by coming to get you with his guards.”

  I groan as I shut off the lights in my room. “You’re right, it’s one night, and it could be fun.”

  My doorbell rings, and Marina screams, “He’s there! Don’t keep him waiting. It’s going to be amazing. Grab your purse, toss in some condoms, and call me tomorrow when you get home.”

  “No condoms, no sex. I’ll text you when I get home tonight.” I end the call and answer the door.

  Darren leans against a post on my porch and eyes me appreciatively. “You look gorgeous. Are you ready to go?”

  My eye catches the black Cadillac Escalade with blackout windows waiting at the curb. This can’t be real.

  “Sure, let me grab my purse and keys. Do you want to come in for a second? It’s not much, but it’s mine.”

  Darren steps inside and looks around. “Don’t be nervous.” He grabs my hand, giving it a light squeeze. “I like your house. It reminds me of the one I lived in when I was in elementary school. What’s your favorite place or thing about it?”

  My heart has been thumping against my chest since he grabbed my hand. “The back yard. Want to see?”

  He entwines his fingers with mine. “Lead the way.”

  I flip the switch to turn on the twinkly lights, and he carefully follows me into the yard without releasing my hand.

  “This is incredible; it’s like a private oasis.”

  “Thanks, this is usually where I am when we talk. I’m thinking I might put in a Koi pond in the spring.”

  He nods. “I can totally picture it.”

  Darren runs the thumb of his free hand across my cheek before leaning forward and kissing it. “Thank you for showing me your favorite place. Now I know where to imagine you when we’re on the phone.”

  I’m completely dazed and fighting hard not to bring my fingers to my cheek. It’s like I can still feel his lips lingering there. That’s insane. It’s been a long time since a man has touched me and my body is short-circuiting or something.