Broken Beats: An Illusion Series Novel

by D. Kelly

  She snuggles in closer, and I lean my head against hers as I watch the flames dance in the fireplace. “I’m a different person these days. I know how fast things can change, so I still seize the moment, but I’m more cautious. I knew you were special the night I met you. I’ll wait as long as you need me to wait.”

  “I should confess something.” Haddie sits up and cringes slightly. “This is awkward, but … I get attached easily. I don’t have a lot of friends or a big family like you do. It takes a lot for me to let someone into my world and when I decide to do it, I …” She pauses and takes a deep breath.

  I tuck her hair away from her face. “You what?”

  “I fall hard and fast. It’s how I’m built. When I was in college, there were guys who made bets about who could fuck the big girl first, stupid shit like that. I fell for the wrong asshole a few times. I stopped letting people in. It took Richie months to break down my walls. When I lost him, I lost the armor we’d built together and isolated myself again, but I’m tired of being alone, Darren.” She blinks away the tears filling her eyes.

  I pull her into my embrace. “You’re not alone anymore. I’m pretty sure you’re not the only one in this room who falls fast and hard.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t all the time. Only when you feel something special.”

  She looks down, and I tip her head back up and look into her eyes. “Do you feel what I feel? Or am I just another potential asshole in your queue?”

  “At first, I wasn’t sure, but when you kissed me …” Tears fall from her eyes, and she quickly swipes them away.

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to answer me.”

  She shakes her head. “The thing is, I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt a connection like what I felt when we kissed. Does that mean—”

  “Shh, it doesn’t mean anything. Some sparks start off hotter than others, and some people have a slow burn their entire lives. It doesn’t matter if you’re with me or someone else, no one and nothing can negate what you had with Richie.”

  She leans forward and kisses me. I let her set the pace while happily enjoying this moment here with her.

  “OH MY GOD, what time is it?” Haddie groans as she sits up.

  “A little after seven in the morning.” We spent the entire night talking and making out like a couple of high school kids and fell asleep around four. Her head was in my lap, and my arm was wrapped around her protectively. It was perfect.

  She swipes at her eyes. “I must look like a disaster.”

  I pull her hand to my mouth and kiss it. “You look beautiful, just like last night. You can shower in my room if you want to, and then maybe I can take you to breakfast.”

  “As much as I’d like to take you up on that, doing the walk of shame straight into a restaurant might not be the best idea.”

  I laugh at the dire tone of her voice. “First of all, we didn’t fuck so there’s no shame. And secondly, the place I have in mind is low-key. I roll in there all the time rumpled from the night before and in desperate need of banana pancakes. It wouldn’t be a big deal.”

  “I do love banana pancakes.” She nibbles on her lip, and I pull us both to our feet.

  “It’s settled. We’ll shower …”

  Her eyes practically pop out of their sockets.

  “Separately,” I clarify.

  Haddie exhales, and I suppress my smile. “Hang your shirt on the towel bar and let the steam help de-wrinkle it. Or I can toss it in on the steam setting in the dryer.”

  “I’ll stick with the shower it will be fine. I have hardly any makeup with me though.”

  “Don’t be that girl, Haddie. Let me see you, and please try to get past the fear of showering with me. Showering with a partner is very sensual, and I don’t want to miss out on it.” I smile and wink at her.

  Her cheeks flush again.

  “What did I say to make you blush like that?”

  “Nothing, it’s dumb.”

  “If I made you blush, it’s definitely not dumb.”

  “You said ‘partner.’ You’re thinking past today.”

  I blink and shake my head. Maybe I need coffee. “You’re not? Let me be clear, Haddie. I like you. We had a great date. I’m not seeing anyone else. I’d prefer if you didn’t either until we know where this is going to take us.” I lower my head to hers. “I can count on one finger how many women I’ve invited to breakfast the next day.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’m hungry, and I don’t want to get hangry. Let’s shower and get out of here.”

  I end up showing her to Sawyer’s old room because he has a nicer shower and she doesn’t want me displaced from my things. I wish we were showering together, but I jack off to images of her mouth around my cock instead.

  It’s strange imagining myself with someone other than Belle, but it’s also sort of nice. I’m feeling human again, and it’s making me realize how disconnected I was from everything. For the longest time, I thought I would be betraying her, but I’m starting to understand how much she would have hated who I’d become.

  While I’m getting dressed, there’s a knock at my door. “Come in,” I call out as I put on my deodorant.

  “Hey, sexy, long time no see.”

  Fuck Rory and her shitty timing. Gritting my teeth, I turn to face her. She grins and rakes her eyes over my chest. I quickly toss on my shirt and grab my keys and wallet.

  “Rory, you shouldn’t say shit like that.”

  She laughs. “I’ve always said shit like that to you. It would be odd if I didn’t say it.”

  “Yeah, I heard you’ve been saying lots of things lately. Not cool, Ror.”

  I push past her and go into the kitchen. The last thing I need is Haddie walking in on something that looks bad. Hell, just Rory being here looks bad.

  “About that … I’m sorry. I was talking to J about the other guy and what’s going on, and it just slipped out.”

  “And what if you let it slip to Sawyer that we fucked, Rory? Then what?”

  Haddie enters the room directly behind Rory. Fucking great.

  “That won’t happen, D. I promise,” Rory says before she realizes I’m not looking at her anymore.

  My eyes never leave Haddie, but I can tell she’s hurt. “Are you ready to go, Haddie?”

  Rory looks between us and appears to be remorseful. “I’ll let you two get back to your day. I came by to pick up my suitcase. Eli’s dad is sick, and I’m flying to Texas to keep him company. I am sorry, Darren, for everything. Jordan has never broken a promise to me, and I don’t think this will be the one he starts with.”

  “Mel’s not going?” Eli is her best friend and ex-boyfriend. I’d think she’d be on the first plane.

  “She’s waiting. She doesn’t want to leave Sawyer with all the kids, and since things can go downhill quickly, she’d rather wait. If something worse happens, she can be there longer.”

  “Yeah, makes sense. Tell Eli if he needs anything …”

  Rory nods and leaves the room.

  Haddie grabs her purse. “Maybe you should just take me home.”

  “Breakfast first. Then I’ll take you home.”

  “Bu—"

  I raise a brow. “Remember what I said about lack of food and being angry?”

  She nods curtly. “Fine.”

  That gives me an hour to explain exactly what disaster is brewing in the background of my life.

  She’s quiet on the way to the local diner. I’m glad she’s in the car with me and not on her way home in an Uber though. Taking her out is risky. Even though the diner is low key, someone might still spot us. Last night, I wanted to protect her in case our date was a flop. This morning, I don’t care if the whole fucking world knows we’re together. The only thing I do care about right now is making her understand Rory doesn’t mean anything to me romantically.

  My favorite waitress greets us with a smile and seats us in the back corner in my usual booth. I’m pretty much invisible where we are—just how
I like it.

  “Long time no see, sugar. Who’s your pretty gal pal?”

  Haddie gives her a slight smile. “Wanda, this is my friend Haddie.”

  “If she’s only a friend, you’d better snap her up quick. This one’s a catch. Do you want some time to look over the menus?”

  I look at Haddie. “Still want to try those banana pancakes?”

  “Sure, and a coffee and a water too, please.”

  “Same.” I hand the menus back to Wanda.

  When she leaves, I reach across the table and grab Haddie’s hand. “I need to talk to you about Rory.”

  “Is she important to you? She’s very pretty.”

  “Do you remember when I told you I did something that could fuck up my life?”

  “Yes, I remember.”

  “Rory showed up when I was drunk. One thing led to another and we had sex. She’s Sawyer and Jordan’s sister, and I’ve always treated her like my little sister too. It’s bad, and I hate myself for doing it, but I can’t take it back.”

  She pulls her hands back as Wanda delivers the drinks. While she dresses her coffee, I wait for her to say something.

  “Does she want to be with you?”

  “No, but even if she did, that isn’t what I want. She used me to figure out she was in love with someone else.”

  “Ouch.”

  I reach for Haddie’s hand again, and she reluctantly gives it to me. “No, not ouch. I can separate sex and feelings. I wish she’d talked to me instead of seducing me.”

  “Well, she’s very pretty.”

  “She is, and so are you, but Rory’s not a threat. I need you to understand she won’t interfere with us, but she will always be in my life. Well, until Sawyer finds out and kills me.”

  She pulls back her hand and sips her coffee. “Do you do that a lot? Drink and then blame your bad decisions on the alcohol?”

  I wince. I deserved that.

  “I used to when I was younger. It was a rough day, and I wanted to forget and lose myself in nothingness, so I drank a bunch of gin knowing it would have that effect on me. Rory showed up unannounced.”

  Her expression softens, and she lowers her coffee cup to the table. “What happened to make you want to forget?”

  I’m not sure if I want to tell her at all, but I also don’t want to lose her.

  “Can we talk about that when I take you home? I’d rather not tell you in a public place.”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  This is the part of getting to know someone new that sucks. I don’t know her moods or her tones. I don’t know her pissed-off catchphrases. She seems angry but hurt. Maybe I should take it as a good sign. She said she latches on quickly, so if she’s hurt, that could mean she likes me as much as I like her.

  “I don’t think I’ve asked, but how old are you?”

  Her eyes meet mine with a twinkle. “Didn’t your dad teach you it’s not polite to ask a lady her age, weight, or political stance?”

  I lean over the table and kiss the tip of her nose. “My dad taught me to learn everything about the woman I’m interested in so I never miss an important date. If you won’t tell me your age, at least tell me your birthday. Throw me an astrological sign, something.”

  She smiles, and the pressure in my chest disappears. “I turned thirty in February. My birthday is the twenty-ninth.”

  “Fucking leap day? That’s awesome and awful at the same time.”

  “My dad always jokes about it. He got me a ‘happy seventh birthday’ card, which he’ll do each year until we leap again. He thinks it’s hilarious.”

  I think I’d like her dad. “When do you celebrate?”

  “My family celebrates the last day of the month to keep it easy. I like to have a me day on the first of March though. Hair, nails, maybe a massage, and a cupcake.”

  “You and Mel would get along great. She loves cake, any kind. But Sawyer has a tradition of waking her up on her birthday with a cupcake.”

  “That’s sweet. They sound happy.”

  “They have their moments, but if I ever wanted to emulate a marriage, it would be theirs. If they fight, they don’t sleep until they work it out. They don’t leave mad, and they’re really good at not being shitty to each other when they’re angry.”

  “Sounds like they’ve built their marriage on mutual respect. I’m impressed. It’s important but hard for a lot of people to achieve.”

  Wanda sets heaping towers of banana-filled goodness in front of us. “Banana pancakes for two. Let me know if you need a to-go container or anything else.”

  “Wanda, you know the only place this goes is in my stomach.”

  She winks at me. “Sugar, your lady friend may need a box.”

  “I will need a box,” Haddie confirms.

  “We’ll see. I might be able to eat your leftovers too.”

  “Seriously? No way. You’d pop.”

  Wanda laughs, which sounds more like a cackle from years of smoking. “Honey, I’ve seen it before. Those band boys eat half their plates when they come in here, and he scoops up the rest and devours it. This one should’ve been a country boy.”

  “Well, leftover pancakes aren’t my thing, so you’re welcome to whatever is left.”

  Wanda walks away after leaving a few more napkins for us.

  “Same. Cold pancakes just don’t hold the same appeal.”

  Haddie’s eyes grow wide as I douse my pancakes in almost half a bottle of syrup. “That is so gross,” she says when I pass it to her. I watch as she barely drizzles anything on her golden pancakes.

  “That’s it? That’s all you use?”

  She shrugs and cuts into the stack. “I prefer the sweetness of the fruit. Syrup has never really been my thing.”

  “I bet I can make it your thing if I pour it all over your body and lick it off.”

  Her mouth drops and her cheeks flush.

  “Too much too soon?” I ask with a grin.

  She shakes her head. “If you want to lick something off my body, I’m good with that.” Her breathy tone kicks my libido into gear.

  “Anytime.”

  She stares at me and absentmindedly takes her first bite. Closing her eyes, she moans appreciatively. Fuck, I’m going to die of blue balls before I get the chance to have her.

  “Told you they’re good.”

  “I lied. You can’t have them. I’m going to eat them all and then spend the rest of the day at the gym so they don’t live on my butt forever.”

  I take a bite to distract myself from images of her ass.

  “I happen to like your derriere, but you can always come over and use my gym if you’d like.”

  She puts her fork on her plate and takes a sip of water. “Of course, you have a gym. Do you realize we’re like different levels of people? I’m this boring girl who would rather sit in my tiny backyard and drink wine and read a book. And you’re …” She looks around and lowers her voice. “You’re this megastar with a fucking gym in his house. Do you have an indoor pool too? A bowling alley? Movie theater?”

  I reach for her hand. “Breathe, Haddie.”

  Looking down at her plate, she takes a deep breath and meets my eyes.

  “First, you’re not boring. I’ve worked my ass off for what I have, and I’m not ashamed. I’m also happy to share. The pool is in Sawyer’s yard because the new studio took up most of my yard. The theater and gym are necessities because leaving the house to do normal things can be more trouble than it’s worth. Negative on the bowling alley, but it’s a fucking cool idea. I almost regret the studio now.” I flash her a grin and squeeze her hand.

  “I’m so sorry. This is a lot to take in.”

  “I understand. If we decide to make a real go of this relationship, it’s going to become your life. My house will become our sanctuary unless you’re willing to go out and face the masses. At times, you’ll have to. I still have obligations like award ceremonies, interviews, and other things that keep the band relevant and
bring eyes to the studio and our emerging artists. My life is in the public eye. I can’t change it even if I wish I could. I want to be with someone who will attend events with me. I’m tired of going alone.”

  Haddie lowers her eyes to her plate, and we continue eating in silence. I know that was a lot to throw at her, but it was the opening I needed. She has to understand before we further this relationship. I can’t let myself fall for her if she can’t handle my life.

  10

  HADDIE

  “You can pull into the driveway and we’ll go straight into the back yard. It’ll be quicker, and there’s less chance of you being recognized by my neighbors.”

  When we get out of the car and to my gate, Darren inspects it and looks around. Once we’re in the back yard, he does the same.

  “Problem?”

  “Maybe.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and follows me to the porch swing. “If the paparazzi become an issue, that’s not going to keep them out. I could send someone over to install cameras and locks and do a basic security overhaul … once we know where we stand, of course.”

  “Let’s worry about that when the time comes. Do you want something to drink?”

  His sad eyes meet mine. “No, come sit with me. I need to talk to you.”

  Once we’re seated, I squeeze his hand. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. We have time—”

  “Do we?”

  “I hope so.”

  Darren takes a deep breath and slowly releases it. “I want to tell you this, but no one else knows about it. My instincts tell me I can trust you.”

  “I’ll take it to my grave.”

  “It’s about Belle … and me,” he says cautiously.

  “Can I interrupt for a second?”

  He nods and laces our fingers together.

  “Darren, I think we’re doing this wrong.”

  “Doing what wrong?”

  “Worrying about discussing our past. Richie and Belle were monumental parts of our lives. We didn’t choose not to be with them anymore, but we are choosing to move on and try again. I think we need to let go of the fear we’re going to hurt each other if we talk about them.”